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It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
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Is it the artist, not the critic, who gives something of lasting value to society? 【照搬啊?你还不如直接问who gives something of lasting value to society ?然后再给出自己的想法。而且,我觉得这样把题目的内容加个问号就开头的方法实际上也是一种restate,可以考虑换成其他的形式】To answer the question, we should first make clear that what is so called "something of lasting value". I believe in the context, "something of lasting value" means some lasting【lastingly?】 valuable works of art. 【感觉没解释啊】 Under this precondition, I concede the artist plays a very important role in the process of giving society some lastingly valuable works of arts. Yet in my view, the artist could hardly effectively make his works best-known and affecting society a long time without the critic's help. The artist and the critic have to stand together to give society some lasting valuable works of art. 【平衡观点】
On one hand, the artist is indispensable to give【giving】 some lastingly valuable works of arts to society. Without the works created by the artist, we make nonsense of so called "giving society something of lasting value".【这个解释等于:没有A就会没有A】 Without the artist, where come from these works which will give society something of lasting value? 【同上,你既然已经默认了artist是创造works的人,那么这个解释又是什么意思呢?而且,为什么感觉你把works就等同于something of lasting value呢?这个是需要证明的啊】 The answer is easy to be given that it is nowhere. Without Rodin, there would be no The Thinker; Without Shakerspeare, there would be no The Hamlet. Without Vinci, there would be no The Mona Lisa. Therefore, the artist plays a vital role in giving society some works with lasting value. 【逻辑上有些混乱呢,基本上是什么都没证明】
On the other hand, the critic also plays a vital part in the lasting valuable works of arts. 【还没细看,只看篇幅就觉得不好,过于强调critic了,不是很平衡?】 The critic is the bridge between the artist and the common people, 【interpret ,explain等等,具体一点】who help the common people to appreciate the great works created by the artist and to recognize their value, thereby these works become widespread and come down from generation to generation, which means that the works become lastingly valuable. 【又是说出来而不是证出来的】What these great works would be like without the critic's benefit? 【这样不是不言自明的问题尽量不用】Without the critic's help, most valuable works, 【你看,你又是首先就假设了works是valuable的,这样岂不是不用再证明了?按你的论点,你应该论证是critic 让他们valuable的】which are used to express personal feeling and criticism of society by the artist, are too abstract and too difficult to be understood by the common people. Consequently, they are impossible to be best known. Moreover, they are impossible to be lastingly valuable. 【感觉你一直是把lasting value当成一个读者已知的概念来用,你需要做定义和解释的,这样的用法不好】For supporting examples we need look no further than Van Gogh two of whose painting now sale nearly fifty millions. 【这个钱数就证明有lasting value了吗?】In Van Gogh's career, 【what career?该是life】 he sold only one of his paintings and one of the important reasons was that few people could understand his painting, even the professional critic. We can easily imagine that if nothing else happened to change all these. All Van Gogh’s paintings will be buried in the history and we have no chance to apprieciate 【appreciate】these lastingly valuable paintings. Fortunately, the critics recognized the value of Van Gogh's painting after his death and led these paintings to the public, 【lead to?】ultimately, come down to us. 【最好具体一点,比如说是哪个critic做了怎样重要的评价,然后凡高的作品得到了重视等等】 From Van Gogh's experience, 【?从凡高的经验?】 we can draw a conclusion that the critic is important without whose help the lasting value of a work could hardly to be recognized.
In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that without the artist, "giving society something of lasting value" is nonsense, and without the critic, a work of art could hardly to be lastingly valuable one. Only when they cooperate, that is to say, the artist creates great works and the critic helps the common people to appreciate these works, society would be benefit to get something of lasting value.
【首先就是lasting value没有很好解释的问题,然后论证过程中存在很多的问题,比如把需要证明的问题当作已知前提,又把一些概念混同,论述不在重点上等等。而且,从结构和你的观点上来看,是不是应该最后来一段合的内容,说两方面都需要,然后才能最好的达到gives society something of lasting value的目的。论证的过程需要加强!加油!】 |
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