1T作文互改互评

LeedyanUID: 187981

最初由 iloveeruo0720 发布
[B]个人感觉?.

以下省略...... [/B]

嗯～运用得好的话，用叙事可能会有很不错的效果，庄子不是也有这样的文章吗？不过，不会运用的话，最好就循规蹈矩，因为正如你所说，叙事可以作为例子，作为论述的辅助。 :)

LeedyanUID: 187981

今晚新鲜出炉，请多多指教！^_，
Topic: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either
*to go on vocation
*buy a car
Your friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

When it comes to me to advice my friend a choice of using all of the money he receive, I will consider three points of my standards of expense. That are emotions, necessity, and economic benefits. Thus, I will suggest him to buy a car rather than go on vocation.
Certainly, going on vocation is attracting. It can give you happy and relaxed experience of the beautiful country sights, the close feelings of nature, the rich atmosphere of different culture and so forth. And if you go on with a bunch of friends, you will be more happy owning to the funny group activities and interesting communities. Especially to those who are working all day long in the office with heavy pressure of competing job, going out of office to breathe some fresh air of nature and have a look at the green green grass of the countryside will be a good choice to relax and refresh. But it is just on the side of emotions. When considered about necessity and economic benefits, going on vocation is not a sagacious choice compared to buying a car.
Owing a car, to most people, means convenience. It saves you much precious time when go to a long distance to work or wait at the bus station for public traffic. You can go anywhere you want freely, do not have to be constricted to the limited time and bus lines. Still, it can save you money. When you go out, you don’t have to pay the fee of public traffic, thus you can spend more money on other costs during the vocation. Although, it can not be prevent some case such as broken from occurring, that little case will not be vital enough to blind you to do a wise choice of owning a car.
In terms of expense smartly, compared going on vocation and buying a car above, I would suggest my friend to make the best use of money to choose the latter.

iloveeruo0720UID: 186167

最初由 Leedyan 发布
[B]今晚新鲜出炉，请多多指教！^_，
Topic: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either
*to go on vocation
*buy a car
Your friend ..

以下省略...... [/B]

语言运用上比上一篇成熟了很多，但存在一个问题。不知是否受gre作文影响，这篇作文结构与托福作文要求相差很大。比如第二段说旅游的好处篇幅太长，而转至说买车好处又太少，而且没有分成几段写。建议赶快看看TWE完全手册之类的对作文结构总结，其实就是我们小学写的总分式。个人意见，如有错误还望指正。

LeedyanUID: 187981

最初由 iloveeruo0720 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 Leedyan 发布
[B]今晚新鲜出炉，请多多指教！^_，
Topic: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either
*to go..

以下省略...... [/B]

]谢谢哦^^
说到点子上了！！我也觉得我得看看TWE的结构总结，前面写了好几篇，但是没有贴上来，因为那些都太不规范了，其实也只是写写素材而已，没有严格按照托福的topic和结构来写～庄子好像说过T作文是教你怎么写正确的作文，而G作文是教你怎么写好的作文！针对性不同吧！ 看来的真的得赶快看T作文要求了！
I’ll do that!~thx a lot!

pufferfishUID: 111023

刚开始练作文,准备的不好,这篇几乎花了近一个小时的时间.请多多指教哦!在此先谢谢啦.
Topic：You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice

Imagine that you have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? I bet some people will choose to buy a business to earn more money. But as far as I am concerned, I’d better buy a house. The reasons are given as follows:

To begin with, a business may have advantages in many ways. But it also has many disadvantages. Predictably, if you purchase a business, you must run it carefully and avoid failures. That could be rather time consuming. It can prevent you doing other activities that you would otherwise do. For example, you may spend some time every day with your family. But after you owning a business, all of your time was occupied by it. You may say that what you do is to earn more money to support your family. But do they really feel happy and satisfied without your company? Do you live your life just for earning money?

But on the contrary, buying a house has its own benefits. The most significant one is: you can live a better life with your family in this new house. For instance, after work you step into your new house, have a nice meal with your family and share your experience during the day with them. Your relationship will be strengthened, and thus you will feel more love and satisfaction in your life.

Furthermore, a house means stability. You will be more likely succeeded if you are in a stable state. Compared to the one whom without a house, you may be more content with yourself and more likely to win others’ respect and trust.

To sum up, considering all the factors listed above, buying a house is more superior to buying a business. So that is the reason why I would buy a house instead of buying a business if I have enough money.

LeedyanUID: 187981

最初由 pufferfish 发布
[B]刚开始练作文,准备的不好,这篇几乎花了近一个小时的时间.请多多指教哦!在此先谢谢啦.
Topic：You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which wo..

以下省略...... [/B]

实在有太多值得我好好学习了！！
本人认为是一篇规范的TWE！条理清晰，逻辑严密，语言简洁准确。。。除了一点点的语法错误，但不妨碍文章的整体！
嗯～谢谢分享你的文章！

papalaUID: 163178

每次作文题考过就不会在考,那么怎么找到最新的题库呢?

giraUID: 188010

初来乍到，请多多关照!!
A homeland with a constant whether and the changing seasons of a place to live are just like a decency mirror-faced lake and the brisk water runs into and out of it with a vivid tune. Part of people appreciate the stable life around the water, while another part go after the singing stream water, for either of each is a God’s gift.

Having lived in the middle of the Northern Hemisphere for 10 years, I experienced and realized the advantages of living on the earth refreshes itself in circles year by year that supported by the cyclic distance change between our earth and the energy donator-the sun.

We learned from scientist that there lies an imaginary bio-clock in our bodies, regulates our inner bio-chemistry reactions under a changing environment, that helps us to realize everyday gose by by getting identical to the environmental adaptation. Only a changing climate can help feeling the discriminations in the different times of a year, only that makes a tree to from the annual rings and give prominence to atmosphere of a Christmas day.

Furthermore, a changing climate can influence the culture of one place immensely, which helps people feel more about the life and enrich them. Have you read a book with varied attractive descriptions to the coming summer and winter? Have you heard a music that sings the praises of the warming up of every living creature in the beginning of a spring? Yet haven’t you ever seen a movie that shows fluent pictures of seasons in which lovers get through more then become strong and mature? What makes all those sense is the changing climate leading to the varied scenes.

Though the mirror-faced lake provides a stable life without unexpected change, the gamboling water leads us to a new eyesight every different day.
今天没有时间给别人改，改天再回来：）

smallshrimpUID: 189047

欢迎大家多多指教,最好能告诉我大概能得几分,心里有个数,太感激啦.

Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative.Others take the opposite view and say that learning to
be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with
and explain why.


In a world changing by days, there are lots of opportunities and challenges. How to face these opportunities and challenges? Some people choose cooperation, because they think one man’s strength is limited, while strength of a unit is unfinite. In contrast, other people would prefer competition, as they think: no competition, no progress. So far as I am concerned, I’d like cooperation rather than competition. There are mainly three reasons as follows:
First of all, cooperation can help you to overcome your shortcomings. Everybody has his shortcomings and no one is perfect. To overcome these, the best way is cooperation. You can learn from your cooperators while they can learn from you. Besides, discussing with others can boarden your minds and give you more methods.
Secondly, cooperation is more important in the 21 century. The modern world is so complex that every science is combined with others. You may know lots of things, but you can’t know everything, in this case, cooperation plays a key point. I do have such an experience. My major is semiconductor, once I tried to solve a technical problem, etching a new material, but I didn’t know which acid to use. I thought hard and did many experiments, but got no result. Then I asked a friend of mine, whose major is chemical. With his help, I solved the problem easily and quickly. From this ,we can see that cooperation can solve problems which are out of your range, and save plenty of energy and time.
Last but not the least, cooperation doesn’t mean no competition. You are cooperating with your fellows, in the mean while, you are competing with them. Intimate cooperation and fair competition make all of you to go forward.
In conclusion, I have the propensity of cooperation, and I do suggest everybody to learn how to cooperate with others. Only in this way, can you get a better result and become more successful.

wymanUID: 175696

第一次写 规定时间写的 好象子书不够 还有写的很BABY  为了进步固不上丢人了 帮忙改啊

Many people think successful man success because of their hard work without any luck.i strongly oppose this statement.
first,any one who successes must work hard.it is no doublted.hard work is the basement of success .amost all successful men in history are the person working hard .i dare to say no  hard work no success.
but,hard work is just the basement thing.luck is also important .a person without any luck is always missing good change that will lead him to success.
now the following examples can illustrate my statement.
lee zekai is a famouse merchant who owe the"tom.com" and  a correspendence company.when he is young he work hard and live a hard life although his father is the most wealth person in china.after he graduate ,he borrow a great found from his father and then star his succeful road.if he is not the son of wealthy ,where he can borrow so many found .without luck how can he success.
consequently,edison well know for his  many invitions invited light that is important in our darily life.he had try nealy one thousand meterial for the light, we can think of without any luck he sill can not found the right meterial for the right.and we are still live in the dark night nowdays.
taht is all my opinion ,i want to state again:any one will not success without any luck ,anyhow surpernatural he is.

wymanUID: 175696

大概多少字数才最低标准啊

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 papala 发布
[B]每次作文题考过就不会在考,那么怎么找到最新的题库呢? [/B]

ETS从来没有说过考过的题目不再考。

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 wyman 发布
[B]大概多少字数才最低标准啊 [/B]

以把问题说清楚为目标。一般应写到250以上，否则问题是说不清楚的。

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 wyman 发布
[B]第一次写 规定时间写的 好象子书不够 还有写的很BABY  为了进步固不上丢人了 帮忙改啊

Many people think successful man success because of their hard work without..

以下省略...... [/B]

第一，感觉像四级作文；
第二，文章的基础结构还可以，但是论证过程不够紧凑和严密，且缺少有力支撑；
第三，开头结尾单薄。

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 smallshrimp 发布
[B]欢迎大家多多指教,最好能告诉我大概能得几分,心里有个数,太感激啦.

Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative.Others take t..

以下省略...... [/B]

大致看了一下，总体结构和思路是可以的。但是句子的难度和准确性需要提高。论证片面性需要克服。

4-4.5左右。