1T作文互改互评

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 gira 发布
[B]初来乍到，请多多关照!!
A homeland with a constant whether and the changing seasons of a place to live are just like a decency mirror-faced lake and the brisk w..

以下省略...... [/B]

第一，论证过程缺乏有效论据支撑；
第二，结构问题不大，但是论证过程和阐述过程人称代词有点混乱；
第三，结论部分单薄。

wymanUID: 175696

第2篇

there is an old adage said:every coin has two sides.that is also in the attitude to the statement "dissatisfaction lead to progress".there are some people who support it think if there is no dissatistaction,there would be no progress of human being.and there are some people who disagree this statement say progress is something nature.
i agree the former attitudefor several reasons. now i want to give them to illustate it.
in american history ,erupsion of independent war is a fine example.before american independent war ,it was control by british colonier.but american dissatisfaction of being controled by the other ,so they break out independent war,then became independent.if american satisfact with being contronl by the other ,there would be ni u.s.a these days.
consequently,take agericuturu for anstance.in the early time ,there is no mechine working on the farm.all the farm works are done by human labor.that must be a very hard work.human dissatistfat with the heavy work,so they invitnte the farming mechine witch only be operated by person and do almost all work of farming,including seeding,heavesting,packing.so nowadays farmer want to do is just operating the machine.
in our darily life ,many of the progress is present,thanks to human dissatistaction.for example,telephone,vidio-phone,mobile phone and so on.all of them are made to improve our living condition and they have realized their purpose.
so,now i strongly agress with "dissatisfaction lead to progress"no matter which period human in.if there is only satisfaction there would be no progress and the world would still in  barberous priod.

giraUID: 188010

大概看了几篇，我楼下的smallshrimp结构清楚，符合理科生风范，但语言略显得平实，还可以多积累漂亮的词句。
wyman的感觉更生疏一点，思路计较简单，短句多，还有些像it is no doublted像的错词，用词上的选择仿佛不够地道，但结很清楚，有立论有转折有例证，有发展空间。
我自己那篇扫了一眼发现竟然没有具体例证，光自个儿说了，晕死～

p.s.版主，你还没有回我邮件喔：） 祝工作顺利!

comingsoonUID: 175137

第一次写作文，参照了作文观点写的，写了好久啊，大家指导我一下吧，：）
   Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.



    Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. While both ideas may have their advantages, they can be applied under different circumstances. Afterwards, I will explain my opinion about it.
    When we get into trouble, we can turn to our family and friends. They will give us much advice and can provide us with information on things like studying, traveling, job and so on. Maybe they have encountered such problems as we now have. They can tell us the best way to solve the problem. It will save much of our time and energy. But if we rely on others’ advice too much, we would lose our own judgment in the course of time.
    In some cases, personal experience is more important and has its unique advantages. Through personal experience we can ultimately develop our own ability of analysis and observation. Perhaps we may make some mistake if we try to solve the problems we have with our own judgment, but it does not matter at all. Through mistakes and failure, we could get a better understanding of ourselves and, to some extent, a better ability of judgment. But learning about life through personal experience also has its disadvantages. Sometimes, we just could not see all the aspects of things and thus may make wrong decisions.
    As discussed before, learning about life from advice of family and friends and through personal experience both have their advantages and disadvantages, therefore it is hard to say which is better. So It is contingent on the situation.[/SIZE]

wymanUID: 175696

最初由 wyman 发布
[B]第2篇

there is an old adage said:every coin has two sides.that is also in the attitude to the statement "dissatisfaction lead to progress".there are some peo..

以下省略...... [/B]

帮忙点一下 第2篇

comingsoonUID: 175137

这是第二篇，希望大家指点一下，快1t了，实在没有信心。

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.




Artists and scientists both make valuable contributions to society. Some people may wonder which value more to society, contributions made by artists or by scientists. But it is not wise enough to decide arbitrary which are better.
The contributions made by artists are of great importance. As is known to all, many works of painters and sculptors are now still honored and preserved in museums. When we appreciate works of great artists, we will have a better mood. Or you can image sitting in a sofa with a cup of coffee at hand and listening to the classical music, what a great thing it is! You may feel relaxed and forget all your troubles after a full day’s work and study by doing so. But do remember it is artists whose works give us such a enjoyable feeling.
Furthermore, the Renaissance, a remarkable period in the history, has a abroad impact on human society. And it is also artists who sponsored the Renaissance that lead to great changes in human society.
Scientists’ contributions to the society are huge and can not be substituted. With scientists’ efforts, human society has changed greatly in the long history. If without scientists, it perhaps means no light, no automobile, no electricity, no drug and so on. What a formidable and barbarism world it would be without such inventions which are essential to human. So, scientists’ contributions are so huge that greatly accelerate the development of human society. For example, the computer is widely used during everyday life. It may be the one of the greatest inventions and it is applied in many fields, including industry, education and so on. With the help of computers, we can do lots of things which would previously consume much more energy and time. So, as we can see, scientists’ contributions to society are also enormous and indispensable.
In conclusion, as discussed before, it is really hard to decide which valued more to society. It is artists and scientists’ collaboration that makes the speedy development of human society.[/SIZE]

LeedyanUID: 187981

各位兄弟姐妹父老乡亲～～～不好意思哦～
最近在忙论文，都没时间上来改作文，自己刚写了一篇也没时间贴！
please forgive me ~~
有时间我会来跟大家交流交流得！！

月夜狼歌UID: 187073

题目是：有人喜欢跟老师学习，有人喜欢自学， 你喜欢哪种？为什么？


之前没看见这个帖子，另外发了一个，麻烦蝈蝈们帮我看看哪里有语法错误，结构组织应该怎么改进，词汇是否够，或者还有其他什么缺点，谢谢

To follow a teacher in studying activities and to learn by oneself have both been proved as efficient approaches in persuing knowledge. And for me, a campus man majoring in electronic field, prefer the latter idea.

I admit, that for students in elementary or high schools, to be following a teacher is greatly important: by carefully watching how formulas and axioms are introduced, then proved, and at last cited in practical examples, one can construct the conception of knowledge itself rather than an amount of various details in every field. This should be a fist goal in the beginning of study.

But as one has entered a university or collage for higher education, the situation changes. People there no longer treasure the causes but the results, in other words, every action is done for some certain purpose absolutely. One does not need to and at once has no sufficient time to learn everything. To To solve a problem, maybe or in fact at most occasions, less than 10% of tips about every single aspect are required. One biggest advantage of learning individually at this circumstance is that one can cite them at the same time when learning them, and in the next step has he or she perfectly mastered them. Eventually, purpose acquired, and mastry achieved. Several similiar processions oriented to a series of tasks will give experiences in different fields, and the experiences merge into the wholeness of a knowledge parymid.

What inspired me my confidence in self-learning is a successful accomplishment of a program in my junior year. When asked to make a computer simulation of step-response of 1-step and 2-step systems, I spent in all less than 1.5 hours in doing so by directly modifying a example given on a more-than-700-page book. At this moment, others were still bothering in how to take the first bite on Matlab, the stimulation software. And in the following several weeks, my program was uesd again and again to generate functional graphes in other courses.

To generalize my opinion, a scentence may be: to learn with teachers is to learn, and to learn individually is to learn to learn.

yeslingUID: 181220

处女作
Topic: Some people like to study alone, others like to study with several people together.  Which do you prefer-study alone or study with other people? Give specific reasons and examples to illustrate your answer.


    In the school, we often face the dilemma that which is better for us to study, alone or together with other people. According to my personality and fondness, I would like to prefer studying alone.  There are man instances to support my point of view.
First of all, the most important advantage of studying alone is the high effectiveness.  Without interrupted and our dedication to the discuss, we can concentrate on our study subject better than studying with others, so to elevate our effectiveness.  We can see that if we’re trying to solve a very complicated math problem which deserves coherence of logic and focus, but we’re intermittently disrupted by our friends who want to discuss their problems, we will eventually lost our train of thought and have to reconsider it from the beginning .  What a waste of time!
     Another reason why I think studying alone is superior to studying with friends is that the opinions of friends will deviate some thoughts of us.  There’s a good fact to support this.  Suppose your point of view is right on the target, but others hold different opinions.  They criticize you about it.  With so many criticisms you sometimes tend to give up your original right opinion and agree with theirs.
      Although studying with others has a few obvious advantages such as, emerging new ideas apprenticing different points of view, comparing with studying alone, I still think my preference is for studying alone.

dendroUID: 186961

首先有个建议：以后每段空一行比较清楚。
              还有。最好不要有打字错误。
评论：1.文章结构还行。
      2.少数句子比较冗长。比如第一段的赞成和否定的说法，不需要用从句，不简洁。
      3.一些语法错误，搭配问题，被动态问题，词语的属性不清楚。
      4.段与段之间来点适当的连接词会看起来比较连贯
建议：可以参考一点基本的模式的句子。你的例子还行，关键是用流利的，准确的语言联起来
      建议你在上传之前，应该自己先检查一下，有些基本的问题，你应该避免，对自己负责。

eemukUID: 189232

Smoker should have the right to smoke whenever and wherever they please, without restriction. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?


The problem of so-called smokers’ rights is a much debated one in that it affects everybody in their daily lives. Some people consider that the smokers should have the right to smoke with no restriction while others do not support so. As far as I am concerned, I do strongly disagree with the statement.

As we know, firstly, people all have the right to do whatever they want so long as their actions do not rob others of that same right. I ever read a saying: your right to swing your arm ends where another person’s nose begins. Smokers may claim to have a right to smoke, but nonsmokers also have the right to breathe safe air. What’s more, the right to fresh air overweighs the right to smoke because the smokers do not have the right to poison the air breathed by the non-smokers.

Secondly, smoking in public will result in secondhand smoke, which means the sickening, poisonous smoke given off by a burning cigarette. No doubt, secondhand smoke does harm to nonsmokers’ heath. The situation is even worse at a crowded bar where the air polluted more by the secondhand smoke than that of the busy highway. People inhale the polluted air just like the smokers do when they are smoking. It is said 3000 nonsmokers die from lung cancer and up to 300,000 children infected with lung disease caused by secondhand smoke each year.

Besides, smoking in public space is a foul, unattractive habit, which also has bad effect on people’s life. Let’s take the restaurant as an example. When you smoke at a restaurant, the smoke will make other customers’ hair and clothes stink, wreck the taste and smell of the food and even more cause coughing and itching and watering eyes. How could other people enjoy their meal under such awful circumstance? Their mood and life has been ruined by your rudeness.

Therefore, based on the above discussion, I do not think people could smoke whenever and wherever they please. The right to smoke is not privacy without restriction. Smoking should be allowed by the people around you when you want to smoke in public. We share the public space, but therefore we share the responsibilities to maintaining the space for the use of everyone.

wildUID: 189262

我也有一篇作文，请大家帮忙批改，非常感谢：）
Topic 36. Development in transportation such as the invention of the automobiles have had an enormous impact on modern society. Choose another development in transportation that you think is of great importance. Give reasons for your selection.

Developments in transportation has changed our world a lot. However, among them, which plays the most dramatic role? The invention of automobiles makes our daily life more convenient; the airplanes shorten the distances between any two places in the world; the ships connect the different continents and make the earth into one integrality. But what totally changes our life style is the emerging of the electronic signal’s transportation.
The electric transportation begin with the birth of the telegraph. As the first telegraph signal was transported successfully across the ocean, the human history was turned to an entire new page. Later on, with the sequent invention fax and telephone, people can communicate with each other at any time no matter how far they are parted. This change improved the efficiency of both the industry and business, further more gave a strong force to the progress of the culture combining.
The development of electric transportation also prepared for the invention of radio and television. These two things also definitely give our world a different view. From then on, people at any place can get the daily news of every part ether within or without his own country. Radio and television also scatter various cultures and art styles among different nations. All of these make everyone in the world more familiar with each other than ever before.
From another aspect, the electric transportation prepared the chief foundation for the birth of the internet. And that, the uncountable information based on the internet is accelerating not only the improvement of nature and science but almost every aspect of our daily life. Big databases based on the internet are supporting nearly every field of industry, business, service and science. Moreover, the E-mail based on the internet also shortens the distances among people.
In a word, of all the forms of transportations, the electric transportation is undoubtedly the most important. It has totally changed our world and made it into a village of earth. Further more, the change will never end.

flyjoanflyUID: 188051

偶的一篇作文，欢迎大家拍砖


Torpic: If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice

        There is always something unique in every country. And in China, the traditional Chinese painting is obviously the typical one of that.So I will choose a piece of traditional Chinese painting to an international exhibition,which could greatly represent my country.The specific reasons lists as follows
        The most important reason is that the traditional Chinese painting is the most representive thing that only exists in China.Namely,there is no such paintings in any other country.It is a kind of symbol of China.The different style,the different painting manner, the different brush,the different paper for painting,and even the ink and pigments make it so particular that mostly it can only be found in China.
        The next reason is that what it represents is the culture of China,Which has a history of five thousand years.That means the history of this kind of painting is as old as that of our culture and country.So it is the best message-carrier for the culture and civilization of China.It can exhibit every thing of China, such as architecture,scenery,religion and so on.
        The third one is that it could help to communicate with other countries.A well-known saying has it that there is no boundary between arts.Since it belongs to the field of art,it is also be able to work as an agent of friendship and culture and promotes communitation with other countries.
        The last but not the least reason is also obviously,which is that there would be a stimulation for domestic children to learn the traditation Chinese painting if we choose it as the representative of our country.Then we could  hand on and preserve this particular kind of art form forever.
         In a word, the traditional Chinese painting represents our culture, friendship and has important education significance.And I am sure it would go well along with our wish.

zxydoraUID: 184356

藕的第一篇作文，请大家指教 :)

作题指令：

14. Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

正文

There are two different attitudes in how university students get education. Some people  consider that students must be required to attend classes, while ohters support that classes should be optional for students. I choose to stand with the latter.

First of all, optional classes allow students to spend more time on the subjects they interested. It can stimulate their study incentive.  For example, if a student prefers computers to arts, he can skip arts to get more time to concentrate on computers. If repelled to attend all arts classes,he propably feel it is just a waste of time. As a matter of fact, his disappointment on arts can dramatically minimize his enthuasism on computers.

Secondly, optional classes make it possible to provide students a great chance to become self-independent. Teachers should not only advise them how to learn necessary knowledge for future careers, but also should train them how to arrange their daily affairs properly since they need to encounter the society once graduated. For instance, a student can try to work out a suitable schedule if he is taking a part time job which comflicts with his classes. Otherwise, he may miss a valuable opportunity to practice himself if forced to attend all classes.

Take into account of all above factors, we may reach a  conclusion that optional classes are more beneficial to students than required classes. It makes students willing to get new information as well as self-independent.

xuli_123UID: 182960

我觉得半个小时的时间不够用怎么办呢?请多多指教,谢谢!
NO:69
Topic:  If you were an employer, which kind of worker would you prefer to hire: an inexperienced worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a higher salary? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

When you ask people if they were employers which kind of worker would they prefer to hire: an inexperienced worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a higher salary, I guess some of them would choose the former one just because they consider paying lower salary means saving more money. In their opinion, the experience is not the most important thing and they believe worker will be skillful step by step after their hard working. Indeed, this idea has its persuasion, but I don’t agree with it.

In no doubt, paying low salary can save money, however, the expenses on training skills will be increasing. If an employer doesn’t pay attention to train the tyros, he will consume a lot of time on waiting them become specialized works and after they have enough experience, their salary will be changed. That means the cost on business will be increasing.

On the contrary, hiring experienced workers shows more advantages. On one hand, an experienced worker could bring benefits to their boss. As we know, the long-term working experience will inspire some advanced technologies and these advanced technologies will cause high efficiency. Furthermore, high efficiency means high benefit, so the expense on business will be saved at the same time. On the other hand, using an experienced worker will reduce the loss. It can be given a concrete example: my grandma’s false teeth ever had been broken just because she hired an inexperienced worker to clean them. These false teeth cost her much money and it is more expensive than the worker’s salary. During those days she nearly couldn’t eat any thing and the loss couldn’t be compensated by money. Indeed, hiring an experienced worker at high salary is more satisfied with her.

From what has been discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that hiring an experienced worker is superior to hiring an inexperienced worker. So if let me make a decision, I would prefer to choose hiring an experienced worker even though his salary is higher than an inexperienced worker.