argu38--鱼油防感冒防迟到 欢迎拍砖！！！

walkUID: 196561

有没有人帮我拍一拍啊
380 words
-----题目------
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer recommend that the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent cold and lower absenteeism. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.  

Firstly, EM's low visiting rate of doctor for cold treatment may lie in their physical nature, environment, or even the tradition of avoiding visiting doctor for cold. No scientific evidence proves that eating fish can prevent people from getting cold. It is most possible that EM's citizens mainly have fish for meal, but the fish have nothing to do with their low visiting rate of doctor. WM's conditions are different from EM's. People of the two places may have different diet habit and different genes, we can't guarantee that WM's citizen can also prevent colds by eating fish.

Secondly, even if eating fish can prevent cold, fish oil products may not replace fresh fish for this purpose. Ichthaid which only something derived from fish oil might not have the function of preventing colds. It is possible that fish contains other component that can prevent people from getting cold. The arguer didn't provide us evidence about which component in fish is contribute to preventing cold. Whether it is Ichthaid make the function that prevent people from catching a cold? If it has any side effect to our body or has any other dangerous to harm to people's health? If it is derived from fish oil whether it would still in effect? These are all remain unknown to us, how can we believe the arguer's conclusion.

Thirdly, even if Ichthaid can prevent cold, it may not prevent lower absenteeism. There are many reasons contribute to absenteeism, such as the unconvenient traffic, the slack management and so on. Colds are only one of the reason that can induce absences from work.  The arguer doesn't provide sufficient evidences to prove that people in EM and WM are often absent from school and work for catching a cold.  

In sum, the recommendation of the arguer isn't well supported. In order to make the argument more persuasive, the arguer do more research about the effect of Ichthaid and whether it has any side effect on our body. The arguer must also provide evidence about the mainly reason for WM's people absenting from work and school.

skyoverUID: 198263

In this argument, the arguer recommend[recommends] that the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent cold and lower absenteeism.[论据? To support this recommendation, ...] However, the argument is [logically] flawed in several critical respects.

Firstly,[First] EM's [EM??]low visiting rate of doctor for cold treatment may lie in their physical nature, environment, or even the tradition of avoiding visiting doctor for cold. No scientific evidence proves that eating fish can prevent people from getting cold. It is most possible that EM's citizens mainly have fish for meal, but the fish have nothing to do with their low visiting rate of doctor. WM's conditions are different from EM's. People of the two places may have different diet habit and different genes, we can't guarantee that WM's citizen can also prevent colds by eating fish.

Secondly, even if eating fish can prevent cold, fish oil products may not replace fresh fish for this purpose. Ichthaid which [is] only something derived from fish oil might not have the function of preventing colds. It is possible that fish contains other component that can prevent people from getting cold. The arguer didn't provide us evidence about which component in fish is contribute to preventing cold. Whether it is Ichthaid make the function that prevent people from catching a cold? [句法？？]If it has any side effect to[on] our body or has any other dangerous to harm to people's health? If it is derived from fish oil whether it would still in effect? These are [去掉are] all remain unknown to us, how can we believe the arguer's conclusion.

Thirdly, even if Ichthaid can prevent cold, it may not prevent lower absenteeism. There are many reasons contribute to absenteeism, such as the unconvenient traffic, the slack management and so on. Colds are only one of the reason that can induce absences from work. The arguer doesn't provide sufficient evidences to prove that people in EM and WM are often absent from school and work for catching a cold.

In sum, the recommendation of the arguer isn't [is not] well supported. In order to make the argument more persuasive, the arguer [must]do more research about the effect of Ichthaid and whether it has any side effect on our body. The arguer must also provide evidence about the mainly reason for WM's people absenting from work and school.

有点困了，稍微改了一些，你的点子都不错，很赞赏，个人感觉句型、语法可以更完善一些：）
帮忙也看看我的吧：）

lawrence1984UID: 178326

有没有人帮我拍一拍啊
380 words
-----题目------
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer recommend（recommends） that the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent cold(s)  and (thus) lower absenteeism. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects. （开头简明。好！）

Firstly, EM's(这种省略应该在前面又说明，第一次出现时不能用这种缩写) low visiting rate of doctor for cold treatment may lie in their physical nature, environment, or even the tradition of avoiding visiting doctor for cold. No scientific evidence proves that eating fish can prevent people from getting cold. It is most possible that EM's citizens mainly have fish for meal, but the fish have nothing to do with their low visiting rate of doctor. WM's conditions are different from EM's.（perhaps） People of the two places may have different diet habit and different genes, we can't guarantee that WM's citizen can also prevent colds by eating fish.（论证不错，但是是不是应该多用点逻辑论证词句呢！）

Secondly, even if eating fish can prevent cold, fish oil products may not replace fresh fish for this purpose.（让步论证） Ichthaid which（is） only something derived from fish oil might not have the function of preventing colds. It is possible that fish contains other component that can prevent people from getting cold. The arguer didn't provide us evidence about which component in fish is contribute(contributable) to preventing cold. Whether it is Ichthaid make the function that prevent(s) people from catching a cold? If it has any side effect to our body or has any other dangerous to harm to（去掉to）people's health? If it is derived from fish oil whether it would still in effect?(这是什么意思？) These are all remain unknown to us, how can we believe the arguer's conclusion. （论证挺好。）

Thirdly, even if Ichthaid can prevent cold, it may not prevent lower absenteeism. There are many reasons contribute to absenteeism, such as the unconvenient（inconvenient） traffic, the slack management and so on. Colds are only one of the reason that can induce absences from work. The arguer doesn't provide sufficient evidences to prove that people in EM and WM are often absent from school and work for catching a cold. (很好！！学习中………)

In sum, the recommendation of the arguer isn't well supported. In order to make the argument more persuasive, the arguer （should have done ）do more research about the effect of Ichthaid and whether it has any side effect on our body. The arguer must also provide evidence about the mainly reason for WM's people absenting from work and school.(文章写的不错，有很多值得学习的地方。)

walkUID: 196561

多谢skyover 和 lawrence1984 点评 这篇是不限时写的，现在还是速度很慢，我呆会儿我也去拍你们的，做了一天试验好累，先去休息一会儿