argument61 大家请批, 谢谢了

clausiusUID: 147331

题目 Nationally, the average ratio of computers to students in kindergarten through grade 12 (K-12) is 1:5. Educators indicate that this is very good ratio. This means that across the country, all students have access to and can use computers daily in their classrooms. In Eyleria's K-12 schools, the ratio of computers to students is 1:7. This number is sufficient to ensure that all of Eyleria's students, by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology. Thus, there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years.

In the argument the author concludes that there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years. To support his standpoint the author presents some evidence. However, the conclusion is not reasonable for some flaws.

Firstly, there is an apparent logical flaw in the argument. The fact that educators indicate the average ratio of computers to students 1:5 in kindergarten through grade is a good ratio does not necessarily imply that the ratio 1:7 is also a good ratio. In fact, the ratio 1:5 maybe the most suitable ratio, while the average ratio of computers to students in Eyleria, 1:7, is small. Furthermore, the author does not give any evidence to show that the computers in Eyleria are sufficient for students to use. It is very possible that the computers there are not enough. Thus, it is hasty to say that the computers in Eyleria are sufficient.

Secondly, even though we concede that the computers in Eyleria are enough this year, that does not mean that they will be also enough in next few years. The author fails to consider some other alternatives that may increase the use of computers. For example, it is possible that Eyleria is planning to enroll more students, who will need more computers in next few years; it is possible that Eyleria will open more computer courses in next few years, it is also possible that there will be some computer competition held in Eyleria. If so, the quantity of computers now will be probably insufficient in the future.

Thirdly, even if the quantity of computers in Eyleria will be enough in next few years, it is not persuadable for the author to say that there is no reason to spend money on computers. The author does not present whether the performance of those computers are still well. It is very possible that many of the computers in Eyleria need maintaining and repairing. Moreover, it is unreasonable to say that there is no reason to spend budget on other technology either since without any evidence to support this saying we can not believe this assumption easily.

Thus, in summary, the conclusion of the author is not reasonable. To strengthen his view the author needs to give more information of the use condition of the computers in Eyleria, and consider some other possibilities that may increase the use of computers. The author also needs to consider the performance of those computers in Eyleria now.

冥界星灿UID: 184746

感谢楼主帮我改作文^_^

题目 Nationally, the average ratio of computers to students in kindergarten through grade 12 (K-12) is 1:5. Educators indicate that this is very good ratio. This means that across the country, all students have access to and can use computers daily in their classrooms. In Eyleria's K-12 schools, the ratio of computers to students is 1:7. This number is sufficient to ensure that all of Eyleria's students, by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology. Thus, there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years.

In the argument the author concludes that there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years. To support his standpoint这词不错 the author presents some evidence. However, the conclusion is not reasonable for some flaws为什么大家都用flaw?个人认为flaw是小瑕疵，多少有点无关痛痒的感觉，以前也曾经改过一个flaw.

Firstly, there is an apparent logical flaw同上 in the argument. The fact that educators indicate the average ratio of computers to students 1:5 in kindergarten through grade12 is a good ratio does not necessarily imply that the ratio 1:7 is also a good ratio. In fact, the ratio 1:5 maybemay be the most suitable ratio, while the average ratio of computers to students in Eyleria, 1:7, is smallsmaller. Furthermore, the author does not give any evidence to show that the computers in Eyleria are sufficient for students to use. It is very possible that the computers there are not enough. Thus, it is hasty to say that the computers in Eyleria are sufficient.

Secondly, even though we concede that the computers in Eyleria are enough this year, that是不是该用which does not mean that they will be also enough in next few years. The author fails to consider some other alternatives that may increase the use of computersthe use of computers=>the computers used 不是增加电脑的使用而是增加被使用的电脑数，楼主认为？. For example, it is possible that Eyleria is planning to enroll more students, who will need more computers in next few years; it is also possible that Eyleria will open more computer courses in next few years,; it is alsoeven possible that there will be some computer competition held in Eyleria为什么竞赛要用computer?. If so, the quantity of computers now will be probably insufficient in the future.

Thirdly, even if the quantity of computers in Eyleria will be enough in next few years, it is not persuadablepersuadable是形容人耳根软，persuasive for the author to say that there is no reason to spend money on computers. The author does not present whether the performance of those computers are still wellin good condition. It is veryentirly possible that many of the computers in Eyleria need maintaining and repairing. Moreover, it is unreasonable to say that there is no reason to spend budget on other technology either since without any evidence to support this saying we can not believe this assumption easily.

Thus, in summary, the conclusion of the author is not reasonable. To strengthen his view the author needs to give more information of the use condition of the computers in Eyleria, and consider some other possibilities that may increase the use of computers. The author also needs to consider the performance of those computers in Eyleria now.蓝色的那两点重复的吧？

字数是多少？好像有点少的说？

还有，一篇用了许多reason的同根词，考虑换一下？

clausiusUID: 147331

use condition 是指电脑的使用情况, performance 是电脑的性能,应该不同吧.

好象就400字.我觉得说清楚就可以了,没必要太多字吧.而且三十分钟模拟,还得拿五分钟时间检查,二十五分钟写不了太多字的.

谢谢楼上的,帮我改了两篇了.