4月批改活动

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-17 23:13
所以其实最好贴可以直接在上面编辑的格式吗？抱歉，不太清楚您一般是怎么修改的。。。我下次改成word。
...

问题是你这两段之间也没有建立因果关系啊

我建议你直接发帖子 我在上面编辑 如果你担心被index的话 可以3天后转成pdf存档  
谷歌的crawler不会这么快来的

KssandraUID: 2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-18 07:36
问题是你这两段之间也没有建立因果关系啊

我建议你直接发帖子 我在上面编辑 如果你担心被index的话 可 ...

好的！的确就是这个担心。

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 6感觉不太好写，开始计时之前稍微考虑了一下，最后还是拖延了5分钟才写完。回头检查也改掉了不少不通顺或者不达意的句子。

自己感觉中间第一段有点怪怪的，一开始试图放在中间三段的最后，但是感觉逻辑上似乎不通顺；放在了最前仍然觉得有点不顺畅。老师有什么建议吗？

另外修改的时候碰到了一个语法的小问题。计时写作的时候我写了好几次“trainings”，写完后再看感觉不太对，搜索了一下发现还不少人问到底training这个词有没有复数形式，为了保险还是全改回了training。

直接去COCA上查training和trainings http://corpus.byu.edu/coca/
复数出现了197次 单数出现了61735次 所以一般用单数

非常感谢！

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-17 08:55
老师好~~自己试着写了一下issue91 限时30分钟只写了400多一点，自己有重新改了一下，麻烦老师帮忙点评一下~ ...

谢谢老师的指点！根据您的建议又改了一下，每一段开头肯定效率但是否定了主要目的是提纲更多的休息时间，提出新的目的；主要改了第一个论点transportation 强调效率，认为提高效率使我们更加有效的利用时间，能够在短时间内到达很远的地方，使得人们更愿意visit其他地方，并不是休息时间增多 ， 而是更有效率的利用时间。麻烦老师再帮忙看一下！谢谢老师！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-18 18:10
谢谢老师的指点！根据您的建议又改了一下，每一段开头肯定效率但是否定了主要目的是提纲更多的休息时间， ...

没怎么看清楚你怎么改的 要不你再贴一次 之前的版本保留  除了中间段的内容要调整 第一段的主旨句也要相应调整

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-18 18:16
没怎么看清楚你怎么改的 要不你再贴一次 之前的版本保留  除了中间段的内容要调整 第一段的主旨句也要相应 ...

之前的版本让我删了。。。把开头段改了一下~改动的地方加粗了
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3561823

However, I can only partly agree with that. Indeed, the technology boosts the efficiency, but various technologies serve different functions in our society. The function is beyond the goal of more leisure time. For example, the transportation stimulates communication between different regions, and the medical technology enables people to lead a healthier and longer life.  

感觉你这里还是在否定提高效率这个点 这样就和后面的分论点不太符合了

KssandraUID: 2766998

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-18 11:52
Issue 6感觉不太好写，开始计时之前稍微考虑了一下，最后还是拖延了5分钟才写完。回头检查也改掉了不少不通 ...

谢谢老师的意见！

我在78楼加上了修改过后的版本，主要是增加了几个主题句。

谢谢！:)

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-18 18:31
之前的版本让我删了。。。把开头段改了一下~改动的地方加粗了
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=red ...

谢谢老师的意见！改动的地方加粗了~您看这样写可以吗？
However, I can only partly agree with that. Indeed, the technology boosts the efficiency, but whether it can increase our leisure time depends on the different technology. For example, by increasing the efficiency of the journey, transportation stimulates communication between different regions. And thanks to the timely treatment, the medical technology enables people to lead a healthier and longer life.

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However, I can only partly agree with that. Indeed, the technology boosts the efficiency, but various technologies serve different functions in our society. The function is beyond the goal of more leisure time. For example, the transportation stimulates communication between different regions, and the medical technology enables people to lead a healthier and longer life.  

感觉你这里还是在否定提高效率这个点 这样就和后面的分论点不太符合了

KssandraUID: 2766998

Argument 3，按时完成了，剩下的时间还检查和修改了最前面两段。拼写和语法错误不算多，但是很多句子还可以改的更流畅。

谢谢老师，周末愉快！

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

老师好，最近看了几个关于technology 和government funds的题目 但都感觉没什么思路。。不知道要从什么角度来分析？
以下是issue59 的提纲 看了提纲互改小组自己有改动了一下， 不知道这个思路可不可以呀~谢谢老师！

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59）Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recom-mendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

According to the recommendation, scientists and other researchers should devote their effort to the research that can benefit most people. Since the government funds are limited, the use of it should maximize the utilitarian. However, for some scientific research, they have implicit and long-term benefit which is indiscernible, such as some research in the social science and other theoretical fields.


maximize the utilitarian很想知道你是怎么写出这样一个搭配的  你大概在哪里听到过utilitarianism这个说法 好像和最大化最多人的利益有关  ......

Since the government funds are limited, the use of it should maximize the utilitarian. However, for some scientific research, they have implicit and long-term benefit which is indiscernible, such as some research in the social science and other theoretical fields.

你这两句话都不能形成一个自圆其说的观点  


  


(limited funds)
The government should devote funds to the area which is beneficial to the public. In one hand, the tax is raised from the public, and it is necessary to enhance their welfare. On the other hand, government funds are the main resources for the scientific research. If government ceased to provide financial  support, it would be hard for researchers to carry out the research.医药科学的研究 可以更好的控制疾病，造福人类 如SARS Ebola

However, this argument lies on the assumption that government can figure out which area is beneficial for the people. In reality, scientific research has an indirect connection with the human welfare, and at the inception of the research it seems have nothing to do with general welfare.

(social science  implicit benefit)
In the research related to social science, they simply deal with the issues which are so familiar with people. However, their research gives us a deeper understanding of the world and can be applied to numerous fields.如行为金融学的研究纠正了许多古典经济学的漏洞，更加符合真实投资情况，基于此做出的决定和政府决策可以更好的纠正股市中的非理性行为，造福人类

(theoretical research long-term benefits)
Besides, some scientific research related to theoretical field also can benefit the society in the long term. Just as what Michael Faraday response to the prime, making an research is analogy to raising a child. 理论研究可以提供长期基础的帮助，如气象学对于气候预测的意义,更好的服务人们的日常生活

KssandraUID: 2766998

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-18 11:52
Issue 6感觉不太好写，开始计时之前稍微考虑了一下，最后还是拖延了5分钟才写完。回头检查也改掉了不少不通 ...

谢谢您的建议~

mind control这个说法好像有的，就是brainwash的意思，不过又查了查貌似应该用control不用controlling

您说语法有严重问题的那一句，具体是哪里的问题呢？这个句子想表达如果是政府来决定这个课程大纲，可能会让这个大纲变成洗脑手段。

第一段的内容写的时候就感觉很棘手，一开始放在后面，后来又改到最前。本来想了例子，可是觉得扯到意识形态的问题政治不正确，所以不敢写。。。我再考虑考虑能不能换成其他的内容改一下，然后再贴上来。

KssandraUID: 2766998

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-20 00:02
谢谢您的建议~

mind control这个说法好像有的，就是brainwash的意思，不过又查了查貌似应该用control不 ...

把brainwash的内容换掉了，新修改的还是发在了78楼。

谢谢老师，辛苦您了！

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 7，感觉属于看着好立论好写提纲但是写起来觉得有大有空的那种题目。没有认真思考的话觉得写的时候有点艰难，超时了5分钟才完成，又修改了20分钟充实了一些内容，但是中间三段的最后一段还是感觉略干巴巴。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-20 00:02
谢谢您的建议~

mind control这个说法好像有的，就是brainwash的意思，不过又查了查貌似应该用control不 ...

Also, such kind of national curriculum, should be decided by the government, can potentially be a very effective way of brain washing.  在这句话之前的前两句基本和mind control 无关 而这一句的语法也出了严重问题   
这句话should be应该用从句