4月批改活动

sokillerUID: 3446082

Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

你之前考过没 可否介绍下自己的大概情况  
寄托正在开发一个互改平台 到时候每个用户的基本信息及每次练习后的反省都会集中在一起便于查阅 在这个平台还没有建起来之前 还需要麻烦你自己把信息集中在某个地方  


TS:
No one can neglect that the ability of human thinking plays crucial role in people’s life. According to its production, the world becomes better and advanced, and even the degree of civilization, mainly through art and other kinds of aesthetics, is promoted. It seems like the ability will continue developing, however, many argue that one of its production, called technology, may repress the development since many people, nowadays, prefer relying the technology to solve problem. In fact, whether this kind of dependence to technology has positive or negative effect to the ability of thinking is mainly depended on the user of technology. For the group of such professional people as scientist, engineer, the influence is justifiable, since using technology could prompt working progress and hence result in expected, even better, accomplishment. On the other hand, the improper reliance on usage of technology acquire in their study life is indeed harmful to the ability of thinking that is developing.

its production指的是什么 不太明白
other kinds of aesthetics不知道你在说啥  
It seems like the ability will continue developing, however,  标点要注意  整句太长
dependence to 应该用on
is mainly depended 不能用被动  
the influence is justifiable 什么意思


从结构内容上讲你有尝试用分类讨论及1+3模型
但是从语言表达来看 你还是在自己乱写  典型的不明觉弱





ts (pt1)
In research field, thinking is the key of achievement, and actually the existence of many kinds of physical axioms and outstanding speculation have already prove that. The path of thinking out is not smooth, but more thorny. In the process, massive expected and unexpected problems keep testing thinkers’ ability, as well as their patience. By that time, it is better to rely on production of technology release the pressure outside, leading no harm to ability, but assistance to process of thinking. According to that, the ability of thinking scientist possess can be utilized maximized, bringing to scientist the outstanding discovery that they expected, or are even surprised with.

thinking is the key of achievement不明觉弱 无法往下看了  如果你的语言表达不能改进的话 再练下去只是浪费时间 因为不练的话 很多人也能混到3分   






举例说大型计算机在帮助天体物理学家解决宇宙中时间和空间之间的相互关系时，发挥了相当大的作用，科学家通过自己的思考和想象在原有物理定理的基础上制作出相关的方程式，然后通过计算机对方程进行仿真运算，从而验证理论的正确性，如果单纯的靠人脑去计算庞大的方程式的结果以及随后的验证，恐怕目前的天体物理学的进步将会非常有限；

ts (pt2)
Moreover, it is great idea to only rely on the ability of thinking, if the engineer did not want to accomplish their project profitable and anticipated nowadays. The requirement of accomplishment of a project differs from ones in the past, about four decades ago, that lacked of some kinds of necessary technological supports, such as material and the like, and thence had to compromise to diseconomy and inefficiency even with high performance of thinking. Today, the compromise is forbidden and the economy and efficacy are expected by employer,  since the advancement of technology provides a huge pool of resource that engineers can easily pick up anything they can use to achieve the product from thinking and therefore reach final accomplishment. Based on that, the dependence of using technology has no connection with affecting ability of engineer’s thinking negatively, but rather make thinking embodied.  

这里可以举例，当年我做变电所监控系统的时候，如果在若干年前，屏蔽双绞线没有出现的时候，变电所内的设备对于系统的干扰（主要是通过耦合的方式经电缆传送给终端）是无法被消除的，即便是已经想到的这种干扰的存在和原因。

ts (pt3)
Many people argue that technology assist students more in their study rather than impair the ability of thinking independently, so the concern about negative influence of using technology should be unadvisable. From my perspective, however, the assistance offered by technology just shortens time of working out and reduces difficulty of works, obviously disobeying the intention of assignment maker that according to finishing work with less assistance from outside, the individual ability of solving problem by thinking could be developed. In general, the ability of thinking can develop unremittingly and considerably as people is young, and can reach its peak during time of adult. That means when people begin their study life as young, the ability of thinking paralleled with growth of organs need more practice with less assistance outside in order to get ready in dealing with future challenges more difficult and complex. Hence, given more trust in using product of technology adopted by the students, that need will be met, and thereby the ability of thinking would be damaged.

举例说现在很多的学生都习惯于依赖互联网去寻找他们作业的答案，这样做尽管减少了学生的学习的负担，但是，由于过分的依赖互联网，学生的独立思考能力得不到提高，很多人因此得到了负面的影响，短期的，比如考试很难取得好成绩，长期的，无法独立完成职业方面的挑战。

又改了一版 麻烦王老师给看一下 谢谢！

sokillerUID: 3446082

非常感谢 王老师 我会加强这方面的练习 这两天再改一版 到时麻烦你再看一下

锤先森G330UID: 3603995

老师好我又来咯~看了您推荐的相关帖子今天晚上茅塞顿开啊！之前用5.5的思路来写最后一点总是感觉很难受，看了老师的分类讨论法感觉写起来舒服多了！丑闻那篇本来来论坛之前已经改好了现在想用新思路再试一下！今晚利用老师的开头句和帖子中的一些例子写了issue 105/106/126, 粘在下面，可能今晚的开头段结尾段有点简单，还是望老师继续多多提意见！

105/106/126
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience.
Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.

My response:

Whether the statement is true or not depends on which kind of job is done by people. For groups of people whose job related to history philosophy or psychology, the imagination obviously becomes more essential. While for people whose work is artist, engineer or scientists, having more experience becomes more precious asset.

To begin with, for those people who are politicians, psychologists or historians, knowledge plays an essential role in their career. Imagination can’t solve such a problem like what the government should do in order to enhance their economy. To solve a social issue, like the innovation of medical care system of the America, experts in relevant fields can’t just sit in a small room, staring out of the window and hoping for good ideas coming into the mind suddenly. Instead, people who are equipped with necessary knowledge will work out a certain solution. In order to come up with a sound system of medical care, people need to know the needs of those who will get benefits and those who will pay for such a policy, which can’t be accomplished without economic knowledge. Consequently, in realistic fields like this, requirement of knowledge overwhelms that of imagination.

Further, for such people who are scientists or engineers, the importance of imagination is superior to knowledge, because they have to find a totally new way in order to solve some tricky problems that lie in unknown fields. To illustrate, in the late nineteenth century, almost all physicians asserted that physics had become a sound subject and there are only a few things to do for the future physicians. While Albert Einstein noticed something inaccuracy in a theory that can’t be corrected by classical theories, which enable him imaged about a totally new method, named quantum theory to explain the cause of such errors. Well, it’s obviously that the method Einstein proposed by his imagination laid the foundation of the modern technology. Therefore, knowledge is capable of when utilized for science, going further more than imagination.

However, even though imagination is thought significant in some fields like art, no one can be safe to say that the progress made in art can be achieved without certain knowledge. Van Gogh, though didn’t get formal education, couldn’t display his talent if he knew nothing about how to mix red, blue and yellow into more sophisticated colors; nor would he finish such masterpieces like Sunflowers without necessary knowledge of three dimensions. Hence, for such fields in which imagination becomes a powerful factor to influence individual’s achievements, we should forget that it is relevant knowledge that help them convert their ideas into real masterpieces.

To sum up, knowledge is much more significant than imagination in fields that require thinking; in such fields that require creativity, people can’t make progress without the help of large amount of knowledge and sparkling imagination.

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

这个是Issue62的提纲，因为写之前没有看老师的范文。。所以思路大不同...不知道自己这样的提纲合不合适。。因为只分了两个段 从国家和个人两个角度来证明该观点， 但缺乏了compelling rerason to challenge position的部分，希望老师和同学们可以帮忙提一下建议~~谢谢！
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

A leader is something few could be but many should aspire to be. Leaders are the very person that keeps a big picture and gives direction to the group. If they did not assume the complete responsibility for their group, the group is bound to fall. This is true in any field, because leaders are created by the need that put on them.

From the political aspect, leaders arise due to the demand of a better nation. 历史上，国家领导人的出现是源于社会形成， 社会需要一个领导者来指导，战争时期，如罗斯福提出的二战政策，和平年代领导者需要制定政策 如邓小平 他们都是在国家前途迷茫的时候出现，满足需求
In our daily life, leaders are needed when we are pursuing a better life. 公司的领导者的出现是因为他需要为公司未来而计划，需要作为团队的协调者 并且和其他团队沟通

---

老师好，今天仿写了两篇 Issue 4和5，昨晚先看了范文写了下提纲，今天限时写了一下 但是都没有写完最后一段TAT 麻烦老师帮忙看一下！谢谢老师~！感谢35楼同学的建议 确实在写作的过程中没有紧扣题目 又把第二段重新写了一下 但是不知道有什么例子好TAT 就是利用丑闻来掩盖其他更重要的事情。。
4) Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

With the proliferation of technology and media press，more and more information is revealed by the press and journalists. Among them, some scandals attract public attention in great extent. Someone claims that the scandals can effectively bring implicit issue into public attention through a specific way. Although it is true that the scandals can reveal some truth and stimulate social reform, the scandal can draw people's attention from the right course and lead to some meaningless thing, and sometimes they are regarded as a dirty transaction between media and interest group. Moreover we still have other ways to express our voice properly.

(Draw attention on a wrong direction:克林顿事件换为水门事件人们关注个人问题而忽视隐含其中的制度问题 )
Scandals may mislead people away from the right course. It is likely that when people talk about the scandals, they just focus on the superficial phenomenon and ignore the pressing problems underlying it. For example, the Watergate Scandal conducted by Nixon shocked the America and whole world. People are talking about how badly the president behaves during his incumbent, and they focus on the personnel trifling things about the very person. However the scandal, in the other hands, reveals a deep flaw within the system of America operating mechanism: the overarching of the president. The latter problem are not as conspicuous as the former, thus people easily ignore it. In other words, the scandals blurs people's eye and fails to focus on the important issue.
(Scandals are dirty transactions利用丑闻来转移视角,使得人们忽视了更重要问题)
Besides, scandals can be manipulated by the authority or upper-class, which can blur public attention. There are times that scandals perform not as a way of charging someone but a way of shifting attention. People talks about the artificial information and criticizes the bad performance of clients. In fact, the interest group is just creating the scandal in order to shift public attention from a more serious problem. Viewing from this point, scandals may not truly reflect the reality and can mislead people.

(other ways尽管丑闻有时起到积极作用，但是我们仍然需要更多更好的方式来解决问题，积极向当局反映问题，更加有责任感的媒体等)
Someone argue that scandals can promote the social reform, as it did in the case of Sino, which alarm the citizens to defend for their privacy and their right. However, we need to consider whether this is a desirable way as an impetus for the society. The answer is no. We still need other ways to express our feelings instead of the way of scandal. For example, an active suggestion to the authority is needed and can make a difference. This can be much effective, since it is more objective and rational. And the media should cover the issues based on sounded evident and articulate words. Only in this way can we create a more transparent media and rational citizen.

In conclusion, although scandals bear some merits, it cannot be regarded as a desirable way to draw public attention on the social issues.

---

Issue 5：
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

The proliferation of globalization brings us to a more cosmopolitan world, but also it weakens our awareness of nation culture. Since cities are the center of the exhibition of culture tradition, someone claims that the government should guarantee that major cities have enough funds to flourish in their culture tradition. Although I agree with the reason, the claim should be reconsidered. As we all know, the government funds should be used to balance the different regions in the nation, and culture traditions in cities can get more financial support from other resources compared to that in rural places.

（同意reason 北京故宫 悠久历史的象征 民族自信心）
There is no denying that most of the cardinal culture tradition located in major cities. They are epitomes of the nation's character or they are the reflection on the nation's time-honored history. They are what support the whole nation. For example, in China, Forbidden City is the most infamous culture architect and it is located in Beijing, the capital city in China. Although it does not perform its function any more, the significant meaning beneath it still exists. When Chinese people visit it, they are continuously reminded of the splendid history of the nation. They can trace back to the past and learn about their ancestors. It increases the ethnic pride and sense of identity.

(get more financial resources by other means: tourism commercial donation, volunteer)
Thanks to their importance to the nation and their geographical advantage, their funds for operation can be collected from various sources. Again, take the Forbidden City for example; it is now open to tourists. And the income from tourism is enormous and can support their daily operation. Moreover, many commercial corporate or celebrities will make donation to it. Besides that, volunteers from all parts of the nation are willing to work for the Forbidden City in order to express their appreciation for the masterpiece. Thus, the Forbidden City does not necessarily need the funds from government. And this can apply to other culture tradition in the cities.

(the government funds should be used to balance the different regions in the nation, they need to funds for culture tradition in remote area)
However, the culture tradition in rural place is not as lucky as those in the urban city. They have to rely on the funds from governments to thrive, because few people know them and they cannot generate income by themselves. Take the abacus in China for example; it is a traditional instrument for Chinese to calculate numbers. This masterpiece has the same function as the calculator, but it has longer history than that. However the popularity of calculator brings a disaster to abacus. Now fewer and fewer Chinese people know how to use an abacus. It is the authority’s responsibility to preserve the valuable culture and donate more funds to make it flourished .Government should keep balance of all kinds of culture tradition.

Overall, although the culture tradition mainly concentrated in major cities, we still need to pay attention to other remote place, because they do not have enough sources of funds to sustain their operation.

KssandraUID: 2766998

看过34楼同学的issue 4，觉得结构和语言都非常好，但是有个建议，觉得整个文章可以更加切题。题目的主句说“scandals are useful”，但是后面还带着一句题目自己的论证；觉得楼上同学文章更多地在回应“scandals are useful”的部分，没有特别强调后面一半。水门事件的一段的内容其实正是回应了题目的第二部分，但是我的感觉是我看过论证之后再自己回味才意识到了这一点，没有那种这个段落在指引我朝这个方向思考的感觉。个人观点仅供参考！:)



我在附件用PDF贴上了我的Issue 1。内容构思好之后才开始写，还超时了8分钟，并且计时结束后又修改过语法和拼写。

这是我第一次在小组发布习作，介绍一下我的情况：有在美国的学习经历；最近刚开始准备7月的考试；2010年考过一次GRE，当时还是issue 45分钟，题库比现在大，当年两个题库的全部题目我都写过提纲，但是仍然只得到3.5的分数。。。现在重新开始准备，感觉比较大的困难是：1 反应比较慢，30分钟的时间既构思又写作，不够用；2 审题时常常感觉题意模糊，不确定自己的论点是否切题；3 不太适应时间缩短为30分钟，无法按时完成。

希望大家不吝赐教，提前感谢王老师和诸位版友的意见建议！




4-13更新：

之前写得貌似有点跑题，在原文的基础上修改了一下，重新贴在这里：


谢谢大家的建议~

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-12 07:07
看过34楼同学的issue 4，觉得结构和语言都非常好，但是有个建议，觉得整个文章可以更加切题。题目的主句说“ ...

谢谢同学的指点！！写作的时候确实没有紧扣题目，只记得关键词scandal了TAT 已经根据建议重新写了第二段~
因为之前也写过ISSUE1所以也就一起拜读了您的文章，我觉得可以把第一段的some technology具体化agriculture medical autopilot 对应下面的每一段的主题句； 感觉文章里面举得例子从语言到视角都很流畅，但是是不是强调think for himself的地方有点少呢，我读过以后更像是在写科技带给我们更多的leisure time
嗯嗯 可能说的也不是很准确~仅供参考啦~~

KssandraUID: 2766998

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-12 09:32
谢谢同学的指点！！写作的时候确实没有紧扣题目，只记得关键词scandal了TAT 已经根据建议重新写了第二段~ ...

太感谢了~
嗯嗯是的，写完以后觉得第一段写的很模糊。其实这个题目就是一个我觉得很疑惑题意很模糊的例子，因为觉得很不确定think for themselves到底是啥意思。。。不知道该不该从一开始我就自己定义一下我是怎么理解这个部分的。

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

锤先森G330 发表于 2015-4-10 02:33
老师好我又来咯~看了您推荐的相关帖子今天晚上茅塞顿开啊！之前用5.5的思路来写最后一点总是感觉很难受，看 ...

因为没有写过这样的claim reason的文章，所以就学习了一下同学的文章，看过之后有个小疑问想要请教老师和同学们，这类instruction写的时候有没有特殊的格式这类的？例如第一段说我对claim 的看法，第二段是reason 的看法？
还有一点不太懂的就是。。。第二段中最后一句Therefore, knowledge is capable of when utilized for science, going further more than imagination.是不是和本段第一句话（Further, for such people who are scientists or engineers, the importance of imagination is superior to knowledge, because they have to find a totally new way in order to solve some tricky problems that lie in unknown fields. To）有点对立了？

纪晓晴UID: 3561823

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-12 09:57
太感谢了~
嗯嗯是的，写完以后觉得第一段写的很模糊。其实这个题目就是一个我觉得很疑惑题意很模糊的例子 ...

我个人是觉得think for oneself 就是independent thinking 吧。。

KssandraUID: 2766998

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-12 10:15
我个人是觉得think for oneself 就是independent thinking 吧。。

又研究了一下，觉得我有点写偏题了。好像题目的意思是，Relying on technology deteriorates humans' independent thinking/reasoning, agree or not；支持题目的论点的一个典型的例子应该是，依赖计算器导致人的心算能力下降了。
呃。。。。。。

锤先森G330UID: 3603995

纪晓晴 发表于 2015-4-12 10:08
因为没有写过这样的claim reason的文章，所以就学习了一下同学的文章，看过之后有个小疑问想要请教老师和 ...

去翻一下老师的写作6分博客吧，里面的1+3模型蛮好的~

sokillerUID: 3446082

忘了把题目列出来了

这道题应该属于是否同意命题及不同情况下是否正确

Issue1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


In my opinion, whether the ability of people’s thinking will be deteriorated as people prefer relying on technology to solve problem is mainly depended on what kind of people use the technology. For the group of professional people, such as scientist, engineer, I agree that using technology more, as a kind of assistance, is beneficial to the working process and eventually helps people obtain expected, even better result. On the other hand, for the students, the aid from using technology is indeed not a good news to their ability of thinking since such ability is developing during that time.



ts (pt1)
In research field, scientist can acquire convenience and efficiency by using technology. However, it does not deny the fact that the ability of thinking is the key element of getting scientific achievement. Of course, due to the extraordinary ability of thinking, numerous physical axioms and outstanding speculations can be established by scientist. But using technology actually can lead well performance to ability of thinking because of its positive effect mentioned above to scientist.

举例说大型计算机在帮助天体物理学家解决宇宙中时间和空间之间的相互关系时，发挥了相当大的作用，科学家通过自己的思考和想象在原有物理定理的基础上制作出相关的方程式，然后通过计算机对方程进行仿真运算，从而验证理论的正确性，如果单纯的靠人脑去计算庞大的方程式的结果以及随后的验证，恐怕目前的天体物理学的进步将会非常有限；

ts (pt2)
For an engineer, accomplishing a given project with ideal scheme and less cost is the fundament goal, and the ability of thinking and depending on using technology are both significant. With ability of thinking, the engineer could make scheme for the project and resolution to difficulties occurred in the process of project. Meanwhile, relying on technology provides path and guarantee to let those products of ability of thinking become available. According to this corporation of thinking and technology, the engineer would have a well chance to reach his goal.   

这里可以举例，当年我做变电所监控系统的时候，已经预料到系统会受到电磁干扰，并且做了相关的方案用以消除干扰。屏蔽双绞线这种科技产物，是方案实施的必要元素，因为只有通过它的特性才能真正的做到消除干扰，保证系统的安全稳定运行。因此，对于工程师来说，there is no conflict, but reliable cooperation between ability of thinking and depending on techology.

ts (pt3)
Many people argue that depending on technology assists students more in their study rather than impair the ability of thinking independently, so the concern about negative influence of using technology should be unadvisable. From my perspective, however, this kind of assistance just shortens time of working and reduces degree of difficulty. This obviously disobeys the intention of assignment maker that according to finishing work with less assistance from outside, the individual ability of thinking to solve problems could be developed. In fact, the students themselves indeed need this development of ability of thinking since they are not mature enough in intelligence and future challenges are more complex.  



举例说现在很多的学生都习惯于依赖互联网去寻找他们作业的答案，这样做尽管减少了学生的学习的负担，但是，由于过分的依赖互联网，学生的独立思考能力得不到提高，很多人因此得到了负面的影响，短期的，比如考试很难取得好成绩，长期的，无法独立完成职业方面的挑战。

王老师 你好 我又改一遍 麻烦看一下 谢谢

我原本想把technology分一下类，但是觉得这么写似乎有些复杂，所以放弃了。。。

KssandraUID: 2766998

附件中是4月13日argument1，完成大约25分钟，但是放进word里面发现拼写错误还不少，剩下的时间通读一遍应该不太够，是按照work标出的红色下划线改的。语法错误也有一些。
Argument感觉困难相对issue要少一些。

谢谢大家的意见建议！：）



修改过主旨句后的版本：

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1795787-1-1.html 还是老G套路 都没有认真读题目要求

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-12 07:07
看过34楼同学的issue 4，觉得结构和语言都非常好，但是有个建议，觉得整个文章可以更加切题。题目的主句说“ ...

整体结构不错 有分情况讨论 前两个例子勉强可以接受 第三个不太合适 建议你看下我写的 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ge=15#pid1779234589