issue93[color=fuchsia]同主题这篇挺难的,多指点互相砸哈

flyingwindUID: 189320

Issue93  
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
To some extent, People's behavior is influenced and determined by forces not of their own making. On the face, external force prevent person from reaching their own individual responsibility. Nonetheless, for more or less, those forces serve to strengthen the harmony of competing interests which are closely related to everyone’s individual responsibility. Furthermore, resistance to some unfair forces is crucial for the progress of human democracy.

As social animals, people cannot act everything randomly as they want. People must obey laws and regulations, which help to harmonize the competing interests of person, community, company, and the like. Those rules are beneficial for a society to develop healthy, for the violators ought to be charged, accused by those laws and regulations. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the Third Empire ruled by Hitler. In that time all the German were compelled in the World War Two, no matter what ones own willing. And the Jews are compelled to get out of German, no matter how he/she loved the country. Anyone who violated the willing of the despot will be arrested or even killed. How about “individual responsibility” of one person who have been robbed of the life right! In these cases, people's behavior is determined by some powers which are outside their control.

Nevertheless, no man lives in a vacuum. Totally fulfillment of ones individual responsibility might amount to another one’s agony. Powers such as laws and regulations aim to building individual responsibility to citizens in an imperative form. For instance, laws dictate that an employee should be punished when uncover the secret and so as to harm his/her company. Though it is the individual responsibility for an employee to be loyal to his/her company, the punishment help to withdraw the enforcement of that responsibility. Another example involves the plagiary in college campus. Simple relying on the individual responsibility of college students seems to be far from enough. The latest cheating affairs in the University of Virginia is the case in point. This university, which is famous for his "grade honor" system, had suffered from a plagiary, for more than 60 students' papers were nearly identical to be found in the Internet. The scandal had raised huge debates in the University whether it was needed to induce supervisal when students are in test. In short, some forces such as laws and regulations help rather than tamper the realization of human responsibility.

On the other hand, the concept of "individual responsibility" should not be defined as obeying the force, say law, rule, etc unselectedly, just following what the "behavior compass" tell us to do. The struggle for democracy in the history informs us that we are still on a way to a more democratic and free society, and the way is endless. Here need the intervention of individual responsibility. What if Rosa Parks volunteer to give up her seat to a white person in Montegomery city? It is most likely there was no a yearlong bus boycott which signaled the beginning of the Civil Right movement in America. She was arrested due to the regulation of discrimination system, yet she still opposed to obey the law, make her own choice by inner responsibility for democracy. Also consider the spiritual leader of American Civil Right Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Without his individual responsibility for the equality of African Americans, the African Americans might never have gained full citizenship in contemporary America, such as hiring, college admission, etc.

In sum, living in a seamless web of society, people's behavior is ruled by many external forces which make people seem to be forced to do everything in that limitation. However, some force help to regulate the common principle of human behavior to some extend that individual responsibility can develop healthy. And history tells us some unfair, unjust forces must be challenged by a sense of individual responsibility, or we run the risk of inhibiting the progress for democracy.

goldenrockUID: 122870

To some extend [extent] , People's behavior is influenced and determined by forces not of their own making. On the face [??] , external force prevent person from reaching their own individual responsibility. Nonetheless, for more or less, those forces serve to strengthen the harmony of competing interests which are closely related to everyone’s individual responsibility. Furthermore, resistance to some unfair forces is crucial for the progress of human democracy. [感觉说的不是很清楚]

As social animals, people cannot act everything randomly as they want. People must obey laws and regulations, which help to harmonize the competing interests [反复用的这个competing interests是什么意思？] of person, community, company, and the like. Those rules are beneficial for a society to develop healthy, for the violators ought to be charged, accused [这是怎么回事？] by those laws and regulations. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the Third Empire ruled by Hitler. In that time all the German were compelled in the World War Two, no matter what ones own willing. And the Jews are compelled to get out of German, no matter how he/she loved the country. Anyone who violated the willing of the despot will be arrested or even killed. How about “individual responsibility” of one person who have been robbed of the life right [their rights] ! In these cases, people's behavior is determined by some powers which are outside their control.

Nevertheless, no man lives in a vacuum. Totally fulfillment of ones individual responsibility might amount to another one’s agony [这句看着不大对] . Powers such as laws and regulations aim to [building] individual responsibility to citizens in an imperative form. For instance, laws dictate that an employee should be punished when [he or she] uncover the secret and so as to harm his/her company. Though it is the individual responsibility for an employee to be loyal to his/her company, the punishment help to withdraw the enforcement of that responsibility. Another example involves the plagiary in college campus. Simple relying on the individual responsibility of college students seems to be far from enough. The latest cheating affairs in the University of Virginia is the case in point. This university, which is famous for his \"grade honor\" system, had suffered from a plagiary, for more than 60 students' papers were nearly identical to be found in the Internet. The scandal had raised huge debates in the University whether it was needed to induce supervisal when students are in test. In short, some forces such as laws and regulations help rather than tamper the realization of human responsibility.

On the other hand, the concept of \"individual responsibility\" should not be defined as obeying the force, say law, rule, etc unselectedly, just following what the \"behavior compass\" tell us to do. The struggle for democracy in the history informs us that we are still on a way to a more democratic and free society, and the way is endless. Here need the intervention of individual responsibility. What if Rosa Parks volunteer to give up her seat to a white person in Montegomery city? It is most likely there was no a yearlong bus boycott which signaled the beginning of the Civil Right movement in America. She was arrested due to the regulation of discrimination system, yet she still opposed to obey the law, make her own choice by inner responsibility for democracy. Also consider the spiritual leader of American Civil Right Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Without his individual responsibility for the equality of African Americans, the African Americans might never have gained full citizenship in contemporary America, such as hiring, college admission, etc.

In sum, living in a seamless web of society, people's behavior is ruled by many external forces which make people seem to be forced to do everything in that limitation. However, some force help to regulate the common principle of human behavior to some extend that individual responsibility can develop healthy. And history tells us some unfair, unjust forces must be challenged by a sense of individual responsibility, or we run the risk of inhibiting the progress for democracy.

[
例子还不错，但句子很乱（可能是我水平不够，理解不了）。
中心不太突出。

帮我也看看吧。
]

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我看看

flyingwindUID: 189320

谢谢楼上2位哈

On the face  表面上来看，不对吗？

competing interests 相互有冲突的利益啊

Totally fulfillment of ones individual responsibility might amount to another one’s agony [这句看着不大对]
错在哪里可以指清楚点吗，我怎么没觉得啊

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue93
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
------正文------
To some extend, People's【为什么要大写呢？】 behavior【前面是复数那么这里也应该是复数，behaviors】 is influenced and determined by forces not of their own making. On the face, external force prevent person from reaching【责任不能说是reach，应该是bear，或者shoulder，这里的意义上也有问题的，我觉得应该是阻止了人们对于自己的行为负责任 】 their own individual responsibility. Nonetheless, for more or less, those forces serve to strengthen the harmony of competing interests which are closely related to everyone’s individual responsibility. 【这句不明白你的意思】 Furthermore, resistance to some unfair forces is crucial for the progress of human democracy. 【这个就偏了啊，怎么引申到反抗外力上面了？】
【开头的观点就不清晰，只是感觉你在论述外力的好与坏，而个人责任到底存在不存在似乎没有明确的观点。】

As social animals, people cannot act everything 【这个动宾的搭配不对】randomly 【这个词强调的是没有目的，胡乱地，你似乎要说的是随人们心意去做什么什么，那么直接说at will就可以了，后面的as they want 也可以去掉】as they want. People must obey laws and regulations, which help to harmonize the competing interests【你所说的competing interests是什么？最好是给出你的解释】 of person, community, company, and the like. Those rules are beneficial for a society to develop healthy【healthily/smoothly，检查！】, for the violators ought to be charged, accused by those laws and regulations. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than 【这样的套话能免就免，除了显得罗嗦和容易被判雷同外，对于你的论述真是一点好处都没有，用的人太多了】the Third Empire ruled by Hitler. In that time all the German were compelled in the World War Two, no matter what ones own willing. And the Jews are compelled to get out of German, no matter how he/she loved the country. Anyone who violated the willing of the despot will be arrested or even killed. 【这样的例子不好，极端，特例，没有代表性，不具备普遍意义，而且，这根本不是外力决定行为，是剥夺一切权力了】 How about “individual responsibility” of one person who have been robbed of the life right! 【对于极端的例子做出了极端的总结】 In these cases, people's behavior is determined by some powers which are outside 【out of】their control. 【本来是正确的观点，人们行为要受到各种regulations的限制，可是从例子开始论述就偏了】

Nevertheless, no man lives in a vacuum. Totally fulfillment of ones【one’s】 individual responsibility might amount to another one’s agony. 【有个问题，你前面的论述似乎是在反对个人责任的存在的，这里却又把个人责任当成已经成立的结论来用了，应该先论述清楚个人是否能对其行为负责，个人责任是否存在的问题】 Powers such as laws and regulations aim to building individual responsibility to citizens in an imperative form. 【根据题目的意思，外力限制的是个人的行为，而不是建立个人的责任】For instance, laws dictate that an employee should be punished when uncover the secret 【what secret？】and so as to harm his/her company. Though it is the individual responsibility for an employee to be loyal to his/her company, the punishment help to withdraw the enforcement of that responsibility. 【惩罚帮助撤回责任的执行？？】Another example involves the plagiary in college campus. Simple relying on the individual responsibility of college students seems to be far from enough. The latest cheating affairs in the University of Virginia is the case in point. This university, which is famous for his "grade honor" system, had suffered from a plagiary, for more than 60 students' papers were nearly identical to be found in the Internet. The scandal had raised huge debates in the University whether it was needed to induce supervisal when students are in test. In short, some forces such as laws and regulations help rather than tamper the realization of human responsibility. 【首先，是个人责任存在与否还没有论述清楚就作出继续的论述是不对的。然后，你举的例子都是个人的一些行为，那么根据题目你应该论述这些行为是个人能够控制的还是外力决定的，如果是个人控制的，那么就说明个人对于行为有责任，存在个人责任，而不是fiction；如果是外力决定的，那么就说明个人对于行为没有责任，就不存在个人责任，个人责任只是fiction。而你论述法律规定对于个人责任的建立跑题】

On the other hand, the concept of "individual responsibility" should not be defined as obeying the force, say law, rule, etc unselectedly, just following what the "behavior compass" tell us to do. 【当然个人责任不是定义为遵守法规，题目定义的是对于个人行为的负责，审题啊】The struggle for democracy in the history informs us that we are still on a way to a more democratic and free society, and the way is endless. Here need the intervention of individual responsibility. What if Rosa Parks volunteer to give up her seat to a white person in Montegomery city? It is most likely there was no a yearlong bus boycott which signaled the beginning of the Civil Right movement in America. She was arrested due to the regulation of discrimination system, yet she still opposed to obey the law, make her own choice by inner responsibility for democracy. Also consider the spiritual leader of American Civil Right Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Without his individual responsibility for the equality of African Americans, the African Americans might never have gained full citizenship in contemporary America, such as hiring, college admission, etc.

In sum, living in a seamless web of society, people's behavior is ruled by many external forces which make people seem to be forced to do everything in that limitation. However, some force help to regulate the common principle of human behavior to some extend that individual responsibility can develop healthy. And history tells us some unfair, unjust forces must be challenged by a sense of individual responsibility, or we run the risk of inhibiting the progress for democracy.
【后面就没有仔细的看了，感觉你首先开头观点就不明确，而从B1的后半就开始偏离了，B2B3都偏离了题目。我觉得审题是最重要的问题。重新组织一下吧，加油！】

flyingwindUID: 189320

谢谢小鬼哈！
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