2015年AW暑期同主题练习-Kssandra

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月10日 Issue 33

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

26分钟；剩下的时间只检查到第3段中间，但是后面还继续发现和修改了一些语言表达上的问题。有一点进步的是从txt里面自己改掉了大部分拼写错误，不过放进word去检查以后发现还是有漏网之鱼。

嗯 拼写错误确实要避免  


Whether I agree with the statement or not depends on what types of people we are discussing.（提出观点）For laypeople or the general public, I disagree with the statement and I think knowledge makes things more comprehensible to them. （主旨句1）However, to scientists and researchers, I think it is true that acquiring more knowledge makes things more complex and mysterious to them.（主旨句2，3合并为了一个）
嗯 感觉主旨句的套路已经很熟了


To begin with, acquiring more knowledge makes things much more comprehensible for laypeople, or the general public.（主题句）People once explained the world with all kinds of supernatural "lay theories", but many things become much more understandable to them after acquiring knowledge.（解释主题句的观点）With knowledge of electricity, people now understand that lightening and thunders are not anger of Zeus or some kind of penalty.（例子1）With knowledge of pathology and microbiology, people understand many diseases and their treatments. （例子2）With knowledge of psychology and human nature, people can better understand behaviors of others and themselves, and are more resistant to superstitions.（例子3）


their treatments- how they could be treated
这种排比挺赞
只是最后superstition 和前面behavior似乎并不连贯 可否改为 and learn to become more tolerant of one another

However, for scientists and researchers, more knowledge indeed makes things more complex.（主题句） Because after answering one question, many more questions will come up, not fewer. （解释主题句的观点）After G. Mendel published his theory of genetics, for example, scientists realized that they need to figure out what are the genetic factors and how they work in deciding phenotypes. Later biologist found nucleic acids to answer the last question, but that made things even more complicated because it started a completely new subject called molecular biology.（例子1） Similarly, chemists discovered molecules, but they soon found things to be more complex because molecules are consists of electrons and atoms, which can be decomposed to even smaller parts and created inorganic chemistry as a new subject.（例子2）

嗯 按原题的complex和mysterious来展开讨论 不错
are the genetic factors词序
nucleic acids to answer the last question- nucleic acids were the answer to the last question
感觉这里一个例子就够了 反而要回应一下前面的point  



Similarly, instead of making things more understandable, more knowledge made thing more mysterious for scientists.（主题句） With accumulating knowledge in evolutionary biology, evolution itself is more and more mysterious, due to questions that cannot be answered for long: the gaps of evolution, the mass extinctions, and the finite question - the origin of life.（例子1） Same situation in astronomy: with accumulating knowledge, it's even harder to understand when and what was the start of the universe, whether or not our universe is infinite, or if alien lives exist.（例子2） With more knowledge acquired, scientists and researchers realize that things are even more mysterious, because they found questions that they even do not know where or how to find answer to them.（总结，从具体例子上升到一般规律）

finite question- ultimate question
Same situation in astronomy- the situation is similar for ...
我觉得这段写的很好





In conclusion, I believe whether the or not the statement holds true depends on the group of people we are discussing. For lay people and the public, their knowledge helps them a lot in understanding the world. But for scientists and researchers, acquiring more knowledge makes things more complex and mysterious for them, which motivate them to continue extending the boundary of human knowledge.

whether the or not ？

我觉得这篇文章写的很不错
作者对1+3模型的套用十分的到位 而且充分利用了题目给出的框架
再加上作者本身的学科背景和知识 写这道题 例子也是信手拈来




===================== 修改后 =======================


Whether I agree with the statement or not depends on what types of people we are discussing. For laypeople or the general public, I disagree with the statement and I think knowledge makes things more comprehensible to them.  However, to scientists and researchers, I think it is true that acquiring more knowledge makes things more complex and mysterious to them.


To begin with, acquiring more knowledge makes things much more comprehensible for laypeople, or the general public. People once explained the world with all kinds of supernatural "lay theories", but many things become much more understandable to them after acquiring knowledge. With knowledge of electricity, people now understand that lightening and thunders are not anger of Zeus or some kind of penalty. With knowledge of pathology and microbiology, people understand many diseases and their treatments.  With knowledge of psychology and human nature, people can better understand behaviors of others and themselves, and learned to become more tolerant of one another.


However, for scientists and researchers, more knowledge indeed makes things more complex. Because after answering one question, many more questions will come up, not fewer.  After G. Mendel published his theory of genetics, for example, scientists realized that they need to figure out what the genetic factors are and how they work in deciding phenotypes. Later biologist found nucleic acids to be the answer to the last question, but that made things even more complicated because it started a completely new subject called molecular biology. Similarly, chemists discovered molecules, but they soon found things to be more complex because molecules are consists of electrons and atoms, which can be decomposed to even smaller parts and created inorganic chemistry as a new subject. Thus instead of making things more comprehensible to the scientists, things are actually more complex because new questions and even new research areas come along with the acquired knowledge.



Similarly, instead of making things more understandable, more knowledge made thing more mysterious for scientists. With accumulating knowledge in evolutionary biology, evolution itself is more and more mysterious, due to questions that cannot be answered for long: the gaps of evolution, the mass extinctions, and the ultimate question - the origin of life. The situation is similar for astronomy: with accumulating knowledge, it's even harder to understand when and what was the start of the universe, whether or not our universe is infinite, or if alien lives exist. With more knowledge acquired, scientists and researchers realize that things are even more mysterious, because they found questions that they even do not know where or how to find answer to them.


In conclusion, I believe whether or not the statement holds true depends on the group of people we are discussing. For lay people and the public, their knowledge helps them a lot in understanding the world. But for scientists and researchers, acquiring more knowledge makes things more complex and mysterious for them, which motivate them to continue extending the boundary of human knowledge.


****************************


6月11日 Issue 109

Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

基本上借用了33的例子和结构，中间的例子换掉了一个，在33的基础上修改了一下措辞（knowledge变成了discovery）。所以没有计时。


Do scientific discoveries make the world more understandable, or more complex?（概括题目）Depends on groups of people, the answer can be very different.（提出观点）For the lay people or general public, scientific discoveries give them a better understanding of the world.（主旨句1）But for scientific researchers, sciences revealed to them a more complex world, by bringing up new questions that can hardly be answered, and by introducing them to new worlds that were previously completely unknown to them.（主旨句2,3）

To begin with, for laypeople, or the general public, scientific discoveries makes things much more comprehensible to them. People once explained the world with all kinds of supernatural "lay theories", but many things become much more understandable to them after acquiring knowledge. With the discoveries of electricity and its properties, people now understand that lightening and thunders are not anger of Zeus or some kind of penalty. With scientific discoveries of pathology and microbiology, people understand many diseases and their treatments. With knowledge of psychology and human nature, people can better understand behaviors of others and themselves, and are more resistant to superstitions.

However, science reveals to the researchers the world is much more complex than they expected, by keeping brining up questions that seems cannot be answer. With accumulating discoveries and theories in evolutionary biology, evolution itself becomes more and more complicated, due to questions that cannot be answered for long: the gaps of evolution, the mass extinctions, and the finite question - the origin of life. Same situation in psychology: which more discoveries of human behaviors, and many times controversial discoveries on both levels of individuals and groups, the world of human nature become more complex, that no theory can explain all the discoveries. With more knowledge acquired, scientists and researchers realize that things are even more mysterious, because they found questions that they even do not know where or how to find answer to them.

Furthermore, for scientific researchers, scientific discoveries make things more complex by introducing previously unknown worlds to them. Because after answering one question, many more questions will come up, not fewer. After G. Mendel published his discoveries in genetics, scientists realized that they need to figure out what are the genetic factors and how they work to decide phenotypes. Later biologist found nucleic acids to answer the last question, but that made things even more complex because it started a completely new subject called molecular biology. Similarly, chemists discovered molecules, but they soon found things to be more complex because molecules are consists of electrons and atoms, which can be decomposed to even smaller parts and created inorganic chemistry as a new subject.

In conclusion, I think which of the two statements holds true depends on the group of people we are discussing. For lay people and the public, scientific discoveries helps them a lot in understanding the world. But for scientists and researchers, accumulating discoveries makes the world infinitely more complex than they ever realized.

KssandraUID: 2766998

最近一直到下周三都会很忙，有空就先往前写一写~

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月12日 Argument 24, 26, 28

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."

Argument 28

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

22分半钟；剩下的时间刚好全部检查完（史上第一次啊！）。仍然没有自己找出全部的拼写错误，放进word里发现assumption这个词m和p写反好几次。
另外觉得28这篇文章语言不是特别好，中间有些地方有点啰嗦而且意思好像说的不太清楚。后面24和26的提纲语言要简练清晰很多。

恭喜！其他同学做表格做的挺好 你也试试咯 我感觉你在美国这几年对你的写作还是有很大的提升作用吧 比如打字速度应该快了不少  
平时上课、作业什么的呢  


打字的确是快了很多，觉得写作文速度主要的局限是没有想法而不是有了想法来不及打字。
其实如果是熟悉的话题，比如完成作业或者写论文，会稍微容易一点，因为使用的都是熟悉的vocabulary和表达方式。


This summary argues that since 1) salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, which can treat headaches; 2) the use of salicylates as food preservatives correlated with the decrease of reported headaches in the twenty-year study; 3) salicylates are recently found to be flavor additives, there will be a continued steady decline in number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.（概括题目）However, there are several assumptions in the argument, about the function of salicylates, the causal relationship between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decreased number of headache cases, the use of salicylates as flavor additives, and effects of salicylates in treating headaches regardless of doses.（主旨句）
since后面的标点有问题  
dose- dosage


To begin with, the argument assumes that salicylates can treat headaches just as aspirin does.（主题句）However, the fact that the two chemicals are in the same chemical family does not necessarily mean that they can both treat headaches in the same way.（解释展开主题句）Possibly that salicylates have no effect in treating headaches, even the part that aspirin is different from it is the effective part for aspirin to treat headaches, or it even serves as an agonist of headaches.（其他可能性）In any of these cases, salicylates will not treat salicylates as aspirin does.（总结）


Possibly that句子结构   


Moreover, the second assumption is that the correlation between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decline of reported headaches in this study means that the use of salicylates as food preservatives is the reason of the decline of reported headaches.（主旨句，一个啰嗦的典型例子）However, the decreased reported headaches might be a result of the fact that a better treatment for headaches was provided over the twenty years, or more people started to use aspirin for the treatment.（其他可能性1）Or, people have been adopting better life styles over the last twenty years thus does not suffer headaches as much as they did before.（其他可能性2）In any of this case, the use of salicylates as food preservatives may have nothing to do with the declined number of reported headaches.（总结）

嗯 写的不错  

Another assumption is that, the food companies will actually use salicylates as flavor additives in their product.（主旨句）However, although it's found that salicylates can be use as flavor additives, there may be other cheaper or more effective options other than salicylates, and the food companies end up not using salicylates but something else as flavor additives.（其他可能性1）Or, due to some reasons the government does not approve the use of salicylates as flavor additives.（其他可能性2）In these cases, salicylates will not be added into food product as flavor additives, or be eaten by people of Mentia.（总结）

may end up注意情态动词的使用

Finally, the argument assumes that there is a linear relationship between doses of salicylates and its effect on treating headaches.（主旨句）However, if salicylates can treat headaches and are indeed used as flavor additives, the increased doses of salicylates may have some side effects that increase the cases of headaches in Mentia.（其他可能性1，略啰嗦，求教更好的表达方法）Or currently doses of salicylates people get from food and as food preservatives already achieves the highest point of their effects on treating headaches, and increasing doses will not bring better effects.（其他可能性2，啰嗦，求教更好的表达方法）In any of these cases, people will not observe continuous decline in numbers of headaches in the future.（总结）

dosage
我觉得side effect这个点不是很靠谱
achieves - reaches


In conclusion, there are several stated or unstated assumptions in this argument, which may or may not hold true. If one or more of them are proved to be unwarranted, the conclusion and the expectation of the argument will not be supported.



=========================== 修改后 ==========================


This summary argues that because 1) salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, which can treat headaches; 2) the use of salicylates as food preservatives correlated with the decrease of reported headaches in the twenty-year study; 3) salicylates are recently found to be flavor additives, there will be a continued steady decline in number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. However, there are several assumptions in the argument, about the function of salicylates, the causal relationship between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decreased number of headache cases, the use of salicylates as flavor additives, and effects of salicylates in treating headaches regardless of doses.


To begin with, the argument assumes that salicylates can treat headaches just as aspirin does.However, the fact that the two chemicals are in the same chemical family does not necessarily mean that they can both treat headaches in the same way. It is possible that salicylates have no effect in treating headaches, even the part that aspirin is different from it is the effective part for aspirin to treat headaches, or it even serves as an agonist of headaches. In any of these cases, salicylates will not treat salicylates as aspirin does.


Moreover, the second assumption is that the correlation between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decline of reported headaches in this study means that the use of salicylates as food preservatives is the reason of the decline of reported headaches. However, the decreased reported headaches might be a result of the fact that a better treatment for headaches was provided over the twenty years, or more people started to use aspirin for the treatment. Or, people have been adopting better life styles over the last twenty years thus does not suffer headaches as much as they did before. In any of this case, the use of salicylates as food preservatives may have nothing to do with the declined number of reported headaches.


Another assumption is that, the food companies will actually use salicylates as flavor additives in their product. However, although it's found that salicylates can be use as flavor additives, there may be other cheaper or more effective options other than salicylates, and the food companies may end up not using salicylates but something else as flavor additives.（其他可能性1）Or, due to some reasons the government does not approve the use of salicylates as flavor additives. In these cases, salicylates may not be added into food product as flavor additives, or be eaten by people of Mentia.


Finally, the argument assumes that there is a linear relationship between dosage of salicylates and its effect on treating headaches. However, if salicylates can treat headaches and are indeed used as flavor additives, the increased dosage of salicylates may have some negative effects that increase the cases of headaches in Mentia. Or currently doses of salicylates people get from food and as food preservatives already reaches the highest point of their effects on treating headaches, and increasing doses will not bring better effects. In any of these cases, people will not observe continuous decline in numbers of headaches in the future.


In conclusion, there are several stated or unstated assumptions in this argument, which may or may not hold true. If one or more of them are proved to be unwarranted, the conclusion and the expectation of the argument will not be supported.



*******************************************

Argument 24

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

This summary argues that since 1) salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, which can treat headaches; 2) the use of salicylates as food preservatives correlated with the decrease of reported headaches in the twenty-year study; 3) salicylates are recently found to be flavor additives, there will be a continued steady decline in number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. However, several questions need to be answered, about the function of salicylates, the relationship between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decreased number of headache cases, the use of salicylates as flavor additives, and effects of salicylates in treating headaches regardless of doses.

To begin with, it needs to be answered if salicylates can treat headaches in the same or at least similar way as aspirin does.

The second question need to be answered is that if the use of salicylates as food preservatives is the real reason of the decreased numbers of reported headaches in this twenty-year study.

Moreover, another question need to be answered is that, if salicylates will really be used as flavor additives as the companies and be added to their food product.

Finally, answers are needed to show that the increasing doses of salicylates will also increase the effects of salicylates in treating headaches.

In conclusion…

**********************************************

Argument 26

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

This summary argues that since 1) salicylates are in the same chemical family as aspirin, which can treat headaches; 2) the use of salicylates as food preservatives correlated with the decrease of reported headaches in the twenty-year study; 3) salicylates are recently found to be flavor additives, there will be a continued steady decline in number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. However, to support the expectation, more evidence is needed to show the function of salicylates, the causal relationship between the use of salicylates as food preservatives and the decreased number of headache cases, the use of salicylates as flavor additives, and effects of salicylates in treating headaches regardless of doses.

To begin with, evidence is needed to show that salicylates can treat headaches in the same or at least similar way as aspirin does.

Moreover, we need evidence to support that the use of salicylates as food preservatives is the real reason of the decreased numbers of reported headaches in this twenty-year study.

One more piece of evidence that in need is that, salicylates will really be used as flavor additives as the companies and be added to their food product.

Finally, evidence is needed to show that the increasing doses of salicylates will also increase the effects of salicylates in treating headaches.

In conclusion…

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月15日 Issue 65

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

31分钟，30分钟的时候刚好开始写最后一句话。第二段实在找不出例子，就干讲了。。自己觉得讲得还挺有道理。终于弄好了表格，太好了~

句子	动作分析	内容点评	句子点评
para.1
I partly  agree with the statement and believe that individuals in a society have the  responsibility to obey both just laws and unjust laws.	表达观点	你这个partly agree让人很困惑   建议不要用这个说法
There is  no question that individuals should obey just laws.	主旨句1
However  I believe that once laws are legitimated, they should be obeyed regardless of  being just or not.	主旨句2		legitimated 选词有问题   even if they are unjust
To  address the concerns about potential problems of unjust laws, there should be  ways for people to resist unjust laws in the legal framework.	主旨句3
para.2
To begin  with, there is no doubt that individuals in a society has the responsibility  of to obey just laws.	主题句
We  purchase food and other goods from grocery stores and department stores  instead of stealing them or robbing other people, so our market is in order  and we can get the supplies we need from the merchants.	例子1		断句问题还没解决
We also  feel safe walking on the street or staying at home without constantly  worrying about being mugged.	例子1
We drive  following rules of the road, instead of interfering traffic by breaking  traffic laws, so everyone can safely and efficiently travel around.	例子2
Without  people obeying just laws, our society would become chaotic and no one could  even live a normal life.	总结
para.3
However,  I think as long as rules are legitimated and become laws, individuals have  the responsibility to obey them even if they are unjust.	主题句		however用的不好 legitimated选词
There  are at least two reasons for this: first, if we allow people to obey unjust  laws, there should first be clear and concrete discriminations between just  and unjust laws – and unfortunately there is not.	理由1	你的这句话只说了一个理由 但是用的冒号 读者会预期这句话里有第二个理由
If there  is no such discrimination, the allowance could be used by those who do not  want to obey even just laws, by simply claiming that the laws are unjust and  should not be obeyed.	理由1
In  addition, allowing breaking unjust law will threaten the integrity and  authority of laws.	理由2（观点）
Laws are  powerful mainly because there will be surely penalty if someone did not obey  them.	理由2（解释）
But if  people were allowed to break some laws and nothing would happen to them, laws  would not be as powerful and authoritative as it should.	理由2（解释）	题目说的是人们应该不遵守不正义的法律 并没有说不需要承担后果
Thus people may even try to disobey just  laws.	理由2（总结）
para.  4
There  will surely be concerns about the consequences of implementing unjust laws  and forcing people to obey them.	主题句	这里的consequence是什么 没有展开说 Some people may argue that if people obey unjust laws, injustice will prevail in the soceity.
To  address such concerns, there should be ways through which people can express  their disagreement within the legal framework.	提出解决方案	这里应该明确说people should find ways to reform the unjust laws within the legal framework  你说there should be 不清楚谁负责实现这个
For  example, laws once gave people different rights based on their race or  gender, which was totally unjust.	例子1		in the US ... 需要具体限定场景和语境
Martin  Luther King Jr. and his followers chose to express their disagreement in a  peaceful way, to call for attention on the inequity and urge the improvements  of laws.	例子1	你的例子里面没有明确指出当事人如何守法 然后合法的挑战不公正的法律   这里应该尝试把一个例子解释清楚
Similarly,  with legal pretests feminists expressed their requirements on equal pay,  equal rights of vote and other social rights.	例子2
In such  ways, unjust laws would be abolished and replaced by just laws, without  driving the whole society into chaos.	总结
para. 5
In  conclusion, I agree with the statement in the part that people should obey  just laws, but I think obeying unjust laws is also part of the responsibility  of individuals in a society.	总结
To  address the concerns about unjust laws and their negative consequences on the  society, there should be legal ways for people to resist the unjust laws in  peaceful and non-destructive ways.	address challenge

I partly agree with the statement and believe that individuals in a society have the responsibility to obey both just laws and unjust laws. There is no question that individuals should obey just laws. However I believe that once laws are legitimated, they should be obeyed regardless of being just or not. To address the concerns about potential problems of unjust laws, there should be ways for people to resist unjust laws in the legal framework.

To begin with, there is no doubt that individuals in a society has the responsibility of to obey just laws. We purchase food and other goods from grocery stores and department stores instead of stealing them or robbing other people, so our market is in order and we can get the supplies we need from the merchants. We also feel safe walking on the street or staying at home without constantly worrying about being mugged. We drive following rules of the road, instead of interfering traffic by breaking traffic laws, so everyone can safely and efficiently travel around. Without people obeying just laws, our society would become chaotic and no one could even live a normal life.

However, I think as long as rules are legitimated and become laws, individuals have the responsibility to obey them even if they are unjust. There are at least two reasons for this: first, if we allow people to obey unjust laws, there should first be clear and concrete discriminations between just and unjust laws – and unfortunately there is not. If there is no such discrimination, the allowance could be used by those who do not want to obey even just laws, by simply claiming that the laws are unjust and should not be obeyed. In addition, allowing breaking unjust law will threaten the integrity and authority of laws. Laws are powerful mainly because there will be surely penalty if someone did not obey them. But if people were allowed to break some laws and nothing would happen to them, laws would not be as powerful and authoritative as it should. Thus people may even try to disobey just laws.

There will surely be concerns about the consequences of implementing unjust laws and forcing people to obey them. To address such concerns, there should be ways through which people can express their disagreement within the legal framework. For example, laws once gave people different rights based on their race or gender, which was totally unjust. Jr. Martin Luther King and his followers chose to express their disagreement in a peaceful way, to call for attention on the inequity and urge the improvements of laws. Similarly, with legal pretests feminists expressed their requirements on equal pay, equal rights of vote and other social rights. In such ways, unjust laws would be abolished and replaced by just laws, without driving the whole society into chaos.

In conclusion, I agree with the statement in the part that people should obey just laws, but I think obeying unjust laws is also part of the responsibility of individuals in a society. To address the concerns about unjust laws and their negative consequences on the society, there should be legal ways for people to resist the unjust laws in peaceful and non-destructive ways.

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

你好，请问是不是ISSUE都要按照表格的要求来写？谢谢~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-6-15 19:34
你好，请问是不是ISSUE都要按照表格的要求来写？谢谢~

最好是做表格
目前只能优先批改当天的制定作文题

ally1213UID: 2948121

Kssandra 发表于 2015-6-15 13:02
6月15日 Issue 65

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to diso ...

However, I think as long as rules are legitimated and become laws, individuals have the responsibility to obey them even if they are unjust. There are at least two reasons for this: first, if we allow people to obey unjust laws, there should first be clear and concrete discriminations (Do you mean differences or something else?) between just and unjust laws – and unfortunately there is not. If there is no such discrimination, the allowance could be used by those who do not want to obey even just laws, by simply claiming that the laws are unjust and should not be obeyed. (I'm not clear what you meant by allowance) In addition, allowing breaking unjust law will threaten the integrity and authority of laws. Laws are powerful mainly because there will be surely penalty if someone did not obey them. But if people were allowed to break some laws and nothing would happen to them, laws would not be as powerful and authoritative as it should. Thus people may even try to disobey just laws. (valid points)


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总体而言我觉得思路挺好的，特别是关于unjust laws，很新颖^ ^ 但是感觉第二段没有展开好，应该重点强调resist unjust laws的严重后果（社会不稳定或者会有暴力之类的）这样才能与conclusion连上

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-6-15 13:02
6月15日 Issue 65

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to diso ...

已点评

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月16日 Argument 15，51，130，131，133

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.

"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."


Argument 15

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

句子	动作分析	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
Happy  Pancake House restaurants recently replaced butter with margarine throughout  the southwestern United States, and this argument claims that this change has  little impact on the customers, because only 2 percent customers complained  about this, and because servers reported few complaints when customer asked  for butter by were given margarine instead.	概括题目依据		this memo claims that 注意根据题目的信息来指代 asked  for- asking for
The  argument also gets the conclusion that either the customers does not  distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two words are  interchangeable.	概括结论		reaches the conclusion
However,  there are alternative explanations on the low rate of complaints, the report  of the servers, and the conclusion.	主旨句		explanation on the conclusion搭配
para.2
To begin  with, only about 2 percent of customers have complained does not mean that  the rest 98 percent customers are happy with the changes.	主题句		the fact that ... 严重句子结构问题
There  may be only a small fraction of customers left feedback after dining with  Happy Pancake House.	可能性1	你在措辞方面没有很明确的回应题目关于rival explanation的要求
For  example, if 5 percent of customers who did leave feedback, 2 percent  complained about butter being replaced by margarine - that will be 40  percent.	解释可能性1		if 后面的从句结构有问题 that will be 40 percent of what 没说清楚
Also,  for those who did not leave feedback, it does not mean that they are happy  with the change - they did not say they are happy with the change  either.	可能性2
There  could actually be a large proportion of customers who would have complained.	可能性2
para.3
Moreover,  the fact that servers reported that a number of customers did not complain  about being given margarine when asked for butter, does not necessarily mean  that they are happy with this.	主题句
We are  not sure what is the proportion of the customers who did not complain.	解释主题句
It’s  possible that more than half of the customers actually complained, although  “a number of” customers did not.	可能性1
Or,  although “many” servers reported that not every customer complained, but many  more servers might have every customer they served complained about  this.	可能性2
In these  cases, there would be a majority of customers who are not happy when given  margarine as butter.	总结
para.4
Finally,  even if people do not complain, they may still be able to tell the difference  between butter and margarine, instead of not being able to distinguish them  or use the two words interchangeably.	主题句
For  example, for those who did not leave feedback or complain, they might be  loyal customers who care more about other aspects of Happy Pancake House.	可能性1
For  those who did not complain when given margarine, they might just try to be  nice to the server.	可能性2
But they  might not be happy about the replacement.	继续可能性1，2
Or,  maybe they felt offended and just decide not to come back anymore, and did  not bother to complain about butter being replaced by margarine.	可能性3
In any  of these cases, the customers are indeed impacted by the change.	总结
para.5
In  conclusion, there are several alternative explanations in addition to the  ones offered in the argument.	回应主旨句
Without  excluding the alternative explanations, we do not know if people do not care  about or even happy with the fact that Happy Pancake House replaced butter  with margarine in the southwestern United States.	解释alternative explanation如何影响结论

具体的切入点你可以和我的范文比对一下  我这里就不细看了 建议你更明确的回应题目要求 因为erater肯定会在文章里查类似explanation 的关键词


Argument 51

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.



Happy Pancake House restaurants recently replaced butter with margarine throughout the southwestern United States, and this argument claims that this change has little impact on the customers, because only 2 percent customers complained about this, and because servers reported few complaints when customer asked for butter by were given margarine instead. The argument also gets the conclusion that either the customers does not distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two words are interchangeable. However, questions need to be answered about the percent of complaints, the real attitudes of customers, and the possibility of extending the change to northeast.

To begin with, it needs to be answered what is the percentage of customers who left feedback and complained.
2% of complaints =| 98% of satisfaction; “many servers” reports on “a number of customers”

Moreover, we need to ask if those who did not complain, or did not leave feedback, are really happy with the change.

Finally, questions need to be answer that if this change can be extended to northeastern without pissing people off.
NE people may be more sensitive or less tolerate.

In conclusion…



Argument 130

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Happy Pancake House restaurants recently replaced butter with margarine throughout the southwestern United States, and this argument claims that this change has little impact on the customers, because only 2 percent customers complained about this, and because servers reported few complaints when customer asked for butter by were given margarine instead. The argument also gets the conclusion that either the customers does not distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two words are interchangeable. However, there are several stated or hidden assumptions about the percent of complaints, the real attitudes of customers, and the possibility of extending the change to northeast.

To begin with, the argument assumes that only a small proportion of customers complained about butter being replaced by margarine.
2% of complaints =| 98% of satisfaction; “many servers” reports on “a number of customers” =| few people complained

Moreover, there is a hidden assumption that if customers do not complain, or do not leave any feedback, it means they are happy with the change.

Finally, it is assumed that if people in the southwest accept the change without too many complaints, the people in the rest of the country will also accept it.

In conclusion…


Argument 131

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.


Happy Pancake House restaurants recently replaced butter with margarine throughout the southwestern United States, and this argument claims that this change has little impact on the customers, because only 2 percent customers complained about this, and because servers reported few complaints when customer asked for butter by were given margarine instead. The argument also gets the conclusion that either the customers does not distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two words are interchangeable. However, questions need to be answered about the percent of complaints, the real attitudes of customers, and the possibility of increasing profits by extending the change to northeast.

To begin with, it needs to be answered what is the percentage of customers who left feedback and complained.
2% of complaints =| 98% of satisfaction; “many servers” reports on “a number of customers”

Moreover, we need to ask if those who did not complain, or did not leave feedback, are really happy with the change.

Finally, questions need to be answer that if this change can be extended to northeast and increase profits.
NE people may be more sensitive or less tolerate – cannot be extended; people do not dine with HPH – profits will not be increased.

In conclusion…



Argument 133

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


Happy Pancake House restaurants recently replaced butter with margarine throughout the southwestern United States, and this argument claims that this change has little impact on the customers, because only 2 percent customers complained about this, and because servers reported few complaints when customer asked for butter by were given margarine instead. The argument also gets the conclusion that either the customers does not distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two words are interchangeable. However, several more pieces of evidence are needed show the percent of complaints, the real attitudes of customers, and the possibility of increasing profits by extending the change.

To begin with, evidence is needed to show what is the real percentage of customers who left feedback and complained.
2% of complaints =| 98% of satisfaction; “many servers” reports on “a number of customers”

Moreover, we need evidence to show that those who did not complain, or did not leave feedback, are really happy with the change.

Finally, evidence is needed to show that this change can be extended to southeast and northeast, and increase profits.
SE and NE people may be more sensitive or less tolerate – cannot be extended; people do not dine with HPH – profits will not be increased.

In conclusion…

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月18日 issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

22分钟；剩下的时间检查到了倒数第二段。这一题和issue 22的statement是一样的，借用了issue 22的中间一二段。

句子	作用	内容点评	句子点评
para.1
I  completely disagree with the statement and do not think the characters of  heroes or role models of a society represent the characters of the  society.	表明观点
Firstly,  many heroes and role models are actually introduced by the authority to the  public regardless of the interests of people.	主旨句1
Second,  instead of representing the characters of a given society, heroes and role  models are more often shared among different societies.	主旨句2	这个点是你原创吧 不错 可否简单说下是怎么想到的 会不会和你学统计学有关？
People  may argue that heroes and role models are at least widely accepted by the  public because of their characters, but sometimes that’s because they have  the characters that the society does not have.	主旨句3		断句问题；这里也许还好；但是建议还是分开好些
para.2
To begin  with, many heroes and role models are actually introduced to the public by  the authority, with the help of medias.	主题句		media
For  example, Lei Feng is one of the most wide-known altruism role model of China  for more than half a century.	介绍例子		widely known
He  altruistically helped hundreds of people, and was even written into textbooks  for primary school students.	解释例子		his story was written into ...
However,  he was actually introduced by the Chinese government in 1950s with a move ‘An  Ordinary Soldier’.	例子联系主题句		movie?
Although  Lei Feng has been one of the most important role model of China since that  time, the fact is that the number of altruistic people has been actually  decreasing instead of increasing since then.	解释例子如何支持主题句观点	读者会困惑为什么无私的人数量减少   这里要结合雷锋是政府编造的形象来解释为何不能反映社会的特征	role models
Thus to  study role models like Lei Feng may not be the best way to understand the  character of the contemporary Chinese society.	总结
para.3
Moreover,  many of the heroes and/or role models are shared among almost all the  societies, instead of representing the characters of each of these  societies.	主题句	这里分成两句话写可能更清楚   Moreover,  some of the heroes and/or role models are shared among almost all the  societies.  As a result, they do not represent the unique characters of particular societies.
For  example, policemen and fire fighters are probably the most widely accepted  role models across the world.	介绍例子
One can  find these heroes in almost all the cultures, because they are brave,  selfless, determined, and have the sense of responsibility.	解释例子		with a strong sense of ...
However  by studying such heroes and role models, one can hardly find any special  characters of a society, and will surely conclude that the western and  eastern societies have the same character because they both have policemen  and fire fighters as their heroes and role models of the society.	解释例子如何联系主题句
But we  know this is not the case.	解释例子如何联系主题句
Thus  these heroes and role models may tell us a lot about human nature in common,  but little about the character of a given society.	总结	写的挺好
para.4
However,  people may argue that if heroes and role models are widely accepted and  worshipped by people in a society, they at least tell us about something that  the society values, which may be the character of the society.	主题句
The  first half is true, but those things that the society values may not be its  character, and can even be something the society does not have.	解释主题句		你这里the first half 后面没有展开讨论 读者可能需要往回看 比较麻烦
For  example, astray animal rescuers are popular heroes and role models today in  the society and social medias of United States.	提出例子		in  the society and social medias这不是并列的关系
But the  fact is that, many people never have their pets spayed or neutered, or even  never bring their pets to a veterinarian.	解释例子如何联系到主题句	你是想说 many people showed little care or love of their pets 感觉没有上一层的概括 直接到细节会让人不懂
What’s  worse is that, people would often abandon their pets if the pets get sick or  old, or even when the people are moving.	解释例子如何联系到主题句
By  studying the animal rescuer heroes, one may get the conclusion that people in  United States are all animal lovers - which is not the case.	总结	这段本身写的挺好 但是和开头段的主旨句第三点的意思不太一样 你前面似乎在说 榜样和英雄之所以受到尊重正是因为他们拥有普通人缺少的品质 但是中间段对于这个反讽没有写出来
para.5
In  conclusion, studying the character of the men and women who are chosen by the  society as heroes and role models is not much helpful for one to understand  the character of a society.	再次陈述观点
The  heroes and role models may not be really chosen by the people but by the  authority, or they are shared by all societies and thus are not  representative.	重述主旨句1，2
Or they  even have characters that the society may or may not have.	重述主旨句3

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月19日 argument 84

The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.

"Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)"

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

这道题很像我的本科毕业论文，#83几乎就是我的毕业论文。。。
21分钟，剩下的时间足够检查完，不过还是有没找出来的拼写错误。

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
In this  letter, since the number of amphibian species and the number of individuals  of each species both decreased from 1975 to 2002 in Xanadu National Park, the  author proposed that one possible explanation for these decreases is the  introduction of trouts into the park in 1975, which are known to eat  amphibian egges.	概括题目	你放在since从句里的内容就暗示了你同意这里面的内容 但实际上数量减少的结论是值得商榷的
In a  addition to this explanation, other possible explanations can be the changes  of the habitat, the water conditions, and the activities of humans and other  animals.	主旨句		what about water condition?
para.2
To begin  with, the first possible explanation will be the changes of the habitat since  1975.	主题句1		explanation for what will be that ... 这里用表语从句来表达更好
People  might build more roads in the Park, thus separated the amphibian habitat into  smaller pieces.	解释可能性1		thus separated 句子结构问题
When the  populations are separated and become small groups, it’s harder for the  individuals to find mates and thus reproduction would declined.	解释可能性1		declined 动词形式
Other  changes in the habitat, for example the changes of species and distributions  of plant populations, the declining areas for mating and laying eggs, could  all result in the decreases of amphibian species and numbers of individuals.	可能性2
Although  all species were affected by these changes, some may be more sensitive to  them because of their specific reproductive or life cycle behaviors.	总结，联系题目	species refer to emphibians?   需要回应题目的主题
para.3
Moreover,  another potential explanation can be the changes of water conditions in the  Park over the 27 years.	主题句		问题同上 这类题的句型还要准备一下
Since  water is critical for the survival and reproduction of amphibians, changes of  water conditions could dramatically change the amphibians populations.	可能性1
For  example, the temperature of water might increase over the 27 years due to  global warming, and now it’s a little bit too high for the hatching of  eggs.	解释可能性1
Or the  water might have been poluted since 1975 and containt chemicals that are  poisonous to the amphibians.	可能性2		contain
Since  newts spend more time in water than frogs and toads, it is possible that the  three species that was not found in 2002 were newts and the remaining four  were frogs and toads, but all seven species were more or less affected by the  water conditions.	总结，联系题目
para.4
Finally,  the activities of humans and other animals could also interfere the  activities of amphibians in the Park.	主题句
For  example, tourists might increased since 1975, and they also spent nights in  the Park.	可能性1		number of tourists
Since  many amphibians mate at night, the noises and lights of human activities  mifht scare them or drive them away from their mating areas, thus decreased  the reproduction.	解释可能性1		noise light might
Or,  possibly that the number of predator animals like owls and other birds that  hunt on adult amphibians increased around 1975, and they preyed on more  amphibians.	可能性2
Since  frogs and toads spend more time on the land and vocalize more compared to  newts, maybe the 3 species that were not found in 2002 were frogs and toads,  who were more affected by the activities of humans and other predators.	总结，联系题目
para.5
In  conclusion, in addition to the introduction of trout to the Xanadu National  Park in 1975, there are several other possible explanations for the decreases  of numbers of species and individuals of each of these species.	结论
Changes  of the habitat, the water conditions, and the increased activities of humans  and other animals could all explain the decrease, as well as the fact that  some species seemed to be affected more than others.	重述主题句

感觉这三个点都写得不错 可能楼主有生物的背景 写这道题的思路比较开阔一些吧

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

Kssandra 发表于 2015-6-18 12:19
6月18日 issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the charact ...

我还不会评论，我写写我的感想吧。
这个属于王老师总结出的“issue的6种题型及基本布局套路”中的第二种“是否同意论断以及考虑反对意见”。你在第一段明确提出自己的观点“不同意论点”，然后分了两个原因来阐述你不同意的原因，然后再对可能出现的反对你的意见做出回应。你写作的思路很清晰。
我刚开始写这道题的提纲的时候想，要以折中的态度来讨论这个问题，但是从你的ISSUE中和王老师的写作套路我看到明确提出自己的观点是可以。
学习了啊

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-6-18 12:19
6月18日 issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the charact ...

已点评

KssandraUID: 2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-19 22:18
已点评

谢谢王老师的点评！

中间第二点其实是因为之前写过另一类题目，关于研究大城市了解一个社会的，其中有一个点我写的是现代的大城市都很相似，研究大城市不能告诉我们关于一个国家的独特之处的信息。所以这里受了这个启发，也写了一个类似的观点。

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月22日 快速练习issue 59

Scientists and other researchers shouldfocus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number ofpeople.

Write a response in which you discussthe extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explainyour reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendationwould or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape yourposition.

这一篇我还是写的全文。思考肯定超过2-3分钟了，但也没到10分钟。写完第一段和三个主题句用时8分钟，写完全文28分钟。剩下时间勉强检查了两段。
这个题主要的难点就是表明自己的态度。一开始的时候联想到科学研究是不是应该解决眼前的问题的那道题，但是很快发现行不通，因为我最开始想的几个点最后都很崎岖地还是绕到了能造福大多数人这个思路上。最后的观点其实是从例子出发提炼出来的，所以对于最前面两个点自己不是很满意。第一个中间段感觉内部结构有点混乱，第二个内容略单薄，感觉自己好像在说罗圈话。。。

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
I  disagree with the statement and believe that scientists and other researchers  should focus their research areas that may only benefit a small fraction of  people as well.	表明观点
This is  because the importance of scientific research is not decided by the number of  people who are benefited from these studies.	解释立场
Biomedical  researchers focus on their research on artificial organs, which benefit small  numbers of people but are very important.	主旨句1
Similarly,  psychologists should also focus their research on mental illness, although  only a few people have these problems.	主旨句2
Researchers  in humanities should focus their research on areas like history and  anthropology, although even fewer people will be directly benefit from such  studies.	主旨句3
para.2
To begin  with, biomedical researchers should focus their research on artificial  organs, to help those who in need of new organs to survive, even if there are  not many of them.	主题句
Although  it does not happen very often, some patients suffering severe diseases do  need artificial organs to survive and have better life quality.	解释例子
Thus  studies in these areas are meaningful and very important to these patients  and their families, even if they do not benefit the greatest number of  people.	解释例子如何支持观点
Actually  our scientists had already made many progresses in this area, and everyday we  see lives be saved by new techniques related to the research.	展开例子
And  saving lives is definitely meaningful and makes a lot of differences.	回应观点
para.3
Moreover,  social and clinical psychologists should also focus their research on mental  illness, regardless of the fact that only a small percentage of people have  such problems.	主题句
As a  society, we do not want to leave anyone behind because of one’s mental  conditions.	引出例子
Thus in  addition to working on research that will benefit the majority of the  society, we also need to help those who suffering from mental illness and  cannot live a normal life.	解释例子
On the  one hand, such studies are meaningful and important to the patients and their  families, by helping them live normal lives.	展开1
On the  other hand, these studies are important to our society as well, because one  way to evaluate a civilization is to look at how the society treats those who  are disadvantaged and are really in need of help.	展开2
para.4
Finally,  researchers in humanities should focus their research in areas like history  and anthropology, although even fewer people are directly benefit from such  studies.	主题句
Other  than benefiting the greatest number of people, such research is important in  at least three ways.	解释例子
Firstly  they tell us more about the past of us human beings, and some people would  like to know the past due to curiosity.	展开1
Second,  they may have political and social meanings, since understanding the history  and learning from the past can help us avoiding making some mistakes today  and in the future.	展开2
Last but  not least, such studies have academic meanings, because their findings will  give rise to more and more inspiring research in academia.	展开3
para.5
In  conclusion, I disagree with the statement and I believe that we cannot  evaluate the importance and necessity of scientific research based on the  number of people that will be benefitted by such research.	总结观点
Medical  research on artificial organs, and psychological research on mental illness,  are definitely important and make differences even if they do not benefit a  great number of people.	重述主旨句1，2
In  addition, studies in humanities, although even fewer people would be directly  benefited from them, are still have other meanings and are significant to  both the academia and the whole society.	重述主旨句3