issue169 科技类 互拍

枫丹UID: 166492

Issue196  第15篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：52分30秒     552 words
从2005年2月26日20时22分到2005年2月26日21时52分
------题目------
Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.
提纲
1，        承认科技带来一些问题。
2，        反驳这一观点，认为如果没有科技，那人的生存将成为问题。
3，        而且技术所带来的问题还有依靠技术本身来解决。
讨论一下，这篇文章的比较是不是不太到位？另， 承认那部分放到最后好不好呢？
------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our society, lots of problems stem from the application of technology, yet compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.

Admittedly, most of the problems in the world faced by people have some thing to do with technology. When people think of the modern technology,  they may conjure up the vision that our air of city is polluted by exhaust of cars; computer offers people a great amount of information which causes the information explosion; the development of medicine raise more dangerous problem-population explosion, because of the achievement of medicine lows death rate in our society. To a certain extent, all of these situations are coming from the use of technology. However, when people pay more attention to these question and ponder the real function of technology, they should not ignore/lost sight of the fact that from the first day when technology appeared, it had solved numerous problem for people, although all of which are taken for granted today..

Despite these questions arising from it, the greater contribution of technology should not be denied. Technology which had appeared from the time when people learned to use tools thousands years ago provided sufficient food to meet increasing needs of people. With technology, people develop agriculture, irrigation, and invent hundreds of machine for farms-tractor, cultivator, combines, and so on and then mankind needs not to be worried about supply of their food. Alongside proving sufficient food, the development ensures that people could live healthily and comfortably. For example the advancement of medicine which is responsible for antibiotics and vaccinations, protects people from health problems. As a result, the majority of people on the planet now live longer and healthier lives than ever before. What is more, Technology also brings convenience for people and saves them from complex works. The aptly example is the appearance of computer. It relieves the drudgery of simple task, and brings new capabilities to far more difficult works. In addition, it offers a great amount of information and contributes to increased communications of the whole world. From all of evidence mentioned above, without the technology, although there will not so many problems, yet the live and development of human beings will become one problem. Therefore in comparison with its’ negative effect, the contribution of technology to the quality of life is undeniable and more considerable.

What is more, the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself. In order to gain better live and future development, what people should to do is not to talk about whether the technology is harmful or beneficial, but what they will do to dispel these questions through technology because only through future technology can people have chances to eliminate these unpleasant side effect. To illustrate, to prevent pollution people should resort to new energy such as nuclear energy or wind energy which could replace conventional fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases. Moreover in order to alter situation of population, people should also make use of technology to low birthrate of human beings and relieve the danger of population explosion. In addition, technology would offer more effective software to help people handle a great amount of data and information. In this sense, the solution of these problems coming form technology should also depend on technology it self.

In sum, technology, the double-edged sword hanging over mankind, has contributed to resolution of a great amount of basic problems which influence human beings' live and advancement. Faced with its positive and negative functions, people have no choose but to go ahead, that is to develop technology, and solve these questions stemming from technology through future new one.

枫丹UID: 166492

flap一下下,咻咻!

龙非UID: 193190

占个坑先

龙非UID: 193190

------题目------
Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.
提纲
1， 承认科技带来一些问题。
2， 反驳这一观点，认为如果没有科技，那人的生存将成为问题。
3， 而且技术所带来的问题还有依靠技术本身来解决。
讨论一下，这篇文章的比较是不是不太到位？另， 承认那部分放到最后好不好呢？
从提纲上看，没有比较。。。。让步部分个人觉得放到后面是会好一点
------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our society, lots of problems stem from the application of technology, yet compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.

Admittedly, most of the problems in the world faced by people have some thing to do with technology. When people think of the modern technology, they may conjure up the vision that our air of city is polluted by exhaust of cars; computer offers people a great amount of information which causes the information explosion; the development of medicine raise more dangerous problem-population explosion, because of the achievement of medicine lows death rate in our society. To a certain extent, all of these situations are coming from the use of technology. However, when people pay more attention to these question and ponder the real function of technology, they should not ignore/lost sight of the fact that from the first day when technology appeared, it had solved numerous problem for people, although all of which are taken for granted today..

Despite these questions arising from it, the greater contribution of technology should not be denied. 从主题句来看，好像这一段也是让步耶，不好。。Technology which had appeared from the time when people learned to use tools thousands years ago provided sufficient food to meet increasing needs of people. With technology, people develop agriculture, irrigation, and invent hundreds of machine for farms-tractor, cultivator, combines, and so on and then mankind needs not to be worried about supply of their food. Alongside proving sufficient food, the development ensures that people could live healthily and comfortably. For example the advancement of medicine which is responsible for antibiotics and vaccinations, protects people from health problems. As a result, the majority of people on the planet now live longer and healthier lives than ever before. What is more, Technology also brings convenience for people and saves them from complex works. The aptly example is the appearance of computer. It relieves the drudgery of simple task, and brings new capabilities to far more difficult works. In addition, it offers a great amount of information and contributes to increased communications of the whole world. From all of evidence mentioned above, without the technology, although there will not so many problems, yet the live and development of human beings will become one problem. Therefore in comparison with its’ negative effect, the contribution of technology to the quality of life is undeniable and more considerable.

What is more, the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself. In order to gain better live and future development, what people should to do is not to talk about whether the technology is harmful or beneficial, but what they will do to dispel these questions through technology because only through future technology can people have chances to eliminate these unpleasant side effect. To illustrate, to prevent pollution people should resort to new energy such as nuclear energy or wind energy which could replace conventional fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases. Moreover in order to alter situation of population, people should also make use of technology to low birthrate of human beings and relieve the danger of population explosion. In addition, technology would offer more effective software to help people handle a great amount of data and information. In this sense, the solution of these problems coming form technology should also depend on technology it self.

In sum, technology, the double-edged sword hanging over mankind, has contributed to resolution of a great amount of basic problems which influence human beings' live and advancement. Faced with its positive and negative functions, people have no choose but to go ahead, that is to develop technology, and solve these questions stemming from technology through future new one.
总的来看，文章跟提纲靠的很紧。但是从提纲看跟题目就靠得不是很好。
论点是

compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.

这个论点和题目就不是很靠，题目有两个方面，其一是技术创造的问题比解决的多，其二是技术会损害生活质量。就这个论点来看，“技术在为人类解决问题方面更为重要”，不是很直接的回应。“更为重要”，那究竟创造的问题是比解决的多还是少？究竟会不会损害生活质量？
B1是让步，most of the problems in the world faced by people have some thing to do with technology
B2是the greater contribution of technology should not be denied.
B3是the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself.
这三个分论点更像是在论证技术很重要，而不是在论证“更”为重要。
应该说，这篇文章不是很成功

imjasonUID: 176604

学习……
明天来看

枫丹UID: 166492

谢谢龙非, 批的很好, 我写完后也发现这个问题了,主要是在写之前没有把题目分析好. 比较的也不是到位的说. 我再想想,

imjasonUID: 176604

------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for？to human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our society, lots of problems stem from the application of technology, yet compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.呵呵，形成模板了哈

Admittedly, most of the problems in the world faced by people have some thing to do with technology. When people think of the modern technology, they may conjure up the vision that our air of city is polluted by exhaust of cars; computer offers people a great amount of information which causes the information explosion既然是在讨论产生的问题，好处就先隐蔽掉了，而且和前后的例子风格相吻合; the development of medicine raise more dangerous problem-population explosion, because of the achievement of medicine lows death rate in our society这个例子……感觉不好，觉得像是在说人病了就是应该的了，不能去治了。有点法轮功的嫌疑，哈哈！. To a certain extent, all of these situations are coming from the use of technology. However, when people pay more attention to these questions and ponder the real function of technology, they should not ignore/lost sight of the fact that from the first day when technology appeared, it had solved numerous problems for people, although all of which are taken for granted today.这最后一句是什么意思啊

Despite these questions arising from it, the greater contribution of technology should not be denied.因为是接上段，所以这里就可以不用despite了，从中文的角度去思考我觉得也是这样的，个人意见了:) Technology which had appeared from the time when people learned to use tools thousands ？ofyears ago provided sufficient food to meet increasing needs of people就用population就明白了. With technology, people develop agriculture, irrigation, and invent hundreds of machines for？such as farms-tractor, cultivator, combines, and so on and then mankind needs not to be worried about supply of their food. Alongside proving？ sufficient food, the development ensures that people could live healthily and comfortably. For example the advancement of medicine which is responsible for antibiotics and vaccinations, protects people from health problems. As a result, the majority of people on the planet now live longer and healthier lives than ever before. What is more, Technology also brings convenience for people and saves them from complex works. The aptly example is the appearance of computer. It relieves the drudgery of simple task, and brings new capabilities to far more difficult works. In addition, it offers a great amount of information and contributes to increased communications of the whole world. From all of evidence mentioned above, without the technology, although there will not so many problems, yet the live and development of human beings will become one problem. Therefore in comparison with its’ negative effect, the contribution of technology to the quality of life is undeniable and more considerable.

What is more, the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself.这个观点不错 In order to gain better live and future development, what people should to do is not to talk about whether the technology is harmful or beneficial, but what they will do to dispel these questions through technology because only through future technology can people have chances to eliminate these unpleasant side effect. To illustrate, to prevent pollution people should resort to new energy such as nuclear energy or wind energy which could replace conventional fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases. Moreover in order to alter situation of population, people should also make use of technology to low birthrate of human beings and relieve the danger of population explosion.这个有点难哦！控制出生在西方还是满有争议的 In addition, technology would offer more effective software to help people handle a great amount of data and information. In this sense, the solution of these problems coming form technology should also depend on technology it self.

In sum, technology, the double-edged sword hanging over mankind, has contributed to resolution of a great amount of basic problems which influence human beings' live and advancement. Faced with its positive and negative functions, people have no choose but to go ahead, that is to develop technology, and solve these questions stemming from technology through future new one.
要怎么说到位呢？如果从提纲上看，我觉得你的观点很对而且很新颖；如果说跟6分作文比，那……:D。承认的那个部分防在前面没有问题的。例子我觉得有的还需要斟酌一下，要讨论威胁人类生存的有很多了，有些有争议的要避免了。

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for？to human beings, more problems or more solutions of proble..

以下省略...... [/B]

wuwu 每次都被imjasom感动死, 不过这篇的缺点可能在于比较的少了,还有没有突出,到底是解决的问题多还是产生的问题多, 还有每段的中心不够specific, 我的比较的文章写的少些,所以~~~~~
至于模板, 我自己也不清楚这样写好不好,但是总觉是个省力气的东西.你可以给我一些批评指正吗?
我现在去看看你的issue是不是也进步很大?

imjasonUID: 176604

最初由 枫丹 发布
wuwu 每次都被imjasom感动死

汗哪！！！
我做得很少，可是你给我的评价很高，惭愧惭愧啊！ :p

至于模板, 我自己也不清楚这样写好不好,但是总觉是个省力气的东西.你可以给我一些批评指正吗

这个我也不好说，我只是看别人怎么写的，但是到我自己写时就老是忘了，就把自己高中写议论文的方式翻译成英文写。所以很慢的哦，我的ISSUE都得要一个小时甚至更多才能搞定。正在一直薄弱中，模板？特色？举棋不定啊！

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]汗哪！！！
我做得很少，可是你给我的评价很高，惭愧惭愧啊！ :p

[QUOTE]
至于模板, 我自?.

以下省略...... [/B]

我认为还要多写多, 多总结才会把学到看到的东西变成自己的东西.好好努力.

neverflyUID: 166610

There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our society, lots of problems stem from the application of technology, yet although+yet, 但是yet后面又不是主语，这个这个，最好把compared with the problems led by it放在句子最后当副词状语把compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.

Admittedly, most 这个most太重了吧of the problems in the world faced by people have some thing to do with technology. When people think of the modern technology, they may conjure up the vision that our air of city is polluted by exhaust of cars; 前面加上vision that是不是比较好computer offers people a great amount of information which causes the information explosion; thatthe development of medicine raise more dangerous problem-population explosion, because of the achievement of medicine lows death rate in our society. To a certain extent, all of these situations are coming from the use of technology. However, when people pay more attention to these question and ponder the real function of technology, they should not ignore/lost sight of the fact that from the first day when technology appeared, it had solved numerous problem for people, although all of which are taken for granted today. 这段重点好像是however后面的部分，却没有展开

Despite these questions arising from it, the greater contribution of technology should not be denied. Technology which had appeared from the time when people learned to use tools thousands years ago provided sufficient food to meet increasing needs of people. With technology, people develop agriculture, irrigation, and invent hundreds of machine for farms-tractor, cultivator, combines, and so on and then mankind needs not to be worriedworry about supply of their food. Alongside proving sufficient food, the development ensures that people could live healthily and comfortably. For example the advancement of medicine which is responsible for 医药是抗生素的原因？似乎不通antibiotics and vaccinations, protects people from health problems. As a result, the majority of people on the planet on短语好像多余now live longer and healthier lives than ever before. What is more, Technology also brings convenience for people and saves them from complex works. The aptly example is the appearance “出现”好像不如”作用”好of computer. It relieves the drudgery of simple task, and brings new capabilities to far more difficult works. In addition, it offers a great amount of information and contributes to increased communications of the whole world. From all of evidences mentioned above, without the technology前面的例子都是有technology的呀, although there will not so many problems, yet the live and development of human beings will become one problem. Therefore in comparison with its’ negative effect, the contribution of technology to the quality of life is undeniable and more considerable.

What is more, the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself. 这句话的论证部分在to illustrate那里把?似乎有点远In order to gain better live and future development, what people should to do is not to talk about whether the technology is harmful or beneficial, but what they will do to dispel these questions through technology because only through future technology can people have chances to eliminate these unpleasant side effect. To illustrate, to prevent pollution people should resort to new energy such as nuclear energy or wind energy which could replace conventional fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases. Moreover in order to alter situation of population, people should also make use of technology to low birthrate of human beings and relieve the danger of population explosion. In addition, technology would offer more effective software to help people handle a great amount of data and information这句话好像和下文没有直接联系. In this sense, the solution of these problems coming form technology should also depend on technology it self.

In sum, technology, the double-edged sword hanging over mankind, has contributed to resolution of a great amount of basic basic可以去掉problems which influence human beings' livelife? and advancement. Faced with its positive and negative functions, people have no choose but to go ahead, that is to develop technology, and solve these questions stemming from technology through future new onethrough future new one好像不通啊.

恩，in sum, 枫丹's articl is good in 句式 and 用词 and 展开， which is strongly admired by我。 However, comparing with the grade-6 articles,there are some places that should be improved such as 逻辑. and more impressive examples are welcomed to be excellent. I don't know 我说的对不对，but let us work harder and improve together. :-)
so late, and tired, so make a joke with the expression. don't care about it~ .

skating_dollUID: 168003

来晚了不好意思，昨晚上怎么也上不了……

------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our society, lots of problems stem from the application of technology, yet compared with the problems led by it, technology plays a far more important role in solving problems for human beings.

Admittedly, most最好不要用这个词，有点weaken主题的感觉，some好一点 of the problems in the world faced by people have some thingsomething to do with technology. When people think of the modern technology, they may conjure up the vision that our air of city is polluted by exhaust of cars; computer offers people a great amount of information which causes the information explosion; the development of medicine raise more dangerous problem-population explosion, because of the achievement of medicine lows death rate in our society. To a certain extent, all of these situations are coming from the use of technology. However, when people pay more attention to these question and ponder the real function of technology, they should not ignore/lost sight of the fact that from the first day when technology appeared, it had solved numerous problem for people, although all of which are taken for granted today..也许可以先说科学解决了许多巨大的、迫在眉睫的问题，把这段放到后面谈一下，虽然看来问题跟技术有关，但技术本身是没有错的，一种技术可以带来福利，也可以带来灾祸，带来的问题都与人的贪欲和滥用有关

Despite these questions arising from it, the greater contribution of technology should not be denied最好正说. Technology which had appeared from the time when people learned to use tools thousands years ago provided sufficient food to meet increasing needs of people. With technology, people develop agriculture, irrigation, and invent hundreds of machine for farms-tractor, cultivator, combines, and so on and then mankind needs not to be worried about supply of their food. Alongside proving sufficient food, the development ensures that people could live healthily and comfortably. For example the advancement of medicine which is responsible for antibiotics and vaccinations, protects people from health problems. As a result, the majority of people on the planet now live longer and healthier lives than ever before. What is more, Technology also brings convenience for people and saves them from complex works. The aptly example is the appearance of computer. It relieves the drudgery of simple task, and brings new capabilities to far more difficult works. In addition, it offers a great amount of information and contributes to increased communications of the whole world. From all of evidence mentioned above, without the technology, although there will not so many problems, yet the live and development of human beings will become one problem. Therefore in comparison with its’ negative effect, the contribution of technology to the quality of life is undeniable and more considerable.谈好处是主体部分，最好在前面具体谈的时候就列点一条条说明，比如生存问题－食物、医药；发展问题－效率。也可以分两段，先说没有科技人类根本不可能生存，再说not only...but also...还与人类的发展密切相关。这样可能层次会更清晰一些。

What is more, the problems led by the use of technology should also be solved by the application of technology itself. In order to gain better live and future development, what people should to do is not to talk about whether the technology is harmful or beneficial, but what they will do to dispel these questions through technology because only through future technology can people have chances to eliminate these unpleasant side effect. To illustrate, to prevent pollution people should resort to new energy such as nuclear energy or wind energy which could replace conventional fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases. Moreover in order to alter situation of population, people should also make use of technology to low birthrate of human beings and relieve the danger of population explosion. In addition, technology would offer more effective software to help people handle a great amount of data and information. In this sense, the solution of these problems coming form technology should also depend on technology it self.跟题干科技产生的问题多于所解决的，可能威胁或降低人们的生活质量不一定直接关联，怎么解决不包括在题干中，另外威胁或降低人们生活质量好像还没有谈……发展和生活质量是不一样地，最好这方面在强力论述一番。

In sum, technology, the double-edged sword hanging over mankind, has contributed to resolution of a great amount of basic problems which influence human beings' live and advancement. Faced with its positive and negative functions, people have no choose but to go ahead, that is to develop technology, and solve these questions stemming from technology through future new one.如果做了上述修改的话，结尾最好也相应改改。

另外，楼主写错了，应该是Issue196，害我好找……

明故宫校区好啊～ 这学期开学以后我才进过一次城，呜呜……

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 neverfly 发布
[B]There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more solutions of problems. In my point of view, although in our s..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢neverfly，6分I是想都不敢想的，4分就高兴死了！！你给的意见非常对的，尤其是第四段，主题和论证离的太远了。而且中间那部分似乎和主题关系也不太大。的确是个值得注意的问题。

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 skating_doll 发布
[B]来晚了不好意思，昨晚上怎么也上不了……

------正文------
There is much controversy about what the technology brings for human beings, more problems or more s..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢 shating-doll， 你那里多安静啊，是个学习的好地方。
问题提的好，我也在想似乎应该把技术对生活的影响论述清楚，把让步放在后面，我的问题在于该说清楚的没有说清楚，该明确的没有说到位