同主题ISSUE10,请大家多多指教,必回拍:)

deserteagleUID: 201968

Issue10  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
sigh,又写了两个小时,才500多words
请大家多多指教, 一天内必回拍!

b1:论述文化传统不止是存在于城市
b2:为了使城市繁荣,政府需要给予财政上的支持,这个部分感到严重没有论述好.
b3:论述城市繁荣和保护传承文化传统没有必然的因果关系,感觉象argu

------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------正文------
There is much controversy about cultural traditions’ preservation and generation. Many people may hold the conception that major cities must receive the financial support they need in order to thrive because it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated. In my point of view, it is necessary for governments to give financial support to major cities but not just for the reason that we should preserve and generate cultural traditions primarily.

In the first place, it is necessary to preserve and generate our nation’s cultural traditions. Take our nation China for example, each year we have our traditional Spring Festival which ancestors had started this festival for over thousands of years.
Not only many traditional festivals, but also some other traditions such as traditional ideas as Confucianism and traditional architectures such as Forbidden City should be preserved and generated. Nevertheless, it is partial to draw the conclusion that it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated. Does it mean that in places other than cities there are no cultural traditions? Or the importance of cultural traditions which exist in towns other than cities should be neglected? Apparently many important cultural traditions exist in some regions other than cities. For example, in China, while most of minorities live in places that are not so thrive as cities, many minority nations’ cultural traditions should be regarded. For reasons above we could arrive at a conclusion that we should preserve and generate a nation’s cultural traditions not only in cities but also in other places.

In the second place, cities need governments’ financial support to thrive. The preservation and generation of cultural traditions need a great deal of money. To illustrate, each year government pays much money for the maintenance of traditional architectures. Not only cultural traditions but also other as the investment of industry and city planning which is also necessary for thriving of cities need government’s financial support. Not given any financial support, it is difficult for the city to thrive only by itself.

Furthermore, another problem which we should pay attention to is the causal relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities. Assuming that we make great efforts to preserve and generate cultural traditions, could major cities thrive certainly? On one hand, although the importance of cultural traditions is obvious, many other factors, which comprise the amendment of environment and the improvement of traffic and social security and so forth, are also important to the prosperity of cities. On the other hand, the thriving of cities may be counterproductive to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions. For example, when government does city planning, it is very likely to conflict with traditional architectures. For another example, with the globalization of economy, foreign culture impact a lot on cultural traditions as Mcdonald's brings much pressure in Chinese meal. So we can draw the conclusion that there is no direct relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities.

To sum up, we should pay attention to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions without the differentiation between cities and towns. What is more, cities need governments’ financial support in order to thrive but not only for the reason that cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=259773
都是同主题
互改一下吧

ooajUID: 200299

------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------正文------
There is much controversy about cultural traditions’ preservation and generation. Many people may hold the conception that major cities must receive the financial support they need in order to thrive because it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated. In my point of view, it is necessary for governments to give financial support to major cities but not just for the reason that we should preserve and generate cultural traditions primarily.

In the first place, it is necessary to preserve and generate our nation’s cultural traditions. Take our nation China for example, each year we have our traditional Spring Festival (which ancestors had started this festival wich lasts for over thousands of years.
Not only many traditional festivals, but also some other traditions such as traditional ideas as Confucianism and traditional architectures such as Forbidden City should be preserved and generated. forbidden city 不能再generatedNevertheless, it is partial to draw the conclusion that it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated. Does it mean that in places other than cities there are no cultural traditions? Or the importance of cultural traditions which exist in towns other than cities should be neglected? Apparently many important cultural traditions exist in some ruralregions otherratherthan cities. For example, in China, while most of minorities live in places that are not so thrive as cities, many minority nations’ cultural traditions should be regarded. For reasons above we could arrive at a conclusion that we should preserve and generate a nation’s cultural traditions not only in cities but also in other places.

In the second place, cities need governments’ financial support to thrive. The preservation and generation of cultural traditions need a great deal of money. To illustrate, each year government pays much money for the maintenance of traditional architectures. Not only cultural traditions but also other as the investment of industry and city planning which is also necessary for thriving of cities need government’s financial support. Not given Withoutany financial support, it is difficult for the city to thrive only by itself偶觉得城市似乎可以通过招商引资来自我维护，不知道

Furthermore, another problem which we should pay attention to is the causal relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities. Assuming that we make great efforts to preserve and generate cultural traditions, could major cities thrive certainly? On one hand, although the importance of cultural traditions is obvious, many other factors, which comprise the amendment of environment and the improvement of traffic and social security and so forth, are also important to the prosperity of cities. On the other hand, the thriving of cities may be counterproductive to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions. For example, when government does city planning, it is very likely to conflict with traditional architectures. 这个例子偶没想到，赞For another example, with the globalization of economy, foreign culture impact a lot on cultural traditions as Mcdonald's brings much pressure in Chinese meal. So we can draw the conclusion that there is no direct relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities.

To sum up, we should pay attention to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions without the differentiation between cities and towns. What is more, cities need governments’ financial support in order to thrive but not only for the reason that cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

davidjackyUID: 135962

No.1 同主题ISSUE10,请大家多多指教,必回拍  
Issue10 第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
sigh,又写了两个小时,才500多words
请大家多多指教, 一天内必回拍!

b1:论述文化传统不止是存在于城市
b2:为了使城市繁荣,政府需要给予财政上的支持,这个部分感到严重没有论述好.
b3:论述城市繁荣和保护传承文化传统没有必然的因果关系,感觉象argu

------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------正文------
There is much controversy about cultural traditions’ preservation and generation. Many people may hold the conception that major cities must receive the financial support they need in order to thrive because it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated. In my point of view, it is necessary for governments to give financial support to major cities but not just for the reason that we should preserve and generate cultural traditions primarily.

In the first place, it is necessary to preserve and generate our nation’s cultural traditions. 【必要性？？？】
Take our nation China for example, each year we have our traditional Spring Festival which ancestors had started this festival for over thousands of yearsthat was inherited from generation to generation，你写的不是定语从句，具体的说，which是个宾语，this festival也是宾语，这两者只能用一个，下次注意.
Not only many traditional festivals, but also some other traditions such as traditional ideas as Confucianism and traditional architectures such aslike＝such as，不要用太多 Forbidden City should be preserved and generated. Nevertheless, it is partial to draw the conclusion that it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated.Does…这些句子放在Nevertheless的后面是不恰当的，你既然已经完全的否定，为什么还要怀疑一下 Does it mean that in places other than cities there are no cultural traditions? Or the importance of cultural traditions which exist in towns other than cities should be neglected? Apparently many important cultural traditions exist in some regions other than cities. For example, in China, while most of minorities live in places that are not so thrive as cities, many minority nations’ cultural traditions should be regarded. For reasons above we could arrive at a conclusion that we should preserve and generate a nation’s cultural traditions not only in cities but also in other places.

In the second place, cities need governments’ financial support to thrive. The preservation and generation of cultural traditions need a great deal of money. To illustrate, each year government pays much money for the maintenance of traditional architectures. Not only cultural traditions but also other as the investment of industry and city planning which is also necessary for thriving of cities need government’s financial support. Not given any financial support, it is difficult for the city to thrive only by itself.

Furthermore, another problem which we should pay attention to is the causal relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities. Assuming that we make great efforts to preserve and generate cultural traditions, could major cities thrive certainly? On one hand, although the importance of cultural traditions is obvious, many other factors, which comprise the amendment of environment and the improvement of traffic and social security and so forth, are also important to the prosperity of cities. On the other hand, the thriving of cities may be counterproductive to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions. For example, when government does city planning, it is very likely to conflict with traditional architectures. For another example, with the globalization of economy, foreign culture impact a lot on cultural traditions as Mcdonald's brings much pressure in Chinese meal. So we can draw the conclusion that there is no direct relationship between preservation and generation of cultural traditions and thriving of major cities.

To sum up, we should pay attention to the preservation and generation of cultural traditions without the differentiation between cities and towns. What is more, cities need governments’ financial support in order to thrive but not only for the reason that cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
文章开头说，政府投资保护大城市的cultural traditions，但是并不是因为CT产生于cities。那么正常的论述是否应该是：首先，肯定政府行为，就是你的B2；然后指出真正的原因来否定作者的理由，你用了直接否定，即如果要保护都要保护，不能偏废，这是你的B1；B3用了其它的原因来否定，traffic问题、环境问题等等，用此来说明投资城市保护CT和保护CT无关。简单分析到此，修改一下论述顺序是首要任务；其次，段内的论述：B1的问题基本标出，在此不予重复；B2，根本等于没说；B3，我记得老师讲语法说on one hand，on the other hand是对立的层面，不知道你错了，还是老师错了，讨论一下，此外，A不A都无所谓，关键是要把问题说清楚，其实你的B3第一个hand和第二个hand可以分开写。语言较好。