issue 151 第一次来，谢谢大家批阅

thminUID: 192642

Issue151“High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and televisions, tend to prevent from meaningful and thoughtful communication.”

Some people like the speaker in title statement are holding the stance that the high-speed electronic communication media, including television and electronic mails, tend to prevent people from meaningful and thoughtful communications. I agree with this point of view, to some extent, people using these high-tech electronic communication media are prone to carry out less meaningful and thoughtful communication than they have been before, although the speaker fails to point out the real factor that prevent effective communication is people's attitude towards these new medium.

Firstly, high-speed electronic communication media have brought about great changes in our ways of interaction with people,  some of which are not effective and positive. Although the electronic communication media have provided us more quick and convenient way to communicate, they usually attains the goal at the cost of the effectiveness and profundity of the communication. Let's just take the two main media in the title statement for example. Television, mainly as a tool for distributing information rather than receiving, could hardly provide people interaction ,not to mention quick response. It will be a big problem for those learners who try to complete education by watching TV programs or videotapes related to their subjects  in stead of attending schools and classes. When questions arouses, who can answer for them? As to electronic mail, which seems to be more convenient and responsive in contacting, are short of face-to-face communication which thought to be one of the most important ways to understand different people.

Secondly, with rapid developement of modern technology, people who rely on electronic medium are tend to neglect the traditonal contact with others. Those people, who seem to be immersed in various kind of electronic technology products of media, are gradually “losing contact” with ordinary people around them. They spent long hours sitting in front of computers, lingering on Internet for the latest news, chatting happily with the imaginary cyber-friends of his long buddy list. If someone else talk to him at this time, he will immediately feel invaded and get irritated about the disturbance. The electronic media, especially Internet, have created an unreal world surrounding them and built up a invisible wall preventing deep and profound communication and thus understanding.

Thirdly, nowadays the high-tech electronic media rarely provide content service rich in meaning and thoughts to people who are making use of them. Operating by the business rules and profit-gaining motivation, the providers of electronic media service, like television stations and ISPs (Internet service providers), are more willing to provide what people are demanding rather than what they need to know about the world. They make excessive superficial soap operas, noisy metallic rock and roll music videos, and too many small pieces of unimportant news about celerity's private lives. As a result, less people care about the peace of the world, the African children in famine, and less discussions are raised in topics such as abortion and death penalty. As a result, the meaningful and thoughtful communication is severely hampered.

In the final analysis, the high-speed electronic communication medium does undermine the thoughtful and meaningful communication among people. But what I am going to clarify is that it's not entirely the media's own fault to get the result but people's attitudes towards these new medium. With people's gradual conciousness and educators' attention paid to this issue, we can finally make good use of these new generation of medium.

中途电脑死机，所以有一部份没来及保存就又重写，因而没有计时
第一次发出来请大家修改，谢谢了！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

发贴格式有问题，题目和题号之间不要空格
新手请看我签名档里面的发贴格式

楼主可以先给别人改文章然后把自己文章的链接发在后面，互改一下

thminUID: 192642

发了两天也没有顶,郁闷了. 干脆自己拍一下好了, 拍了两天别人文章,中间又隔了两天,看自己的也比较客观了. 建议那些被别人承诺回拍却未能兑现的朋友也学学用这个方法吧.

Some people like the speaker in title statement are holding这里用不着用现在时强调 the stance that the high-speed electronic communication media, including television and electronic mails, tend to prevent people from meaningful and thoughtful communications.开头太平淡了,要多多向别人学习 I agree with this point of view, to some extent, people using these high-tech electronic communication media are prone to carry out less meaningful and thoughtful communication than they have been before, although the speaker fails to point out the real factor that prevent effective communication is people's attitude towards these new medium.后边这一点在文章中没有怎么涉及,要么具体谈一下,要么就不说

Firstly, high-speed electronic communication media have brought about great changes in our ways of interaction with people, some of which are not effective and positive.有点别扭,重写一下吧:Firstly, with the help of high-speed electronic communication media, our communication have changed in many ways; but these new media have not yet proved to be perfect in some aspects. Although  electronic communication media have provided us more quick and convenient way to communicate…ways用得太多了.这句不如说…have provided us opportunity to communicate more quickly and conveniently, they usually attainsattained the goalgoals at the cost of the effectiveness and profundity of the communication. Let's just take the two main media in the title statement for example. Television, mainly as a tool for distributing information rather than receiving it, could hardly provide people interaction, not to mention quick response. 加上连词Therefore,然后小写itIt will be a big problem for those learners who try to complete education我想表达接受教育,昨天刚刚在一本书上学到用pursue education比较好 by watching TV programs or videotapes related to their subjects in stead of attending schools and classes. When questions arouses, who can answer for them? As to electronic mail, which seems to be more convenient and responsive in contactingin contacting去掉吧,放在这里很多余的说, areis注意前后一致! short of face-to-face communication which thought to be one of the most important ways to understand different peopleto understand different people不好,重写:to achieve mutual understanding.

Secondly, with rapid developmentdevelopment of modern technology, 加上限定词some,并不是所有人都如此people who rely on electronic medium are去掉are tend to neglect the traditonal traditional应该是笔误,晕死… contact with others. Those people, who seem to be immersed in various kinds of electronic technology products of media, are gradually “losing contact” with ordinary people around them. They spent long hours sitting in front of computers, lingering on Internet for the latest news, chatting happily with the imaginary cyber-friends of his long buddy list. If someone else talk talked to him at this time, hethey,注意前后一致 willwould immediately feel invaded and get irritated about the disturbance. The electronic media, especially Internet, have created an unreal world surrounding them and built up aan invisible wall preventing deep and profound communication and thus understanding.

Thirdly, nowadays the high-tech electronic media rarely provide content service richdeep比较好 in meaning and thoughts to people who are making use of them. OperatingOperated by the business rules and profit-gaining motivation, the providers of electronic media service, like television stations and ISPs Internet service providers, are more willing to provide what people are demanding为了保持前后的平行,这里用what people demand to know较好 rather than what they need to know about the world. They make excessive superficial soap operas, noisy metallic rock and roll music videos, and too many small pieces of unimportant news about celerity's private lives. As a result, less people care about the peace of the world, the African children in famine, and lessfewer discussions are raised in 加controversialtopics such as abortion and death penalty. As a result, the meaningful and thoughtful communication is severely hampered.

In the final analysis, the high-speed electronic communication medium does undermine the thoughtful and meaningful communication among people. But what I am going to clarify is that it's not entirely the media's own fault to get the result but people's attitudes towards these new medium. With people's gradual conciousness consciousness and educators' attention paid to this issue, we can finally make good use of these new generation of medium.这段和开头段有同样的问题,既然指出问题不在媒体本身而在人们自己,至少应该加以说明,要么就不谈.从三个分论点的角度来看,只有B1涉及到媒体自身的局限性,那么应该在适当的地方进行强调,只在开头结尾处略点一下显得有点单薄.

sailing_yfUID: 150982

Some people like the speaker in title statement are holding这里用不着用现在时强调 the stance that the high-speed electronic communication media, including television and electronic mails, tend to prevent people from meaningful and thoughtful communications.开头太平淡了,要多多向别人学习 I agree with this point of view, to some extent, people using these high-tech electronic communication media are prone to carry out less meaningful and thoughtful communication than they have been before, although the speaker fails to point out the real factor that prevent effective communication is people's attitude towards these new medium.后边这一点在文章中没有怎么涉及,要么具体谈一下,要么就不说

Firstly, high-speed electronic communication media have brought about great changes in our ways of interaction with people, some of which are not effective and positive.有点别扭,重写一下吧:Firstly, with the help of high-speed electronic communication media, our communication have changed in many ways; but these new media改用new change醒目一点 have not yet proved to be perfect in some aspects. Although electronic communication media have provided us more quick and convenient way to communicate…ways用得太多了.这句不如说…have provided us opportunity to communicate more quickly and conveniently, they usually attainsattained the goalgoals at the cost of the effectiveness and profundity of the communication. Let's just take the two main media in the title statement for example. Television, mainly as a tool for distributing information rather than receiving it, could hardly provide people interaction, not to mention quick response. 加上连词Therefore,然后小写itIt will be a big小词换一个intractable problem for those learners who try to complete education我想表达接受教育,昨天刚刚在一本书上学到用pursue education比较好 by watching TV programs or videotapes related to their subjects in stead of attending schools and classes. When questions arousesWhen questions arouses语法有错误，应该用Then吧？, who can answer for them? As to electronic mail, which seems to be more convenient and responsive in contactingin contacting去掉吧,放在这里很多余的说, areis注意前后一致! short of face-to-face communication which isthought to be one of the most important ways to understand different peopleto understand different people不好,重写:to achieve mutual understanding.

Secondly, with rapid developmentdevelopment of modern technology, 加上限定词some,并不是所有人都如此people who rely on electronic medium are去掉are tend to neglect the traditonal traditional应该是笔误,晕死…我觉得应该保留traditional并加上method like written letter to因为再减少也不能没交流，否则没交流也就没后面的聊天看新闻等 contact with others. evenThose people, who seem to be immersed in various kinds of electronic technology products of media, are gradually “losing contact” with ordinary people around them. They spent long hours sitting in front of computers, lingering on Internet for the latest news, chatting happily with the imaginary cyber-friends of his long buddy口语化的词最好改一下close friend list. If someone else talk talked to him at this time, hethey,注意前后一致 willwould immediately feel invaded and get irritated about the disturbance.打扰一下就生气，太极端了把可改成reluctant to answer The electronic media, especially Internet, have created an unreal world surrounding them and built up aan invisible wall preventing deep and profound communication and thus understanding.

Thirdly, nowadays the high-tech electronic media rarely provide content service richdeep比较好 in meaning and thoughts to people who are making use of them. OperatingOperated by the business rules and profit-gaining motivation, the providers of electronic media service, like television stations and ISPs Internet service providers, are more willing to provide what people are demanding为了保持前后的平行,这里用what people demand to know较好 rather than what they need to know about the world. They make excessive superficial soap operas, noisy metallic rock and roll music videos, and too many small pieces of unimportant news about celerity's private lives 好像没说完可补上, these hot issues that dominate most of people’s spare time. As a result, less people care about the peace of the world, the African children in famine, and lessfewer discussions are raised in 加controversialtopics such as abortion and death penalty. As a resultConsequently, the meaningful and thoughtful communication is severely hampered.

In the final analysis, the high-speed electronic communication medium does undermine the thoughtful and meaningful communication among people. But what I am going to clarify is that it's not entirely the media's own fault to get the result but people's attitudes towards these new medium. With people's gradual conciousness consciousness and educators' attention paid to this issue, we can finally make good use of these new generation of medium.这段和开头段有同样的问题,既然指出问题不在媒体本身而在人们自己,至少应该加以说明,要么就不谈.从三个分论点的角度来看,只有B1涉及到媒体自身的局限性,那么应该在适当的地方进行强调,只在开头结尾处略点一下显得有点单薄.
好文章，水平有限，在原文的基础上略加改动，学习一下

staralwaysUID: 193479

第一次写这样很不错了呢。
文章整体把握很不错，每段对论点的分析也很透彻。
不过可能是第一次写的缘故，开头以及每段对论点的总结方面还有所欠缺。加油！

thminUID: 192642

谢谢两位的批改,你们的意见很好,看到了很多我当时没有注意到的问题,谢谢!
可惜我前两天以为没有人给我改就没怎么上来,今天好容易找到了,也已经很晚了,明天一定回拍,谢谢!