Issue 34 Education第一篇,参上课提纲,58分钟,word改过,请指教

yiyi2005UID: 192894

Issue34 Education第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：58分51秒     488 words
从2005年2月5日8时27分到2005年2月5日9时58分
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Instead of requiring students to take courses in a variety of disciplines—that is, courses ranging from the arts and the humanities to the physical and biological sciences—colleges and universities should allow students to enroll only in those courses that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields. Such concentration is necessary in today's increasingly work-oriented society.
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The speaker asserts that instead of requiring students to take courses in a variety of disciplines, colleges and universities should allow students to enroll only in those courses that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields. I disagree with his point for reasons below.

One threshold of the problem is that the speaker implies that college or university students have already known what they'll choose as their career. However, in most cases, especially for freshmen, they're too young and immature to decide what they will do in their future. Today's young students are fashion-seekers; they're inclined to change their minds very quickly and don’t consider the consequences. It's very common for them to be keen to become a media star just after they watch a hot star's performance; to become a Nobel Prize winner only when read the stories of several winners; to become a sportsman when infinite admiration rises when they see the final competition of a soccer match or even just a shoot. Therefore, it's irresponsible for any society to let them choose their career at such an early age.

On the other side, the national requiring courses in a variety of disciplines are beneficial for most students. We may take some risk leaving the right of deciding the courses to legislators and bureaucracies; but we also avoid the danger that students only touch a narrow range of course in their interested fields. Once read in an article (and I paraphrase):"Spend 70 percent of your time in what you like and 30 percent of your time in what you dislike, then you're a step nearer to success." Moreover, today's world is becoming increasingly complex, creating many cross-disciplines which need cross-discipline knowledge such as finance mathematics, biochemistry etc, thus to better prepare our student for work, courses ranging from the arts and the humanities to the physical and biological sciences are necessary. Furthermore even if we don't aim at preparing student for work, learning these disciplines will help them to form some fundamental values of our society such as justice, equity and tolerance.

Finally, we should consider what kind of job should we prepare for our students, duplication work or creative work? Of course, we shoule prepare them for the fomal one.For example, as for an accounting student, he should first to learn how to accomplish his accounting statement; later if he desires promotion he should be able to provide some meaningful suggestions for his leader, this needs the knowledge besides accounting statement itself; in the final stage he should be able to consider the whole strategy of the company, this needs far-reaching sight, global perspectives and other abilities. Learning accouting is far from enough to reach this hight, while learning some courses such as maketing,management will help him to culitivate these abilities.

In the final analysis, I disagree with the speaker, students are too young to decide their future job, and a variety disciplines can show them the way and lead them to a better work.

开头和结尾还不大会写:(

lunaticUID: 150745

开头写法可以看看这篇帖子https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252668
结尾就是转述文中表达思想，但要换一种表达，不能总是disagreee
前两个body的论述还不错，最后一个body没有有效展开，文中论点说应该考虑是重复性工作还是创造性工作（没有结论），但没有比较两者区别，也没有有效说明这两种工作跟选择多种课程的关系，仅仅说了会计工作要想提升必须学习专业以外的知识，似乎不能有效支持论点
另外有几个小错误：1. take risk of doing 2. aim at doing/ sth
3. Spend 70 percent of your time in what you like and 30 percent of your time in what you dislike, then you're (on) a step nearer to success             step 那应该有个介词吧，我觉得应该是on

yiyi2005UID: 192894

收到,谢谢lunatic帮我改.让我备受鼓舞,一定再接再励
现在就觉得时间太紧了.每天看10篇以上的范文再加自己写一篇,开始有点感觉.
加油了

dvdwormUID: 168213

The speaker asserts that instead of requiring students to take courses in a variety of disciplines, colleges and universities should allow students to enroll only in those courses that will help prepare them (改为help them prepare)for jobs in their chosen fields. I disagree with his point for reasons below.

One threshold of the problem is that the speaker implies that college or university students have already known what they'll choose as their career. However, in most cases, especially for freshmen, they're too young and immature to decide what they will do in their future. Today's young students are fashion-seekers; they're inclined to change their minds very quickly and don’t consider the consequences. It's very common for them to be keen to become a media star just after they watch a hot star's performance; to become a Nobel Prize winner only when read the stories of several winners; to become a sportsman when infinite admiration rises when they see the final competition of a soccer match or even just a shoot. Therefore, it's irresponsible for any society to let them choose their career at such an early age.

On the other side, the national requiring courses in a variety of disciplines are beneficial for most students. We may take some risk leaving the right of deciding the courses to legislators and bureaucracies; but we (加上must)also avoid the danger that students only touch a narrow range of course in their interested fields. Once read in an article (and I paraphrase):"Spend 70 percent of your time in what you like and 30 percent of your time in what you dislike, then you're a step nearer to success." Moreover, today's world is becoming increasingly complex, creating many cross-disciplines which need cross-discipline knowledge such as finance mathematics, biochemistry etc, thus to better prepare our student(改为students) for work, courses ranging from the arts and the humanities to the physical and biological sciences are necessary. Furthermore even if we don't aim at preparing student(改为students) for work, learning these disciplines will help them to form some fundamental values of our society such as justice, equity and tolerance.

Finally, we should consider what kind of job should we prepare for our students, duplication work or creative work? Of course, we shoule(改为should) prepare them for the fomal(改为latter，应该是creative work吧) one.For example, as for an accounting student, he should first to learn how to accomplish his accounting statement; later if he desires promotion he should be able to provide some meaningful suggestions for his leader, this needs the knowledge besides accounting statement itself; in the final stage he should be able to consider the whole strategy of the company, this needs far-reaching sight, global perspectives and other abilities. Learning accouting（改为accounting） is far from enough to reach this hight(改为height), while learning some courses such as maketing(改为marketing), management will help him to culitivate(改为cultivate) these abilities.

In the final analysis, I disagree with the speaker, students are too young to decide their future job, and a variety disciplines can show them the way and lead them to a better work.

写的挺好的，逻辑和思想都不错，就是语言上有些小错误，而且越到后面越多，我跟lunatic一样都觉的你第三段写的不好，给人虎头蛇尾的感觉，你再把第三段好好改改吧.至于开头和结尾我觉得还行，可能你觉的有点短吧。