issue51 认真修改过的第一篇，恳请指正，谢谢！

海边女巫UID: 159476

issue51:Education will be truly effictive only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual instead of providing common curriculum for all students.I agree insofar as some curriculas designed for the individual would serve useful purposes for any student.At the same time,however,certain foundamentals of learn should be furnished.Otherwise,the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly,education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all,every individual is a little different from every other individual, not alone in his general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of discipline will eradicate them. Secondly,giving different curriculum to expectional students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information about the student's  progress to parents and to student.Third, how can a child who is musically gifted ever see those gifts come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it?

Besides,as a graduate student of psychology,my understanding lies  interest is the best teacher of students.When study is a pleasure , life is joy ; When study is duty , life is slavery . if work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it. However hard he may work at it, the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held.Individual effort is impossible without individual interest. There can be no such thing as a subject which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind. For supporting examples, one need look no further to Einstein,who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school ,but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects.First of all,a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive,and even thrive,such as tolerance of orthers with different opinions,and respect for others.In addition,the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed,productive members of our society.Thus,by helping student develop a thoughtful,principled value system,educators actually help prepare students for finding their  potential interests and talents.

In sum,the speaker's claim overstate the importance of education specifically disigned,at least to some extent.The optimal approach,in my view,is a balanced one that imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student.The two are not mutually exclusive.

六翼小宇UID: 162533

issue51:Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a (an) education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual instead of providing common curriculum for all students. I agree insofar as some curriculas (curricula) designed for the individual would serve useful purposes for any student. At the same time, however, certain foundamentals (fundamentals) of learn (learning) should be furnished. Otherwise, the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.
(建议用word检查一下拼写错误，wps有的检查不出来)

Admittedly, education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all, every individual is a little different from every other individual, 这句不顺，改一下not alone in his general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of discipline will eradicate them  Secondly, giving different curriculum to expectional (exceptional ) students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information about the student's(去掉students) progress to parents and to students. Third, how can a child who is musically gifted 感觉不好，换成who has great intelligence in music ever see those  gifts come to fruition without any access to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it?
这段论证不错
Besides, as a graduate student of psychology, my understanding lies interest is the best teacher of students. When study is a pleasure , life is joy ; When study is duty, life is slavery.前面加个There is an adage that…如何?显得客观一点  If work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it.Students cannot put their best efforts on study without interests and passions. However hard he may work at it,不顺 the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held. 是不是没有真心投入就没有成果的意识？主观or 客观？Individual effort is impossible without individual interest. There can be no such thing as a subject which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind. For supporting examples, one need look no further to Einstein, who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school ,but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.
这段还可以
Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects. First of all, a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive，and even thrive, such as tolerance of others with different opinions, and respect for others. In addition, the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed？, productive 好像不好members of our society. Thus, by helping student develop a thoughtful, principled value system, educators actually help prepare students for finding their potential interests and talents.
这一段是你论证的重点，应该加强
In sum,  the speaker's claim overstate the importance of education specifically designed, at least to some extent. The optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student. The two are not mutually exclusive.


个人水平有限，讨论一下吧
有空看看我的issue114
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=204910

归零UID: 130624

issue51:Education will be truly effictive only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a (an) education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual instead of providing common curriculum for all students. I agree insofar as some curriculas (curricula) designed for the individual would serve (provide) useful purposes for any student. At the same time, however, certain foundamentals (fundamentals) of learn (learning) should be furnished. (这里用furnish不知道是否合适，个人建议改为：At the same time, indeed, certain fundamental knowledge would be necessary as well. 使用indeed因为上下句并不是完全的转折，全部的课程中应该有一部分基础类的应加以重视，使用递进似乎更好) Otherwise, the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly, education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all, every (去掉every，重复) individual is a little different from every other individual, (First of all, individuals are different from each other,)not alone in his(their) general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of discipline will eradicate them (指代不清，改为the pertinence更好). Secondly, giving different curriculum to expectional (exceptional ) students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information(去掉information) about the student's(去掉student’s) progress to parents and to student(+s). Third, how can a child who is musically gifted ever see those (those=>such) gifts come to fruition without access(+ing) to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it?

Besides, as a graduate student of psychology, my understanding lies interest is the best teacher of students. (最好不要引用主观性强的论据，如专业思想等等，本句可直接改为Besides, with the understanding lies interest in the best teacher of students, )When study is a pleasure , life is joy ; When study is duty, life is slavery. If work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it.(有些别扭) However(No matter how) hard he may work at it, the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held. (没看懂。)Individual effort is impossible without individual interest. There can be no such thing as a subject which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind. For supporting examples, one need look no further to Einstein, who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school ,but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.(好)

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects. First of all, a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive，and even thrive, such as tolerance of orthers with different opinions, and respect for others. In addition, the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed, productive members of our society. Thus, by helping student develop a thoughtful, principled value system, educators actually help prepare students for finding their potential interests and talents.

In sum, (to some extent,) the speaker's claim overstate(+s) the importance of education specifically designed, at least to some extent. The optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student. The two are not mutually exclusive.

建议：
1．        缩减第二、三段，丰富最后一段，将针对兴趣出发和针对基础教育两个分论点在最后一段重申一边。
2．        避免使用过于主观的内容在例证部分
3．        整个名人名言啥的开头，效果会好些
4．        注意避免重复概念，比如“every individual”,“repeat again”等等。
5．        在长句中尽量少使用it, them等代词，本身我们对长句就欠缺把握，可以使用同义词。
6．        在指代前句中提及到的事物时，使用such而不用that 或 those
7．        作为处女作，本文已相当出色，回想当年吾之开山作品，不由得羞愧。望楼主再接再厉。  

个人意见，仅供参考。

HellmanUID: 161973

issue51:Education will be truly effictive only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual instead of providing common curriculum for all students.I agree insofar as some curriculas designed for the individual would serve useful purposes for any student.At the same time,however,（at the same time 和however都有转折的意思，只能用一个）certain foundamentals of learn should be furnished.Otherwise,the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term[U][B]（in a long range会否好点？）.[/B] [/U]  

Admittedly,education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all,every individual is a little different from every other individual（every other individual变成others简洁很多）, not alone in his general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of discipline will eradicate them. Secondly,giving different curriculum to expectional students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information about the student's progress to parents and to student.Third, how can a child who is musically gifted ever see those gifts come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it（some exposure to it感觉有点别扭）?

Besides,as a graduate student of psychology,my understanding lies interest is the best teacher of students（lies和is两个谓语？）.When study is a pleasure , life is joy ; When[[B][U]when[/U] [/B] ] study is duty , life is slavery . if work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it. However hard he may work at it（at it去掉）, the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held（where it is not held这个分句不懂，整句不太通顺）.Individual effort is impossible without individual interest（这句不好，原意估计是对没有兴趣的东西，不会尽力，所以不能成功）. There can be no such thing as a subject which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind（such thing 指代不明，整句拗口，which后面的分句没有主语）. For supporting examples, one need look no further to Einstein,who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school ,but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.
（这段段首没有明确的主题句）

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects.First of all,a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive,（这里断开另起新句谈会好点，否则后面到respect for others是病句）and even thrive,such as tolerance of orthers with different opinions,and respect for others.In addition,the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed,productive members of our society.Thus,by helping student develop a thoughtful,principled value system,educators actually help prepare students for finding their potential interests and talents.（educators 到最后这半句有问题，help prepare...for...？）

In sum,the speaker's claim overstate the importance of education specifically disigned,at least to some extent.The optimal approach,in my view,is a balanced one （改用balance会好点）that（用了that，后面是从句，可是只有一个imposes...） imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student.The two are not mutually exclusive.

主体还不错，假如再将individual and interests 过头的危害写上就好了

我贴了A40，帮我look look...
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=205117

阿秀UID: 137492

issue51: Education will be truly effictive only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a [an] education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual [an individual 不用特指吧] instead of providing common curriculum for all students. I agree insofar as some curriculas designed for the individual would serve useful purposes for any student. At the same time, however, certain foundamentals [fundamentals] of learn [learning] should be furnished. Otherwise, the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly, education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all, every individual is a [去掉 a] little different from every other individual [each other], not alone [alone 吗？或者是merely?] in his general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of [no 就可以了吧] discipline will [can 可能更好点，另外， 用education 比 discipline 好吧] eradicate them. Secondly, giving different curriculum to expectional [specific] students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information about the student's progress to parents and to student. Third, how can a child who is musically gifted ever see those gifts come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it?  
[我觉得论证不够用力，这段说出了个别教育的好处，但缺乏例子，显得很弱哦]

Besides, as a graduate student of psychology, my understanding lies [believes that ] interest is the best teacher of [for] students. When study is a pleasure, life is joy ; When study is duty , life is slavery . if [If] work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it. However [No matter how] hard he may work at it, the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held. Individual effort is impossible without individual interest. There can be no such thing as a subject, which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind. [这个句子写得太绕了…….] For supporting examples, one need [needs to] look no further to [than?] Einstein, who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school, but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time [前半句没有谓语啦] and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.
[这段在说兴趣是最好的老师，可是我觉得首先Einstein 的例子不够有说服力，没有展开说明他很多努力都浪费在对抗自己不喜欢的东西上；而且说实话，他说过他痛恨他整个读书时代]

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects. First of all, a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive, and even thrive [keeps to thrive], such as tolerance of others [others] with different opinions, and respect for others. In addition, the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge, which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed, productive members of our society. Thus, by helping student develop a thoughtful, principled value system, educators actually help prepare students for finding their potential interests and talents.

In sum, the speaker's claim overstate [overstates] the importance of education specifically disigned, at least to some extent. The optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student. The two are not mutually exclusive.

结构还可以，个人认为如果把第4段放到第二段的位置或许会更好，因为你的论证是否认中有让步的，觉得肯定的部分太弱了。最大的缺点是例子不够充分，个人的意想太多。另外语法方面注意一下。不过已经很有ISSUE的样子啦。不错，努力啊。
另外，你的悄悄话我没看到，好象老不习惯用这个，这么久才改，抱歉。

阿秀UID: 137492

No.5

SORRY,忘记给改的加颜色了。重贴

issue51: Education will be truly effictive only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

The speaker would prefer a an education specifically designed for needs and interests of the individual an individual 不用特指吧 instead of providing common curriculum for all students. I agree insofar as some curriculas designed for the individual would serve useful purposes for any student. At the same time, however, certain foundamentals fundamentals of learn learning should be furnished. Otherwise, the educational system might defeat its own purposes in the long term.

Admittedly, education designed to meet the individual interests would have more pertinence than common education. First of all, every individual is a 去掉 a little different from every other individual each other, not alone alone 吗？或者是merely? in his general capacity and character; the differences extend to rather minute abilities and characteristics, and no amount of no 就可以了吧 discipline will can 可能更好点，另外， 用education 比 discipline 好吧 eradicate them. Secondly, giving different curriculum to expectional specific students can help teachers monitor the student's progress and provide a framework for communicating information about the student's progress to parents and to student. Third, how can a child who is musically gifted ever see those gifts come to fruition without access to a musical instrument? Or, how can a student who has a gift for linguistics ever learn a foreign language without at least some exposure to it?
我觉得论证不够用力，这段说出了个别教育的好处，但缺乏例子，显得很弱哦

Besides, as a graduate student of psychology, my understanding lies believes that interest is the best teacher of for students. When study is a pleasure, life is joy ; When study is duty , life is slavery . if If work is not in itself interesting to the individual he cannot put his best efforts into it. However No matter how hard he may work at it, the effort does not go into the accomplishment of the work but is largely dissipated in a moral and emotional struggle to keep the attention where it is not held. Individual effort is impossible without individual interest. There can be no such thing as a subject, which in and by itself will furnish training for every mind. 这个句子写得太绕了……. For supporting examples, one need needs to look no further to than? Einstein, who had poor performance almost in all courses except for maths and physics in high school, but afterward his special and general theories of relativity revolutionized modern thought on the nature of space and time 前半句没有谓语啦 and formed a theoretical base for the exploitation of atomic energy.
这段在说兴趣是最好的老师，可是我觉得首先Einstein 的例子不够有说服力，没有展开说明他很多努力都浪费在对抗自己不喜欢的东西上；而且说实话，他说过他痛恨他整个读书时代

Beyond this concession, however, I disagree with the statement because a common core curriculum would be beneficial to students in number of respects. First of all, a common core curriculum should ensure that all students are taught core values upon which our society depends to thrive, and even thrive keeps to thrive, such as tolerance of others others with different opinions, and respect for others. In addition, the common core education would provide all students with fundamental skills and knowledge, which would ensure that students grow up to become reasonably informed, productive members of our society. Thus, by helping student develop a thoughtful, principled value system, educators actually help prepare students for finding their potential interests and talents.

In sum, the speaker's claim overstate overstates the importance of education specifically disigned, at least to some extent. The optimal approach, in my view, is a balanced one that imposes a basic curriculum yet leaves the rest up to the needs and interests of each student. The two are not mutually exclusive.

结构还可以，个人认为如果把第4段放到第二段的位置或许会更好，因为你的论证是否认中有让步的，觉得肯定的部分太弱了。最大的缺点是例子不够充分，个人的意想太多。另外语法方面注意一下。不过已经很有ISSUE的样子啦。不错，努力啊。
另外，你的悄悄话我没看到，好象老不习惯用这个，这么久才改，抱歉。

海边女巫UID: 159476

TO六翼小宇：你指出的问题都是我存在的，本来认真检查了的，没想到还有这么多拼写和语法错误，以后是要更仔细才好。看你的文章就觉得这种低级错误很少见，学习中。
TO归零：谢谢七条建议，谢谢鼓励。
TO Hellman:谢谢关于TS的提醒，另外有些语法问题我有不同意见，QQ上跟你讨论。
TO阿秀：你所指出的思路和论证结构问题对我有很大的启示，THANKS！

自己的回头看：刚才结合着几位朋友的意见，自己又把文章全部修改了一边，觉得最大的问题是偏重了，明明是让步式同意，把让步用了两段论述，同意的用了一小段。是要大修改的。

六翼小宇UID: 162533

自己的回头看：刚才结合着几位朋友的意见，自己又把文章全部修改了一边，觉得最大的问题是偏重了，明明是让步式同意，把让步用了两段论述，同意的用了一小段。是要大修改的。

是不是提纲列的有问题？

HellmanUID: 161973

Issue51与ETS的范文：Duty of Educators　很相似，建议借鉴一下

海边女巫UID: 159476

最初由 六翼小宇 发布
[B][QUOTE]
自己的回头看：刚才结合着几位朋友的意见，自己又把文章全部修改了一边，觉得最大的问题是偏重了，明明是让步式同意，把让步用了两段论述，同意的用了一小段。是?.

以下省略...... [/B]

说实话我这篇没列提纲，本来打算跟着感觉走会顺畅一些
当时写完没发现问题，现在一看结构是最大的问题了。