1T作文互改互评

yadcxUID: 93144

希望大家早点动手，不要等到考试前才突击。
另外从上次的经验看，大家不要光发自己的文章而不给别人改。相互修改和纠正错误才能有所提高。
anyway，希望我们的平台能给大家一点帮助。

imongUID: 140258

yadcx说的很对....TWE的准备也要做足 不建议太冒险的做法呢！

DreadlordUID: 186330

Topic: A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.
   
A company’s announcement of building a large factory near the community has enormous influence on people in the area. Although for the job-hunters the new plan of the company has afforded excellent opportunities to get a job, far more disadvantages come along with the project. In my opinion, people in the community should not support the factory.

Above all, the factory is not environmentally friendly at all. In every city around the world, the government would plot out some special districts for factories in order to protect its citizens from diseases caused by pollution. In the same course, nobody in the community wishes the quiet streets to be replaced by booming roar from large machines in the factory. The heavy smog on people’s head would take the place of clear sky and beautiful sunshine. In addition, drain of the factory might dramatically contaminate the city’s water. Anyway, in the long run, a factory in the community would cause so terrible environmental problems that the way the residents live would be badly affected.

Secondly, series of social problems would come into being, and without fail, the quality of people’s lives in this community would become worse. To accommodate more workers, more homes have to be created. Thus a great amount of new comers swarm into this place. Only malefactors such as thief, swindler, and robber would be greatly pleased with that situation. In that case, how can people in the community live a happy life? Ever since then, to avoid being cheated by rascals they no longer chat with strangers. Parents would let their children go out alone for joy only if they wish to call police for help in searching their babies in 1 or 2 hours after they left home. Anyway, the only way to keep ourselves away from such a bad situation is to refuse the plan of building a factory in our community.

Apparently, our city has to grow, but in my opinion, it is a slow growth with farseeing plans rather than cheaply constructed projects. All in all, nobody would prefer to lose their clear sky upon the head, fresh air around them, and the safety of themselves only for opportunities of new jobs. Thus, of course, no one support the company’s plan of building a factory in our community.

savilliaUID: 149535

感谢斑竹给大家这个机会，我会经常来看看
今天时间不多，简单看看提点建议，抛砖引玉

楼上的同学，从结构上，你的文章很结实
从内容上看我觉得既然是讨论影响的优缺点，是不是至少再多提一下优点呢
从句式上看有一些重复，好像“in 什么什么，###”的比较多，“in my opinion”结尾都用作总结不太好吧
还有据我所知，要用“secondly”前面最好有“firstly”对应，一般用法的说
仅供参考吧，请多多指教

DreadlordUID: 186330

最初由 savillia 发布
[B]感谢斑竹给大家这个机会，我会经常来看看
今天时间不多，简单看看提点建议，抛砖引玉

楼上的同学，从结构上，你的文章很结实
从内容上看我觉得既然是讨论影响的优缺点..

以下省略...... [/B]

Thank you...

supreme528UID: 169397

刚刚接触托福作文，还是个菜鸟，有一点感觉，作者的单词用得不错，有好多托福单词~~

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 savillia 发布
[B]感谢斑竹给大家这个机会，我会经常来看看
今天时间不多，简单看看提点建议，抛砖引玉

楼上的同学，从结构上，你的文章很结实
从内容上看我觉得既然是讨论影响的优缺点..

以下省略...... [/B]

恩，这个评论是写的很准确的。
论证过程要避免论证片面性的问题，所以两面都要兼顾到，但是要注意主次。
句子的问题不是一日之功，所以需要逐渐提高。
firstly, secondly之类的四级作文引导词就不要再用了，结构提示太明显会给人一种语言能力不高的感觉。

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 supreme528 发布
[B]刚刚接触托福作文，还是个菜鸟，有一点感觉，作者的单词用得不错，有好多托福单词~~ [/B]

单词用的不错不是说是托福单词就用的不错，关键要看这个词用在这里是否是最合适的。词汇的选择不在于复杂，而在于精巧。有的时候一个词汇可能会让整个句子都增色不少呢：）

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 imong 发布
[B]yadcx说的很对....TWE的准备也要做足 不建议太冒险的做法呢！ [/B]

蒙蒙没事来帮忙改改作文吧：）哈哈……

dyl99UID: 184954

偶耶找篇题目来写，请大家指教
How do movies and television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Movies and television are two of the most important inventions in the world. And they do have a significant influence on people’s behavior.

The most important reason why movies and TV influence people deeply is that they are a enormous platform for people to acknowledge the world and nation well and make people more optimistic through visual and auditory stimulations. Daily news on TV conveys viewers what happened every day all over the world, a comedic soap opera relax people after a tedious workday, a classical concert edifies audience’s sentiment. Most of these programs widely widen one’s field of vision.

At the same time movies and TV transmit knowledge and spirit of optimism, they also isolate people from communicating with others from outside world. There is a phenomenon (trend, tendency) that more and more people rather prefer sitting in a cozy sofa watching TV or a recent movie than take more exercises outside and communicate with different people. It is one of negative aspects of movie and TV’s influence on people’s behavior. Moreover, with some violent and pornographic programs emerging on the screen, viewers begin to imitate the content especially for the youngsters, cause they could not distinguish the roles from plays clearly. Hence the result is that these youngsters become more and more violent in their daily life.

Indeed, movies and television have both positive and negative effects on people’s behavior. They augment widely one's quotidian knowledge, as well as widen significantly one's mental views. But on the contrary, they also bring violent and pornographic elements into people’s life and impel them fall into a lonely world without communication. Still, movies and television are indispensably tools for people.

Gter185990UID: 185990

也想给别人改作文啊，只怕是心有余而力不足啊！

littlesuminUID: 185169

ding

savilliaUID: 149535

看了看，说说想法

字数偏少,句式有点乱；
首段应该说明点好在哪，毕竟不是agree or disagree;
第3段缺点好像有点生硬了，既然写的有大半段了，建议单起一段，再填点字数就多了；
有些词不太准，比如最后一句“tools”,how about "friends"。

请多多指教

fishergirlUID: 152325

问个问题：agree or disagree/ which do you prefer之类的文章，走中间道路好不好？感觉很多都可以用一种很骑墙的结构来写。例如：

B1：A有优点1，2；缺点1，2；
B2：B有优点1，2；缺点1，2；
B3：所以，在不同的情况下，A/B都是好的/正确的/prefer的。。。

这样可能会比写一边倒的文章容易一些，因为理由容易想一些:)

dyl99UID: 184954

嗯，谢谢savillia指点，受益的说。偶再改改