2015年AW暑期同主题练习-Kssandra

dingkaUID: 2453299

Hey 楼上的kssandra，我来看你的习作啦：）

我也在这里点评吧 (tesolchina)

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
I  disagree with the statement and believe that scientists and other researchers  should focus their research areas that may only benefit a small fraction of  people as well.	表明观点		focus + on？
This is  because the importance of scientific research is not decided by the number of  people who are benefited from these studies.	解释立场
Biomedical  researchers focus on their research on artificial organs, which benefit small  numbers of people but are very important.	主旨句1
Similarly,  psychologists should also focus their research on mental illness, although  only a few people have these problems.	主旨句2
Researchers  in humanities should focus their research on areas like history and  anthropology, although even fewer people will be directly benefit from such  studies.	主旨句3	不能一概说history和anthropology 对大多数人没好处吧。是否举一些更细化的领域为好？ 我觉得这里ok	will directly benefit
para.2
To begin  with, biomedical researchers should focus their research on artificial  organs, to help those who in need of new organs to survive, even if there are  not many of them.	主题句	感觉这里的主题句太过专 需要写一句更general的句子 然后以这句话的内容作为例子
Although  it does not happen very often, some patients suffering severe diseases do  need artificial organs to survive and have better life quality.	解释例子	另外我不觉得这个例子很合适 因为人造器官其实有潜力令很多人收益
Thus  studies in these areas are meaningful and very important to these patients  and their families, even if they do not benefit the greatest number of  people.	解释例子如何支持观点
Actually  our scientists had already made many progresses in this area, and everyday we  see lives be saved by new techniques related to the research.	展开例子
And  saving lives is definitely meaningful and makes a lot of differences.	回应观点
para.3
Moreover,  social and clinical psychologists should also focus their research on mental  illness, regardless of the fact that only a small percentage of people have  such problems.	主题句
As a  society, we do not want to leave anyone behind because of one’s mental  conditions.	引出例子
Thus in  addition to working on research that will benefit the majority of the  society, we also need to help those who suffering from mental illness and  cannot live a normal life.	解释例子
On the  one hand, such studies are meaningful and important to the patients and their  families, by helping them live normal lives.	展开1
On the  other hand, these studies are important to our society as well, because one  way to evaluate a civilization is to look at how the society treats those who  are disadvantaged and are really in need of help.	展开2
para.4
Finally,  researchers in humanities should focus their research in areas like history  and anthropology, although even fewer people are directly benefit from such  studies.	主题句	我觉得这一段你的论述都是，历史和人类学对于大众的重要性。在这一点上，我觉得老师范文里举的同性恋研究的例子更加恰当呢。
Other  than benefiting the greatest number of people, such research is important in  at least three ways.	解释例子
Firstly  they tell us more about the past of us human beings, and some people would  like to know the past due to curiosity.	展开1
Second,  they may have political and social meanings, since understanding the history  and learning from the past can help us avoiding making some mistakes today  and in the future.	展开2
Last but  not least, such studies have academic meanings, because their findings will  give rise to more and more inspiring research in academia.	展开3
para.5
In  conclusion, I disagree with the statement and I believe that we cannot  evaluate the importance and necessity of scientific research based on the  number of people that will be benefitted by such research.	总结观点
Medical  research on artificial organs, and psychological research on mental illness,  are definitely important and make differences even if they do not benefit a  great number of people.	重述主旨句1，2
In  addition, studies in humanities, although even fewer people would be directly  benefited from them, are still have other meanings and are significant to  both the academia and the whole society.	重述主旨句3

我想你这篇文章要考虑问题就是在一个更加抽象的层面上对自己的观点进行梳理
比如我的范文的思路 就把研究者分为 工程、自然科学和社会科学，这就是比较抽象层面的划分
但是你的文章中间段主题句已经直接涉及具体的领域 这样一来你的观点就会变得比较狭隘  
当然这是以更高的要求来衡量你的文章  

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月23日 issue 34

In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

感觉23号的几道题虽然是相似的话题，但是并不好放到一类写，因为每个题目的意思都略有不同。于是只写了34这道题。
这道题略艰难，想了很长时间，最后只好用了分情况讨论的大招。第三段觉得在凑字，感觉不大好。
写出开头和三个主题句不到7分钟，总共完成花了24分钟。检查到第三段，中间一二段的最后总结都是在检查的时候又补上的。

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
Whether  the statement holds true depends on which area we are discussing here.	表明观点
In  scientific research, it is absolutely true that progress often times requires  discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.	主旨句1
Similarly,  in politics, the eclectic solutions between two parties holding contrasting  views are often better than the either of the two extreme ones.	主旨句2		solutions between 搭配 negotiated between ...
However,  in the business world, contrasting points of views would often times do more  harm than good.	主旨句3
para.2
To begin  with, scientific research showed that taking in the contributions of two  contrasting points of views often gives rise to a new and more accurate  description of the fact.	主题句	这个主题句有问题 你前面说的是在科学领域的讨论 而这里确实科研的一般结论
For  example, the combination of the two contrasting theories on the property of  lights results in progress in the understanding of lights.	例子1
People  first believed that lights are waves, later other scientists proposed that  lights should be particles.	解释例子1		断句
It  turned out that lights have the properties of both waves and particles.	解释例子1
Similarly,  there has been an old discussion of “nature or nurture” between scientists:  were the phenotypes pre-determined by genes, or they are most shaped by  experience after birth?	例子2		时态一致
The  answer is both, and this agreement gave rise to progresses in many related  areas.	解释例子2
In  scientific research, more comprehensive theories are often the results of  discussions between people holding different points of views.	总结	整段对discussion这个关键词的回应略嫌不足 总的来说还可以
para.3
Similarly,  in politics, progress often follows the discussions between groups or parties  of people who have contrasting points of views, since the society will be  better off with eclectic but not extreme policies.	主题句		eclectic 选词
For  example, egalitarians believe that everyone should get exactly the same  payment and level of life quality regardless of their abilities and  contributions to the society, while others believe that people should be paid  based on the contribution they made.	例子
We can  easily see that either of these does not help our society much.	解释例子
So  eclectically, people are still more or less paid based on their abilities and  types of job, but we also ensure a minimum level of welfare of those who are  disadvantaged and make less money.	解释例子如何证明观点
Given  the complexity of our society, taking in perspectives of different people,  many times contrasting perspectives, helps a lot in bringing out better  solutions to our problems.	总结	这个例子有点牵强   你还不如说Republican 代表商界利益 Democrats代表劳工利益 就最低工资谈判
para.4
However,  in the business world, it is often better for the businessmen to have only  one concrete point of view other than two contrasting ones.	主题句
For the  leaders of firms and companies, who make important decisions within limited  amount of time, there is no eclectic solution between doing and not doing a  business.	提出例子，解释背景
Also  many decisions are extremely time sensitive, they cannot spend too much time  discussing what is the best solution in a certain circumstance.	解释例子		断句
Having  too many discussions between people who have contrasting perspectives, or  even having too many people with difference points of views, will make things  less organized and affect the integrity of a business group.	继续展开例子，解释如何证明观点
Such  firms or companies are less likely to make progresses in their business.	总结
para.5
In  conclusion, depends on the areas we are discussing, the answer can be very  different.	总结观点		depending on -句子结构问题
The  statement applies to scientific research and politics, but not to business.	重述观点

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月24日 argument35

The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.

"One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. I predict that modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits even more dramatically."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

这道题似乎三个点比较直观。读题和思考约5分钟，开始动笔时开始计时，全部完成花了20分钟，检查完花了27分钟。有拼写错误没找出来。
你有没有比对一下我的范文？

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
In this  letter, the owner claims that, given the decreased maximum water flow of showerheads in  three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex, the low number of complaints  following the decrease, the Sunnyside Corporation will save money by reducing  the water consumed, and should restrict water flow in all twelve buildings to  save even more money.	概括题目	题目中有提到profit 这个点可以考虑做文章
However,  to decide if the conclusion and suggestion are reasonable, we need first  answer questions about the changes of amount for water that’s consumed, the  real attitude of the residents, and the possibility of expanding the  restriction to other buildings.	主旨句	possibility 这个点看上去有点不靠谱
para.2
To begin  with, we need to ask if they corporation can really save money by restricting  the maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be.	主题句	感觉这里的主题句没有准确概括后面的内容 应该是强调有没有节约水	they corporation - 笔误？
Possibly  people live in the three buildings still use as much water as they used to,  and since the water flow has been restricted, they just keep the water  flowing for longer.	可能性1		possibly - perhaps for a longer period of time
Or they  would in addition store water with large containers, to make sure that they  can get enough amount of water when needed.	可能性2	感觉这里讲switch to bathing更准确 因为毕竟是showerhead
It’s  even possible that people normally just use less than or equal to one-third  of the original maximum water flow, and nothing would change.	可能性3	这里的比较不合适 water flow是水流 不是水量
In any  of these cases, the amount of water consumed will not be decreased by  restricting the maximum water flow, thus the corporation cannot save money by  doing this.	总结		decreased- reduced
para.3
Moreover,  another question to be answered is about the real attitudes of the  residents.	主题句
Without  the author of the letter reporting the number of residents and the complaints  received, we do not know what percentage of the residents complained.	可能性1	题目是 Except for a few complaints 你这样讲未免牵强
The  percentage could be high, which means a high proportion of residents are  affected and not happy about the change.	解释可能性1
Or, even  if the percentage is not high, it does not mean that those who did not  complain are happy with the change.	可能性2
They  might think that there is only a temporary problem that will be soon fixed,  and would complain if it were not.	解释可能性2	你并没有讨论这种可能性和argument的结论之间的关联 - 省钱、利润增加   所有的讨论都要回到原题的论证和结论上去 Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
In any  of these cases, the residents in the three buildings are affected by the  restriction, and it will not be a good idea to apply the restriction on even  more buildings.	总结
para.4
Finally,  assuming that the restriction of water flow could save money, and the  residents are not severely affected, we still need to answer if this  restriction can be applied to the rest nine buildings without problems.	主题句	这个点不靠谱 我觉得你应该写改装的成本 因为profit会受到支出的影响
Probably  there are only few residents in the first three buildings (and that was why  they are chosen as the “pilot buildings”), but much more residents in the  other nine buildings.	可能性1
Thus the  corporation will receive many more complaints from other buildings.	解释可能性1
Or  people live in the first three buildings are mostly live on lower floors so  are less affected by water pressure problems, but a higher percentage people  in the other nine buildings live on higher floors and will be severely  affected by low water pressures.	可能性2+解释
para.5
In  conclusion, to evaluate the suggestion and the conclusion on which it is  based, we need to first answer a few questions, about the amount of water  consumed after the restriction on water flow, the attitudes of the residents,  and the validity of the suggestion.	总结	总的来说感觉你这篇找切入点不够准 中间段讨论的时候没有结合原论证的结论   这些问题要引起重视 语言方面倒是不错
The  answers to these questions may or may not support the conclusion and  suggestion, and they may be proved to be unwarranted.	重述主旨句

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月25日  Issue 57

The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

感觉后面三道题比较类似，但是57和它们不太一样，意思更崎岖一些，也比较不容易写，所以写了57。想出主旨句不容易，磨蹭了肯定有超过10分钟；开始写的时候计时的，完成花了28分钟，基本没时间检查了。觉得中间三段都有一点臃肿，能各少写20词比较好。中间还查了几次单词，好几次例子的词不会拼。。。
写完以后发现第一个点和范文很像，嘿嘿~

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
I  completely disagree with the statement here.	表明观点	这样开门见山也好 节约时间
Firstly,  I think the study of history showed us that people living now are indeed  significantly different from people who lived in earlier times, in almost  every aspect.	主旨句1
Second,  we actually learned a lot from the study of history, which helps us live even  better in the future.	主旨句2
Also,  another benefit of history studies is to address our curiosity about the  past.	主旨句3		satisfy比address好吧
para.2
To begin  with, I do not agree that it is an illusion that people living now are  significantly different from people in the past.	主题句
I  believe that the differences between modern people and people in the past are  supported by the study of history.	表明立场		difference - support 搭配
We are  much healthier and stronger compared to our ancestors, with a much longer  average life span.	例子1
The  majority of the people in modern society receive education, compared to the  highly illiterate public in medieval times.	例子2
We have  highly developed technology, learned to use electricity and store energy, and  even get a significant amount of knowledge about the universe.	例子3
Most  importantly, by learning from the history, we now have very advanced  political system, and started to understand the rules of social  development.	例子4
All  these facts indicate that we are completely different from people who lived  in earlier times, and we know that because of the study of history.	总结	感觉你这一段的例子有点多 而且未必能整合起来   你可以对比一下我的文章 建议减少例子 增加例子之间的关联
para.3
Moreover,  the study of history helps us to do even better in the future, and go forward  becoming different from what we are today.	主题句	这里应该更清晰回应题目 指出有其他的main benefits
On the  large scale, we study the geological history of earth, and concluded that the  collision(s) of meteorites on earth might be the reason of one or more mass  extinctions on earth, so we are getting prepared to protect ourselves from  possible future collisions.	例子1
On the  medium scale, but studying the history of human civilization we understand  the development of social systems, and are always working on creating better  political environments with the lessons learned from human history, in  service of a more development civilization and better welfare of people.	例子2		by studying
On the  small scale, by studying history of the most recent century, we learned to  keep the balance between technology development and environmental protection,  to avoid future pollutions.	例子3	还是这个问题 例子偏多 说理不够  这里任何一个例子都可以展开写一段
para.4
Finally,  one other very important benefit of history study is that, such study answers  our questions about the past and the present.	主题句	和前面主旨句里的说法并不吻合 前面不是说curiosity么
For  example, after reading Homer’s Iliad, who would not be excited when people  found the debris of Troy in Turkey, and to understand the lives, feelings and  emotions of people who live 3000 years ago?	例子1
After  looking at the magnificent architecture of ancient Egypt, who would not want  to understand their language, and understand how they managed to build the  pyramid and palaces?	例子2
After  reading the history of ancient China, who would not want to reconstruct the  old times, and see the significant figures and their careers as described in  ancient literature?	例子3
Such  study also tells us why we are who we are today, speaking the languages we  speak, and how our cultures formed.	概括例子
The  study of history answers questions come from human curiosity, as well as  offer us a more detailed picture of the life of ancient people.	总结		句子结构问题
para.5
In  conclusion, I do not agree with the statement in almost every way.	总结态度		in almost every way.表达
We  people living today are indeed significantly different from people who lived  in the past, and we learned this from the study of history.	重述主旨句1
In  addition to that, the study of history will bring us better life in the  future, also answers a lots of questions we get from our curiosity.	重述主旨句2，3	感觉你的第二和第三点需要再考虑一下如何设置 可能第二点偏向实用 第三点偏理论或知识   总的思路挺好 中间段要加强说理 不要变成例子的堆砌

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月29日     内容反馈汇总之一：回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引



6月28日  issue 133/28
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1834110&page=3#pid1779547933

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

首段和点评：
I do not agree with both the claim or its reason, and I believe that the surest indicator of a great nation is indeed the achievements and its rulers, artists, and scientists. Great nations are those nations who had significant impact on and made great distributions to the world, but not
those with simply better welfare of their people. First, great rulers and leader lead the nation in a way that will significantly impact the world, in addition to just ensure the welfare of its own people. Moreover, artists but not welfare of people, can make artworks which spread over the world and affect other nations. Finally, great scientists contribute research results and inventions to change the nation and the whole world, which cannot be done with welfare of people.

to just ensure 动词形式
感觉你的主旨句在回应题目的关键词方面做得不够
made great distributions 表达
对great nation进行界定的时候 不要让人感觉这是唯一正确的 要多一些hedge 指出这是你的理解 否则很容易被读者质疑

修改：
I do not agree with both the claim or its reason, and I believe that the surest indicator of a great nation is indeed the achievements and its rulers, artists, and scientists. I think better definition of great nations would be nations who had significant impact on and made great contributions to the world, but not those with simply better welfare of their people. First, great rulers and leader lead the nation in a way that will significantly impact the world, and such nations will are great nations. Moreover, great nations have artists who can create artworks which spread over the world and affect other nations. Finally, great scientists contribute research results and inventions to change the world, thus their nations will become great nations.

总结：
这篇作文的思路拐了一个弯，主题句试图事无巨细地概括段落的内容而不是首先提出结论，最后造成的结果就是主题句更多地在解释我后面要讲到的理由，而非用结论来回应题目。
这个问题是因为作者的思路和读者的思路不统一，我写作的时候是在报告我如何思考，但是没从读者的角度来写。这样的问题感觉在自己写作的过程中克服还比较困难，很多时候需要在最后检查的时候改掉。

==============================

6月9日 Argument 78/114/116/117
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=3#pid1779550849

The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.

"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."

点评：
题目中提到 Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower 还是需要回应的

修改后：
Finally, we need evidence to show that the money can be saved with using Buzzoff is more than the cost of using it. If the difference of prices between Fly-Away is larger than $10,000, then it would be a better idea to use Fly-Away instead of Buzzoff. For example, if Buzzoff charges $30,000, while Fly-Away charges $10,000, to preserve food for a month, the company would end up paying $10,000 more if they use Buzzoff. Without knowing the prices charged by the two companies, it is hard to decide which solution will save the most money for the food warehouse company.

总结：
这道题一开始写的时候因为已经找到了三个点，就没有继续往下写，忽略了题目中的这个要求。不过逐渐习惯了写argument的套路这个问题以后应该会避免。

==========================================

6月10日 Issue 33

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

中间段和点评：
However, for scientists and researchers, more knowledge indeed makes things more complex.（主题句） Because after answering one question, many more questions will come up, not fewer. （解释主题句的观点）After G. Mendel published his theory of genetics, for example, scientists realized that they need to figure out what are the genetic factors and how they work in deciding phenotypes. Later biologist found nucleic acids to answer the last question, but that made things even more complicated because it started a completely new subject called molecular biology.（例子1） Similarly, chemists discovered molecules, but they soon found things to be more complex because molecules are consists of electrons and atoms, which can be decomposed to even smaller parts and created inorganic chemistry as a new subject.（例子2）

感觉这里一个例子就够了 反而要回应一下前面的point

修改后：
However, for scientists and researchers, more knowledge indeed makes things more complex. Because after answering one question, many more questions will come up, not fewer. After G. Mendel published his theory of genetics, for example, scientists realized that they need to figure out what the genetic factors are and how they work in deciding phenotypes. Later biologist found nucleic acids to be the answer to the last question, but that made things even more complicated because it started a completely new subject called molecular biology. Similarly, chemists discovered molecules, but they soon found things to be more complex because molecules are consists of electrons and atoms, which can be decomposed to even smaller parts and created inorganic chemistry as a new subject. Thus instead of making things more comprehensible to the scientists, things are actually more complex because new questions and even new research areas come along with the acquired knowledge.

总结：应该养成习惯每一段的末尾都总结，从例子上升到一般规律（这个问题好像王老师之前也指出过）。后面的习作在这个问题上都注意到了。

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6月16日 Argument 15

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.

"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

原文和点评：
There  may be only a small fraction of customers left feedback after dining with  Happy Pancake House.

你在措辞方面没有很明确的回应题目关于rival explanation的要求

修改：
One alternative explanation would be, there  may be only a small fraction of customers left feedback after dining with  Happy Pancake House.

总结：在argument写作的时候，措辞上明确回应题目的指引还应该加强。

===========================================

6月19日 argument 84
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=4#pid1779584972

The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.
"Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)"
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

原文及点评：
Although  all species were affected by these changes, some may be more sensitive to  them because of their specific reproductive or life cycle behaviors.

species refer to emphibians?  
需要回应题目的主题

修改：Although all seven amphibian species were affected by these changes, some may be more sensitive to them because of their specific reproductive or life cycle behaviors.

总结：主要是语言上的问题，类似于上一个，在argument行文的过程中还需要有意识地紧扣题目。

=================================

6月25日  Issue 57
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=5#pid1779605244

The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

原文及点评：
Moreover,  the study of history helps us to do even better in the future, and go forward  becoming different from what we are today.

这里应该更清晰回应题目 指出有其他的main benefits

修改:
Moreover,  one other main benefit of the study of history is that, it helps us to do even better in the future, and go forward  becoming different from what we are today.

总结：仍然是在措辞上需要有意识地回应题目。

==================================

总结：回应题目关键字的问题在6月的前1/3好像比较密集一些，后面阶段有一些进步，主要在内容上面。但是语言上还有很多地方需要加强，应该注意有意识地在行文地过程中就强调题目中的关键字。
另外一个问题就是，因为写作文的时候时间紧迫，经常的写法是报告自己的思考过程，而没有注意把自己的思考重新组织成面向读者的文章。说明还是要多练习！

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月29日 issue 78

People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
25分钟。开始写之前想了比较长的时间，应该超过10分钟。检查完成后超过了30分钟。
时间关系我就不逐句点评了。
我觉得你对于immediate situation or surroundings的理解有偏差。所谓immediate situation or surrounding应该是指即时的处境和周遭环境，你这里提到的family, community和status都不能算。对于situation这个词的理解要结合后面的or surroundings 以及前面的immediate。像你这样对题目的误解会带来很严重的后果。也说明较全面的准备题库中的难题十分重要。


  

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
I agree  with the statement that people’s attitudes are determined more by their  immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.	表明态度
In fact,  people’s attitudes are largely decided by their families, the communities in  which they grow up, and their social-economic status.	主旨句
These  are all immediate situations or surroundings rather than things that are  determined by the society as a whole.	主旨句（回应society部分）
para.2
To begin  with, many of people’s attitudes are largely formed in and affected by his or  her family, which is the first and most important surrounding.	主题句
Let’s  take the attitudes to same-sex relationship and marriage as an example.	例子1
For  people who are from religious families, they are more likely to have negative  attitudes toward homosexual relationships and marriages, and are more likely  to be firm believers of heterosexual marriages.	展开例子
They  learned such attitudes from their family, and such believes are again  reinforced by the daily interactions between them and their parents.	解释例子如何支持观点
Similarly,  people from such families are also less likely to accept and face the fact  when themselves turn out to be homosexual.	例子2
This is  true even when the society is more and more tolerant with and friendly to  non-mainstream things like homosexual relationships and marriages.	解释例子2
This  shows that families as the most important surrounding determined many of  one’s attitudes.	总结和回应题目
para.3
Moreover,  other than the society, the community in which one grows up, serves as the  second important surrounding for most people, determines many other  attitudes.	主题句
For  example, in today’s United States, racial discriminations and stereotypes are  definitely not acceptable.	例子
However,  depends on where one grew up, some people still have all kinds of racial  stereotypes.	展开例子
Psychologists  have showed this in the implicit attitudes of people.	例子的背景信息
Not like  explicit attitudes, implicit attitudes are believed to be the “real”  attitudes that can hardly be concealed.	例子的背景信息
They  showed that for those who grew up in communities with higher ratio of  minorities, people are much more friendly to minorities and have much less  implicit negative attitudes toward minorities.	解释例子如何支持观点
Thus it  is the community in which people grow up, rather than the society as a whole,  that determined people’s attitudes toward others’ races.	总结和回应题目
para.4
Finally,  people’s social-economic status, which is a immediate situation, determines  many attitudes regardless of the attitudes of the society as a whole.	主题句
A great  example will be the attitudes toward taxes.	例子1
Mid-classes  are more likely to have negative attitudes toward high tax rates, since they  will be those who make money and pay for the taxes.	展开例子1
Because  of their comparative higher social-economic status, the financial burden of  the country is placed on them by the government.	解释例子1
However,  the attitudes of those who have comparative lower social-economic status, for  example homeless people, old people with low or no income but medical needs,  would be very different.	例子2
They  would be happy to see higher tax rates and better welfare of people since  they sort of get food and medical care for free.	解释例子2
Such  attitudes are almost completely decided by the social-economic status, or how  much money one makes and accordingly how much taxes one pays, instead of the  society as a whole.	总结和回应题目
para.5
In  conclusion, I completely agree with the statement that people’s attitudes are  much more decided by their immediate situations and surroundings than by the  society as a whole.	重述观点
Most of  people’s attitudes are decided by the families and the communities in which  they are born to and grow up, regardless of the mainstream of the  society.	重述主旨句
Also,  their social-economic status as an immediate situation decides many other  attitudes, rather than the society as a whole.	重述主旨句，回应题目关于society的部分

KssandraUID: 2766998

6月30日 语言反馈之一：断句



5月27日  Issue 13
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779516359

Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

原文及点评：
There may be concerns that within the limited amounts of time in school this will be too much work for the students,断句 thus it's better for the universities to keep it as a recommendation instead of requirement and provide guidance on class registration.

修改：
There may be concerns that within the limited amounts of time in school this will be too much work for the students. These concerns will be addressed when the universities provide appropriately and careful guidance to the students.

总结：此处是两个句子之间的因果关系没有分开，放在一个句子里面写了。

==================================

5月28日 Argument 71
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779519362

The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

原文及点评：
Or, the increased commuting time may not be a sign of worse traffic, but just a result of the fact that the city of Waymarsh has been expanding since three years ago, 断句 so now people need to travel further to go to work, and the increased commuting time has nothing to do with the traffic of Waymarsh.

修改
Or, the increased commuting time may not be a sign of worse traffic, but just a result of the fact that the city of Waymarsh has been expanding since three years ago. So now people need to travel further to go to work, and the increased commuting time has nothing to do with the traffic of Waymarsh.

总结：因果关系的两个句子被合到了一个句子里面。

====================================

6月3日 Issue 62
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779534820

Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

原文及点评：
For social movements, there are always first the demands that something about the society need to be changed, 断句 then the leaders stand up to take on the responsibilities.

Take the African-American Civil Rights Movement as an example,断句 long before Martin Luther King stood out as the leader, there had been the demands of civil rights for African Americans, and leaders like Martin Luther King were created to encourage and guide people in speaking out and fighting together in request for the civil rights for African-American people.

修改：
For social movements, there are always first the demands that something about the society need to be changed; then the leaders stand up to take on the responsibilities. The African-American Civil Rights Movement is a great example. Long before Martin Luther King stood out as the leader, there had been the demands of civil rights for African Americans. Leaders like Martin Luther King were created to encourage and guide people in speaking out and fighting together in request for the civil rights for African-American people.

总结：这一段话其实可以分成好几个句子，可是一开始的时候只有两个句子。在写作的过程中，因为觉得上下文之间意思比较连贯，都连到了一起。

===================================

6月4日 argument 14
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779537397

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

原文及点评：
To begin with, the first assumption in the argument is the reliability of the study, 断句 that the author believes that the result of the study is reliable and valid.

修改：
To begin with, the first assumption in the argument is the reliability of the study: the author believes that the result of the study is reliable and valid.

总结：这里试图把主题句写成只有一句话，在这一句话中又提出主题句又对其进行解释。

=============================================

6月15日 Issue 65
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=4#pid1779567989

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

原文及点评：

We  purchase food and other goods from grocery stores and department stores  instead of stealing them or robbing other people, so our market is in order  and we can get the supplies we need from the merchants.

断句问题还没解决

修改：
We purchase food and other goods from grocery stores and department stores instead of stealing them or robbing other people. Thus our market is in order and we can get the supplies we need from the merchants.

总结：把因果关系的两个句子放到了一句话里面。

=================================

6月18日 issue 122
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=4#pid1779580775

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

原文及点评：
People  may argue that heroes and role models are at least widely accepted by the  public because of their characters, but sometimes that’s because they have  the characters that the society does not have.

断句问题；这里也许还好；但是建议还是分开好些


修改：
People  may argue that heroes and role models are at least widely accepted by the public because of their characters. However, sometimes this is because they have the characters that the society does not have.

总结：主题句中把转折关系的两句话放在了一起。

===================================

总结：总的来说断句问题的高发处有两处：1是把因果关系的两个句子连到一起，2是在主题句表达比较复杂的意思的时候，写了一个很长的主题句。个人觉得断句问题是跟写作习惯有关的，短期内改变写作习惯似乎比较难。但是经过一段时间的训练，已经在有意识地在写作的过程中同时检查刚刚写出来的句子需不需要从中间断句。另外，在表达复杂的意思的时候，也应该有意识地注意并不需要把这些逻辑上有联系的意思都放到一起。但是文章完成后仍然需要检查排除断句的问题。

KssandraUID: 2766998

7月1日 内容反馈汇总之二：1+3模型



6月1日 Issue 7
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779528709

Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

原文及点评：
Moreover, government funding can be used to provide public resources like museum and art institutions as well, where artworks are presented to the public.
感觉你这段从学生 艺术家 研究人员三方面去写 我觉得是很好的结构 但是 你的主题句却说的是the public 和后面的内容呼应不够

修改：
Moreover, government funding can be used to provide public resources like museum and art institutions as well, where artworks are presented to the both the public and peer artists.

总结：这里主题句写的有点偏，在后面段落展开的过程中包括了主题句没有涵盖的内容。

=========================================

6月2日 Argument 1

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

原文及点评：
Finally, one more piece of evidence is needed to rule out other possibilities for the basket to be transported out of Palea.

感觉这一段的主题句概括得不是很好 和后面的点好像不是很吻合
整段的重点到底是啥？  
float和trade感觉不是可以放在一起的两件事

修改：
这篇文章后来做了比较大的改动，把float和trade分成两段写了。

总结：这是argument前期的一个问题，准备的时候想到了三个点，但是并没有把其他可能性和这三个点一一对应。

=======================================

6月4日 argument 14
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779537397

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

原文及点评：
However, there are hidden or stated assumptions about the reliability of the study, the causality between amount of sleep and success of the companies, and the validity of the suggestion. （主旨句3）

the validity of the suggestion.
最后一个概括的不太好
也许用generalizability会好些？  

修改：
However, there are hidden or stated assumptions about the reliability of the study, the causality between amount of sleep and success of the companies, and the generalizability of the suggestion.

总结：这里可能更是一个选词的问题?

========================================

总结：主题句和后面的内容呼应的问题主要在6月前期，后面进步了很多，说明联系起到了一些作用。其中argument在一开始写的时候并没有写的很清晰，有的时候把段落的主旨和其他可能性相互混淆了，造成的结果就是主题句不合适。
其实这个问题还可以通过后面检查找出来。（感觉检查的压力好大，什么都要靠它。。。）

KssandraUID: 2766998

7月2日  选词与搭配

内容比较多，用了表格来总结。

日期	题号	原句	点评	修改	总结
6月15日	issue 65	However I believe that once  laws are legitimated, they should be obeyed regardless of  being  just or not.	legitimated 选词有问题 even if they are unjust	However I believe that once  laws are justified, they should be obeyed even if they are unjust.	legitimate用法不熟悉
	issue 65	However,  I think as  long as rules are legitimated and become laws, individuals  have  the responsibility to obey them even if they are unjust.	however用的不好legitimated选词	Moreover,  I think as  long as rules are justified and become laws, individuals have  the  responsibility to obey them even if they are unjust.	句子内部逻辑关系
6月16日	argument 15	The  argument also  gets the conclusion that either the customers does not  distinguish  butter from margarine or they thought these two words  are  interchangeable.	reaches the conclusion	The  argument also  reaches the conclusion that either the customers does  not  distinguish butter from margarine or they thought these two  words are  interchangeable.	动词和名词的搭配
6月18日	issue 122	To begin  with, many  heroes and role models are actually introduced to the public  by  the authority, with the help of medias.	medias - media	To begin  with, many  heroes and role models are actually introduced to the public  by  the authority, with the help of media.	语法错误
	issue 122	One can  find these  heroes in almost all the cultures, because they are  brave,  selfless, determined, and have the sense of responsibility.	have a strong sense of …	One can  find these  heroes in almost all the cultures, because they are  brave,  selfless, determined, and have a strong sense of  responsibility.	句子内部语言组织
6月19日	argument 84	For  example, tourists  might increased since 1975, and they also spent nights in  the  Park.	numbers of tourists	For  example, numbers  of tourists might increased since 1975, and they also spent nights  in  the Park.	语法错误
6月22日	issue 59	I  disagree with the  statement and believe that scientists and other researchers  should  focus their research areas that may only benefit a small fraction  of  people as well.	focus + on	I  disagree with the  statement and believe that scientists and other researchers  should  focus their research on areas that may only benefit a small fraction  of  people as well.	动词和介词搭配
6月24日	argument 35	In any  of these  cases, the amount of water consumed will not be decreased  by  restricting the maximum water flow, thus the corporation cannot  save money by  doing this.	decreased- reduced	In any  of these  cases, the amount of water consumed will not be reduced  by  restricting the maximum water flow, thus the corporation cannot  save money by  doing this.	不熟悉习惯用法
6月25日	issue 57	Also,  another benefit  of history studies is to address our curiosity about the  past.	satisfy比address好吧	Also,  another benefit  of history studies is to satisfy our curiosity about the  past.	不熟悉习惯用法
	issue 57	I  believe that the  differences between modern people and people in the past  are  supported by the study of history.	difference - support 搭配	I  believe that the  differences between modern people and people in the past are proved by the  study of history.	不熟悉习惯用法
	issue 57	In  conclusion, I do  not agree with the statement in almost every way.	in almost every way.表达	In  conclusion, I do  not agree with the statement on every aspect.	不熟悉习惯用法

总结：之前三天的问题大多在练习的后期都有明显的减少，但是选词搭配的问题一直存在。主要有以下几个原因：语法错误；漏掉与动词固定搭配的介词；不熟悉很多词的习惯用法。
前面两个问题比较容易解决，但是第三个需要通过加大阅读量和平时积累来解决。
在剩下的时间里，针对第三个问题比较快的方法就是多借鉴范文中的语言，句型和固定搭配！

KssandraUID: 2766998

tmdxlp 发表于 2015-7-3 10:43
总结：自己的语法知识还是比较薄弱。在老师的点评中，也是好多都是关于语法的。语法的问题，一直都是 ...

这是你的总结吗？？为什么发在这里？

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Kssandra 发表于 2015-7-3 10:48
这是你的总结吗？？为什么发在这里？

发错了···哈哈哈哈哈哈·····好丢人···

KssandraUID: 2766998

tmdxlp 发表于 2015-7-3 11:05
发错了···哈哈哈哈哈哈·····好丢人···

哈哈这样啊~没事！刚才我看到纳闷了好一会儿，以为是我自己又发了一遍~~

KssandraUID: 2766998

7月3日  内容反馈汇总之三：主旨句与主题句不合适


6月9日 Argument 78

The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.

"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

原文及点评：
his argument stated that since $20,000 worth of food were destroyed in Palm City by using Fly-Away Pest Control Company, while only $10,000 worth of food were destroyed in Wintervale by using Buzzoff Pest Control company, the food storage warehouse should use Buzzeoff for all their pest control service. However, to get this conclusion, more evidence is needed to show that the climate, environment and food market of these two cities are the same, and that Buzzoff could possible provide services that are needed in other cities.

主旨句里说要去两个城市的各方面条件一样 我觉得是比较苛刻的  其实只要说需要收集这方面的资料就行了 因为题目并不要求你说在什么情况下论证是成立 只需要你说出需要什么证据来验证论证是否成立 这两者是有区别的  

This argument stated that since $20,000 worth of food were destroyed in Palm City by using Fly-Away Pest Control Company, while only $10,000 worth of food were destroyed in Wintervale by using Buzzoff Pest Control company, the food storage warehouse should use Buzzeoff for all their pest control service. However, to get this conclusion, more evidence is needed on the climate, environment of these two cities, the proportion of food that was destroyed by pest damage in the two cities, and that Buzzoff could possible provide services that are needed in other cities.

总结：适应argument的写作要求，不对题目的内容真伪做出判断，只客观陈述需要的证据。

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6月15日 Issue 65

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

原文及点评：
There  will surely be concerns about the consequences of implementing unjust laws  and forcing people to obey them.

这里的consequence是什么 没有展开说
Some people may argue that if people obey unjust laws, injustice will prevail in the soceity.   

修改：
However, some people may argue that if people obey unjust laws, injustice may prevail in the society - which we do not want to see.

总结：主题句只说了一半，没有很好地概括文章的内容。

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6月24日 argument35

The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.
"One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. I predict that modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits even more dramatically."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.


原文及点评：
To begin  with, we need to ask if they corporation can really save money by restricting  the maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be.
感觉这里的主题句没有准确概括后面的内容 应该是强调有没有节约水

修改：
To begin with, we need to ask if restricting the maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be can really decreased the amount of water consumed, and thus save money.

总结：这个句子写的时候思维跳跃太快，没有写清楚逻辑关系。

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总结：
主旨句和主题句不合适的情况主要集中在没有很好地概括段落的内容，或者没有针对题目的要求组织语言；没有很多立意上面存在问题的情况。在写作文的过程中，偶尔会边写边改，可能后来实际上写出来的段落和一开始的主题句有偏差。说明段落完成以后还是要在确认主题句是合适的！

KssandraUID: 2766998

7月4日   语言反馈汇总之三：句子结构和语法问题

还是用表格的形式。

日期	题号	原句	点评	修改	总结
6月16日	argument 15	To begin  with, only  about 2 percent of customers have complained does not mean  that  the rest 98 percent customers are happy with the changes.	the fact that ... 严重句子结构问题	To begin with, the fact  that only about 2 percent of customers have complained, does not mean  that the rest 98 percent customers are happy with the changes.	缺少关键部分
	argument 15	For  example, if 5  percent of customers who did leave feedback, 2 percent  complained  about butter being replaced by margarine - that will be  40  percent.	if 后面的从句结构有问题 that will be 40 percent of what 没说清楚	For  example, if 5  percent of customers left feedback, and 2 percent of the  customers complained about butter being replaced by margarine - then 2  percent out of 5 percent will be 40  percent.	句子有点复杂并且写作的过程中换了句式，于是成了一个糅杂的句子，也没有解释清楚
6月18日	issue 122	He  altruistically  helped hundreds of people, and was even written into textbooks  for  primary school students.	his story was written into ...	He  altruistically  helped hundreds of people, and his story was even written into  textbooks  for primary school students.	动词的失态没有适应其句子成分
6月19日	argument 84	To begin  with, the  first possible explanation will be the changes of the habitat  since  1975.	explanation for what   will be that ...   这里用表语从句来表达更好	To begin  with, the  first possible explanation for the decrease of amphibians will be the changes  of the habitat since  1975.	argument主题句固定句型
	argument 84	People  might build  more roads in the Park, thus separated the amphibian habitat  into  smaller pieces.	thus separated 句子结构问题	People  might build  more roads in the Park, thus broke down amphibians' habitat  into  smaller pieces.	用词不合适
	argument 84	Moreover,  another  potential explanation can be the changes of water conditions in  the  Park over the 27 years.	用表语从句	Moreover,  another  potential explanation for the declined amphibian population could be the  changes of water conditions in the  Park over the 27 years.	argument主题句固定句型
6月15日	issue 65	Researchers  in  humanities should focus their research on areas like history  and  anthropology, although even fewer people will be directly  benefit from such  studies.	will directly benefit	Researchers  in  humanities should focus their research on areas like history  and  anthropology, although even fewer people will directly benefit  from such  studies.	动词时态没有适应其句子成分
6月24日	argument 35	Possibly  people live  in the three buildings still use as much water as they used  to,  and since the water flow has been restricted, they just keep  the water  flowing for longer.	possibly - perhaps for a longer period of time	People live in the three  buildings may still use as much water as they used to. And since the water  flow has been restricted, they just keep the water flowing for longer  periods of time.	句型改进
6月25日	issue 57	The  study of history  answers questions come from human curiosity, as well as  offer us a  more detailed picture of the life of ancient people.	句子结构问题	The  study of history  answers our questions and satisfy our curiosity, offer us a more  detailed picture of the life of ancient people as well.	并列从句结构不同

总结：句子结构问题也是语言问题之一，比内容的问题要多很多，而且后期也并没有明显的减少。为了避免考试的时候犯错误，尽量用短句子和自己可以熟练掌握的句型。如果写到中间换了句型一定要检查检查再检查确定没有把两个半个句子拼在一起。
argument尤其是主题句最好都用固定的句式。

KssandraUID: 2766998

7月4日  Issue 54

In order to become well-rounded individuals, all college students should be required to take courses in which they read poetry, novels, mythology, and other types of imaginative literature.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
27分钟。这个题写的有点艰难，用到的短语句型和词汇都是不太熟悉的，写的时候深感语言的匮乏导致很多意思难以表达出来。。。

句子	作用	内容点评	语言点评
para.1
I agree  with the statement that all college students should be required to take  courses in which they read mythology, poetry and novels and other types of  imaginative literature.	表明观点
To  become well-round individuals, one should be well-educated with a deep  understanding of the culture background, have the aesthetic abilities, and be  equipped with the wisdom of life.	主旨句
And such  courses will provide them with all of these.	主旨句回应题目
para.2
To begin  with, the readings of mythology, poetry and classic drama help students  understand the culture and better use their languages.	主题句
Many of  modern latin languages obtained words and phrases from Greek and Roman  mythology, as well as Shakespeare’s dramas.	展开主题句
For  example, the phrase of “Achilles heel” (meaning one’s only weakness) is from  Homer’s Iliad, one of the most famous Greek mythology stories.	例子1
Without  reading the mythology, one could hardly understand phrases like this.	解释例子1
Similarly,  several hundreds of modern English works and phrases were created by  Shakespeare and were first used in his dramas.	例子1
Thus  reading different types of imaginative literature helps us have a better  understanding of our culture and languages, and thus become more educated and  well-round individuals.	总结
para.3
Moreover,  such courses teach college students to tell and appreciate beauty.	主题句
There  are many beautiful things in the world, and as a well-round individual, one  understands and appreciate it.	解释主题句
By  reading the novels of Thomas Hardy, we learn about the serenity of the  countryside and appreciate the quite Britain rural life; instead of falling  into the rich but selfish and empty New York style life like some figures did  in The Great Gatsby.	例子1
By  reading the poems of Emily Dickinson, we learn to appreciate the nature - the  precious gift we too often took for granted.	例子2
A fully  development individual would appreciate and respect the beauty of both the  humane and natural world, and a lot of imaginative literature brings us such  aesthetic abilities and respect.	总结
para.4
Last but  not least, students learn the wisdom of life through the readings of novels  and other types of imaginative literature.	主题句
One can  be a great student getting straight As on all their classes, but can hardly  receive lessons of life from their physics or biology courses.	解释主题句
On  courses in which students read novels, poetry and other literature, they have  a chance to look at life from the wise people’s eyes.	解释主题句
Students  understand wars by reading novels instead of experiencing them, and they will  grow up to individuals who love peaces and avoid wars.	例子1
By  reading things like poverty and richness, love and betrayal, successes and  failures, they get life lessons from such stories.	例子2
They  will thus become emotionally mature people in addition to just smart people.	总结
para.5
In  conclusion, I agree that students need to be required to take courses where  they can read more mythology, poetry, novels and many other types of  imaginative literature.	重述观点
Such  courses will be great opportunity to learn about the world, and help students  to be well educated, respectful, wise and really independent and mature  people.	重述主旨句