GRE作文句子加油站

dingkaUID: 2453299

原句：
If the survey just completed involves interviewees that are very different from that in the previous state traffic survey, in terms of different traveling distance or driving habit, the prolonged commuting time may only be a result of longer distance or low-speed driving, and won’t be reliable to determine that a traffic problem actually exists.

老师指出最后一个wont be reliable 的主语不明，我的本意是主语是 prolonged commuting time，后来发现确实很难读。
改成

If the survey just completed involves interviewees that are very different from that in the previous state traffic survey, in terms of different traveling distance or driving habit, then the prolonged commuting time may only be a result of longer distance or low-speed driving, and hence the fact won’t be reliable to determine that a traffic problem actually exists.


加了the fact之后比之前要好
但是the fact won’t be reliable这个搭配还是有问题 或许可以改为 it is not reliable to determine if a traffic problem actually exists based on this fact
另外整句太长 需要断句

晹城UID: 3586536

From [0528  Argument 71]

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原句：It is possible that the objects of the surveys are different from that of three years ago.
问题：用词错误+句子的部分内容需要信息补充
Revised：It is possible that participants in the first survey took a shorter commute than in the second, because their companies or residences had probably moved farther from downtown area.

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原句：Evidence showing that the reports given by local people are reliable is needed here to examine this proposal.
问题：句型不好+没有展开
Revised：Also, it is important to look into the reliability of the surveys. Drivers may not take it seriously or recall the time accurately when filling a questionnaire, thus made the conclusion less reliable.

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原句：It may not be a worse traffic condition but the defferent survey objects that led to the conclusion of such a traffic problem.
问题：led to the conclusion of such a traffic problem 表达
Revised： If there is no more evidence to verify this result, the surveys-based conclusion indicating that traffic gose worse would be questionable.（不知道gose worse合不合适？）

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原句：(两句)Evidence should be provided that the traffic improvement in Garville is indeed the result of sharing rides. There may be other causes of the reduced pollution such as the enhanced management applied to industry discharging.
问题：Evidence should be provided that 句型 + 句意模糊
Revised：

The dropped pollution level does not necessarily imply that the policy had reduced the traffic and the amount of exhaust in Garville.  Maybe when the policy was introduced, more draconian measures were also taken to reduce pollution caused by factories in Garville.

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原句：Disturbing to the residents could be converted into financial compensation, and thus is comparable to the cost of coupon.
问题：Disturbing to the residents could be converted into句型
Revised：As for the noise and disruption, it can be measured quantitatively by offering the affacted residents financial compensation, and thereby is comparable to the cost of coupon.
后面半句还是有问题
Revised：As for the noise and disruption, it can be measured quantitatively by offering the affacted residents financial compensation. The cost of this financial compensation, thereby, is comparable to that of the coupon.

(下面这句求点评，因为有借鉴Becker一个句子的结构和老师范文的表达  ↓↓↓)

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原句：After all, an interpretation with specific figure is needed to decide which policy to implement about the traffic condition.
问题：自己感觉句意模糊
Revised：The way to measure objectively the two proposals, constructing road or encouraging ride-share, is to calculate the costs and to compare them with the benefits of each for the long term. After all, which policy to implement about the traffic condition should be decided basing on this measure.

晹城UID: 3586536

From [0527  Issue 13]

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原句：I strongly agree that universities should ask students to attend in courses out of their major.
问题：词语搭配 out of their major    out这个词换一下
Revised：Considering these situations, I strongly agree that universities should ask students to attend in courses outside their major.

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原句：...taking courses outside their field of study could help them enlarge their sight and develop comprehensively.
问题：用词问题：develop comprehensively ...
Revised：Requirements like this could help students acquire a well rounded education and get better perpared for a future career.

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fishgoUID: 3607599

原句： For the students whose personal abilities are very strong though the financial situation of their families are not optimistic
改句： For the students who are gifted in some fields though their families are in bad financial situation

完整句子呢？
though这样用好诡异啊
For the students who are gifted but could not afford college education
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
原句：For the students whose personal abilities are very strong though the financial situation of their families are not optimistic, they can pursue the fields of study that they show interest in.
改句：For the students who are gifted but could not afford college education ，they can pursue the fields of study that they show interest in.

原句： for the  students major in literature
改句： for the students  majoring in literature

原句：For the students who major in engineering and science,  courses outside engineering and science benefit them with common sense and sometimes aspirations
改句：For the students who majoring in engineering and science,  courses outside engineering and science can widen their horizons and bring them inspirations

who majoring in engineering and science 这里major是对的  
wide --> widen  


原句：Whats's more, whether the commute time have really fallen considerably is still a question, we don't know the people who claimed commute time have fallen is reliable or not
改句：What's more, whether the commute time have really fallen considerably is still a question because we don't know the people interviewed are reliable or not.

people are ...
这里reliable要展开说明

KssandraUID: 2766998

With more artists stay in this career and more artworks to be created, arts will surely flourish and become more available to the public.

错误：stay动词形式不当

改正：
With more artists staying in this career and more artworks to be created, arts will surely flourish and become more available to the public.

The potential threats can be that government funds might selectively sponsor the arts that advocate the governmental political agenda, while suppress those arts conveying political meaning and may challenge the authority.

错误：conveying political meaning and may challenge the authority搭配不当

改正：
The potential threats can be that government funds might selectively sponsor the arts that advocate the governmental political agenda, while suppress those arts which conveying political that may challenge the authority.
[这样改好一点吗？其实不太确定之前的句子具体的表达问题是在哪里。]

KssandraUID: 2766998

Finally, the last hidden assumption is that the conclusion on Mentian advertising executives can be transferred to other employees and other types of business. Even if the less amount of sleep of executives gives rise to the success of advertising companies, this rule may not apply to other businesses and employees. Executives sleep for 6 hours or less because they spend more time in working; but other employees may sleep for fewer than 6 hours while do not work for longer; or even become less efficient because they did not get enough sleep. Or in advertising industry, longer working hours means success, but it is not the case in a different business.

这一段中有好几个问题：
Conclusion – transfer 这个搭配要再斟酌  
this rule的前面似乎看不到rule
while do not 句子结构  
; or even become分号这样断开句子是不合适的  
it is not- it may not  注意情态动词的用法  

改正：
Finally, the last hidden assumption is that the conclusion on Mentian advertising executives can be applied to other employees and other types of business. Even if the less amount of sleep of executives gives rise to the success of advertising companies, it may not apply to other businesses and employees. Executives sleep for 6 hours or less because they spend more time in working; but other employees may sleep for fewer than 6 hours but do not work for longer. Or the employees may even become less efficient because they did not get enough sleep. Furthermore, in advertising industry, it is the case that longer working hours means success, but it may not the case in a different business.

晹城UID: 3586536

From [0604  Argument 14]

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原句：To begin with, we need to examine whether the advertising executives could represent all kinds of companies and people in all positions.
问题：could represent all kinds of companies and people表达有歧义
Revised：To begin with, the assumption that the survey results can be applied broadly may not hold true.  

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原句：Even though sleep hour in advertising firms may lead to a higher profit margin, it might mean different things to industry and manufacturing companies.
问题： it might mean different things句意模糊
Revised：Even though less sleep hour of employees in advertising firms can lead to a higher performance, the result can not be applied to all of other industris.  

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原句：Moreover, we need to examine whether the situation of executives could represent other people.
问题：the situation of executives could represent other people 搭配
Revised：Moreover, we need to examine whether the situation of executives could represent that of other people.
↓↓↓
In this survey, only the executives were taken into account. The absence of reports from employees at a lower level may lead to a less comprehensive survey result. Thus the claim that less sleep means higher performance can not be applied to people in all positions.

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原句：It is because their vigor but not the less sleep that makes them successful.
问题：严重表达问题
Revised：It is their vigor but not less sleep that makes them successful.  
↓↓↓
First is that they are vigorous to accomplish more tasks. And then, they sleep less.
不知道这次有没有说清楚

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From [0602  Argument 1]

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原句：According to the argument, woven baskets could be not only made by the Palean people, humans in Lithos, which is across to Palean by Brim River, also had this craft because there was no boat found and the river could be crossed only by boats.
问题：断句(其实还有时态、表达的问题)
Revised：The passage argued that woven baskets were not uniquely Palean. People in Lithos, which was across the river from Palean, could make it as well because such baskets were also found in Lithos.  

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原句：Additionally, we need more evidence about whether it is reasonable that water could carry the baskets across the river.
问题：[选词问题]whether it is reasonable that这个句型用在这里不合适
Revised：Additionally, we need more evidence about whether it is possible that water could carry the baskets across the river.   

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两篇Issue之后改。。。

fishgoUID: 3607599

原句：If we compare the difference between prices and difference between economical lost, which one is more?
改句：If we compare the difference between prices and difference between economical lost，we don't know which one is more.

原句：According to the vice president, the company should sign with the Buzzodd Pest Control Company for all their pest control services to save money.
改句：According to the vice president, the company should sign a contract with the Buzzodd Pest Control Company for all their pest control services to save money.

原句：What more, the revolution also increased the productivity of other countries and promoted the civilization of human
改句：What more, the revolution also increased the productivity of other countries
and promoted the civilization of human

原句：Take England in Industry Revolution for example, in the Industry Revolution, the efficency of factories are greatly improved and England was ahead of other countries for its great power
改句：Take England in Industrial Revolution for example,  since Industial Revolution happended the efficency of factories had been greatly improved.  England was ahead of other countries for its great power.

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

句子订正模板(tmdxlp).xlsx (45.27 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2015-6-29 00:23:02 上传

下载次数: 0

（更新版）

感觉自己低级错误比较多。最大的感受就是幸好有老师会监督让我修订句子。如果不是这样子，很多时候都是看过就算了，也没有认真地去查语法书。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

这个帖子涉及到我博士论文其中一章的数据 必须加强跟进

晹城UID: 3586536

From [0608  Issue 113]

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原句：First of all, a great nation may have great welfare, but a nation with great welfare might not be a great nation, according to the given understanding.
问题：welfare和welfare of people
Revised：First of all, according to the definition proposed, a nation with great welfare of its people might not actually be a great nation.

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原句：A small but resource-rich nation could just be fortunate to have a good welfare. Therefore, we could not indicate a great nation only by the living condition of its people.
问题：indicate a great nation only by 表达
Revised：A small but resource-rich nation could just be fortunate to have a good welfare of people. Therefore, we could not decide a great nation only from the living condition of its people.

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原句：Countries which prompted new technologies first and led to a large transform in human’s life deserved the label of great nation.
问题：which prompted new technologies first and led to a large transform表达有问题
Revised：Countries which first brought in new technologies and led to a huge transformation in human’s life deserved the label of great nation.

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原句：Without a good welfare, British was still a great nation which had an advanced technology and just changed the world.
问题：good welfare of ...     Britain
Revised：Without a good welfare of its people, Britain was still a great nation which had an advanced technology and just changed the world.

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From [0609  Argument 78]

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原句：The vice president argued that in order to save money, the food distribution company should hire Buzzoff rather than Fly-Away based on the food destroyed in their two warehouses last month.
问题：表达
Revised：The vice president argued that in order to save money, the food distribution company should hire Buzzoff rather than Fly-Away based on the amount of food destroyed in their two warehouses last month.

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原句：To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the actual rate of food destroyed, more data about Fly-Away’s performance in the past as well as the detailed cost of hiring price and food lost.
问题：rate(感觉rate好像都和时间相关)
Revised：To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the actual percentage of food destroyed, more data about Fly-Away’s performance in the past as well as the detailed cost of hiring price and food lost.

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原句：Obviously, less worth of food destroyed does not indicate less loose.
问题：less worth of food  表达
loose -loss
Revised： In this case, less destroyed food does not mean less loss.

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原句：Only when we have the evidence showing that Fly-Away control pest worse than Buzzoff could we make the decision of adopting Buzzoff to save money.
问题：Fly-Away control pest worse (less effectively)  表达问题
Revised：Only when we have the evidence showing that the work of Fly-Away is less effectively than Buzzoff could we make the decision of adopting Buzzoff to save money.

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原句：Finally, we need to look into the specific payment of hiring the two pest control companies, namely, to compare the difference between the lost money and the difference between the hiring prices.
问题：payment- cost
Revised：Finally, we need to look into the specific cost of hiring the two pest control companies, namely, to compare the difference between the lost money and the difference between the hiring prices.

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From [0611  Issue 33

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原句：Quantum Mechanics, which was prompted by great scientists like Einstein and had helped solving many difficulties in communication area, also remains enigmatic problems like “Can quantum mechanics and general relativity be realized as a fully consistent theory?”
问题：prompt
Revised：Quantum Mechanics, which was proposed by great scientists like Einstein and had helped solving many difficulties in communication area, also remains enigmatic problems like “Can quantum mechanics and general relativity be realized as a fully consistent theory?”

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原句：Additionally, new knowledge has created some issues leading a diploma to our society.
问题：diploma?
Revised：Additionally, new knowledge has created some issues leading a dilemma to our society.
dilemma和propose，都经常想错………………o(╯□╰)o

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KssandraUID: 2766998

以下改正的是6月15号这一周开始的句子


句子改正_Kssandra.xlsx (29.1 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2015-6-26 11:23:37 上传

下载次数: 0

（更新至6月25日 issue 57）

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-6-17 11:12
以下改正的是6月15号这一周的句子

could you attach your Excel file and updated it every week?  

sunshineatnoonUID: 3584816

句子订正模板.xlsx (17.74 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2015-6-17 19:36:38 上传

下载次数: 6

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sunshineatnoon 发表于 2015-6-17 19:36

As far as I can see, I don’t agree with the claim above        这个表达有重复
因为用了两个I  
都是说自己的观点