issue109 首先祝G友们圣诞快乐，谢谢了

zzfalconUID: 175235

issue 109
The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves

Do ads help those ordinary men and also help sell products well? The speaker claims so. It is true that nowadays advertisements are becoming more and more important in our life and it does strongly affect all aspects of the world, what is more is that no company can live and make a profit without an ad. However, the defects of the ads are also apparent, which even causes others uncomfortable. Whereupon, my view is that we should not use ads unduly and every consumer should have a healthy attitude towards these ads.

First of all, ads really help a company become prosperous from an unknown small one and ads really improve economy in every country. Just take a look at what is happening in the sports' ads and the cosmetic; we will know how important these ads mean to every company. We usually find many sport super stars and beautiful models on the screen; these figures really attract us most, for everyone wants to be famous or to be handsome or beautiful just like those in an ad. After we find what these super stars are wearing or using, we will follow their ways and buy that product he or she recommends. When we, customers, buy that product, no doubt that the company that sells that product will earn a lot. When everyone wants to spend money, the country's economy will then improve, since every company should buy raw materials and when the level of transactions increases, the country can receive more money in the form of tax.

However, ads not only bring us advantages, like a two-edge weapon, it also brings disadvantages. When we more and more rely on ads, we will find that ads are going to become a fact that decides one's character. If one does not try its best to follow the trends steered by ads, he would be considered not fashion, which would make that man have fewer friends. When everyone focus more and more on what one wears or what one uses, the true core of one's purpose, namely one's contribution to the society, would be forgotten, since we are going to judge by one's appearance more and more. Also, ads make many of us lose our own identity, that we all use the same product, wears the same, eat the same. We would finally find us fall victims to ads made by large companies and controlled by them. So, the flaws of ads cannot be overlooked.

Secondly, ads do not only make everyone feel good. When we try our best to imitate those superstars, we find how bad we are and how little we look. Because anyone who performs on an advertisement, for example cosmetic ones, should be handsome or beautiful, which can show the effect of the company's product. In short, he or she should outshine others in that aspect to some degree. When we try our best to achieve these advantages of others, it should be hard and sometimes make us uncomfortable, since it is not easy to be superb in every respect. When we overlook the strong aspects of us own, consequently we would feel more and more pessimistic.

In sum, with the reasons listed above, we should not forget the negative effects of ads. Although we cannot live without it, or in some way, we thrive on it; we should not let ads control our lives. So my view is that we should have a healthy attitude towards these ads.

glassfrogUID: 170569

The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves.

Text:       

D=delete, R=replace, A=add, C=comments

Do ads help those ordinary men and also help sell products well(R: better product sale)? The speaker claims so(R: yes). It is true that nowadays advertisements are becoming more and more important in our life and it does strongly affect all aspects of the world(C: are you sure?), what is more is that no company can live and make a profit without an ad(C: are you sure?). However, the defects of the ads are also apparent, which even causes others(C: whom?) uncomfortable. Whereupon, my view is that we should not use ads unduly and every consumer should have a healthy attitude towards these ads.

First of all, ads really help a company become(D) prosperous from an unknown small one(D) and ads really improve(C: ?) economy in every country. Just take a look at what is happening in the sports' ads(D) and the cosmetic (A: ads); we will know how important these ads mean to every company(C: ? I can’t see the importance by doing that.). We usually find many sport super stars and beautiful models on the screen; these figures really attract us most(R: a lot), for everyone (A: who) wants to be famous or to be(R: ,) handsome or beautiful just like those in an ad. After we find(R: see) what these super stars are wearing or using, we will(R: would) follow their ways and buy that(R: the) product he or she recommends. When we, customers, buy that product, no doubt that the company that sells that product will earn a lot(R: The company would no doubt earn a lot if we customers choose to buy their products). When everyone wants to spend money, the country's economy will then improve, since every company should buy raw materials and when the level of transactions increases, the country can receive more money in the form of tax.(C: ? there are problem with the logic)

However, ads not only bring us advantages(R: while ads bring us advantages), like a two-edge weapon(D), it also brings disadvantages. When we (A: become) more and more rely(R: dependant) on ads, we will find that(D) ads are going to(R: would) become a fact(R: factor) that decides(R: cultivates) one's character. If one does not try its best to follow the trends steered by ads, he would be considered not fashion(R: a nerd), which would make that man have fewer friends(D). When everyone focus more and more on what one wears or what one uses, the true core of one's purpose, namely one's contribution to the society, would be forgotten, since we are going to judge by one's appearance more and more. Also, ads make many of us lose our own identity, that we all use the same product, wears the same, eat the same(C: is it related to the topic? Ads force us be the same? Anyway there are millions of ads!). We would finally find us fall victims to ads made by large companies and controlled by them. So, the flaws of ads cannot be overlooked.

Secondly, ads do not only make everyone feel good. When we try our best to imitate those superstars, we find how bad we are and how little we look. Because anyone who performs on an advertisement, for example cosmetic ones, should be handsome or beautiful, which can show the effect of the company's product(R: so that the effect of the product is shown off). In short, he or she should outshine others in that aspect to some degree. When we try our best to achieve these advantages of others(R: follow them), it should(R: would) be hard and sometimes make us uncomfortable, since it is not easy to be superb(R: superior) in every respect. When we overlook the strong aspects of us(R: our) own, consequently we would feel more and more pessimistic.

In sum, with the reasons listed above, we should not forget the negative effects of ads. Although we cannot live without it, or in some way, we thrive on it; we should not let ads control our lives. So my view is that we should have a healthy attitude towards these ads.

glassfrogUID: 170569

Take care of your basic logics.

panda2727UID: 138271

整篇文章感觉没有对题目进行很有效的展开。你的文章主体仅仅上仅仅是讨论广告的作用和忧缺点。对于题目中应该展开的“不仅是卖产品，更是使顾客感觉和广告中描述的一样”，只不过是嵌入你主体的一部分。而它们之间的逻辑关系，没能深入地展开。也就是说有点跑题了。
给出观点要没有痕迹。不要说MY VIEW——。只要能看出是你的观点，并且有足够的支持论点就行了。个人认为好的文章不需要使用连接词，仅仅凭内部清晰的逻辑就足以了。比如“in sum”这样的具有很强刚性文章结构的词语我觉得应该少用。