[ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩)

zhen2016gUID: 3710673

若如此 发表于 2016-5-19 12:55
写一篇文章近一个小时.
童鞋你写了几篇AW了? 我刚开始也是1小时左右, 不过后来写多了就好了, 关键要掐时 ...

谢谢版主的回复，嗯，确实现在我尽量在改变这种思维模式，不然到时候真的写不完，现在还是要50分钟写一篇，不过每天尽量都写，希望慢慢能变好

桑茉UID: 3639839

谢谢分享

luoyuhuitsUID: 3717871

1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）

我的问题是 思路难找 一般想好得5分钟左右 然后开始写了时候自己感觉的论据会有些不扣主体 时间也卡的不好 写篇500+文章在四十分钟左右
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:

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我写的是ISSUE 4： Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.（Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.）
1.   我不同意这个观点 因为scandal只是满足了人们扭曲的好奇心 而并未带来什么真正的效用 相反 其对社会变革以及scandal的受害者有坏处 一个challenging的idea是 However,people may argue that under election,we need adequate scandals so that the people we choose to vote for is trustworthy,I remain conservative about this arguments because I think scandals are always can’t be adequate.
2.   这一段应该算挺差的 我感觉没有具体谈及对个人的坏处。。。In addition to the great loss of the vague scandal can bring to the society ,the victim of the scandal ,will suffer greater loss.Almost every popular scandal are targeted at public figure because they can catch more attention from the public,consequently,bring more hits count and boost the sales of journals.Bulid a good name ,is not easy ,it relies on good personality and tons of public relation work,etc.Ironically,to destroy a good fame,it’s way easy,sometimes you just need a picture of someone taking drugs or posting indecent behavior.As every rational person should know,those claimed public figure are no diifferent to us ,they have unacceptable sides too.Even so,when it comes to these people ,we all tend to treat them unjustly and dig into every weaknesses they have.With such pressure,many public figure suffer from bipolar ,depression and etc.
3. 自我分析觉得存在的问题：
  写的太慢 以及没什么料这应该也是写的太慢的原因之一吧

若如此UID: 3649064

luoyuhuits 发表于 2016-5-30 21:26
1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

500+ 40min

你觉得这500多是不是真的都是表达到位/ 凝练了? 有没有很多废话/ 套话?

亦或者: 是不是真的需要500+ , 多写干货少废话会不会时间不用那么长?

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

luoyuhuits 发表于 2016-5-30 21:26
1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

这是一道比较冷门且不太好写的题目 我不建议初学者直接写这一道题
写GRE作文乃至任何作文的基本原则是想清楚自己的立场和思路再动笔写全文
感觉你都没有想好就勉强写 这样不利于你的复习进度

『我不同意这个观点 因为scandal只是满足了人们扭曲的好奇心』 建议用英语写一个thesis statement  需要回应题目的内容 题目的关键词是attention  你的观点里也应该有attention

另外 这种比较难的题目 建议直接借鉴我的范文的思路和内容 换成自己的话和自己的例子就可以了
  

混混学霸UID: 3670203

不好意思。参照要求重新改了下：

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1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好

大学的时候考过，现在都过期了。当时老G的作文是3分。

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）

写的时候一脸懵逼。issue 33 按照王老师的思路写。写知识对于普通大众来说，具备知识世界变得更加全面了。想写这种知识是作为主流的一种，但是展开的话会不会偏题呢？

写的是ISSUE 33(109)，

33 As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

109 Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.

观点立场是：
With more knowledge, is the world more perplexed or more understandable? It depends on who are applying them and for what reason.

TS1：For ordinary people, knowledge demonstrate many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge accepted and perceived from mainstream media or learned from textbooks in school, have penetrated into our daily life. 举例：史前人们将打雷解释为雷神发怒。爱因斯坦发布相对论，解释了下他对航天的应用；对日常生活的影响，孩子想要成为航天员。

TS2：However, for scientists, knowledge is like one key, a link in a chain. Knowledge reveals more problems: deep innate plausible reasons and discovering predicted outcomes. 还是举的相对论的例子。爱因斯坦1915年发布相对论，预测了引力波。给物理学家们带来了无数难题：experiments should be designed, new module in which test data can be accommodated is urge to be established, as well as tests to invalidate some hypothesis.直到2016年。更糟的的是，在这个过程中，都可能出现分歧的观点，一方无法说服另一方。

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自我分析：一个论点后面的分论点展开不是很熟练

若如此UID: 3649064

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-6 08:47
不好意思。参照要求重新改了下：

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请你给出一段你觉得有问题的段落(全篇), 分析下自己的问题是在哪里, 不太熟练有点泛

混混学霸UID: 3670203

想写 对于普通大众来说，knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到，板上钉钉；是结论性的事实，可以帮助了解世界。对于科学家来说，knowledge带来很多问题，需要深入研究。

对于普通大众来说，后面分论点不知道怎么展开？如果花几个句子阐述从教科书上学到的是怎么样的知识，是不是偏题了？

这一段我是这么写的：

For ordinary people, knowledge explain many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge learned from textbooks in school, adovocated through publications, TV as mainstream in repective field, reshape our perspective toward the world and make the latter more understandable. In prehistoric, for example, thunder showed rants of thunderman. Now, with knowledge, it is just one ordinary natural weather. Human are not scare of it anymore, instead thunder has been applied to understand the electricity. In physical science, take “general relativity ” of Einstein for example. Relativity is one reason that mass and energy can be converted into each other, which is how nuclear power plants work, and why the sun shines. The theroy can also explain the pinpoint accuracy of GPS navigation in your cars and mobile phones. Euipped with knowledge, the world is more accessible.

一念永恒笔趣阁UID: 3724770

支持支持！！！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-6 15:02
想写 对于普通大众来说，knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到，板上钉钉；是结论性的事实，可以帮助了解世界 ...

写英语文章不比写汉语。写汉语心里想什么就写出来，八九不离十。英语呢，我们的母语不是英语，不可能随心所欲的表达。也不能翻译，翻译出来的东西必定惨不忍睹。唯一能做的就是通过阅读学习和模仿比较地道的表达。
你写的这些表达显然是自己编出来的，而不是根据自己的阅读的文字来模仿的，所以就呵呵了。
另外，你选的例子明显不是普通人的知识啊。

混混学霸UID: 3670203

谢谢老师的指导。我下个月初考好捉急。

若如此UID: 3649064

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-8 21:08
谢谢老师的指导。我下个月初考好捉急。

还有差不多一个月, 慢慢来, 一天一篇, 自己修改, 思考不足之处.

混混学霸UID: 3670203

想写 对于普通大众来说，knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到，板上钉钉；是结论性的事实，可以帮助了解世界。对于科学家来说，knowledge带来很多问题，需要深入研究。

对于普通大众来说，后面分论点不知道怎么展开？如果花几个句子阐述从教科书上学到的是怎么样的知识，是不是偏题了？

这一段我是这么写的(改后)：

For ordinary people, knowledge explain many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge learned from textbooks in school, adovocated through publications, TV as mainstream in repective field, reshape our perspective toward the world and make the latter more understandable. In prehistoric, for example, thunder showed rants of thunderman. Now, with knowledge, it is just one ordinary natural weather. Human are not scare of it anymore, instead thunder has been applied to understand the electricity. In physical science, take “general relativity ” of Einstein for example. Relativity is one reason that mass and energy can be converted into each other, which is how nuclear power plants work, and why the sun shines. The theroy can also explain the pinpoint accuracy of GPS navigation in your cars and mobile phones. Euipped with knowledge, the world is more accessible.

AngelyyyUID: 3625119

6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考，Verbal跪的厉害，AWA刚写，时间太紧6.26考试，不求文采主攻内容。

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
我没有弃疗……只是因为Magoosh不提供批改，想求大神帮提建议求提升~
1. 全文中心论点
题：Universities should require students to take courses only within those fields they are interested in studying.
主段：Many people may hold the point of view that the University students need to get the best education.However,students has there rights to choose the directions they want,anybody except themselves can do this.Moreover,to a part of students,focus on the courses they like will benefit them most,but to the other part,things are opposite.
分段主旨1：To the students who are major in science or other subjects that needs long hard concentration to investigate,it's better to take the courses they like.
分段主旨2：On the other hand,the students who are halfhearted in study is better to learn more courses that help them grow well.
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 ) To the students who are major in science or other subjects that needs long hard concentration to investigate,it's better to take the courses they like.Otherwise,they may be affected by other things which useless and timewasting for them so that they can't get good grades in their own field.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
速度慢，对英语的积累不够
这篇是模考的时候30min写的，只写了280多字……很尴尬

AngelyyyUID: 3625119

Argument（据楼主说要重新开一贴，于是我就很乖的开了）

6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考，Verbal跪的厉害，AWA刚写，时间太紧6.26考试，不求文采主攻内容。

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
我没有弃疗……只是因为Magoosh不提供批改，想求大神帮提建议求提升~
1. 全文中心论点
题：Recent incursions by deep-sea fisherman into the habitat of the Madagascan shrimp have led to a significant reduction in the species population. With the breeding season fast approaching, the number of shrimp should soon begin to increase. Nonetheless, the population should not return to the levels before the fishing boats arrived. Because this trend is expected to continue over the next several years, the Madagascan shrimp will quickly become an endangered species.
驳点1：According to material,the time of the reduction of Madagascan shrimp is after the arrival of deep-sea fisherman,and the approaching increase will be during the breeding season.And the author hold the point of view that the reason of shrimp's reduction is the fisherman's incursions.
驳论1:However,the temperature,the sunlight,the adversary of shrimps,as well as the food of shrimps all can be the factors leading to the reduction of one creature specie.As the result,the reason from the author can't be solid enough to convince.
驳点2：Moreover,the author brought the consequence that the Madagascan shrimp will be an endangered species.
驳论2：On the contrary,there is big possibility for us to hold the idea that they might return the amount as origin after the breeding season.As the material mentioned,the number of shrimp has reduced once,so that the fisherman will consider this and might slow their pace to wait the breeding season's increase.We can't dismiss the possibility that the fisherman are experienced enough and have the sense.Meanwhile,as for the shrimp family themselves,they will take measures to maintain their existence.So it's very likely to see the baby boom in the Madagascan shrimp habitat.
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 ) According to material,the time of the reduction of Madagascan shrimp is after the arrival of deep-sea fisherman,and the approaching increace will be during the breeding season.And the auther hold the point of view that the reason of shrimp's reduction is the fisherman's invcursions.However,the temperature,the sunlight,the adversary of shrimps,as well as the food of shrimps all can be the factors leading to the reduction of one creature specie.As the result,the reason from the auther can't be solid enough to convince.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
老问题
这篇是模考的时候30min写的，要比issue多几个字，200多……尴尬