Issue20 (Adults Vs Children ) 啊~~ISSUE第一篇，需要大家伙支持啊，等待回拍你

tcaactUID: 186901

National governments should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults.
------正文------
The speaker claims that national government should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults. In my view, however, the allocation should be determined on a case-by-case basis.

One compelling argument in favor of the speaker's assertion is that children, as the new generation, are responsible for the nations' future. To some extent, how the children being nurtured today would determine the prosperity of the country in the future decades. One fitting example, immediately comes into my mind is the Japanese’s recommendation for the parents of the 50's-born children. In the 1950th, the government proposed that all of the newborn children drink at least one cup of milk each day, and served them for free. This policy turned out that the average statute of the 50th-born generation increased by about 10 centimeters compared with their parents; which lead to a stronger labor pool for the Japan's newly economic expansion, leads to Japan's economic growth after the Second World War.

On the other hand, however, when the whole nation faces a urging social problems within the adults' world, these kinds of social service belongs to children should give way to the whole good of the general. One compelling example is such nations now in Africa. Admittedly, most of the world is in it's best condition now. On the other hand, some countries in Africa are facing the vital difficulty-that is , AIDS! Although the whole medical world never stop trying to find a useful treatment for the patients suffering HIV/AIDS, there still ever comes out any encouraging result about combating this virus; even a way to control the disease is impossible. In those mentioned countries, the disaster has done an uncountable damage to both the healthy and the economy of the whole nation. The pressing social problem pushes the government to the no-choice condition: dealing with the epidemic is the most significant responsible and the first need being considered at any time. Under this situation, what are children need is far less important then the central issue: to combat with AID, to prevent the adults from the HIV by giving them more social programs concerning both education and medical help. Query without solving, or at least controlling the being worse national problem, how can the new generation even survive? Query without enough labor pools in result of the spelling disease, how can the whole society operate normally?

In sum, whether should the government devote their social programs and service more to children depends on a case-by-case analysis. Undoubtedly, in most of the nations in the world the children's need for their developments should take advantage of some less urging social problems. However, if some more significant national wide problems comes to  the face of  the general public, such needs of children pales in comparison of the whole require of the society.

boyjimUID: 125249

The speaker claims that national government should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults. In my view, however, the allocation should be determined on a case-by-case basis.
不错

One compelling argument in favor of the speaker's assertion is that children, as the new generation, are responsible for the nations' future. To some extent, how the children being nurtured today would determine the prosperity of the country in the future decades. One fitting example, immediately comes into my mind is the Japanese’s recommendation for the parents of the 50's-born children. In the 1950th, the government proposed that all of the newborn children drink at least one cup of milk each day, and served them for free. This policy turned out that the average statute of the 50th-born generation increased by about 10 centimeters compared with their parents; which lead to a stronger labor pool for the Japan's newly economic expansion, leads to Japan's economic growth after the Second World War. 写得不错，但例子略显长

On the other hand, however, when the whole nation faces a urging social problems within the adults' world, these kinds of social service belongs to children should give way to the whole good of the general. One compelling example is such nations now in Africa. Admittedly, most of the world is in it's best condition now. On the other hand, （换，前面已经用过了）some countries in Africa are facing the vital difficulty-that is , AIDS! Although the whole medical world never stop trying to find a useful treatment for the patients suffering HIV/AIDS, there still ever comes out any encouraging result about combating this virus; even a way to control the disease is impossible. In those mentioned countries, the disaster has done an uncountable damage to both the healthy and the economy of the whole nation. The pressing social problem pushes the government to the no-choice condition: dealing with the epidemic is the most significant responsible and the first need being considered at any time. Under this situation, what are children need is far less important then the central issue: to combat with AID, to prevent the adults from the HIV by giving them more social programs concerning both education and medical help. Query without solving, （这个是什么意思，请教一下，我也好用嘻嘻）or at least controlling the being worse national problem, how can the new generation even survive? Query without enough labor pools in result of the spelling disease, how can the whole society operate normally?（看来楼主很喜欢举例地说）

In sum, whether should the government devote their social programs and（or！） service more to children depends on a case-by-case analysis. Undoubtedly, in most of the nations in the world the children's need for their developments should take advantage of some less urging social problems. However, if some more significant national wide problems comes to the face of the general public, such needs of children pales in comparison of the whole require of the society.
文字功底不错，如果把大段举例变成一些说理，文章可能更好看！个看法！

alinazhUID: 187151

我占上了，等改完传上来！！

alinazhUID: 187151

No.1  Issue20 (Adults Vs Children ) 啊~~ISSUE第一篇，需要大家伙支持啊，等待回拍你哦：）[周年祝福]
National governments should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults.
------正文------
The speaker claims that national government should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults. In my view, however, the allocation should be determined on a case-by-case basis.开头很好，简单直白

One compelling argument in favor of the speaker's assertion is that children, as the new generation, are responsible for the nations' future. To some extent, how the children being nurtured today would determine the prosperity of the country in the future decades. One fitting example, immediately comes into my mind is the Japanese’s recommendation for the parents of the 50's-born children. In the 1950th, the government proposed that all of the newborn children drink at least one cup of milk each day, and served them for free. This policy turned out that the average statute of the 50th-born generation increased by about 10 centimeters compared with their parents; which lead to a stronger labor pool for the Japan's newly economic expansion, leads to Japan's economic growth after the Second World War.这段没有问题，不过我觉得应该再加一个总结句是段落比较完整。

On the other hand, however, when the whole nation faces a（an） urging social problems within the adults' world, these kinds of social service belongs to children should give way to the whole good of the general. One compelling example is such nations now in Africa. Admittedly, most of the world is in it's best condition now. On the other hand, some countries in Africa are facing the vital difficulty-that is , AIDS!我觉得最重要的困难应该是poverty吧，AIDS是我们所有人都在面对的威胁 Although the whole medical world never stop trying to find a useful treatment for the patients suffering HIV/AIDS, there still ever comes out any encouraging result about combating this virus; even a way to control the disease is impossible. In those mentioned countries, the disaster has done an uncountable damage to both the healthy and the economy of the whole nation. The pressing social problem pushes the government to the no-choice condition: dealing with the epidemic is the most significant responsible and the first need being considered at any time. Under this situation, what are children need is far less important then the central issue: to combat with AID, to prevent the adults from the HIV by giving them more social programs concerning both education and medical help. Query without solving, or at least controlling the being worse national problem, how can the new generation even survive? Query without enough labor pools in result of the spelling disease, how can the whole society operate normally?

In sum, whether should the government devote their social programs and service more to children depends on a case-by-case analysis. Undoubtedly, in most of the nations in the world the children's need for their developments should take advantage of some less urging social problems. However, if some more significant national wide problems comes to the face of the general public, such needs of children pales in comparison of the whole require of the society.
写的语言真的很好，应该向你学习。不过我觉得你没有体现出比较的意思来，也就是说应该再说一些重视adult的好处和对社会的影响，这之间根children的做一些比较，得出case by case的结论。我建议你去看一下追星剑特训，他哪里有怎样写比较性文章的说明。

我的新文章，帮忙看看行吗？谢谢！！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252057 issue154
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252058 argu57

莫名NUID: 146481

看完了
语言还不错
不过例子分析得还不够
也就是说感觉文章的深度不够
特别是大谈AIDS的那段
觉得有点浮

再看看别人的文章
好好体会一下;)

DriverEntryUID: 143979

总的来说还可以，思路比较清楚，句子也有变换。但是有个毛病比较明显，词性用错得地方多了一点，这个问题我觉得还是有点严重的。象TOEFL语法改错里，词性用错就是一个典型的错误。所以这种低级错误还是好犯的好。

说实话，词性用错要比拼写错误还严重，偶尔几个拼写错了，人家可以理解。打字快乐，难免会错。但是拼写都对，就是词性用错了，那就说不过去了。

另外还有其他一些低级的语法错误，也要避免。

PS：楼主好像没什么拼写错误，是不是自己都改过了？还是真的拼写这么好。

Good luck

The speaker claims that national government should devote more of their social programs and service to children than to adults. In my view, however, the allocation should be determined on a case-by-case basis.

One compelling argument in favor of the speaker's assertion is that children, as the new generation, are responsible for the nations' future. To some extent, how the children being nurtured today would determine the prosperity of the country in the future decades. One fitting example, immediately comes into my mind is the Japanese’s recommendation for the parents of the 50's-born children. In the 1950th, the government proposed that all of the newborn children drink at least one cup of milk each day, and served them for free. This policy turned out that the average statute of the 50th-born generation increased by about 10 centimeters compared with their parents; which lead to a stronger labor pool for the Japan's newly economic expansion, leads to Japan's economic growth after the Second World War.

On the other hand, however, when the whole nation faces aan urging social problems within the adults' world, these kinds of social service belongs to这个地方不该用谓语形式，和后面的SHOULD重复了，该成ABOUT好了 children should give way to the whole good of the general. One compelling example is such nations now in Africa. Admittedly, most of the world is in it's best condition now这句可以去掉. On the other hand, some countries in Africa are facing the vital difficulty-THAT IS和破折号不要同时用，用一个就够了that is , AIDS! Although the whole medical world never stop trying to find a useful treatment for the patients suffering HIV/AIDS, there still everNEVER comes out any encouraging result about combating this virus; even a way to control the disease is impossible. In those mentioned countries, the disaster has done an uncountable damage to both the healthyhealth词性 and the economy of the whole nation. The pressing social problem pushes the government to the no-choice condition: dealing with the epidemicof AIDS is the most significant responsible2格形容词连用？词性注意下 and the first need being considered at any time. Under this situation, what are children need is far less important then the central issue: to combat with AID, to prevent the adults from the HIV by giving them more social programs concerning both education and medical help. Query without solving看不懂, or at least controlling the being worse national problem, how can the new generation even survive? Query without enough labor pools in result of the spelling disease, how can the whole society operate normally?

In sum, whether should the government devote their social programs and service more to childrenor not depends on a case-by-case analysis. Undoubtedly, in most of the nations in the world the children's need for their developments should take advantage of some less urging social problems. However, if some more significant national wide problems comes to the face of the general public, such needs of children pales in comparison of the whole require of the society.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

大家已经说了很多了，我就帮你从大概上看一下吧

1.开头太潦草，含含糊糊的就过去了，要对你自己的观点交代清楚

2.身高和经济发展没什么关系。例子是不错的但是解释的不清楚。

3.论述还可以，不过例子太罗嗦了，可以用这样的篇幅举多一点的例子，成人的问题可以包括犯罪暴力战争失业等等。

总的感觉是论述中缺少了环节，所以觉得衔接的不好，如B1提出了类似于130的观点，儿童决定社会命运，不过，你就此打住了，没有进一步论述出来为什么，没有论据支持。而且，如果与后文对应的话，这里你应该说出儿童问题的本质－－百年大计的问题，一个长期发展的问题。
这样才能跟成人的当务之急的问题对应。

而成人问题的部分也不是很成功，感觉你的论述都是停留在现象上面的。

另外的问题就是你的case-by-case 的问题了，我觉得应该分成有严重当务之急的情况，如战争，下岗，流行疾病。应该解决当务之急。
无当务之急的情况，发展平稳的国家，应该注重长期规划。
更多的是两者并存的情况，需要平衡发展。
这个才是case-by-case 的分析。

tcaactUID: 186901

非常非常感谢大家，真的，作为第一篇Issue, 说实话，刚写完是挺爽的（限时成功），但是却越想越害怕~~~
感谢大家的支持!!!
让我们一起努力~~~

query 的意思是：敢问...  
呵呵，很有气势的吧~~~ 后面可以直接加句子，或者加whether....