[ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩)

yardhuUID: 3504429

谢谢老师！

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power，没有的情况下（limited power），这不能构成一种义务responsibility。好比一个小孩子不能成为一个小孩子的监护人，因为他没有这个力量，也不应该承担这样的义务。

三种情况就是人的力量不足，人的动机与群众动机（group rationality）不符合，以及个人不能保证理性和正确的时候，我都不同意这个statement。

文革期间政府对个人产生了比较大的思维影响，推崇打破法律制度，不遵守法律，因为那时候人们认为法律是资本主义的东西，是unjust的，说明个人对于just 和unjust 的判断是主观而且受到外界干扰。所以证明了这个statement 在这种情况下我不同意。

我的表达确实不太好

yardhuUID: 3504429

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 16:38
你用的文化大革命的例子 我觉得和题目基本没有关系 文革是一种领袖意志所发起的运动和法律基本没有关系
...

谢谢老师！

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power，没有的情况下（limited power），这不能构成一种义务responsibility。好比一个小孩子不能成为一个小孩子的监护人，因为他没有这个力量，也不应该承担这样的义务。

三种情况就是人的力量不足，人的动机与群众动机（group rationality）不符合，以及个人不能保证理性和正确的时候，我都不同意这个statement。

文革期间政府对个人产生了比较大的思维影响，推崇打破法律制度，不遵守法律，因为那时候人们认为法律是资本主义的东西，是unjust的，说明个人对于just 和unjust 的判断是主观而且受到外界干扰。所以证明了这个statement 在这种情况下我不同意。

文革期间：认为“公民在法律面前一律平等”是“抹杀法律的阶级性”，“同反革命讲平等”；认为“以事实为根据，以法律为准绳”，就是“不要党的政策”，“搞法律孤立主义”；认为强调依法办事，是“法律至上”的资产阶级观点。

我的表达确实不太好

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-9 22:29
谢谢老师！

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power，没有的情况下（limited pow ...

需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解你的观点
你可以同意这句话 但是在陈述观点时最好能将原命题的内容用自己的话复述一下 然后加上理由
这样就可以写出一个比较饱满的主旨句了  

yardhuUID: 3504429

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 22:34
需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解 ...

好的。您看这一段是否算重复了statement
Underlying the claim that individuals should obey the laws selectively according to a self-righteous base is the assumption that individuals are rational enough so as to always turn their selection into efficient outcome. However, given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and individual rationality often fails to justify the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.

yardhuUID: 3504429

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 22:34
需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解 ...

谢谢老师，我感觉我逐渐明白了你的意思，这两个部分我没有分开讨论，因为觉得各有同意和不同意的点说起来好复杂我再参悟一下，另外开头就写原因是因为我整篇文章就是在这三个原因和情况下讨论自己不同意的观点的。

我非常喜欢你的博客！还有你推荐的经济来解释法律的书！谢谢老师

sevenmbjUID: 3691088

7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分，然后也考过雅思是6.5，但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向，所以要求是最好能到5，准备了一周左右也不知道自己的水平到底如何。

2.具体问题
主要是时间问题，一般需要一小时才能达到450字左右，写作过程中感觉自己强迫症很严重，必须要完善每个句子，所以时间很拖延。

另外具体来说Argument和issue都习惯于在每段开头把所有观点列出，这样的话导致后面分论点的展开可能出现重复问题，因此不知道是不是段首句应该在宏大一点。另外就是三段大的观点比较容易想出，但分论点的提出比较难，应该是展开和例子的累积不够？

3. 请提供一篇AW

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

1. 中心论点：Although it is undeniable that the availability of jobs do matters in making determination on the field of study, I think that inner desire is of the most significance.

TS1：On personal level, as in most cases people are likely to do jobs relevant to their field of study in university for a considerably long period and even for the whole life, interests and talents contribute to their passion being maintained, curiosity being continued and capability being ensured.
TS2：On societal level, the advance of a healthy society requires eminent people in a variety of field of study rather than merely those so-called prevailing areas.
TS3: However, though I support the argument that college students are supposed to weigh their intrinsic preference over job availability, the statement indicating that talents and interests are the only things to be focused goes beyond rations.

因为是第一次参加评分，所以也把全文贴出，希望如果王老师有时间的话能看下除论证逻辑外，是否在语言方面能有所提高，以及想要拿到5分还需要做出怎样的努力！谢谢！

The intensive competition in job market has aroused dispute on the choice of field of study in universities. Talents ad interests are emphasized by many people, claiming that college students are supposed to adhere to their heart when decide on their majors. While on the contrary, the serious reality make the others suggest the students to be more practical and focus more on areas which are welcomed by the employers. Although it is undeniable that the availability of jobs do matters in making determination on the field of study, I think that inner desire is of the most significance.

On personal level, as in most cases people are likely to do jobs relevant to their field of study in university for a considerably long period and even for the whole life, interests and talents contribute to their passion being maintained, curiosity being continued and capability being ensured. The opposite view taking the practical needs as the measurements ignored the emotional factors which are essential to boost people’s potentials. That is to say, interest affects a lot when a student is learning his favorite discipline and stimulates him to devote to researching and exploring, while the same person might easily give up undesired course in front of obstacles even if occupations relating to it are in great need. Meanwhile, both in scholarship and employment process, ability to apprehend related knowledge and obtain critical skills is the key element in measuring people, without talents, students must make extra endeavors to cacth up their gifted classmates, and some of they may even eventually fail in becoming the top one. Seldom people like Leanardo da Vinci are adept at every area, as a result, to be outstanding in job market is on the basis of dedicating to the field of study which is personally loved and appropriate.   

On societal level, the advance of a healthy society requires eminent people in a variety of field of study rather than merely those so-called prevailing areas. Students studying chemistry may find that few jobs are available in those professional companies, while research institutions, medicine factories and universities are open to any passionated graduates. Similarly, some fields of study, like sociology, seems irrelevant to any specific positions, whereas students foster capability in logic reasoning, critical thinking and creativity in their study, which in turn helps them postrude among their peers in interviews. In addition, the availability of jobs is not immutable. Taking economics, which is definitely the most respected, the wealthiest and the most welcomed field of study regarded by many people, as the instance, although students learning it are indeed popular in employment when the economy is prosperous, they cannot survive the period when economic deflation comes, stock market plumps and they get dismissed.

However, though I support the argument that college students are supposed to weigh their intrinsic preference over job availability, the statement indicating that talents and interests are the only things to be focused goes beyond rations. For the students, they are hard to truly define their interests and talents, both of which are changeable and abstract respectively. Moreover, the high unemployment rate should not be ignored and the promising career future comes from integration of evaluation on self-capacity and position absences. The two arguments both go towards extremity, leading college students neglecting balance on dreams and reality.

In conclusion, talents and interests must primarily evalued in terms of selecting a field of study, considering its stimulating function and versatility requirement. While the college students are not supposed to disregard the reality In fact, as college students are unaware of how to combine their hobbies and potentials to the need of job market, education institutions especially universities are responsible to be the guide, enabling them make great choice for their bright future.        

若如此UID: 3649064

sevenmbj 发表于 2016-7-25 22:10
7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分，然后也考过雅思是6.5，但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向 ...

童鞋你好, 请你贴出你觉得最需要改进的一段, 请不要 全文贴出 哦~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

sevenmbj 发表于 2016-7-25 22:10
7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分，然后也考过雅思是6.5，但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向 ...

从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读的英语来模仿比较合适的表达 我感觉这是很多同学英语写不好的关键所在 也就是还处于无知者无畏的阶段  
比如arouse dispute  比如 claiming that  比如while on the contrary 这些表达你在自己阅读过的英语里如果没有见过就敢写出来  这只能说明离成熟的英语表达还差的太远  

至于内容 TS3的however就已经暴露出立场不一致的问题  全文缺乏整合的观点
而从社会的角度来讨论时已经和原题讨论的问题脱节了  
这道题的核心是个人兴趣与就业前景的权衡  这两个考虑都是从个人出发的  不太确定从社会来考虑会有很好的论证

无论语言表达还是内容  我都建议全面模仿我的范文 先模仿十篇再来尝试自己构建思路
语言表达方面 可以看看我的博客46楼 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=4#pid1778919180

三面夏薇UID: 3691163

1. 个人基础
考过两次G，作文都是3分，心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155，另外六级579，考研英语79

2. 具体问题（highly recommended）
具体问题就是写作的时候要想很长时间，动笔的时候写的也很慢。这个问题在以前写中文作文的时候也有，就是落不了笔，写的很慢，字数也写不多。。。。。第一次考G的时候基本上用1+3模型中间段每段写了两句话，第二次考的时候中间段每段多写了一句（大概每段3句话= =），总之就是写不粗来，时间不够，中间段写不长。

请提供一篇AW
22.Claim: The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.       
Reason: Heroes and role models reveal a society's highest ideals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. However, I strongly disagree with the statement that the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of its heroes or its role models because heroes are often chosen in an accidental way and they can only represent a small sample of the society. In my opinion, the best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society.

ts1
Some people may be chosen as heroes and role models accidentally and their character cannot reveal the character of a society. 这段举了个老师保护被绑架学生后被尊为英雄的例子，但是她的行为其实只是出于偶然，这个例子考场上木有时间展开写。。。。
ts2
The amount of the heroes and role models in a society is small, which means the character of heroes may only reflects the character of a small sample of the society.忘了考场是是怎么展开的了，应该写的话不多
ts3
The best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society. 举例通过了解庆祝的节日、传颂的故事来理解一个社会的character
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
在有限的时间内中间段无法展开写，可能是因为缺乏干货，练的也比较少。。。。

sevenmbjUID: 3691088

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-27 00:13
从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读 ...

好的，谢谢老师。在写作的时候的确是比较模式化以及比较随意的过程，看的gre相关写作范文也比较少，会看过老师的建议后改进！

sevenmbjUID: 3691088

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-27 00:13
从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读 ...

但是有个小小的问题，您提出我的第三段however显示出立场不一致的观点，但是包括很多参考书以及我自己认为partially agree/disagree 会比较适合，而且issue中only这些词语的出现可能会比较极端，这样的情况下应该怎样表达自己并不是完全赞同呢

若如此UID: 3649064

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-7-28 14:45
1. 个人基础
考过两次G，作文都是3分，心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155，另外六级579，考研英语79
...

同学, 你觉得最需要改进的一段呢?

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-7-28 14:45
1. 个人基础
考过两次G，作文都是3分，心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155，另外六级579，考研英语79
...

There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. However, I strongly disagree with the statement that the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of its heroes or its role models because heroes are often chosen in an accidental way and they can only represent a small sample of the society. In my opinion, the best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society.
就你的主旨句来说一下
这类题目是 claim + reason  
问的是多大程度上同意claim和reason

你的主旨句是 同意reason 但是不同意 claim  然后提出claim的修改版  
这样写的问题是 前面对reason的认同 和后面对claim的否定之间可能出现矛盾 这个矛盾如何解决？
另外前面对reason的讨论和后面对claim的修改之间基本是脱节的 这样你这篇文章就失去了整合性和连贯性  

所以你需要重新考虑立论  

三面夏薇UID: 3691163

tesolchina 发表于 2016-8-3 09:23
There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. H ...

谢谢老师指点，如果我写作分数低最主要的问题是立论有问题的话，那接下来的解决办法是把您的范文都看一遍再练笔吗？之前因为时间紧张只看了高频的前25道题范文，看来是应该把所有的都看一遍。

若如此UID: 3649064

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-8-13 14:32
谢谢老师指点，如果我写作分数低最主要的问题是立论有问题的话，那接下来的解决办法是把您的范文都看一遍 ...

个人建议: 每个主题看1~2篇, 并不需要全部看完. 而且练习一篇看一篇, 每篇写3次( 第一次自己写, 第二次看完后再写, 第三次再再看完后再写) 比较有效果