[ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩)

若如此UID: 3649064

目标AW4.0 甚至4.0+的童鞋们 赶紧看过来~
超级超级值得一试的AW诊断贴 出来啦!!  大牛出马 ---- 人气嘉宾AW满分帝王老师  针对你的AW问题一一指点, 量身定制, 根据个人基础和水平, 提供专属建议. 让你在面对AW不再弃疗!
书店中琳琅满目的AW书籍，质量参差不齐, 各说各的AW写作方法. 王老师的6分博客以及一系列资料虽然很高质量, 但是面对广大群众, 并不太具备针对性. 这次, 王老师为你 把把脉, 提出针对建议!
本次除了王老师之外，还有多位高分斑竹倾情赞助~

王老师寄语:

我想来这个帖子留言的同学 最好还是先通读一遍我的博客 包括博客上可以下载的两个PDF  其实认真读那些材料 并尝试按照上面的指引去做 这个过程是很痛苦的 因为里面的很多内容可能跟你之前学的英语作文不太一样  

但是 如果你没有耐心去读那些帖子的话 你发到这里来的东西 我很大可能就是重复我以前博客里讲过的内容 这是很无聊的一件事

我很希望大家读完我的博客里的范文和提纲之后 受到一些启发 思考和尝试动笔写之后 再来这里提问
另外我的博客里还有一些楼层有之前的高分版友的经验 也是值得关注的

总的来说 写作是很困难的  大部分人都写不好 无论是母语还是英语
但是文明就是人通过文字所构建出来的
扯得远了 留一个链接分享我的近作
https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/21353215

参加要求( 满足下列条件者之一可以参加我们的诊断哦~):
(1) 已经考过G, 对AW分数不太满意, 想要更高的
(2) 没考过G, 但是知道AW的基本方法, 已经限时 ( 50min以内) 且独立写过完整Issue / Argument 各两篇以上

最后有一个必备的要求哦(所有参与的同学): 能坚持每天花费至少一小时的时间准备AW( 不管是限时写作还是打提纲)
如果不符合要求的同学, 不要灰心, 不要弃疗, 仍有得救( 这里若如此弱弱地说, 他每天花2个小时准备AW, 三个星期之后带着300多个字和N多拼写错误的AW拿了3.5 =_=, 童鞋们一定不要弃疗!!!!)

对于仍未入门的童鞋, 请看这里~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1947486-1-1.html 可耐的浩克版主倾情归总的AW版的所有资料,  来来来,千万别错过哦~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html 实力大牛王老师的6分blog, 走过路过一定要看过~
然后自己独立写出完整的AW后, 找到自己的问题, 就可以过来诊断了~

基本规则：

在本帖下面回复“某月某日占楼”，向我们介绍你的基本情况。理论上应该是信息越多，我们越能更好的提建议哦。


1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好


2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
是什么问题让你对AW弃疗呢? 是你觉得写的字数太少了吗? 论证不充分? 例子太少? 写的时候一脸懵逼?来来来, 详细复述你对AW的感觉和问题, 给我们更多的information~
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题


最后的最后, 请各位诊断完的版友 AW 出分后及时反馈下,谢谢( 前提是每天都有投入一定时间在AW上 )

版友们赶紧来吧~

-------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------

各位得到诊断的版友AW出分后请及时反馈下, 看看是否达到了你的理想分数, 也能够让我们的活动及时调整, 谢谢!

sabayon12345UID: 3571333

第一个吗~~4月16日占楼~
1、去年十二月份考过G,分数3.5，托福以前24分
2、许多比较复杂深刻的题目想不出具有逻辑的连贯的论证，或者只能相出一两个小点，无法建立论点之间的联系。论据缺乏，不能完整支撑论点。且语言表达吃力，很多时候想说的话没有很好的表达出来。

AW
82.Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
1.第一段就按照王老师方法引题加论点。
第二段写实施这个建议对学校和学生都有经济上的负担。学校需要大量的资金支持，势必会影响学校其他服务和设施的支出，像是图书馆的书籍更新和教学楼的维修管理等。而对于学生则生活费的负担问题，许多学生都无法负担国外的生活费支出或者觉得这样的支出不值得。
第三段是写出国读书有很多种目的，如果是为了某些不可代替的原因如体验不一样的校园生活和国外文化，则这样的出国项目有帮助
第四段写但是大部分出国读书可以得到的，在现在网络社会也可以得到，比如公开课等，不必非得去国外才行。
最后一段结尾总结
2.However, as for students who take studying abroad as a chance to experience a new method of teaching or learn a new education system, it really can be replaced. In the era of the Internet, being in a foreign class is no more expensive. You can go into different classes in countries around the world by simply opening the Internet Explorer or Chrome, entering the website of Coursera and clicking one of the many courses it provides. How convenient and efficient. They don't have to worry the money problem and bother to get a visa.
3、问题是首先文章架构不是很好，第三四两段其实应该是一点，但是当时由于字数上的考虑认为分成两段，显得有点混乱。也有一个原因就是想不出第三个论点，只好把一个拆成两个用。还有就是第四段的论述不是很充分，对于替代方案的描述单调，不够深入。
希望老师能给我提供一些建议和指导~也期待和G友们一起努力~谢谢各位~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sabayon12345 发表于 2016-4-16 20:28
第一个吗~~4月16日占楼~
1、去年十二月份考过G,分数3.5，托福以前24分
2、许多比较复杂深刻的题目想不出具 ...

没太看明白你的1 2 3分别是什么
1是提纲么 但是没有看到你的整体观点 只有中间段的分论点
2的一段英文是什么？
按照1+3模型
TS (pt1, pt2, pt3)
ts (pt1)
ts (pt2)
ts (pt3)  

你按这个格式写四句话试试  

sabayon12345UID: 3571333

tesolchina 发表于 2016-4-23 20:13
没太看明白你的1 2 3分别是什么
1是提纲么 但是没有看到你的整体观点 只有中间段的分论点
2的一段英文 ...

就是按照楼主所规定的回帖的格式呀，

请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的: 1. 每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 不必全篇贴出)  2. 你觉得最需要改进的完整一段 3. 自我分析认为存在的问题

按照老师的要求写四句话是：
TS:I will first consider the financial cost of conducting such policy making studying abroad a requirement for all the students. Then the purpose of spending one semester in a foreign country will be discussed in order to judge whether the policy is necessary.
ts1:To begin with, the financial cost of adopting such requirement is a problem both for universities and students.
ts2:Some students want to learn a foreign culture, sharpen a foreign language skill or an experience a different type of campus life. Those are the purposes that studying abroad can serve.
ts3:However, as for students who take studying abroad as a chance to experience a new method of teaching or learn a new education system, it really can be replaced
其实2，3两点算是一个一点，但是练习的时候想不起来还能写出哪一点所以就把一段分成了两段不知道可不可以>_<
谢谢老师的指导！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sabayon12345 发表于 2016-4-25 19:51
就是按照楼主所规定的回帖的格式呀，
按照老师的要求写四句话是：
TS:I will first consider the finan ...

你的主旨句只是在做signposting 并没有提出自己的观点  也就是到底同意还是不同意
没有明确的观点这篇文章就废掉了  

sabayon12345UID: 3571333

tesolchina 发表于 2016-4-25 21:58
你的主旨句只是在做signposting 并没有提出自己的观点  也就是到底同意还是不同意
没有明确的观点这篇文 ...

观点是不同意~谢谢老师提醒，下次要把观点也挑明~

winnersjtvxqUID: 3585133

2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW，但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛，比赛成绩全校第一，按这个水平来说，应该还是可以的?

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
目前感觉我的AW有一个致命问题，打字速度和脑袋跟不上，应该是不能一心二用，单独打字速度可以，单独写作速度也可以。整个30分钟下来，就能写出300+ word，而且写作的时候，就算自己已经列出提纲了，写着写着就觉得自己不能再follow提纲继续写下去，思路会改动，这一改动就又完了，时间更不够了。

请提供一篇AW:
Issue: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
1. 全文中心论点 :Technology is not necessarily deteriorate human’s capacity of thinking by themselves.
TS1: People could grasp knowledges more rapidly with technology. 论据是因特网带来的便利。即使是远在中国的学生，通过网络，也能很快接触到美国最新的科技成果。
TS2: Technology not only can help us in master known world, but also ascend into realms beyond reach. 论据是：人们利用科技更快地完成以前很耗时的工作，节约下来的时间可以用来探索未知世界。比如说农业机械化时代，农学家可以把精力花在育种和探索生命奥秘上，而不仅是着眼于天气，水利。
TS3: Admittedly, there are chances that some people rely too much on technology and reject to think, thus their capability of thinking would be destroyed. However, I would say it is laziness that destroy a man, not technology. 论证反面段落，具体例子没能举出来。
2. 你觉得最需要改进的完整一段
TS3： Admittedly, there are chances that some people rely too much on technology and reject to think, thus their capability of thinking would be destroyed. However, I would say it is laziness that destroy a man, not technology. Will you expect a man who is unwilling to think with plethora of resource would think without new ideas prodding on their back? It is human nature to explode unknown kingdoms. New technology can help vanguard pacing the way to the promising land.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
我的语法似乎存在比较严重的问题，会花很多时间去把自己的观点变成一个通顺的句子。还有我的举例论证，是不是应该围绕着例子展开分析？而不是先分析，再一句话带上一个例子？

请老师帮我看一看我的问题，还有想问问，考场上紧张的气氛，写作速度一般会变快还是变慢呢？

若如此UID: 3649064

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 10:07
2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW，但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛， ...

因人而异, 有些人考场上就会一片空白, 写得很慢.
有些人就会很激动, 哒哒哒就写完了..
关键是平常心对待,莫紧张,把考试当成一篇练习的作文, 过快过慢都不好

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 10:07
2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW，但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛， ...

语法的问题是基本功  is deteriorate
关于科技的讨论 不能泛泛而谈科技 而要具体讲某种科技  思考的能力也不能泛泛而谈 而要将思考的能力具体化语境化  具体可参考我的示范
段落内句子之间应该是一环扣一环的  
建议你仔细读一下我写的 或者 OG的这道题范文 看看我们如何立论及在段落中展开论述
个人觉得想好写什么比动笔写更重要 没有想好怎么写就急于动笔肯定写不好文章

winnersjtvxqUID: 3585133

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-10 21:10
语法的问题是基本功  is deteriorate
关于科技的讨论 不能泛泛而谈科技 而要具体讲某种科技  思考的能力 ...

那老师您建议在考试前把issue pool的文章都列一遍提纲的做法可取吗？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 21:46
那老师您建议在考试前把issue pool的文章都列一遍提纲的做法可取吗？

1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33<109>, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2)        Human attitudes and behaviors (11<99>, 38, 61, 78, 93, 141)
3) Method of inquiry or development of a field (2, 9, 22<122>, 27, 56, 77, 103, 105<106, 126>, 143)
4) Challenging the authority (17<68>, 18, 21, 23, 42, 65, 66, 89)
5) Leadership (8<111,149>, 16, 50<86,115, 139>, 62, 69, 104<107>, 114, 123, 128)  
6) Disagreement and argument (34, 60<151>, 49<76, 118>, 79<146>)  
7) Evaluating greatness of merit (28<113,120,121,127,145>, 94<147>, 41, 55, 108<110>, 75<84,44>, 30<83>, 144)
8) Curriculum design (6<14, 96, 116>, 13<46, 70, 102, 112, 140, 142>, 40<47, 90>, 54, 82<97, 100, 124>)
9) Choice of major or goals (15<135>, 20<32, 39, 98, 136>, 3<35, 129, 137>, 51<71>
10) Learning and teaching (37, 58, 45<138>, 48<87, 92>, 24<29, 52>, 57, 73, 74<133,134>, 81<95>, 101)
11) Resources allocation (5<117>, 7<80, 88>, 12<25>, 19, 36<72>, 59, 131)   
12) Tradeoff (10 <125, 148>, 119, 31<63, 67>, 53, 85, 130 (150), 152)
除了issue 4 scandal之外，151道issue可以分作12组
这个是我的博士论文的部分成果
低调的在这里分享一下
所以你可以每一组里面挑两道题来准备  也可以准备更多
丰俭由人

winnersjtvxqUID: 3585133

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-11 00:45
1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2) ...

前人种树，后人乘凉，真的非常感谢！

winnersjtvxqUID: 3585133

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-11 00:45
1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2) ...

王老师，我想再打扰一下，您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对，我自己感觉即按照提示写了，也正反面都论证了，不知道从老师专业的眼光来看，是否还可以？有哪些需要改进的地方呢？
写argument我感觉没有issue那么难，写得也较轻松，不知道我是不是自信错了？

argument题目：
"Commuters complain that increased rush-hour traffic on Blue Highway between the suburbs and the city center has doubled their commuting time. The favored proposal of the motorists' lobby is to widen the highway, adding an additional lane of traffic. But last year's addition of a lane to the nearby Green Highway was followed by a worsening of traffic jams on it. A better alternative is to add a bicycle lane to Blue Highway. Many area residents are keen bicyclists. A bicycle lane would encourage them to use bicycles to commute, and so would reduce rush-hour traffic rather than fostering an increase."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


我的文章：
It seems plausible at first glance regarding adding a bicycle lane to Blue Highway in order to reduce its rush-hour traffic. However, there remains some statements which need specific evidences to make this argument valid and invulnerable.

The argument provides as evidence that a worsening of traffic jam on the nearby Green highway after adding a lane to widen the highway, indicating adding an additional lane to Blue highway will not be sufficient to reduce the traffic jams. To better support the argument, evidence is needed comparing the road conditions of Green highway and Blue highway. If detail evidence shows that the extra lane attracted an influx of vehicles to the Green highway, making its traffic condition worsen than ever, while the throughput of Blue highway is fixed, this evidence can surely undermine the argument, because it is obvious that an extra lane can help reducing a part of cars. On the contrary, if the vehicle flux trend on the Blue highway is the same as Green highway, the recommendation would be strengthened.

The argument claims adding an additional bicycle lane can attract people to use bicycles to commute. Regarding the efficiency of bicycle, the distance between the suburb and the city and the time consuming by bike should be provided, to show whether riding bike can reduce the time spend on the road, proving the lane dose attract people to ride bicycles. If the distance between suburbs and the city center is so tremendous as to cost 4 hours to go to work by bike, comparing to 1 hour by cars despite the traffic jam. This argument would be undermined sharply considering even those who are enthusiastic about bicycles would not willing to spend such a long time on the road. However, if the time spend by bicycle is adequate to or less than driving a car, then the evidence could strengthen the argument.

Evidence regarding the number and proportion of residents who are keen bicyclists is also crucial in deciding whether adding a bicycle lane can reduce rush-hour traffic. The argument claims that many area residents are keen bicyclist without specified the exact number and proportion. To understand the validity of this measure, we need to know the whole traffic volume, the exact number and proportion of bicyclist and the percentage of bicyclists who are willing to cycle to work. Providing there are ten thousand vehicles on Blue highway during rush-hour, only 500 of the vehicle owners are bicyclist and few of them is willing riding to work, adding a bicycle lane seems no use under this circumstance. If the entire volume of vehicle is ten thousand, while half of them are keen bicyclist, and all of them are inclined to go to work by bike, then we can surely notify the validity of the argument.

The argument should provide evidences to strengthen its validity. Unless detailed evidences are provided and valued, the argument would falls apart with scrutiny, and adding a bicycle lane would be insufficient solving the traffic problem on Blue Highway.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-11 22:33
王老师，我想再打扰一下，您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对，我自己感觉即按照提示写了，也正 ...

你的文章基本结构和句型都符合题目要求
具体内容可以参考我的博客里的示范 比对一下有没有漏掉重要的攻击点

若如此UID: 3649064

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-11 22:33
王老师，我想再打扰一下，您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对，我自己感觉即按照提示写了，也正 ...

Issue比较灵活, Argument通常有固定的模板, 也就是套路. 你的感觉没错, Argument比Issue好写很多
句式之类的,建议你可以看看王老师的博客,也可以找一找模板, 看看一些套话怎么写较为正式.
不过,个人感觉ETS很注重干货, 主要攻击点不要漏,次要攻击点找到2个就比较合适(一段)