[ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩)

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

若如此 发表于 2016-6-23 12:51
是的, 很多同学只是把这个帖子当作 批改AW的汇总..

我叫过诊断过的同学到时反馈分数, 都没多少人回. 都 ...

这个明显是论坛不及正规学校课程的地方  
缺乏对老师和学生的约束  
你可以看看我去年开的一些帖子 召集了一些同学一起练习 效果还不错
但是我最终并没有从那些活动中拿到有用的数据
所以对我个人来说不算很成功

若如此UID: 3649064

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-23 14:17
这个明显是论坛不及正规学校课程的地方  
缺乏对老师和学生的约束  
你可以看看我去年开的一些帖子 召集 ...

是的, 我看过老师之前的练习贴, 版友的活跃度都不错.

Gter一大优点是无私分享, 一大缺点也是这个.

现在备考GRE的很多都是理工科, 急急忙忙求速成AW, 可惜了, 有些话还是不版聊

也是要谢谢老师的无私贡献, 真的很棒

lilsummer0807UID: 3728534

～～～～～～～～～～～～求指点～～～～～～～～～～～～～
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好

考过老G AW 3.5
写过一些文章。。临场发挥不好

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
是什么问题让你对AW弃疗呢? 是你觉得写的字数太少了吗? 论证不充分? 例子太少? 写的时候一脸懵逼?来来来, 详细复述你对AW的感觉和问题, 给我们更多的information~

临场发挥不好。立论不够精准。


请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
Issue 2:To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Thesis: 基本同意加小让步
I strongly support the idea of studying its major cities in order to understand the important characteristics of a society. However, the value of small cities cannot be ignored.

Supporting 1.
The main reason underlines my position is that major cities are mirrors of the economics of a society.

Supporting 2.
Moreover, because of the large scale of the major cities, one can get a great grasp of all the important cultural characteristics of a society through studying the culture of its big cities.

Opposing1.
However, in the terms of getting to understand a society, small cities are as equally critical as major cities as they provide indispensable diversities in many aspects.



2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )

The main reason underlines my position is that major cities are mirrors of the economics of a society. Big cities bear the majority of the resource for a company to grow, including market, logistics, talents and so on. Large corporations, which are the critical component of a society, usually locate in big cities. For example, the most successful IT company, IBM, choose its headquarter in New York city for its abundance of IT professional, its convenience of logistics and its big opening of the market. One must look into the history of IBM and its relationship with NYC in order to understand the internet economy of the United States.

3. 自我分析认为存在的问题

语言比较贫乏，欠缺逻辑。。。

若如此UID: 3649064

lilsummer0807 发表于 2016-6-25 04:14
～～～～～～～～～～～～求指点～～～～～～～～～～～～～
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者 ...

请问你平时发挥的状态呢? 你给自己打多少分

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

lilsummer0807 发表于 2016-6-25 04:14
～～～～～～～～～～～～求指点～～～～～～～～～～～～～
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者 ...

题目指引需要复制一下
underlines这里应该用现在分词后置 语法才对

题目中有一个关键概念是important characteristics
这个概念其实比较抽象 我的范文里将这个概念具体化了   
The most important characteristics of a society include its political system, economic structure and the public school system.

你的中间段提到economics 但是没有明确将economcis和题目的major characteristics关联起来
事实上你花了不少篇幅讨论大城市里的大公司 但是 真正回应题目的One must look into the history of IBM and its relationship with NYC in order to understand the internet economy of the United States. 这句话并没有展开 所以整段对题目论证的支持并不充分  

lilsummer0807UID: 3728534

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-25 16:26
题目指引需要复制一下
underlines这里应该用现在分词后置 语法才对

多谢，很有启发。

lilsummer0807UID: 3728534

若如此 发表于 2016-6-25 06:03
请问你平时发挥的状态呢? 你给自己打多少分

现在给自己打3分吧

料理小兔UID: 3636210

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-21 20:51
不明白你为什么要在开头段举例子 尤其是举一个考官可能不理解的例子 开头段的在提出问题后要明确地提出观 ...

谢谢老师~我找模板重新写下

yardhuUID: 3504429

1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项，但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套用范文。
2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
没有例子，没有语言，还在积累中ing。。。
看了一段what economics has to do with the law 简直一下子就用上了，可能还要继续看继续积累吧。

请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的: （构思用了很久，有了构思以后，大约40分钟完成，后来又花了20分钟修改了语句但没有大改）
ISSUE46：Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey or resist unjust laws.

1.TS：Given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and that individual rationality often fails the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.
TS1：Self-righteousness cannot be deemed as responsibility in terms of lack of capability and limited resources.  
TS2：The social unrest caused by disobeying the unjust law are not welcomed. This arises when individual interests do not necessarily prove to be integrity in the view of collective interests.
TS3： individuals are not always rational.In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.



2.
最需要改进的一段：
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by relentless propaganda, and individuals are not always rational. “Cultural Revolution” in China serves as an example. During the ten-year suffering event, the laws are all disrespect as government party disclaimed its validity as it is of capitalism opposed to communism justice. This wrecked havoc the society in terms of the economy, culture and politics. Such sad story is the result of a disobeying of “unjust” laws. In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.

3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
语句、逻辑可能还有问题

若如此UID: 3649064

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项，但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

你好童鞋, 不要整篇贴出来哦~ 贴你觉得最需要改进的一段

yardhuUID: 3504429

若如此 发表于 2016-7-8 14:59
你好童鞋, 不要整篇贴出来哦~ 贴你觉得最需要改进的一段

好的，
最需要改进的一段：
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by relentless propaganda, and individuals are not always rational. “Cultural Revolution” in China serves as an example. During the ten-year suffering event, the laws are all disrespect as government party disclaimed its validity as it is of capitalism opposed to communism justice. This wrecked havoc the society in terms of the economy, culture and politics. Such sad story is the result of a disobeying of “unjust” laws. In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.

多谢版主！

若如此UID: 3649064

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 15:03
好的，
最需要改进的一段：
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by  ...

请问你的 AW练习了几篇了? 平均用时是?

yardhuUID: 3504429

若如此 发表于 2016-7-8 15:10
请问你的 AW练习了几篇了? 平均用时是?

我练了两篇issue，平均用时都很长因为才刚刚开始积累素材，想好了以后写的时间大概40-50分钟，argument 还没有看过。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项，但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

Given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and that individual rationality often fails the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.  一般建议比较详细的提出自己的观点而不是简单的说同意或不同意  至于理由倒是可以留到中间段再说
Given that 这个用法挺好  
但是own limited power 这个表达不太明白是什么意思 你想说lack self-control ?  
individual rationality often fails the group rationality 这个也不明白你想说什么

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项，但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

你用的文化大革命的例子 我觉得和题目基本没有关系 文革是一种领袖意志所发起的运动和法律基本没有关系
这道题其实是比较难写的 需要很多法律、政治方面的知识储备  比较简单的方法就是借鉴我的示范里的思路 或者也可以看看其他参考书的提纲