Argument225 issue的第一篇限时 仍然失败，可真是伤心啊

thminUID: 192642

Argument225  issue的第一篇限时 仍然失败

限时的时候还有两段没写，就在之后写完的，其实只有一段了，结果又发现一个可写的逻辑漏洞，于是就赶紧加上了．
没有修改．请大家赐砖．

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分1秒     415 words
从2005年2月12日19时17分到2005年2月12日19时30分
------题目------
The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a local newspaper.
'During her three years in office, Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader. Since she took office, crime has decreased, the number of jobs created per year has doubled, and the number of people choosing to live in our state has increased. These trends are likely to continue if she is reelected. In addition, Ms. Riedeburg has promised to take steps to keep big companies here, thereby providing jobs for any new residents. Anyone who looks at Ms. Riedeburg's record can tell that she is the best-qualified candidate for governor.'
------正文------
In this argument, the editor of the local newspaper recommended that people in their state should re-elect Governor Riedeburg as the leader for next few years. In order to substantiate his recommendation, the editor argues that Governor Riedeburg has proved herself a worthy leader in the past three year in office, due to the decreased crime and increased jobs and residents. In addition to that, the editor also claims that the leader has promised to take some new measures to introduce more big companies, job opportunities and residents. The argument may seem reasonable at first glance, but after scrutiny we will reveal some crucial logical flaws in it.

In the first place, the editor fails to convince us that Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader during her office years. He just said when she took office, crimes have decrease and the number of jobs created per year has increased, and the number of people who chose to live in our state has increased. It was not sure yet whether this accomplishment and contributions done to the states is due to her decision and measures. Maybe it was some other people who made the right decisions about the states and she just take the advice; or maybe it was the former leader's decision that has just paid off in the recent three years.

In addition to the editor's failure to prove Governor Riedeburg's competence, the editor also unfairly assumes that if we re-elect her, the trend of decreased crimes and increased jobs and residents will continue to follow as there were in the past years. It is in all likelihood that the right decision made by Riedeburg and her fellow workmates will not be efficient in the next years. The editor has obviously ignores the changing environment that will affect their decision's paying off.

Even if the editor has provided enough concrete evidence to show Governor Riedebur is really a competent leader in the past three years, he has ignored some other important relevant factors in deciding which candidate we should vote for in a campaign. When different people are deciding which candidate they should support, their views will vary according to their different background and personal interests. And many people may put much more concern about their own conditions such as how the education opportunity in the future would be, whether the taxation would be reduced or increased, and so on.

Finally, the fact that Riedeburg has promised that she will take new steps to keep big companies, thereby providing jobs for new residents tells little about the rightness of re-electing her as new leader of the state. People would never know how she will act in the future just by hearing a oral promise of a leader. Moreover, the argument has also provided little information about the state's present situation of introducing big companies. Perhaps the big companies has already been in a large number in the states or perhaps the job opportunities have been enhanced to a enough level that cant not be increased any more, or perhaps the state now has an overpopulation that providing them with sufficient jobs will attract more people to reside then make a big burden to the state.

To sum up, the argument is unconvincedable as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor need to provide more information to demonstrate Governor Riedeburg is a competent and successful leader and ensure her decisions in the next years will be also effective in making the state prosperous. Also, he should take into account some other relevant factors deciding what virtues a good leader should have and what she should do for the citizen as a whole.

thminUID: 192642

都把文章发上来了才发现我的标题搞错了，就该是argument第一篇，不是issue第一篇．呵呵，该不会被斑竹骂吧．

imjasonUID: 176604

我来占坐
要睡觉了

imjasonUID: 176604

In this argument, the editor of the local newspaper recommended that people in their state should re-elect Governor Riedeburg as the leader for next few years. In order to substantiate his recommendation, the editor argues that Governor Riedeburg has proved herself a worthy leader in the past three year in office, due to the decreased crime and increased jobs and residents. In addition to that, the editor also claims that the leader has promised to take some new measures to introduce more big companies, job opportunities and residents. The argument may seem reasonable at first glance, but after scrutiny we will reveal some crucial logical flaws in it.开头要再简洁点，我开始时也是像你这样，先把作者的说法一一列举出来。后来网上给我改作文的牛人都建议说要简洁点，而且范文确实也是几句话。一个建议，你可以自己看看

In the first place, the editor fails to convince us that Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader during her office years. He just said when she took office, crimes have decrease and the number of jobs created per year has increased, and the number of people who chose to live in our state has increased. It was not sure yet whether this accomplishment and contributions done to the states is all due to her decision and measures. Maybe it was some other people who made the right decisions about the states and she just take the advice; or maybe it was the former leader's decision that has just paid off in the recent three years.然后就可以接着说：于是这个作者的建议不可靠等

In addition to the editor's failure什么意思 to prove Governor Riedeburg's competence, the editor also unfairly assumes that if we re-elect her, the trend of decreased crimes and increased jobs and residents will continue to follow as there were in the past years. It is in all likelihood that the right decision made by Riedeburg and her fellow workmates will not be efficient in the next years. at the same time适当的时候可以加些这种连接词，这样既可以体现你的逻辑思路，还可以保证文章不至于离散，同时还能凑字数哦The editor has obviously ignores the changing environment that will affect their decision's paying off.

Even if the editor has provided enough concrete evidence to show Governor Riedebur is really a competent leader in the past three years, he哪有说这个editor是男的？小心严重的女权主义者 has ignored some other important relevant factors in deciding which candidate we should vote for in a campaign. When different people are deciding which candidate they should support, their views will vary according to their different background and personal interests. And many people may put much more concern about their own conditions such as how the education opportunity in the future would be, whether the taxation would be reduced or increased, and so on. 这段话感觉不对劲，editor的本意就是鼓励大家投R的票而已，并没有强迫啊。如果说应该考虑其他候选人的情况可能要好些

Finally, the fact that Riedeburg has promised that she will take new steps to keep big companies, thereby providing jobs for new residents tells little about the rightness of re-electing her as new leader of the state. People would never know how she will act in the future just by hearing a oral promise of a leader. Moreover, the argument has also provided little information about the state's present situation of introducing big companies. Perhaps the big companies has already been in a large number in the states or perhaps the job opportunities have been enhanced to a enough level that cant not be increased any more, or perhaps the state now has an overpopulation that providing them with sufficient jobs will attract more people to reside then make a big burden to the state.这个8错，小宇宙爆发了………………

To sum up, the argument is unconvincedable as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor need to provide more information to demonstrate Governor Riedeburg is a competent and successful leader and ensure her decisions in the next years will be also effective in making the state prosperous. Also, he should take into account some other relevant factors deciding what virtues a good leader should have and what she should do for the citizen as a whole.
文章思路清晰，逻辑不错。多看范文了，我自己实力也不够，一点拙见了。

thminUID: 192642

谢谢你,提得意见很好.刚刚看到你的修改,我也一定好好帮你看

猫猫624UID: 171232

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a local newspaper.
'During her three years in office, Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader. Since she took office, crime has decreased, the number of jobs created per year has doubled, and the number of people choosing to live in our state has increased. These trends are likely to continue if she is reelected. In addition, Ms. Riedeburg has promised to take steps to keep big companies here, thereby providing jobs for any new residents. Anyone who looks at Ms. Riedeburg's record can tell that she is the best-qualified candidate for governor.'
------正文------
In this argument, the editor of the local newspaper recommended(用recommends) that people in their state should re-elect Governor Riedeburg as the leader for next few years. In order to substantiate his(editor's 或his/her) recommendation, the editor argues that Governor Riedeburg has proved herself a worthy leader in the past three year in office, due to the decreased crime and increased jobs and residents. In addition to that, the editor also claims that the leader has promised to take some new measures to introduce more big companies, job opportunities and residents. The argument may seem reasonable at first glance, but after scrutiny we will reveal some crucial logical flaws in it.

In the first place, the editor fails to convince us that Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader during her office years. He just said when she took office, crimes have decrease and the number of jobs created per year has increased, and the number of people who chose to live in our state has increased.(可以简练一些,the fact that decreased crimes and the increased number of new jobs and immigrants cannot lend credible support to the author's claim that Governor Riedeburg has shown herself to be a worthy leader ) It was not sure yet whether this accomplishment and contributions done to the states is due to her decision and measures. Maybe it was some other people who made the right decisions about the states and she just take the advice; or maybe it was the former leader's decision that has just paid off in the recent three years.

In addition to the editor's failure to prove Governor Riedeburg's competence,(这里可以改成even assuming Governor Riedeburg's competence has been proved 用让步可以让文章更紧凑) the editor also unfairly assumes that if we re-elect her, the trend of decreased crimes and increased jobs and residents will continue to follow as there were in the past years. It is in all likelihood that the right decision made by Riedeburg and her fellow workmates will not be efficient in the next years. The editor has obviously ignores the changing environment that will affect their decision's paying off.

Even if the editor has provided enough concrete evidence to show Governor Riedebur is really a competent leader in the past three years, he has ignored some other important relevant factors in deciding which candidate we should vote for in a campaign. When different people are deciding which candidate they should support, their views will vary according to their different background and personal interests. And many people may put much more concern about their own conditions such as how the education opportunity in the future would be, whether the taxation would be reduced or increased, and so on.

Finally, the fact that Riedeburg has promised that she will take new steps to keep big companies, thereby providing jobs for new residents tells little about the rightness of re-electing her as new leader of the state.(the fact that Riedeburg'promision about new steps to keeping big companies, which provide jobs for new residents, tells little about....用一些名词适当替换可以简练一些) People would never know how she will act in the future just by hearing a oral promise of a leader. Moreover, the argument has also provided little information about the state's present situation of introducing big companies. Perhaps the big companies has already been in a large number in the states or perhaps the job opportunities have been enhanced to a(an) enough level that cant not be increased any more, or perhaps the state now has an overpopulation that providing them with sufficient jobs will attract more people to reside then make a big burden to the state.

To sum up, the argument is unconvincedable as it stands. To strengthen it, the editor need to provide more information to demonstrate Governor Riedeburg is a competent and successful leader and ensure her decisions in the next years will be also effective in making the state prosperous. Also(in addition), he should take into account some other relevant factors deciding what virtues a good leader should have and what she should do for the citizen as a whole.
(文章语言有点哆嗦,句式变换不够丰富,有些地方不太符合标准话语言的要求,建议多看看范文,总结一些句式.另外建议论证段落结尾给一些适当总结.我改出的句子也不是很好,望大虾们拍砖)