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kevinlighterUID: 3572606

这是本人第一次发帖求人改作文，求评分。本人目前大三，在美国留学准备考GRE，希望各位大侠多多指教！
Argument Topic
The state of Lexiana, which imposes a mandatory deposit of 5 cents on all soft drink containers, has very little problem with littering along public highways.  This strongly suggests that for the neighboring state of Indiansin, the best way to prevent any increase in littering is to collect a deposit on all disposable containers.  By collecting this deposit money, Indiansin will be moving to preserve the unspoiled scenery along its public thoroughfares.
Essay:
      The arguer in this argument suggests that the very little problem with littering along highways in Lexiana is about the mandatory deposit in soft drink containers. And he further argues that the state of Indiansin also needs to impose those deposit in order to preserve its scenery. However, this argument is weakened because of the following reasons.
      First and foremost, the arguer fails to build up a strong cause and effect relationship between imposing a deposit on all soft drink and the very little littering highways. Those phenomena appears at the same time in the state of Lexiana, but it’s not mean that they are corelated. After all, soft drink containers are just a part of littering problems. It’s also possible that there are many littering in the public space exclude the highways, or the soft drink are not so popular in Lexiana since its high price and consequently, not much containers littering.
      Moreover, even though there exists a cause and effect relationship between them, a false analogy is used between the state of Lexiana and state of Indiansin. We have the reason to believe that, the neighboring states are very different. In this case, a deposit on Lexiana may be useful in minimize littering, but not in Indiansin. It’s very possible that the state of Indiansin has more littering problems in tissue or plastic bag instead of soft drink container, or it’s also possible that the people in Indiansin have more money than Lexiana and some doposit on soft drink container does not affect their behavior dealing with such containers. There are too many other factors to consider before we can draw a conclusion that the deposit will work in the littering problems in Indiansin.
      Last but not least, even though there will be some help in the littering problems with deposit in soft drink container, there is a over-generalized problem in the logic of the argument to say that the scenery will become unspoiled again. The scenery becomes unspoiled mean that the environmental problems have solved, but solving the littering problems are not equal to solve all environmental problems. After all, littering is just a part in all environmental problems, and may not be the most severe part. It’s highly possible that there are many factories spoiling the scenery now, contaminating the water and trees, or it also has a possibility that the scenery having been spoiled can not be unspoiled again. In those cases, imposing a deposit on soft drink container can not preserve the scenery unspoiled.
      In all, the argument needs to give a strong relationship between mandatory deposit and good highway environment in Lexiana, and needs to present similar situation between Lexiana and Indiansin, with the needs to prove all the environmental problems are just littering problems in Indiansin to make argument stronger.

brooksideUID: 3627142

作文版有版主还是专家啥的专门帮人看作文，发那边去吧。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

欢迎来作文版 另外 楼主这道题是真题么 怎么没见过