Issue154 教育类8月最高频题-教育的三方-欢迎拍砖~

flyxwUID: 106489

Issue154  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：70分17秒     509 words
从2004年7月14日9时23分到2004年7月14日10时70分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
------正文------
I strongly agree with the speaker that education can be well done by the combination of efforts from three sides--the family, the communities, and the professional educators, because education is a process strongly influenced by all of the three sides and thus through out the whole life-time of individuals.

To begin with, I strongly assert that family is the first classroom of every people. From the moment they were born, they began to accept the influence from the parents. They imitate their parents to learn the primary skill of language, and their parents' way of life, outlooks of the world and even, the judgment on good and evil. Washington, one of the greatest presidents of America, attributes his virtue of honesty to his father's education when he was a little boy. Mozart and Beethoven, both are the most brilliant composers of the world, their interests of music came from their families' interests of music, and their talent was discovered and trained early by their parents. There still many other illustrations to prove that individual success is intimately associated with one's family. After all, parents are the first teachers of individuals, and this primary education usually strongly influent our future.

Secondly, the education from a community is also important, for its value and common sense strongly influent the individual through his everyday life. Each of us has a community which we was born into. Everyone of the community more or less share the some value and way of behavior. On one can hope to avoid other's influence completely. For instance, a person from a high educated community usually show the so-called "refined characteristic" in his behavior. In contrary, one comes from a community of thieves and rubbish, may probably think the behavior of thief is something reasonable. Because he has growing in such a community from his birth, his everyday looking and learning is this kind of behavior, and thus, he probably accept such a common value of his community. This illustration demonstrates the importance of community in the group of educators. Lack of a healthy and positive community education, whether the education of individuals can be successful is open to doubt.

Though I strongly emphasize the importance of education from the family and community of an individual, this does not mean that the education of professional educators is something dispensable. To contrary, the education of professional educators is also important for they give us the main construction of knowledge--the skills to prepare one for a future job, and sharp us to become a true independent person to confront all future problems. Take the examples mentioned above, if Washington have not gone to a school, he might be only a honest worker but not a refined president. Also, if Mozart and Beethoven did not go to a school to develop their talent, we probably have not had so many great compositions. Admittedly, there are still particular individuals who did not go to school and obtained brilliant achievement. However, these particular several individuals' success do not mean that professional education is something indispensable, since for the most common people, who do not have the capabilities to study and well develop their talent by themselves, to be oriented by a professional mentor is necessary.

In the final analysis, education is so important a process through out the whole life of individuals. Because families, communities and professional educators, both of who can strongly influent the growth of individuals, all of them must be involved into the education of individuals.

cleonlxUID: 172606

In contrary, one comes from a community of thieves and rubbish, may probably think the behavior of thief is something reasonable. Because he has growing in such a community from his birth, his everyday looking and learning is this kind of behavior, and thus, he probably accept such a common value of his community.

恩…………个人很不喜欢这样的论证。总觉得有些人生攻击的味道……而且，一个community of thieves…………好像有些极端了，代表性也不够。
我觉得说，一个来自下层社会的人，便很少有那样的refined characteristic，但却相对的更加热情，好客，易于相处。
后面的论证也不必说需要一个健康的community，而是说不同的community将造就不同的人。
潜在的意思就是community的千变万化会造就人的千变万化，而不是单纯的黑与白，好与坏。


总的来说不错啊，例子虽然有些老，但并不牵强。不过，总觉得莫扎特和贝多芬去学校的例子有些…………恩，没什么味道的样子……

一点建议，如果能够明确指出家庭，社会和职业教育者各司其职就最好了，会将整个文章拔高的：
教育是两方面的，一方面是要教给我们赖以生存的知识技能，一方面是要教给我们人类高贵的道德品质。
职业教育者授予我们以知识。
家庭与社会锤炼我们的灵魂。

最后，想讨论一下这道题的另一种写法。
我认为，这道题目破题点有这么几个：
1. involved in the local school
2. important
3. solely
flywx入手的角度应该是solely。
关于教育的important…………如果有牛人能够把教育写成“不important而不需要父母和社会的介入”的话，那也可以…………我是不行。
而involved in the local school便有些写头了。
是不是父母和社会一定要介入local school 才能对孩子进行教育？介入local school有没有实质上的意义？
父母和社会对于孩子的教育更多是在学校之外完成的，他们的教育职责不用通过介入地方学校来实现。过度介入一所学校，反而会打乱学校的安排，降低职业教育者的教育效率。
如此看来，这道题可以变成一道很不错的argument啦～～～

flyxwUID: 106489

你提出的破题给我很大的启发呀，我在写的时候实际是没有注意到这一点。不错，我觉得把这一点加入会增加论证的分量的，谢谢提醒！
另外，指出社会、家庭、教育者各司其职的那点，我在改的时候的确想到过
可是因为顾虑职业教育实际也有陪养character的作用，这么看来，总觉的前两者的作用是不是就可有可无了呢？所以最终还是没有阐述。而只是提出了前两者的影响作用（见每段的conclusion部分）。也不知道这样合理不合理？还是cleonlx有什么更好的建议？
谢谢了啊，每次提的意见都很中肯的呢，晚上我就去试着写一写罗:)

我要飞UID: 171394

没几天了

我要飞UID: 171394

有点小的语法错误呵呵
这样写也是可以的把，结构很清晰的说
考试写成这样足够了

只是时间多了点把

flyxwUID: 106489

已经开始限时了
不过一直没有成功而已，看着吧，三天之内搞定它，偶发誓！

DouFuUID: 172931

I strongly agree with the speaker that education can be well done by the combination of efforts from three sides--the family, the communities, and the professional educators, because education is a process strongly influenced by all of the three sides and thus这个thus感觉因果不太明显 through out the whole life-time of individuals.

To begin with, I strongly assert that family is the first classroom of every people. From the moment they were born, they began to accept the influence from the parents. They imitate their parents to learn the primary skill of language, and their parents' way of life, outlooks of the world and even, the judgment on good and evil. Washington, one of the greatest presidents of America, attributes是不是应该物做主语？ his virtue of honesty to his father's education when he was a little boy. Mozart and Beethoven, both are the most brilliant composers of the world, their interests of music came from their families' interests of music, and their talent was discovered and trained early by their parents.加个过渡吧，比如“除了上面这些……”不然以为下一句之后还要举别的例子 There arestill many other illustrations to prove that individual success is intimately associated with one's family. After all, parents are the first teachers of individuals, and this primary education usually strongly influent our future.

Secondly, the education from a community is also important, for its value 价值观？and common sense感觉common sense不太合适 strongly influent the individual through his everyday life. Each of us has a community which we was born into还是说生活在吧，burn into有些不妥. Everyone of the community more or less share the some value这个词用的不准吧 and way of behavior. OnNo..下次注意 one can hope to avoid other's influence completely. For instance, a person from a high educated community usually show the so-called "refined characteristic" in his behavior. In contrary, one comes from a community of thieves and rubbish, may probably think the behavior of thief is something reasonable. Because he has growing in such a community from his birth, his everyday looking and learning is this kind of behavior, and thus, he probably accept such a common value of his community. This illustration demonstrates the importance of community in the group of educators. Lack of a healthy and positive community education, whether the education of individuals can be successful is open to doubt.感觉这段没扣住题，过分强调社区对人影响大了，可是只说社区对人影响大还不够吧，因为只要避免坏影响就好了，也用不着教育，还是应说社区的必要性，能给人带来什么

Though I strongly emphasize the importance of education from the family and community of an individual, thisit does not mean that the education of professional educators is something dispensable. ToIn contrary, the education of professional educators is also important for they give us the main construction of knowledge--the skills to prepare one for a future job, and sharp us to become a true independent person to confront all future problems独立这点和职业教育者联系不紧吧. Take the examples mentioned above, if Washington have not gone to a school, he might be only a honest worker but not a refined president. Also, if Mozart and Beethoven did not go to a school to develop their talent, we probably have not had so many great compositions. Admittedly, there are still particular individuals who did not go to school and obtained brilliant achievement. However, these particular several individuals' success do not mean that professional education is something indispensable, since for the most common people, who do not have the capabilities to study and well develop their talent by themselves, to be oriented by a professional mentor is necessary. 职业教育者是指教师吧，作者是不是误认为职业培训了？所以感觉有点跑题，还是应该说明他们的不可替代，比如专业的教育手段等

In the final analysis, education is so important a process through out the whole life of individuals. Because families, communities and professional educators, both of who can strongly influent the growth of individuals, all of them must be involved into the education of individuals.

感觉语言上有些问题吧，但我的水平也挺低的，试着改了几个，不知对否，希望你能找个语法牛的给你说说，应该有帮助
对于观点，感觉还是没说的很透彻，我想从教育目的来说会比较好，基于此，然后说三方都有不可替代的作用

DouFuUID: 172931

后来才看到二楼的评价，感觉invlove是挺关键的，大多数人（包括我）好像都只理解到三方的作用，但involve又是另一个层面了，不知我理解对不对

flyxwUID: 106489

后来才看到二楼的评价，感觉invlove是挺关键的，大多数人（包括我）好像都只理解到三方的作用，但involve又是另一个层面了，不知我理解对不对

谢谢Doufu的批改，那个involve，我觉得可以这样理解，尤其题目偷换了概念，说的是involve in local school, 而不是education ，可以很有校地拔高呢。
另外社区那一段，我想要进一步改一改，但个人觉得说社区对人的影响也就是说明为什么教育要包含社区，并不是很跑题。打算从叙述方法上看一下，不显得现在这么有点偏激，也许这样也可以兼顾社区的作用了:)

P小PUID: 159020

觉得从是否应该involve 到local school中入手很好,很切题.

家长的教育不一定要参与到学校中,如果过分干预学校的话,反而会起到反作用

这个题目好像很高频哦......要好好准备,呵呵