issue47 （revised by paisley, gdhdanny and imong）

treesUID: 82785

Issue47
Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect—that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.

这个结构是一个姐姐给的建议，不过我没把她希望看到的结构发挥好：（
观点：全同意
结构：
1，同意强调不够，然后用例子说明那社会干吗去了（当然，目的是为了后边分析强调的这些正好是根intellect对着干）
2，3，分析上述例子来证明社会强调不够
4。分析intellect强调的程度。即社会的趋势是少数人intellect，多数人忽略
5，结尾



The term ‘intellect’ is the ability to learn and reason, the capability of knowledge and understanding, and the ability to think abstractly and profoundly. With the definition of it more obvious, people focus more on the emphasis about it. After observing our society, we have to admit that we ignore the ‘intellect’ so long time. Yet what are really concerned in this modern time? Take some Americans as an example, the pupils are encouraged to use calculators instead of computing on hand in most of elementary schools. Because the adults, their teachers and parents, believe the ability to use instrument is much more significant. And another instance is that the public elect their president merely according to the speech from the candidates and their adherents. The majority of persons focus on what they could know from media rather than the truth of them, on the other word, the various opinions is the thing attracting them in deed.

From these examples, we could easily find that the rapid expansion of the science and technology make people pay more attention to the modern tools and the information itself. After the education at school, the children may seize the skill to use equipment and gain the efficient results for a moment, but they lose the more important ability to think by themselves. Just as hundred years ago, a pupil, Gauss, who became the famous scientist later, found that when he counted the sum of the number from 1 to 99, he could part them in 50 groups, and then the computing seemed more easily than adding them sequentially. But the students at present may always calculate this by their intelligent calculators or computers. So many experiences like this lead to some of them impossibly understanding complex problems after their growing, such as when one of them becomes the stuff who arranges the students apartment, he/she usually needs some software and equipment to count out how to distribute rooms. Thus, people only hold the capability of knowing the simple knowledge including the way how to use tools, but give up the ability to understand and reason, saying nothing of thinking abstractly and profoundly.

Similarly, the latter example demonstrates that our society uses to emphasize the quantity of information. Some people will study the meaning after the messages they get, while most citizens do not have enough time and energy to imbibe kinds of news. So we have to face the situation that persons take some fresh look at the new conceptions but lack of time and then abandon to doubt and think more about it.

With the decrease of capabilities of reasoning and doubt, the ability to think abstractly and profoundly is ignored yet. It is certain that not all persons care less about intellect, but obviously, this capability is transferred to minority. As an illustration, most artists lack creativity while only a few artists try to break the traditional form. Time flowing away, the minority gives some surprising for the public at time, and then people are satisfied for these and deeply believe the development of their society is rapid. At the same time, most of them are used to live without even more thinking and reasoning.

What would world be like with lots of persons who just do and make objects with less thinking? All people would be afraid of this imagination. Although the development of the science and society is much more rapid than ever, we have to emphasize the significance of the intellect and persuade everyone not only receiving but thinking more and profoundly.

谢谢砖头！我带好钢盔啦！！！

gdhdannyUID: 125843

占座先

paisleyUID: 64183

在这句之前建议加点总起句什么的，如果没有，最好也来个类似于诗经的"兴", 不然这个开头稍微生硬了些.The term ‘intellect’ is the ability to learn and reason, the capability of knowledge and understanding, and the ability to think abstractly and profoundly. With the definition of it more obvious, (最好说with this exact definition) people focus more on the emphasis about it(这句话好象是同意反复,我没很看懂). After observing our society, we have to admit that we ignore the ‘intellect’ so long time(最好是for such a long time). Yet what are really concerned in this modern time(这句话比较费解,可能是你还不太熟练concerned和concerning的区别)? Take some Americans as an example, the pupils are encouraged to use calculators instead of computing on hand in most of elementary schools. Because the adults, their teachers and parents, believe the ability to use instrument is much more significant. And another instance is that the public elect their president merely according to the speech from the candidates and their adherents. The majority of persons focus on what they could know from media rather than the truth of them, on the other word, the various opinions is the thing attracting them in deed.

From these examples, we could easily find that(前半句话说得比较草率，其实还没有经过任何论证呢,怎么就能easily find....呢?)  the rapid expansion of the science and technology make people pay more attention to the modern tools and the information itself. After the education at school(最好说educated in school), the children may seize the skill to use equipment and gain the efficient results for a moment, but they lose the more important ability to think by themselves. Just as hundred years (要不说a hundred year ago要不说hundreds of years ago) ago, a pupil, Gauss, who became the famous scientist later, found that when he counted the sum of the number from 1 to 99, he could part them in 50 groups, and then the computing seemed more easily than adding them sequentially. But the students at present may always calculate this by their intelligent calculators or computers. So many experiences like this lead to some of them impossibly understanding complex problems after their growing, such as( 这个短语后面只能跟名词或名词性短语，不能跟句子)  when one of them becomes the stuff who arranges the students apartment, he/she usually needs some software and equipment to count out how to distribute rooms. Thus, people only hold the capability of knowing the simple knowledge including the way how to use tools, but give up the ability to understand and reason, saying nothing of thinking abstractly and profoundly.这个例子感觉太浅了



啊，要出去一下,明天再回来帮你继续看，提点整体建议.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

The term ‘intellect’ is the ability to learn and reason, the capability（想说什么意思？） of knowledge and understanding, and the ability （又一个？有点晕，往下看）to think abstractly and profoundly. （这样的definition高分必备）With the definition of it（its definition） more obvious, people focus more on the emphasis（用词重复） about it. After observing our society, we have to admit that we ignore the ‘intellect’ （for）so long time. Yet what are （少个主语吧）really concerned（with） in this modern time? Take some Americans as an example, the pupils are encouraged to use calculators instead of computing on（by） hand in most of elementary schools. Because the adults, their teachers and parents, believe the ability to use instrument is much more significant. And（重复） another instance is that the public elect their president merely according to the speech from the candidates and their adherents. The majority of persons focus on what they could know from（the） media rather than the truth of them（them 指谁？）, on the other word（in other words）, the various opinions is the thing attracting them in deed.（没看出最后一句话跟题目有什么关系）
这个开头很长，意思还算清楚，感觉缺少一个明确的观点。毕竟阅卷的人不会看的如此之仔细以至于从例子中自己总结观点。

From these examples, we could easily find that the rapid expansion of the（去掉这个冠词） science and technology make（makes） people pay more attention to the modern tools and the information itself. After the education at school, the children may seize the skill to use equipment and gain the efficient results for a moment, but they lose the more important ability to think by themselves. Just as hundred（a hundred）years ago, a pupil（不如说in his childhood）, Gauss, who became the famous scientist later, found that when he counted the sum of the number from 1 to 99, he could part them in 50 groups, and then the computing seemed more easily than adding them sequentially. But the students at present may always calculate this by their intelligent calculators or computers. So many experiences like this lead to some of them impossibly understanding（some of their impossible understanding on the ） complex problems after their growing（they grow up）, such as when one of them becomes the stuff who arranges the students apartment, he/she usually needs some software and equipment to count out how to distribute rooms. （这个例子没太看懂）Thus, people only hold the capability of knowing the simple knowledge including the way how to use tools, but give up the ability to understand and reason, saying nothing of thinking abstractly and profoundly.
分析的不错，有点有面

Similarly, the latter（晕了，哪个是former的？） example demonstrates that our society uses（?） to emphasize the quantity of information. Some people will study the meaning after the messages they get, while most citizens do not have enough time and energy to imbibe kinds of news. So we have to face the situation that persons take some fresh look at the new conceptions but lack of time and then abandon to doubt and think more about it.
这段是揭示现状？

With the decrease of capabilities of reasoning and doubt, the ability to think abstractly and profoundly is ignored yet. It is certain that not all persons care less about intellect, but obviously, this capability is transferred to minority. As an illustration, most artists lack creativity while only a few artists try to break the traditional form. Time flowing away, the minority gives some surprising for the public at time, and then people are satisfied for these and deeply believe the development of their society is rapid. At the same time, most of them are used to live without even more thinking and reasoning.
预示未来？

What would（the）world be like with lots of persons who just do and make objects with less thinking? All people would be afraid of this imagination. Although the development of the science and society is much more rapid than ever, we have to emphasize the significance of the intellect and persuade everyone not only receiving but thinking more and profoundly.
提出希望？

看完了，我就不客气了。

优点是对题目的把握。紧紧抓住intellect给出定义，后面都在讨论society对其的看法，所以至少是4分的文章。

我觉得，整篇文章的思路很好很好，如果是高考作文，肯定没问题。问题在于，本文最大的遗憾就是论点太模糊，似乎全片都在讲论点，可就是没有看到明确的那么一句话，急死我了都。

最成功的是第二个body，有理有据，分析的很透，后面的几段似乎是很好的设想，但又可有可无。

imongUID: 140258

挺新颖的文章和论点，不过论证是否应该再考虑充实些？

你的整体都在于开篇那两个例子，就像一座倒梯形的建筑，后面似乎洋洋洒洒，出发点是否足够强了呢？

中间行文的时候如果能够注意时时扣到原题上面应该会好一些吧。

treesUID: 82785

谢谢诸位：）
◎>>----------paisley JJ, danny,imong DD各抱一下～～～

我去好好思考思考，晚些把修改版提交上来。
那些语法错误实在是太不应该了。
我看了看concern的各种例句， 还是比较糊涂。
what are really concerned in this modern time？我本身是想让what作主语的，好像是该用concern不是一般的被动用法。不过如果按照DANNY的说法做宾语的话what are we really concerned about in this moderan time?是不是就对了呢。

另imong的话太有哲理了，看的我直犯晕