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[求助] 第一次练习托福作文求麻烦大家修改! [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-6-24 23:46:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
:dizzy:这周六就要考试了....作死的我觉得写作没什么大不了的。只着重复习了阅读听力。
今天一写才发现问题太大了。
求好心人帮忙修改修改。。
写的实在是太差了。。。

题目:At universities and colleges, social activities and sports are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support!
I think classes and libraries are more important than sports and social activities so that school should not provide too much financial support to sports and social activities! Nowadays, many people think that the social activities takes a big part of people's lives and careers so that they focus more on doing sports, socializing and joining clubs than learning knowledge. Certainly, these social activities can help us fit the society, build up our confidences, make us enjoy life more and make more friends. However, I do think that the academic education is more important.
It seems that students nowadays start concentrating more on their sports and clubs. I was told by some of my American friends that the social activities are very important, even more important than good grades when they apply colleges or enter the society. I also find that now a lot of students start ignoring learning academic knowledge. They contribute most of their time to doing sports and socializing because they think those activities can make them more impressive and successful. In addition, doing sports is much more interesting than simply learning at home. However, knowledge is still the most important thing when we really want to find good jobs and make us more successful. Academic education is also the basic goal of colleges. Students should learn more academic skills such as math, science, writing and reading to help them really can handle their jobs after entering this society. Better libraries and classes can help school achieve the education goal more efficiently.
As I mentioned above, some people think that learning is too boring so that they have no interest in studying. If colleges can spend more money on providing more interesting classes, hiring better teachers, building up better libraries can buying more convenient and advanced learning equipments like computers, I am sure that more students will be attracted and interested in learning. Giving more financial support to classes and libraries can definitely encourage students to study and make themselves more valuable!
Better classes and libraries can also help improve the efficiency of learning process because better supply of learning resources. Students can find more information from better libraries so that they can learn more and getter better grades. For me, I like going to libraries to research more information when I work on a project or paper. Better libraries can obviously help me find more resources so that I can make my work more proficient.
On the contrast, spending more money on social activities and sports may not improve the situation. For example, most of students do sports by running or walking, they can do these exercises even without using any equipments. What’s more, social activities and socializing are something that can be done without spending much money on buying a lot of staff. Most of people socialize simply by chatting or hanging out outside the school so that the financial support is unnecessary.
Above all, more financial support to libraries and classes can help colleges improve academic education efficiently. At the same time, cost on social activities is a waste of time and money. Therefore, I hold my opinion that school should provide more support to libraries and classes than sports and social activities!  
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发表于 2015-10-9 12:04:10 |只看该作者
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RE: 第一次练习托福作文求麻烦大家修改! [修改]

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第一次练习托福作文求麻烦大家修改!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1853119-1-1.html
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