issue186 practicability 超时了8分钟：（48小时内必回拍

coweiliangUID: 195905

Issue186  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：53分33秒     512 words
从2005年3月2日13时44分到2005年3月2日14时53分
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
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With the digital revolution progressing and intelligent machines running, practicability seems to be the great idol to drive our society ahead. However, since it emphasizes influence on the current issue and overlooks the spiritual demands, it will probably lead to an illusion that anything impractical has little value. To better address the issue, it might be helpful to discuss in turn in the field of politics, science, and business.

When we focus our lens in the realms of politics, it will be obvious that the disadvantages by practicality far outweigh the advantages. Admittedly, practicability can help politicians to find appropriate solutions to the urgent social problems. The policy taken out by the government of Roosvelt is a case in point. On the other hand, practicability might also be a rather objective concept of these politicians confined to a particular group of people. If the politicians focus too much their attention on the profits of themselves or the party they are serving, it is likely that they will endeavor to make every effort to exercise the power, thus violating the nature of democracy. Actually, in history, without those idealistic politicians and thinkers, it is entirely impossible that we can now be living in a civilized society where there are various opportunities for all citizens.

When it comes to science, it is much clearer that practicability will distort the motives of scientific research and the nature of science. Although the modern inventions are designed to satisfy the urgent demands from the real world, it is too hasty to say that all powers, resources and talents must serve the objective of practicality. If the scientists in the World War two are shortsighted, nuclear weapons, for the needs of wars, might be probably more widely used and sufficiently improved. If that is the case, the result is likely to be a complete destruction to our planet. Additionally, some scientific researches are carrying out for the good of the future, although we cannot apply them under the existing technological level. From Servetus to Albel, Leb Esgue, if they yielded, or just settled down with a job distributed to them, they might live a satisfactory life without both the psychological and physical sufferings. In conclusion, the original motive of scientific research is neither to get fame and profits nor to merely meet the demands of a specific period, but for the good of the human future.

Finally, practicality in the field of business usually leads to conflicts between economic profits and environmental protection. Many businessmen stress the profits regardless of the harm they are actually conducting to the environment. For the purpose of cutting down the cost, they pour down the unprocessed water directly into rivers. However, they are actually shaking off their responsibility as members of the human society and sacrificing their reputation and confidence to the customers, which in the long runs have negative effect on the companies.

Meanwhile, practicality diverts people's attention on their own emotional or psychological needs. The great works in arts and music, which transcend the limitation of time and places to excite our spirits, are unsuitable to be judged by a standard of practicality as well. Nowadays, in colleges and universities, if the art and ethics continue to be cut down in order to save more time for computer and technological courses, how can a student develop both intelligently and psychologically healthy? In the main, the terms of practicality, to some extent, is misleading people.

Admittedly, practicality can act as an impetus to the improvement of human society. It encourages us to seek solutions from the real and existing world. Nevertheless, its benefits should not be overestimated. In fields such as politics, science and business, many other things, rather than practicality are serving as important elements to help people establish a proper attitude towards value.

btw:很苦恼！最后那一分钟看着时间一秒一秒地跳什么都想不出来了！唉，等到时间到了起来喝杯水，又想起千言万语都没有写的！最后很颓丧地给每段加上结尾，算是完事

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
With the digital revolution progressing and intelligent machines running, practicability seems to be the great idol to drive our society ahead. However, since it emphasizes influence on the current issue and overlooks the spiritual demands, it will probably lead to an illusion that anything impractical has little value. To better address the issue, it might be helpful to discuss in turn in the field of politics, science, and business.

看了后面几个TS回来说下，觉得前面最好让人明白什么是practicality，让读者心里有个主意明白你要说什么具体的问题。比如当看见你的B1的TS时候说disadvantages outweigh advantages就很疑惑，因为对你要表述的practicality不明确，会想practicality的表现是什么？优点是什么？缺点是什么？怎么就劣势多了呢？而且开头为啥是with the digital revolution and intelligent….就emphasize practicality了呢？

When we focus our lens in the realms of politics, it will be obvious that the disadvantages by practicality far outweigh the advantages. Admittedly, practicability can help politicians to find appropriate solutions to the urgent social problems. The policy taken out by the government of Roosvelt is a case in point. 没啦？On the other hand,Ft为啥就转到on the other hand了？practicability might also be a rather objective concept of these politicians confined to a particular group of people. If the politicians focus too much their attention on the profits of themselves or the party they are serving, it is likely that they will endeavor to make every effort to exercise the power, thus violating the nature of democracy. Actually, in history, without those idealistic politicians and thinkers, it is entirely impossible that we can now be living in a civilized society where there are various opportunities for all citizens. 这段觉得有些乱，首先你的衔接词换的太随便了，上来admit的是什么？然后忽然就on the other hand了？那on one hand 的东西是什么？后面有actually…感觉你要说好多问题似的，但是实际上没有说明白。开头貌似是dis…  outweigh ad… 吧，怎么感觉一直在说practicability的好处呢？还有个关键问题，我觉得没有很好的扣题，题目的意思：实用性是我们最大的追求，所以你要论的是在某领域，实用性是不是最大的追求，或者说在这领域的努力方向和表现是不是为了实用性的，而不是说实用性就会导致什么。然后你的开头观点的illusion的问题也没说到吧

When it comes to science, it is much clearer that practicability will distort the motives of scientific research and the nature of science. Although the modern inventions are designed to satisfy the urgent demands from the real world, it is too hasty to say that all powers, resources and talents must serve the objective of practicality. If the scientists in the World War two are shortsighted, nuclear weapons, for the needs of wars, might be probably more widely used and sufficiently improved. If that is the case, the result is likely to be a complete destruction to our planet. Additionally, some scientific researches are carrying out for the good of the future, although we cannot apply them under the existing technological level. From Servetus to Albel, Leb Esgue, if they yielded, or just settled down with a job distributed to them, they might live a satisfactory life without both the psychological and physical sufferings. In conclusion, the original motive of scientific research is neither to get fame and profits nor to merely meet the demands of a specific period, but for the good of the human future. 这段比上段好些，但是鉴于你前面对practicality的表述还是不明确，我觉得还有些问题，比如说最后get fame/profits不叫实用性，那future的那长远的就不算是practical了么？

Finally, practicality in the field of business usually leads to conflicts between economic profits and environmental protection. Many businessmen stress the profits regardless of the harm they are actually conducting to the environment. For the purpose of cutting down the cost, they pour down the unprocessed water directly into rivers. However, they are actually shaking off their responsibility as members of the human society and sacrificing their reputation and confidence to the customers, which in the long runs have negative effect on the companies.

Meanwhile, practicality diverts people's attention on their own emotional or psychological needs. The great works in arts and music, which transcend the limitation of time and places to excite our spirits, are unsuitable to be judged by a standard of practicality as well. Nowadays, in colleges and universities, if the art and ethics continue to be cut down in order to save more time for computer and technological courses, how can a student develop both intelligently and psychologically healthy? In the main, the terms of practicality, to some extent, is misleading people.

Admittedly, practicality can act as an impetus to the improvement of human society. It encourages us to seek solutions from the real and existing world. Nevertheless, its benefits should not be overestimated. In fields such as politics, science and business, many other things, rather than practicality are serving as important elements to help people establish a proper attitude towards value.

后面几个body没细看。说几个问题：1，衔接词用的很奇特啊，怎么一会finally了又meanwhile了？然后结尾了又admittedly？会把人弄晕的，呵呵。衔接词是一段开始观点的一种表述，让人明确你的基调是要赞还是要扁，要支持还是要反对，和上段的关系是什么，转折还是让步，这样才让人心里对你的作文有个把握。2，大概看了下后面几个BODY，觉得还是有些没抓到重点上，一直再说practicality会带来什么好处，导致什么弊端。有没有论证practicality是不是我们的一个great idol？为什么是？为什么不是？我们应该不应该为了它而努力？3，题目后半句的东西，不实用的就没用，这个问题在你的文章表现的也不明显，你开头自己提出一味关心practicality 会导致一种illusion，不实用的都没用，这个很好啊，那你后面说了illusion的问题么？为啥是ilusion？实际是什么？这些问题写之前问自己了么？ 总的来说，个人认为这篇不适合分领域写（不过我没东西写的时候就会分领域），写成1＋1比较好，先写practicality是不是目标，要不要追求，然后下面说不实用的东西有用没用，比较好。继续努力

coweiliangUID: 195905

谢谢zhizhi!

看了后面几个TS回来说下，觉得前面最好让人明白什么是practicality，让读者心里有个主意明白你要说什么具体的问题。而且开头为啥是with the digital revolution and intelligent….就emphasize practicality了呢？

开头的时候原来是想先定义一下practicability的，但是明白意思又说不出来，所以就只留了一个influence on the current issue。digital.......inteligent machines 那里的确是跳跃了，我的意思原本是这些技术发明都是由于现实生活中实用的初衷的。可能是文章真的表述得不清楚，每段写advantage 的时候都是想引出人们易产生的illusion。回头我再好好改下:)

spritneyUID: 177238

With the digital revolution progressing and intelligent machines running, practicability seems to be the great idol (改成motive/motivations 和后文的drive 搭配) to drive our society ahead. However, since it emphasizes influence on the current issue（s） and overlooks the spiritual demands, it will probably lead to an illusion that anything impractical has little value. To better address the issue, it might be helpful to discuss in turn in the field (s) of politics, science, and business.

When we focus our lens in the realms of politics, it will be obvious that the disadvantages by practicality far outweigh the advantages. Admittedly, practicability can help politicians to find appropriate solutions to the urgent social problems. The policy taken out by the government of Roosvelt (注意拼写：Roosevelt) is a case in point. On the other hand, practicability might also be a rather objective concept of these politicians confined to a particular group of people. (不是很通顺，可以改成: On the other, these politicians tend to confine their focus to a particular group of people, due to practicability, which might also be a rather objective concern.) If the politicians focus too much their (their 可省略) attention on the profits of themselves or the party they are serving, it is likely that they will endeavor to make every effort to exercise the power, thus violating the nature of democracy. Actually, in history, without those idealistic politicians and thinkers, it is entirely impossible that we can now be living in a civilized society where there are various opportunities for all citizens. （这一段的论证好像逻辑不很清晰哦，论点是优点少而缺点多，但是论据中并未说明practicability是如何影响到politics的，focus attention on a certain group of people 难以恰当地说明practicability，有别的例子可以举，比如只注重眼前的经济发展而忽视了长远的环境问题等等）

When it comes to science, it is much clearer that practicability will distort the motives of scientific research and the nature of science. Although the modern inventions are designed to satisfy the urgent demands from the real world, it is too hasty to say that all powers, resources and talents must serve the objective（goal） of practicality. If the scientists in the World War two (一般写成World War II ) are (“were”) shortsighted, nuclear weapons, for the needs of wars, might be probably more widely used and sufficiently improved. If that is the case, the result is likely to be a complete destruction to our planet. (如果你这块是在讲World War II的话，应该用虚拟语气更恰当。) Additionally, some scientific researches are carrying out for the good of the future, although we cannot apply them under the existing technological level. From Servetus to Albel, Leb Esgue, if they yielded, or just settled down with a job distributed to them, they might live a satisfactory life without both the psychological and physical sufferings. In conclusion, the original motive of scientific research is neither to get fame and profits nor to merely meet the demands of a specific period, but for the good of the human future.

Finally, practicality in the field of business usually leads to conflicts between economic profits and environmental protection. Many businessmen（改成business executives，businessmen不是规范的书面语） stress the profits regardless of the harm they are actually （语气不客观，改为might be） conducting to the environment. For the purpose of cutting down the cost, they pour down the unprocessed water directly into rivers. However,（这里不应该用转折语气吧。） they are actually shaking off their responsibility as members of the human society and sacrificing their reputation and confidence to the customers, which in the long runs (in the long run) have negative effect on the companies.

Meanwhile, practicality diverts people's attention on their own emotional or psychological needs. The great works in arts and music, which transcend the limitation of time and places to excite our spirits, are unsuitable to be judged by a standard of practicality as well. Nowadays, in colleges and universities, if the art and ethics continue to be cut down（用diminish 或者be diminished） in order to save more time for computer and technological courses, how can a student develop both intelligently and psychologically healthy? In the main, the terms of practicality, to some extent, is misleading people. (还是和上面一样，语气太主观了,可改一下：the term of practicability, to some extent, may mislead people.)

Admittedly, practicality can act as an impetus to the improvement (progress)  of human society. It encourages us to seek solutions from the real and existing world. Nevertheless, its benefits should not be overestimated. In fields such as politics, science and business, many other things, rather than practicality are serving as important elements to help people establish a proper attitude towards value

不要看文中写了不少不好的地方，其实总体上来说，还是不错的，但是我想提醒一下的是，不知道你是不是特别注重了语言和词汇的变化，这样做的效果好像有一点适得其反，因为我看下来的感觉有一点“生涩”，语言方面还是最好用自己最熟悉的，用法不是太熟悉的词汇最好不要写，这样会影响文章效果的。

论证方面逻辑在加强一点，最好让例证都能做到完全“对口”。、

加油哦！块烤了吧，一起努力：）
v

spritneyUID: 177238

呵呵，不好意思，没有用变色工具，看起来可能会有点累，见谅见谅哦
我的作文也需要多多指教阿，用搜索一搜就能出来了。SORRY不知道怎么在自己的签名里加入链接，请赐教：）