ARGU170 第一篇拿得出手的阿狗,快考了,求拍！

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

170,For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
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The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem.

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.

imjasonUID: 176604

先占了
开头这样应该可以了吧

barcaUID: 201634

170,For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
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The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they the oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem. 我认为oysters from Gulf Coast不一定是cooked by chef of the Gulf Coast的，所以谁cook这个理由好像不太充分。

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.

个别字句还可以修改一下。
新手，说不出什么深奥的。
期待回拍：https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=260379

neverflyUID: 166610

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？俺觉得很好啊，特别是meanwhile叙述另外一层意思，便于下面攻击。

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidenceauthor不能缺乏证据把，只有argument可以 而且lack evidence好像和前面的” which lacks convincing evidence”重复 to convince us about this problem.

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster,这一条已经被批驳了，现在却却作为事实讨论，是不是有点不妥？用虚拟语气会不会好些？ there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill this skill指代不清，前面没提到and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost moremore 是和谁比较？, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to 换成might notspend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land?, the price of the oyster asked ask不准确。money paid for the fishermen感觉要好些by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers这段可以展开来讲. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion.这句话读起来有点奇怪 To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.

这篇文章感觉很佩服阿，深谷幽兰最近很努力，学习学习。 我改的地方未必是真的有毛病，可能自己理解不好。要是说唯一的缺陷，就是第四段分析profit时候，逻辑略显不太严密，感觉有点缺乏比较，不知道对不对

mondiaUID: 193825

170,For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
-------------------------------------------------------

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？个人觉得这样写会节省时间在开头，关键看后面吧

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless好象是用let alone吧 to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem.


In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster,用even if吧 there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervisesupervision, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.是不是可以加：处理过之后味道变差了

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers.感觉也没打死，差一句 However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.全面概括，中规中矩

不是很牛~ 还有时间，多练习
看你很刻苦哦，赞一个。。

combatantUID: 200023

深谷幽兰兄 好人缘啊。这么多xdjm来改。我也占一个。呵呵
可惜这会要出去了，晚上回来奉上把，这几天也再致力于argu

枫丹UID: 166492

170,For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
-------------------------------------------------------

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？
不多,但是个人建议把第一和第二句的因果关系说清楚， 方便下面攻击。不过只是个人观点，无碍！！

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of （ or ）unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem.
最后一句过于笼统了吧？
In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. ( 应该是即使知道了以后吧？)Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out(devised 比较好一些) will cost more, hence, without serious supervise（supervisal）, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. (这句好别扭啊！把be去掉。guarantee to do  )Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.
具体的词的用法还需要斟酌一下。有些话说的太死了,最好加一些possible 不过我认为你的结尾比较圆满.上次漏了一篇恕我食言.这篇补上,继续努力!!

fermanUID: 162184

170,For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.
-------------------------------------------------------

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumersthe 多余 are made aware of何不只用are aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing tolikely to be willing to?何不只用 are willing to或 are probable to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasonsconlude that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence.感觉不好，insecurity 和unpopularity放在一起It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is没看懂 bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem. 他因选的不好，为什么不说是更为常见的taste呢？

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists.不好，可不可以说是方法的convenience和economic问题呢？ Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.该方法可能的side-effect呢？

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.

句子过于冗长而不清楚，每段不够developed.
加油

wx8348UID: 185363

幽兰真是好人缘．
羡慕！
像你学习！！！

combatantUID: 200023

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？如果这样花时间不多还可以把，我开头花3，4分钟，不知道你花多少

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast. In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem. 第一，牡蛎不一定再产地烹调把，第二，没有解释为什么这个趋势是最近开始的，应该再攻击过程中提到这个时间限时，否则有漏洞

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast这里结尾句逻辑不严密，我们攻击的是不买gulf的牡蛎，说不买gulf就行了，没必要说到大西洋牡蛎，这个假设本身就可以被当作靶子攻击了，呵呵，不好意思，argu看多了，看到最后这句就想批.

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is 最好加个well吧known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.觉得结尾写的太长了，imong曾说过，开头结尾都不重要，楼主觉得开头不要浪费时间，结尾一样啊。
总的觉得楼主的argu还不够过关啊，好好练，提高应该很快的

imjasonUID: 176604

The author, in this argument, claims that once the consumers are made aware of the safety of Gulf Coast oysters they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Meanwhile, the author reasons that the greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. However, a careful consideration of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.开头多不多？用不用再简练一些？

One problem with this argument is that the author attributes the unpopularity of the Gulf Coast oyster to the insecurity, which lacks convincing evidence. It is entirely possible that people prefer the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast because they oyster there is bigger and more delicious cooked by the experienced chef compared to the smaller ones that cooked by a few green chef of the Gulf Coast.这个位置感觉就不应该把厨师的水平摆出来了，这样的话就有可能是厨师的原因了 In this case, whether the oyster of the Gulf Coast is safe of unsafe, it cannot attract consumers, needless to say make them be willing to pay as much money as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. Therefore, the author lacks evidence to convince us about this problem.

In addition, given that the harmful bacteria is the reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster, there is no evidence to guarantee that the restaurants will employ this skill and people will buy them even after their knowing that a process for the bacteria has devised by the scientists. Common sense tells us that to employ a new technology that is just found out will cost more, hence, without serious supervise, the restaurants cannot be guaranteed to spend more money to adopt the new skills. Worrying about this, consumers are still likely to buy the oyster of the northeastern Atlantic Coast.这里优点牵强了。怎么说现在人们要两倍的价钱啊

Finally, the author hastily assumes that greater profits for the Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow. It is known to all that profits have something to do with plenty of factors, such as the rent of the land, the price of the oyster asked by the fishermen and the increasing cost for the new technology to skill the harmful bacteria other than the number of the consumers. However, the author does not provide any statistic to ensure that after evaluating all these relevant factors, the profits will follow.其实这里我觉得到有可能和引进技术有关了。因为技术的引进必然会造成成本的上升了

In summary, the author fails to adequately support his conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide enough evidence to convince me that the harmful bacteria is the only reason for the people's dislike of the Gulf Coast oyster and the restaurants there will employ the new technology to kill the bacteria as well as more statistics to ensure the profit will increase greatly.
继续努力哈。别着急了，放平心态，好好准备了