帮朋友改的一篇gre issue &写作建议

chicagochenUID: 116575

个人愚见：
When we concern ourselves with the study of history, we become storytellers. Because we can

never know the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence, exploring

history is more of a creative enterprise than it is an objective pursuit. All historians are

storytellers.
------正文------
My little nephew (nephew侄儿 niece侄女）Silver, five yeas old, likes story special（形容词

special是不可以反正special之后的）, especially the history story. I asked her why?（不是疑问

句 不要问号） she told me: My teacher is a storyteller who can interpret myraid（myriad） of

stories about history, the figure and the event she interprets are both vivid and glamorous.

（注意 你上面两句是两个完整句子 但是中间无任何连接词） So someone believe that when we

concern ourselves with the study of history, we become storytellers, because we can never

know the past directly but must（去掉must but后直接跟动词原型） construct it by interpreting

evidence,（加上and） exploring history is more of a creative enterprise than it is （可以省

略it is以使文章紧凑）an objective pursuit, all historians are storytellers. I partially

disagree with this view.
评价：以一个小故事开头显得很亲切

My first reason is that exploring history is either a creative enterprise or an objective

pursuit（根据你下面的论述 应该用both and 而不是either or）. Exploring history is a creative

enterprise because you never know what is gong to happen and you can not prospect what you

will find after several hours. Curiousness, creativeness and passion all promote you to

discover the evidence about the past of days（我们解释历史并主要是预知未来啊 你这个论点论述

不充分）. Albeit, we should know exploring history is also an objective pursuit. When you

discover or explore a new thing, a human's bone, a silk bow, or some stones which have words

we（一会儿you 一会儿we的人称用得混乱 而且本来这种主观性太强的词就应该少用） have never seen

before, we must hold an objective attitude to research and analyze them. At this time, we

are not storytellers but an objective researcher who can provide some history information to

our mass media.  （我记得是provide sb with sth）

The second point I disagree with is that we become storytellers because we can never know

the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence. That（改为it 代后面的从句

） is true that we can never know the past directly, but we can know some evidence by

researching old records that record the past event. For instance. In chinese history, there

are abundant history books recorded （recoding 主动吧）all aspects of the dynasty, the

people's live, the custom, the politics and so on, these books are valuable treasure to our

researching and exploring work. From these, we know the development of human race from

primitive to modern; we know the experience of producing the agriculture from spring to

winter; we know systems of the politics from one dynasty to another. Several knowledge we

are using today from researching the history books（本句没有谓语动词）.

Last but not least, some events we should not ignore （加上is 不然缺少谓语）that some

recording may be not（not be） presented some things objectively because of the leaders'

request, （又是两句话 用which从句分开吧）that is only different angle to interpret and argue

an past event. Another point is that we become storytellers in order to make our mass

understand more easily and vividly.（这儿怎么又说你又承认是storyteller了 人民愚昧 你只有是

storyteller他们才懂 可你不是说你解释历史时不是storyteller）

评价：主体3段有自己论点 规规矩矩地在按模板行文 但是论述不充分 有时间写last but notleast 还不

如花时间把前两个论点写透彻一点）
In sum, the points I have evidenced above, I should conclude that exploring history is both

of a creative enterprise and an objective pursuit. We must hold an objective pursuit to

research them（既然你曾经你既creative又objective 你凭什么在这儿说应该objective）. The

purpose of researching history is to do our work better in our future and at our present.（

这句加在结尾显得有些突兀）
评价：结尾点名了观点

全文评价：
有自己观点 能找分论点进行论述 完整行文
但是基于一下原因个人觉得很难上4。5（可能4分）
没有一个精彩句子 看不到变化的句型（比如倒装啊。。。）
论述只点到为止 不充分（这是向高分冲刺最大的障碍)
有简单语法错误 （这是不能容忍的）

chicagochenUID: 116575

欢迎大家谈谈你们的看法