issue59有时间的XDJM帮忙看看哈

flyingwindUID: 189320

Issue59 ------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
In all fields of everyday work around us, our society provides myriads of experience and endeavors of famous few as role models. One needs look no further than the gluts of how-to books in the book stores to find that this is the case. The role models do success and the success dictates us what should do and how to do it. While it is certain to discern that the famous role models have their own reasons to success and for more or less the reasons are expected and appealing by the mass, we general people should not do everything blindly just following the same way as those models. In my point of view, too much emphasis on the functions of role models inhibits people developing thinking and acting independently and efficiently so as not to make the choices which fit them best. Also, when concerned with a company or a country, it might make more huge damage to the collectivity as a whole.

Admittedly, the role models benefit us common people at least on two aspects. One is inherently collected with the successful experience and failing lesson they endured in their particular endeavor. We are always fond of quoting proverbs or sayings of the famous role models, which generalize for us lesson and experience in short but explicit and canon words. And what those role models experience can benefit us in our similar realm insofar as do we favor to avoid reduplicate mistakes and provide us the alternative methods closer to the objective. Another advantage of the role models, perhaps the most important one, is that those role models can offer common people extraordinary spirits and courage which benefit common people psychologically. For instance, Einstein is undeniably serving as a role model to call for enthusiasm of people devoting themselves in science and technology. The power of the spirit of Einstein in encouraging people to pursuit science is entirely beneficial to the moral of people all around the world. Just as the daily sueddeutsche.de reported (and I paraphrase),"Being a role model, Einstein has great positive effect. If his idolization can stimulate the research incentives of people even after 50 years since he died, he must never mind ".This illustrate the point how important a role model can bring to the mind of common people.

Unfortunately, over emphasis of the role models brings little usage and even opposite effects to the people and society as a result. To begin with, some people tend to imitate everything of those role models. And those imitation make them feel closer to the models and so as to the success itself. Nevertheless, using the same brand of toothbrush of Bill Clinton cannot help one to be a excellent leader; getting a haircut as the same as Einstein does no use to be a outstanding scientist; pulling on the Jordan shoe does not guarantee one to be a basketball star.

In addition, always following the method of role models might discourage thinking and so as to restrain them making the right choice which might be better for them. Time is changing, conditions are changing and the people are different. The way suit the role models best is not necessarily the only and the best way for another. It is entirely possible that in a case the method and experience of role model are crucial in point while in another circumstance the same way cannot work at all and even get the negative effects. As a teacher majoring Material Mechanics, once I found that eight students of my class who failed in the exam were those excelled in their homework. This event did not happen before for many years it was the true that those performed well in homework were always those did well in test. Why? After close scrutiny of those losers I found they are more likely to work out homework in group. And reexamination of their homework revealed that their answers are incredible similar to the thinking and reasoning of the best one. Here comes the answer, just copying the thinking and acting of the role model in academe help those students nothing to develop thinking of their own. And when meeting another questions they are limited by the routine way of role models and cannot accomplish their own work.

Not only in personal life just simply copying what the role model inhibits the critique thinking and creative imagination for individual, but also it might damage a company or a country when the key leader indiscriminately copy the success of leaders of some other companies or countries. The planned economy system of China before 1978 is a case in point. The leader of China just copied so-called successful experience of Soviet Union and it was just this economic model that blocked China developing for a long time. Fortunately, the Prime Minister Deng Xiaoping abandoned the old economy system. Combining the Chinese concrete national circumstance with the Western experience, He went a new route which was more suited for China and in turn was justified by later glorious economic miracle. Besides, idolization of role models might create a image that everything they do are definitely right so that no one would challenge the standards or words of them, even they are totally wrong. Chairman Mao's action in his later days in China is a telling example. When he made the economic plan and started up the Cultural Revolution, few people doubt his decisions. And just his decision brought great tragedy in 1960s during which many people died for hungriness.

In sum, while our society benefits form the experience of role models, over-ratting of the importance of them might also jeopardize us and even the society. We should use the lesson and experience of role models properly, and not be controlled by them.

mack1983UID: 183345

好长啊啊。。。。。。。
不过你可以先看看xiaohe的同一篇，写得不错，应该有所启发的

flyingwindUID: 189320

谢谢回复，我看看！
每人改吗？

imongUID: 140258

xiaohe的哪篇？好的话 直接收优秀了

by request, 看ing...

似乎写的不短 但是不少句子很绕嘴
One needs look no further than the gluts of how-to books in the book stores to find that this is the case.

可否把这句话和前面一句连起来，变成
......, which is testified by the pyramids of how-to brochures in any book store.

Nevertheless,（这应该是After all吧？） using the same brand of toothbrush of Bill Clinton cannot help one to be a excellent leader
这几个例子觉得有点怪怪的。而后面两段，plagiarism恐怕和role model不是一回事，economy的例子还不如人口政策的例子。

整个题目 整篇文章我自己理解得不是太好 也没感觉这篇能超出平平淡淡的样子。是不是能自己把题目定义的更清晰些 哪些是role model，哪些是copy other（或者　它的对立面是什么）呢？

flyingwindUID: 189320

One needs look no further than the gluts of how-to books in the book stores to find that this is the case.
这个句子来自老外280哦，不过“这句话和前面一句连起来，变成
......, which is testified by the pyramids of how-to brochures in any book store.”的确要精练许多

Nevertheless应该是After all ！

using the same brand of toothbrush of Bill Clinton cannot help one to be a excellent leader
这几个例子觉得有点怪怪的。
这几个例子是为了支持拷贝role model的误区的第1个错误：模仿一些表面的工夫，没抓住实质

而后面两段，plagiarism恐怕和role model不是一回事，economy的例子还不如人口政策的例子。
我是想抄袭别人的思想，做法，模拟优秀学习者的方法，技巧。表达的不好，成了抄袭的确有点偏题了
人口的例子不太好吧，这个政策拷贝谁的呢？不象经济的例子是拷贝苏联的


再次感谢！

imongUID: 140258

不客气。人口的例子应该也是copy SU的吧。人家地广人稀当然狂生 还有英雄妈妈这一说儿 我们。。。。。。

flyingwindUID: 189320

呵呵，不知道生孩子也是照搬的SU 啊。
mao真是。。。

LSDUID: 157855

Issue59 ------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
In all fields of everyday work around us, our society provides myriads of experience and endeavors of famous few as role models. One needs look no further than the gluts of how-to books in the book stores to find that this is the case[这句感觉好便扭，楼主再看看吧]. The role models do success and the success dictates us what should do and how to do it. While it is certain to discern that the famous role models have their own reasons to success and for more or less the reasons are expected and appealing by the mass, we general people should not do everything blindly just following the same way as those models. [In my point of view, too much emphasis on the functions of role models inhibits people developing thinking and acting independently and efficiently so as not to make the choices which fit them best. Also, when concerned with a company or a country, it might make more huge damage to the collectivity as a whole.][我觉得后面的已经把意思说得比较清楚了，开头没有必要写这么长把，关键在于body的论述阿]

[Admittedly, the role models benefit us common people at least on two aspects.] One is inherently collected with the successful experience and failing lesson they endured in their particular endeavor. We are always fond of quoting proverbs or sayings of the famous role models, which generalize for us lesson and experience in short but explicit and canon words. And what those role models experience can benefit us in our similar realm insofar as do we favor to avoid reduplicate mistakes and provide us the alternative methods closer to the objective.[这些句子都好长啊，应该是长短句结合阿] Another advantage of the role models, perhaps the most important one, is that those role models can offer common people extraordinary spirits and courage which benefit common people psychologically. For instance, Einstein is undeniably serving as a role model to call for enthusiasm of people devoting themselves in science and technology. The power of the spirit of Einstein in encouraging people to pursuit science is entirely beneficial to the moral of people all around the world. Just as the daily sueddeutsche.de reported (and I paraphrase),"Being a role model, Einstein has great positive effect. If his idolization can stimulate the research incentives of people even after 50 years since he died, he must never mind ".This illustrate the point how important a role model can bring to the mind of common people.[个人认为for instance前的内容有点罗嗦了，可以把论述的重点放在举例子后，例子前的内容只当作例子的引子]

[Unfortunately, over emphasis of the role models brings little usage and even opposite effects to the people and society as a result.] To begin with, some people tend to imitate everything of those role models. And those imitation make them feel closer to the models and so as to the success itself. Nevertheless, using the same brand of toothbrush of Bill Clinton cannot help one to be a[an] excellent leader; getting a haircut as the same as Einstein does no use to be a outstanding scientist; pulling on the Jordan shoe does not guarantee one to be a basketball star.[这个怎么只有现象没有分析呢？]

In addition, [always following the method of role models might discourage thinking and so as to restrain them making the right choice which might be better for them.] Time is changing, conditions are changing and the people are different. The way suit the role models best is not necessarily the only and the best way for another. It is entirely possible that in a case the method and experience of role model are crucial in point while in another circumstance the same way cannot work at all and even get the negative effects. As a teacher majoring Material Mechanics, once I found that eight students of my class who failed in the exam were those excelled in their homework. This event did not happen before for many years it was the true that those performed well in homework were always those did well in test. Why? After close scrutiny of those losers I found they are more likely to work out homework in group. And reexamination of their homework revealed that their answers are incredible similar to the thinking and reasoning of the best one.[还是感觉例子写的有点复杂了，关键在于对例子地分析] Here comes the answer, just copying the thinking and acting of the role model in academe help those students nothing to develop thinking of their own. And when meeting another questions they are limited by the routine way of role models and cannot accomplish their own work.

[Not only in personal life just simply copying what the role model inhibits the critique thinking and creative imagination for individual, but also it might damage a company or a country when the key leader indiscriminately copy the success of leaders of some other companies or countries.][看来楼主真的是好喜欢写长句阿，我觉得写好ts很重要，还是写短句比较把稳些阿] The planned economy system of China before 1978 is a case in point. The leader of China just copied so-called successful experience of Soviet Union and it was just this economic model that blocked China developing for a long time. Fortunately, the Prime Minister Deng Xiaoping abandoned the old economy system. Combining the Chinese concrete national circumstance with the Western experience, He went a new route which was more suited for China and in turn was justified by later glorious economic miracle. Besides, idolization of role models might create a image that everything they do are definitely right so that no one would challenge the standards or words of them, even they are totally wrong. Chairman Mao's action in his later days in China is a telling example. When he made the economic plan and started up the Cultural Revolution, few people doubt his decisions. And just his decision brought great tragedy in 1960s during which many people died for hungriness. [给我的感觉和上一段一样，例子写的太多了，缺少分析]

In sum, while our society benefits form the experience of role models, over-ratting of the importance of them might also jeopardize us and even the society. We should use the lesson and experience of role models properly, and not be controlled by them.

poohUID: 146994

Issue59 ------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
In all fields of everyday work around us, our society provides myriads of experience and endeavors of famous few as role models. One needs look no further than the gluts of how-to books in the book stores to find that this is the case. The role models do success and the success dictates us what should do and how to do it. While it is certain to discern that the famous role models have their own reasons to success and for more or less the reasons are expected and appealing by the mass, we general people should not do everything blindly just following the same way as those models. In my point of view, too much emphasis on the functions of role models inhibits people developing thinking and acting independently and efficiently so as not to make the choices which fit them best. Also, when concerned with a company or a country, it might make more huge damage to the collectivity as a whole.开头有点罗索，概括到4句话左右比较合适，考试恐怕没这么多时间来写这么长开头

Admittedly, the role models benefit us common people at least on two aspects. One is inherently collected with the successful experience and failing lesson they endured in their particular endeavor. 这句不太通顺。one is.. collected with..有这样用的？We are always fond of quoting proverbs or sayings of the famous role models, which generalize for us lesson and experience in short but explicit and canon有generalize for sb sth这种用法吗？And what those role models experience can benefit us in our similar realm insofar as do we favordo we favor?怎么用倒装？ to avoid reduplicate mistakes and provide us the alternative methods closer to the objective. Another advantage of the role models, perhaps the most important one, is that those role models can offer common people extraordinary spirits and courage which benefit common people psychologically. For instance, Einstein is undeniably serving as a role model to call for enthusiasm of people devoting themselves in science and technology. The power of the spirit of Einstein in encouraging people to pursuit science is entirely beneficial to the moral morale of people all around the world. Just as the daily sueddeutsche.de reported (and I paraphrase),"Being a role model, Einstein has great positive effect. If his idolization can stimulate the research incentives of people even after 50 years since he died, he must never mind ".This illustrate the point how important a role model can bring to the mind of common people.这个例子不错，但是文章有些晦涩难懂，不很流畅

Unfortunately, over emphasis of the role models brings little usage and even opposite effects to the people and society as a result. To begin with, some people tend to imitate everything of those role models. And those imitation make them feel closer to the models and so as to the success itself. Nevertheless, using the same brand of toothbrush of Bill Clinton cannot help one to be a excellent leader; getting a haircut as the same as Einstein does no use to be a outstanding scientist; pulling on the Jordan shoe does not guarantee one to be a basketball star.这几个排比很好啊

In addition, always following the method of role models might discourage thinking and so as to restrain them making the right choice which might be better for them. Time is changing, conditions are changing and the people are different. The way suit the role models best is not necessarily the only and the best way for another. It is entirely possible that in a case the method and experience of role model are crucial in point while in another circumstance the same way cannot work at all and even get the negative effects. As a teacher majoring Material Mechanics, once I found that eight students of my class who failed in the exam were those excelled in their homework. This event did not happen before for many years it was the true that those performed well in homework were always those did well in test. Why? After close scrutiny of those losers I found they are more likely to work out homework in group. And reexamination of their homework revealed that their answers are incredible similar to the thinking and reasoning of the best one. Here comes the answer, just copying the thinking and acting of the role model in academe help those students nothing to develop thinking of their own. And when meeting another questions they are limited by the routine way of role models and cannot accomplish their own work.

Not only in personal life just simply copying what the role model inhibits the critique thinking and creative imagination for individual, but also it might damage a company or a country when the key leader indiscriminately copy the success of leaders of some other companies or countries. The planned economy system of China before 1978 is a case in point.这个例子似乎不太合适，本文讨论的role model是指一个人吧，而你的例子却是一个国家，一种体制 The leader of China just copied so-called successful experience of Soviet Union and it was just this economic model that blocked China developing for a long time. Fortunately, the Prime Minister Deng Xiaoping abandoned the old economy system. Combining the Chinese concrete national circumstance with the Western experience, He went a new route which was more suited for China and in turn was justified by later glorious economic miracle. Besides, idolization of role models might create a image that everything they do are definitely right so that no one would challenge the standards or words of them, even they are totally wrong. Chairman Mao's action in his later days in China is a telling example. When he made the economic plan and started up the Cultural Revolution, few people doubt his decisions. And just his decision brought great tragedy in 1960s during which many people died for hungriness.

In sum, while our society benefits form the experience of role models, over-ratting of the importance of them might also jeopardize us and even the society. We should use the lesson and experience of role models properly, and not be controlled by them

总的来说，这几个分论点还不错，但是语言不流畅，有些词用得不准确

flyingwindUID: 189320

[谢谢LSD !]

最初由 LSD 发布
[B][这句感觉好便扭，楼主再看看吧]. [/B]

这句子语法没有问题，但是的确不流畅，和前个句子合并比较好。同imong建议

[B]我觉得后面的已经把意思说得比较清楚了，开头没有必要写这么长把，关键在于body的论述阿 [/B][/QUOTE]
[开头太长了。cut]

最初由 LSD 发布
[B]这个怎么只有现象没有分析呢？]
[/B]

这个小论点我就是说明一下，举了个排比的例子，不想过多纠缠，重点想放在后面一段

最初由 LSD 发布
[B]看来楼主真的是好喜欢写长句阿，我觉得写好ts很重要，还是写短句比较把稳些阿 [/B]

总觉得短局很散，再想想。/这里我想照应一下上文类容，再引出下文。

最初由 LSD 发布
[B] 给我的感觉和上一段一样，例子写的太多了，缺少分析[/B]

[哎~~~ 不足！但是感觉例证明，再分析显得罗嗦啊。比如，已经说了“Here comes the answer。。。”找到原因是。。。copy  role model。。。再分析是不是很罗嗦啊
要怎么展开？ LSD？讨论下？]

flyingwindUID: 189320

[谢谢pooh斑竹!!!]

最初由 pooh 发布
[B]开头有点罗索，概括到4句话左右比较合适，考试恐怕没这么多时间来写这么长开头
[/B]

OK! 注意了

最初由 pooh 发布
[B]这句不太通顺。one is.. collected with..有这样用的？
[/B]

这里面的one是上面说的2个aspects中的一个，可以用吗？

最初由 pooh 发布
[B]这个例子似乎不太合适，本文讨论的role model是指一个人吧，而你的例子却是一个国家，一种体制
[/B]

MW：a person whose behavior in a particular role is imitated by others
role model 是指人；但是当这个人的决定关系很多人的时候，比如是国家领导人。那么他要是copy 政策of其他国家的领导人的话，损害就比较大了。算是对题目危害的一个升华，不知道可以不？

最初由 LSD 发布
[B]总的来说，这几个分论点还不错，但是语言不流畅，有些词用得不准确 [/B]

郁闷啊，以前的文章有说比较流畅的，现在又不行了。怪！