issue154 我的第一篇，诚请大家指教

hazechenUID: 197677

154.Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.

In a broad sense, education is much more open-ended and all-inclusive than schooling which is a specific, formalized process. Based upon this perspective, I fundamentally agree with the speaker that only a group of professional educators involved in education cannot fulfill it effectively, however, I disagree with the speaker’s first contention, for parents and communities are involved in the broader education in some other ways and inappropriate involvement in the local schools may even do harm to formal schooling.
To begin with, Education is commonly referred to as the process of learning and obtaining knowledge at school, in a form of formal education, which is provided by professional educators. However, it is at the start of very young age that children learn to develop and use their mental, moral and physical power, which they acquiring through various types of education. In this sense, the process of education does not only start when they first attend school. Education begins at home and the communities where they living in. One does not only acquire knowledge from a teacher, one can learn and receive knowledge and life skills from a parent, family member and even an acquaintance in communities.
As for education is a very broad, inclusive term, it is not limited in schools but can take place anywhere, in which parents and communities played a significant and crucial role. For example, life stories told by parents make a person learn meaningful lessons; a chance conversation with a stranger in communities may lead a person to discover how little is known of other religions; personal experience in communities may let a person learn how to behave with his or her co-workers and or superiors; and so forth. Therefore even when children start their school education, parents and communities also influence them significantly and communities may play a more important role when they enter society.
Admittedly, schooling designed and implemented by professional educators is a formalized process and has its general pattern varies little from one setting to the next, which is also play a crucial role in education by teaching youngsters knowledge, skills and attitude essential to living and contribution to a ever-changing communities. Convinced the scientific system of schooling, parents and communities should not arbitrarily participate in local schools, which may disturb the systematical education of schooling, but construct a healthy environment for a better schooling and contribute to education in their own way.
  To sum up, education is a life long process, a process that starts long before the start of school, one that should be an integral part of one’s entire life, and one that lead people to a better life. To fulfill the noble mission of education, educators, parents and communities should join effort properly to create a healthy and constrictive learning environment for people all life long.

hazechenUID: 197677

主要是受imong一篇关于education的帖子的思路启发
但是感觉自己水平太差
写得不够深入
请大家多指点

hazechenUID: 197677

up一下
主要是觉得自己展开不充分
希望大家能给我点启发

拍我者，我必回拍^_^

dabaoqiaoUID: 195888

谢谢你看我的作文，我看完你的以后，给你粘过去：）
希望互相学习

最初由 hazechen 发布
[B]up一下
主要是觉得自己展开不充分
希望大家能给我点启发

拍我者，我必回拍^_^ [/B]

hazechenUID: 197677

先谢谢了^_^

dabaoqiaoUID: 195888

[In a broad sense, education is much more open-ended and all-inclusive than schooling which is a specific, formalized process. Based upon this perspective, I fundamentally agree with the speaker that only a group of professional educators involved in education cannot fulfill it effectively, however, I disagree with the speaker’s first contention, for parents and communities are involved in the broader education in some other ways and inappropriate involvement in the local schools may even do harm to formal schooling.
To begin with, Education is commonly referred to as the process of learning and obtaining knowledge at school, in a form of formal education, which is provided by professional educators. However, it is at the start of very young age that children learn to develop and use their mental, moral and physical power, which they acquiring through various types of education. In this sense, the process of education does not only start when they first attend school. Education begins at home and the communities where they living in. One does not only acquire knowledge from a teacher, (but also) one can learn and receive knowledge and life skills from a parent, family member and even an acquaintance in communities.
As for education is a very broad, inclusive term, it is not limited in schools but can take place anywhere, in which parents and communities played a significant and crucial role. For example, life stories told by parents make a person learn meaningful lessons; a chance conversation with a stranger in communities may lead a person to discover how little is known of other religions; personal experience in communities may let a person learn how to behave with his or her co-workers and or superiors; and so forth. Therefore even when children start their school education, parents and communities also influence them significantly and communities may play a more important role when they enter society.
Admittedly, schooling designed and implemented by professional educators is a formalized process and has its general pattern varies little from one setting to the next, which is also play a crucial role in education by teaching youngsters knowledge, skills and attitude essential to living and contribution to a ever-changing communities. Convinced the scientific system of schooling, parents and communities should not arbitrarily participate in local schools, which may disturb the systematical education of schooling, but construct a healthy environment for a better schooling and contribute to education in their own way.
To sum up, education is a life long process, a process that starts long before the start of school, one that should be an integral part of one’s entire life, and one that lead people to a better life. To fulfill the noble mission of education, educators, parents and communities should join effort properly to create a healthy and constrictive learning environment for people all life long.

文章语言很好，也恨流畅，但我觉得你写走题了。题目是问parents and community 是不是应该参与教育，还是只是学校负责教育。你的观点是“不能只是学校教育，但parents and community 也不能参加。 可论证过程是“除了学校之外，很多地方都能学到东西，而且学习也不是从上学才开始的（还提到了小孩从父母那里学到东西，这算不算parents参与教育了呢？），而对parents and community 为什么不能参加论述很少（只提了不能破坏学校系统教育）。 我觉得逻辑很混乱，看完这篇文章不知你要说什么。不过对于第一篇来讲，写到这个程度已经很不错了，至少比我强，呵呵。
以上是我的个人意见，仅供参考：）


QUOTE]最初由 hazechen 发布
[B]先谢谢了^_^ [/B][/QUOTE]

hazechenUID: 197677

我的观点是“父母、社会不能贸然卷入学校教育中，而是通过其它方式来教育孩子”
但是写到后来才发现怎样来论证为什么不能卷入学校教育这点很难写
大部分都在写教育是一个广泛的定义和父母、社会如何在其它方面影响孩子
看来是重点放错了

龙非UID: 193190

In a broad sense, education is much more open-ended and all-inclusive than schooling which is a specific, formalized process. Based upon this perspective, I fundamentally agree with the speaker that only a group of professional educators involved in education cannot fulfill it effectively, however, I disagree with the speaker’s first contention, for parents and communities are involved in the broader education in some other ways and inappropriate involvement in the local schools may even do harm to formal schooling. 没看下面，光看开头就已经不是很妥了，同意后半句，光有educators不够，但是不同意前半句，觉得家长和社区加入教育也不恰当，这基本是自相矛盾的，除非后面能自圆其说，不然，嘿嘿

To begin with, Education is commonly referred to as the process of learning and obtaining knowledge at school, in a form of formal education, which is provided by professional educators. However, it is at the start of very young age that children learn to develop and use their mental, moral and physical power, which they acquiring through various types of education. In this sense, the process of education does not only start when they first attend school. Education begins at home and the communities where they living in. One does not only acquire knowledge from a teacher, one can learn and receive knowledge and life skills from a parent, family member and even an acquaintance in communities.
. TS不明确


As for education is a very broad, inclusive term, it is not limited in schools but can take place anywhere, in which parents and communities played a significant and crucial role. For example, life stories told by parents make a person learn meaningful lessons; a chance conversation with a stranger in communities may lead a person to discover how little is known of other religions; personal experience in communities may let a person learn how to behave with his or her co-workers and or superiors; and so forth. Therefore even when children start their school education, parents and communities also influence them significantly and communities may play a more important role when they enter society.

Admittedly, schooling designed and implemented by professional educators is a formalized process and has its general pattern varies little from one setting to the next, which is also play a crucial role in education by teaching youngsters knowledge, skills and attitude essential to living and contribution to a ever-changing communities. Convinced the scientific system of schooling, parents and communities should not arbitrarily participate in local schools, which may disturb the systematical education of schooling, but construct a healthy environment for a better schooling and contribute to education in their own way.

To sum up, education is a life long process, a process that starts long before the start of school, one that should be an integral part of one’s entire life, and one that lead people to a better life. To fulfill the noble mission of education, educators, parents and communities should join effort properly to create a healthy and constrictive learning environment for people all life long.

. 呵呵，确实没能自圆其说

龙非UID: 193190

haze 的逻辑确实是需要好好提高一把才行，直了一点，莫见怪。
提个建议，拿到题目好好想一想，首先要把题目的关键字和逻辑理清，再来确定自己的观点，并先写下提纲，看看提纲能不能说服你自己先

hazechenUID: 197677

我其实是想说明学校教育是属于教育的，但是不是教育的全部
但是自己逻辑能力不够
还是说不清楚
唉，还是规规矩矩地按常规来吧
谢谢龙非的建议