issue51 教育类高频 第一篇阿鼠

lianglcl05UID: 181629

本人的第一篇阿鼠．感觉有点晕。大家多给点建议吧，猛拍，我不怕的。

Issue51:
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

Before answering the question that what kind of education is most effective, we should first focus on the purpose of education. The fact that the objects involved in the education system are individuals obscures another important aim of education-- the well-being of our society. Viewed from this perspective, the most effective education should satisfy the self-actualization of individuals on the one hand, and the prosperity of society on the other hand.

As Confucian, the ancient Chinese philosopher, once said (and I paraphrase):" According to the diverse intellectual properties of individuals, different education should be distributed." This illustrates the point that, education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests for the better development of individual. As growing up in different backgrounds, we shape diverse attitudes to the world as well as various interests and skills-- the personality. The most effective way for us to distinguish from others and succeed in the world is to find and develop these skills and interests, which is also one of the major goals of education. Einstein once said :” Interests are the best teachers." So we can further assume that, under the promotion of our individual interests and the guidance of teachers, we will overcome any obstacles and at last achieve the personal accomplishment. However, if we are trained under the same curriculum, which may not well fit the interest of ourselves, more harsh work is required to achieve the same degree of achievement; what's wore, we may lost in the misleading education system finding what really inspires us. This is not in the best interests of students as well as the educators.

However, too much emphasis on the development of personality will also result in some other terrifying consequences, which undermine the efficiency of education. The very first thing for individuals to consider must be the hardship for subsistence, which further forms the nature of the individual-- selfishness. He do not care the misfortunes of his neighbour, for their catastrophe has nothing to do with him; he do not care the crisis of environment, for the circumstance here is ok; he do not pay attention to the big events of the nation, for it is the business of the government, etc. It is terrible for us to imagine living in the city full of this kind of people. In this case, no matter how splendid his personal accomplishment is, he will not be accepted by the society, which will further render the one-side education on the personality questionable. The best way to change all of this is also education, in which students gain the knowledge about collaboration, their social responsibility, and the relationship between individuals and society. It seems that precious time has been spent beyond the purpose of self-actualization education, however, the harmony between individuals and society can be achieved, which is the basis not only for the boom of the nation, but for the social acceptance of the consequences of the education as well.   

In sum, the education must achieve a balance between the individual need and interest and the social demand. Without the total improvement of personal talent, no magnificent individual attainment can be achieved; without the development of responsibility and other social properties, the former effort will be diminished. Only when education combines these two requirements together, fulfilling the dream of individuals as well as the prosperity of society will become possible.

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Before answering the question that what kind of education is most effective, we should first focus on the purpose of education. The fact that the objects involved in the education system are individuals obscures这个词放这里啥意思？another important aim of education-- the well-being of our society. Viewed from this perspective, the most effective education should satisfy the self-actualization of individuals on the one hand, and the prosperity of society on the other hand.

As Confucian, 孔子？Confucius the ancient Chinese philosopher,不如说教育学家 once said (and I paraphrase):" According to the diverse intellectual properties of individuals, different education should be distributed." 是因材施教么？感觉不是很顺，不太好接上你后面的illustrate的东西。This illustrates the point that, education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests for the better development of individual. As growing up in different backgrounds, we shape diverse attitudes to the world as well as various interests and skills-- the personality. The most effective way for us to distinguish from others and succeed in the world is to find and develop these skills and interests, which is also one of the major goals of education. Einstein once said :” Interests are the best teachers." So we can further assume that, under the promotion of our individual interests and the guidance of teachers, we will overcome any obstacles and at last achieve the personal accomplishment. However, if we are trained under the same curriculum, which may not well fit the interest of ourselves, more harsh work is required to achieve the same degree of achievement; what's wore, we may lost in the misleading education system finding what really inspires us. This is not in the best interests of students as well as the educators.觉得这段对effective的分析不到位，对于为啥满足个人兴趣了就算是effective 的分析不够，尤其是前半段，有些与主题联系不紧密的话，大可简洁一些，重点用于你对为什么这样能effective的分析。你可以说说兴趣是最好老师，可以增加学生信心，提高学生的学习主动性，优化教学，提高效率。心理学研究表明，当一个人充满兴趣地干一件事时，他的情绪愉快，精神放松，大脑高度兴奋，人的创造性得到高效地发挥，许多闪耀着人类智慧光芒的精神成果，都是经过了这一过程而突然闪现的。有大成就的人，必然喜爱自己所做的事。惟有自我满足的人，才能创造出非凡的价值，，，云云，注意扣题，而你前面说的孔子的话或者是as growing up in different bacgrouds那句对表明effetive起到的作用不大。

However, too much emphasis没说过要too much 吧。既然你的开头说到了另一个目的，这里可以说光有interest是不够的，不算是effective的，然后接着你另一个目的说，还是要围绕effective。而且我现在认为个人兴趣相对的是全体的需要，而不是个人的全面发展，你明白我的意思么？我第一次写这个作文也是写的个性和全面素质的问题。但是后来发觉这样其实是偏离了主题，注意题目说的specially designed to meet individual interest，那相对的是全体同学的需要，也就是统一课程的需要。从这点上说，这一段的论证应该是歪了。不过你的开头提到了教育的两个目的，从满足第二个目的上来分析，倒是可以的，只是我觉得第二个目的的完成和第一个目的没有很大关系，和强调个人兴趣的培养不矛盾，也无所谓什么 to much emphasis的问题 on the development of personality will also result in some other terrifying consequences, which undermine the efficiency of education. The very first thing for individuals to consider must be the hardship for subsistence, which further forms the nature of the individual-- selfishness. He do not care the misfortunes of his neighbour, for their catastrophe has nothing to do with him; he do not care the crisis of environment, for the circumstance here is ok; he do not pay attention to the big events of the nation, for it is the business of the government, etc.he do not…这堆是什么用法？ It is terrible for us to imagine living in the city full of this kind of people. In this case, no matter how splendid his personal accomplishment is, he will not be accepted by the society, which will further render the one-side education on the personality questionable. The best way to change all of this all of this什么？代词指代明确is also education, in which students gain the knowledge about collaboration, their social responsibility, and the relationship between individuals and society. 这句分析的到位It seems that precious time has been spent beyond the purpose of self-actualization education, however, the harmony between individuals and society can be achieved, which is the basis not only for the boom of the nation, but for the social acceptance of the consequences of the education as well. not only…but also前后谁轻谁重？建议倒过来

In sum, the education must achieve a balance between the individual need and interest and the social demand. Without the total improvement of personal talent, no magnificent individual attainment can be achieved; without the development of responsibility and other social properties, the former effort will be diminished. Only when education combines these two requirements together, fulfilling the dream of individuals as well as the prosperity of society will become possible.

好话不说了，B2有些跑题，我的感觉。整体上看，语言还不错，个别地方用词有些单一，像prosperity accomplishment 出现多次。论证上，B1前面有些不到位，B2的论证过程还可以，但是观点我觉得是有些歪了。例证少了点，说理多的话会看着不够丰富，关于兴趣引导学习的例子很多，可以用用。开头结尾方式都不错。加油！

lianglcl05UID: 181629

      多谢你的热心评述。使我对阿鼠的论证有了进一步的认识。尤其是关于主体第一段的分析，帮我扩宽了很多思路。虽然写了两篇阿狗，但是，对阿鼠还是有些不熟悉。在看过你的话后，我认为确实犯了一个阿狗论述方面的不足，没有很好的develop。但是，由于积攒的例子实在太少，导致想举找不到，我想通过进一步看文章，会有改善的。

   同时，我想在此，进一步指出我的观点。因为好像在立题上存在分歧。

   总体来说，我认为，题目考虑还是不周全，尽管用了only，这么绝对的词。教育有其社会和个体的双重目的，所以，effective应针对这两个目的而言。

   主体第一段，说明发展interest and need，对于教育是否effective，是必要的，但是，只是对于个体发展而言，即我提到的教育的第一个目的。

   主体第二段，说明过度强调个体发展导致的危害。从题目看，我认为是对个体发展的极端，仅对个体发展是正确的，同时也是理想的，而且如果像你所说，谈全体同学的需求，我认为是没有必要的，因为确实对个体发展是不利的，所以用too much是不过分的，同时也引出了对于发展responsibility的重要性。人性本自私，很难让他自己去考虑别人，所以需要教育的引导。而这一方面，对于个体发展可以认为是多余的，但是，过于个性，而不发展其社会属性，必然导致对于那种高度个体上成功的不认可，也就是对于第一种偏激教育方式的不认可，也就失去了effective。

    另外，我认为孔夫子的话，对于文章是非常切题，他就是强调要根据个人的兴趣和长处进行培养，看不出不妥的地方。不过，后面确实论证不充分。第二，对于那个not only ，从重要性讲，当然社会发展重要，但是，在此，我正是强调他对第一方面的影响，所以，把位置换了一下，强调第二个目的对于第一个目的的基础性问题。

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

TO lianglcl05
多谢你的热心评述。使我对阿鼠的论证有了进一步的认识。尤其是关于主体第一段的分析，帮我扩宽了很多思路。虽然写了两篇阿狗，但是，对阿鼠还是有些不熟悉。在看过你的话后，我认为确实犯了一个阿狗论述方面的不足，没有很好的develop。但是，由于积攒的例子实在太少，导致想举找不到，我想通过进一步看文章，会有改善的。

同时，我想在此，进一步指出我的观点。因为好像在立题上存在分歧。

总体来说，我认为，题目考虑还是不周全，尽管用了only，这么绝对的词。教育有其社会和个体的双重目的，所以，effective应针对这两个目的而言。这就是我在你B2说的开头的问题，你说仅仅satisfy individual interests是不够的，那下一步要说的是教育要effective不能仅仅为了individual interests，你看出来了么？不单纯为了individual interest，那就还要为了students as an entirety，而不是为了the comprehensive qualities of an individual.你明白我的意思么？领会下specially designed,而不是designed to meet special interests

主体第一段，说明发展interest and need，对于教育是否effective，是必要的，但是，只是对于个体发展而言，看，你也说，“只是对于个体的发展”那你应该平衡的就是还要对于全体的反展，我这么说对么即我提到的教育的第一个目的。

主体第二段，说明过度强调个体发展导致的危害。从题目看，我认为是对个体发展的极端，仅对个体发展是正确的，同时也是理想的，从你的这句推出的就是：但是对全体是不正确的不理想的而且如果像你所说，谈全体同学的需求，我认为是没有必要的，因为确实对个体发展是不利的，谁也没说对个体就一定有利呀，但是不对的东西多了，是不是都要拿来作文里说呢？而且你这个因为我没看出前后因果所以用too much是不过分的，没说你too much 用错了。是因为你上文从来没提到too much 的问题，所以忽然来个这样的词很别扭，你完全可以说we should not neglect the importance of ….同时也引出了对于发展responsibility的重要性。人性本自私，很难让他自己去考虑别人，所以需要教育的引导。而这一方面，对于个体发展可以认为是多余的，但是，过于个性，而不发展其社会属性，这和specially designed不矛盾，就有的人为了从事政治社会工作偏偏有这方面的特长呢，适应社会，同样可以在specially designed curriculum里发展必然导致对于那种高度个体上成功的不认可，也就是对于第一种偏激教育方式的不认可，也就失去了effective。

另外，我认为孔夫子的话，对于文章是非常切题，他就是强调要根据个人的兴趣和长处进行培养，看不出不妥的地方。话是对的，我也看明白了。但是是你翻译过来的吧，你不加上自己的解释分析，为什么是effective的，老外可以猜出来么？不过，后面确实论证不充分。第二，对于那个not only ，从重要性讲，当然社会发展重要，但是，在此，我正是强调他对第一方面的影响，所以，把位置换了一下，强调第二个目的对于第一个目的的基础性问题。那你随便喽呵呵

欢迎讨论，我不太会表达，只能说到这个地步，如果你说对题目的理解有偏差，我还要说一点你的第二个观点，和你第一个观点不矛盾，完全可以同时达到，并不是因为重视了第一个就会忽视第二个，重视第一个忽视的是全体的需要，而不是个人的多方面需要。一个人的兴趣和需要本身就可以是多方面的，大可以在specially designed 里面满足