Issue30 互拍 没时间拍正文 拍提纲也行！

天晴了UID: 201592

Issue30   先看看提纲吧～～如果大家没时间拍  逻辑清楚吗？

------摘要------
B1 the primary goal--welfare of human.  case by case
B2 in efficiency-target societies, efficiency should be regarded no more than an approach or a short-sighted goal
B3 in non-efficiency-target societies, they have the capability to direct achieve the final goal, so no need to emphasize on efficiency
B4 in efficiency-promotion nations，leisure time is a luxury.

------题目------

30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

------正文------
I am afraid I can not agree with the speaker's assertion. Since the primary goal of technological advancement is not restrained as efficiency increase but the well-being of human, the main actor and manipulator of technological advancement. As for leisure time, quite to the contrary, it is indeed the sacrifice of efficiency and technology rather than a consequential boon.

Technological advancement can be regarded as the masterpiece of human-beings generation after generation. As to its goal, a common ground rests on human's well-being, whether physically or mentally. For example, medicine industry contributes to people's health; nuclear research facilitates people increasingly energy demands for better life; high tech weapon is critical for security of human-being; computer graphic ensures special effect in film to please viewers. In order to achieve the final goal, approaches diversify with difference between societies, nations and individuals.

Efficiency increasing is no more than an effective approach for most countries with limited resources to reach their ultimate goal for human's satisfaction. It means administrators and individuals have to take measures to utilize resources efficiently for survival under pressure of demands. Hence, realization of people's well-being calls for efficiency increasing by technological advancement. For instance, pipeline system in factory promoting working amount with less time and human force consuming is doomed to increase efficiency and make profit in the fiercely competitive society. It is welcomed by Britain, US, China... for its profit and productivity accumulation by high efficiency can meet citizens' needs. A conclusion is that the efficiency increase can be considered as a necessary way to attain the final goal among societies to maintain balance between nation's capability of working force and citizen's requirements and ultimately achieve the well-being of human.  

While other societies without so conspicuous contradiction may be of two conditions: nations with abundance or small amount of citizens' demands. As to these countries, efficiency and profit-target have been de-emphasized, since the ultimate goal can be attained directly without the middle-stage goal of high efficiency and productivity. We can look no further than Scandinavia countries. Low life pace beyond imagination it is, people enjoy the life without pressure. Since the property owing per person have already meet people's material and immaterial needs, who cares the efficiency still?  Although the productivity is not as high as US, Japan, people's value system and well-being current situation determine their easy-to-satisfy ideology and relatively leisure life style. The balance keeps its inertia; therefore efficiency seems to be of a redundancy. The technology advancement serves directly to people's enjoyment of life, such as art and design assisted by technology. Their cutting-edge technology on cultural heritage and cultural protection are of little relationship with efficiency.

Ironically, the speaker optimistically supposed leisure time as the cause-and-effect result of efficiency increasing. In fact, in efficiency-promotion nations，leisure time is a luxury. As long as their increasingly demands of material call for, productivity increasing will not stop. Firstly, even though more materials are provided, demands increasing of enterprise will not lag behind but run forward. The introduction of pipeline increased efficiency, while it meant to make more products with the same, if not more, working-hour. As to the unlimited demand of enterprise, leisure time of both employer and employee is merely a dream. Secondly, uncertainty about future forces individuals to earn money without hesitating. The problems of security for seniors and high expenditure of education for the successive generation urge them to work and make money for reassuring their uncertainty. Thirdly, working hard at the expense of leisure time seems to be a custom and root deeply in people's value system for the atmosphere and influence in some societies. Quite ordinary it is to sleep 4 hours for employees in ShenZhen, China, for its adoration of less leisure time to some degree apart from the pressure.

In sum, efficiency should be regarded no more than an approach or a short-sighted goal for accomplishing the primary goal--welfare of human. During the ever-pursuing process, leisure time, an inaccessible illusion, can not be expected to induce by efficiency and technological advancement.

sblbaslerUID: 175229

I am afraid不要用这种类似道歉的语句 I can not agree with the speaker's assertion. Since the primary goal of technological advancement is not restrained as efficiency increase but the well-being of human, the main actor and manipulator of technological advancement. As for leisure time, quite to the contrary, it is indeed the sacrifice of efficiency and technology rather than a consequential boon用的挺有意思，呵呵.

Technological advancement can be regarded as the masterpiece of human-beings generation after generation. As to its goal, a common ground rests on human's well-being, whether physically or mentally. For example, medicine industry contributes to people's health; nuclear research facilitates people increasingly energy demands for better life; high tech weapon is critical for security of human-being; computer graphic把计算机的功能从图象处理上体现似乎vague了一点毕竟这不是他 change the face of the world的地方 ensures special effect in film to please viewers. In order to achieve the final goal, approaches diversify with difference between societies, nations and individuals.
你这一段讲的是科技给人们生活带来的好处但没有提到效率，不知道是什么意思，往下看，如果这是铺垫的话有点长了
Efficiency increasing is no more than an effective approach for most countries with limited resources to reach their ultimate goal for human's satisfaction. It means administrators and individuals have to take measures to utilize resources efficiently for survival under pressure of demands. Hence, realization of people's well-being calls for efficiency increasing by technological advancement. For instance, pipeline system in factory promoting working amount with less time and human force consuming is doomed to increase efficiency and make profit in the fiercely competitive society. It is welcomed by Britain, US, China... for its profit and productivity accumulation by high efficiency can meet citizens' needs. A conclusion is that the efficiency increase can be considered as a necessary way to attain the final goal among societies to maintain balance between nation's capability of working force and citizen's requirements and ultimately achieve the well-being of human.
你这段只讲了效率在当今社会的重要性，似乎缺乏和科技之间的联系，虽然效率的提高必然是科技进步的结果，这是题目所陈述的，但你没有把这层显然的窗户纸捅破
While other societies without so conspicuous contradiction？？？ may be of two conditions: nations with abundance or small amount of citizens' demands. As to these countries, efficiency and profit-target have been de-emphasized, since the ultimate goal can be attained directly without the middle-stage goal of high efficiency and productivity. We can look no further than Scandinavia countries北欧的居民的生活是不是真的像想象中和你说的那样，估计不会吧. Low life pace beyond imagination it is, people enjoy the life without pressure.个人认为当今社会不可能 Since the property owing per person have already meet people's material and immaterial needs, who cares the efficiency still? Although the productivity is not as high as US, Japan, people's value system and well-being current situation determine their easy-to-satisfy ideology and relatively leisure life style. The balance keeps its inertia; therefore efficiency seems to be of a redundancy. The technology advancement serves directly to people's enjoyment of life, such as art and design assisted by technology. Their cutting-edge technology on cultural heritage and cultural protection are of little relationship with efficiency.
觉得例子不是很好，至少是不太可信至少我不怎么相信
Ironically, the speaker optimistically supposed leisure time as the cause-and-effect result of efficiency increasing. In fact, in efficiency-promotion nations，leisure time is a luxury. As long as their increasingly demands of material call for, productivity increasing will not stop. Firstly, even though more materials are provided, demands increasing of enterprise will not lag behind but run forward. The introduction of pipeline increased efficiency, while it meant to make more products with the same, if not more, working-hour. As to the unlimited demand of enterprise, leisure time of both employer and employee is merely a dream. Secondly, uncertainty about future forces individuals to earn money without hesitating. The problems of security for seniors and high expenditure of education for the successive generation urge them to work and make money for reassuring their uncertainty. Thirdly, working hard at the expense of leisure time seems to be a custom and root deeply in people's value system for the atmosphere and influence in some societies. Quite ordinary it is to sleep 4 hours for employees in ShenZhen, China, for its adoration of less leisure time to some degree apart from the pressure.

In sum, efficiency should be regarded no more than an approach or a short-sighted goal for accomplishing the primary goal--welfare of human. During the ever-pursuing process, leisure time, an inaccessible illusion, can not be expected to induce by efficiency and technological advancement.
文章的语言的确不错，但内容有点问题，觉得如果不是在写ISSUE你这样写没有问题，但在写ISSUE尤其是在考试时写的话就会有问题，你这篇不是限时写的吧。
个人愚见，继续讨论

wanggoudanUID: 166988

I am afraid[太口语化了吧] I can not agree with the speaker's assertion. Since the primary goal of technological advancement is not restrained as efficiency increase but the well-being of human, the main actor and manipulator of technological advancement. As for leisure time, quite to the contrary, it is indeed the sacrifice of efficiency and technology rather than a consequential boon[开头不错，但再稍微展开一点就更好了].

Technological advancement can be regarded as the masterpiece of human-beings generation after generation. As to its goal, a common ground rests on human's well-being, whether physically or mentally. For example, medicine industry contributes to people's health; nuclear research facilitates people increasingly energy demands for better life; high tech weapon is critical for security of human-being; computer graphic ensures special effect in film to please viewers. In order to achieve the final goal, approaches diversify with difference[此处应该是复数] between societies, nations and individuals.

Efficiency increasing is no more than an effective approach for most countries with limited resources to reach their ultimate goal for human's satisfaction. It means administrators and individuals have to take measures to utilize resources efficiently for survival under pressure of demands. Hence, realization of people's well-being calls for efficiency increasing by technological advancement. For instance, pipeline system in factory promoting[没有谓语了] working amount with less time and human force consuming is doomed to increase efficiency and make profit in the fiercely competitive society. It is welcomed by Britain, US, China... for its profit and productivity accumulation by high efficiency can meet citizens' needs. A conclusion is that the efficiency increase can be considered as a necessary way to attain the final goal among societies to maintain balance between nation's capability of working force and citizen's requirements and ultimately achieve the well-being of human.

While other societies without so conspicuous contradiction may be of two conditions: nations with abundance or small amount of citizens' demands. As to these countries, efficiency and profit-target have been de-emphasized, since the ultimate goal can be attained directly without the middle-stage goal of high efficiency and productivity. We can look no further than Scandinavia countries. Low life pace beyond imagination it is, people enjoy the life without pressure. Since the property owing per person have already meet people's material and immaterial needs, who cares the efficiency still? Although the productivity is not as high as US, Japan, people's value system and well-being current[应该换位置] situation determine their easy-to-satisfy ideology and relatively leisure life style. The balance keeps its inertia; therefore efficiency seems to be of a redundancy. The technology advancement serves directly to people's enjoyment of life, such as art and design assisted by technology. Their cutting-edge technology on cultural heritage and cultural protection are of little relationship with efficiency.

Ironically, the speaker optimistically supposed leisure time as the cause-and-effect result of efficiency increasing. In fact, in efficiency-promotion nations，leisure time is a luxury. As long as their increasingly demands of material call for[宾语捏], productivity increasing will not stop. Firstly, even though more materials are provided, demands increasing of enterprise will not lag behind but run forward. The introduction of pipeline increased efficiency, while it meant to make more products with the same, if not more, working-hour. As to the unlimited demand of enterprise, leisure time of both employer and employee is merely a dream. Secondly, uncertainty about future forces individuals to earn money without hesitating. The problems of security for seniors and high expenditure of education for the successive generation urge them to work and make money for reassuring their uncertainty. Thirdly, working hard at the expense of leisure time seems to be a custom and root deeply in people's value system for the atmosphere and influence in some societies. Quite ordinary it is to sleep 4 hours for employees in ShenZhen, China, for its adoration of less leisure time to some degree apart from the pressure.

In sum, efficiency should be regarded no more than an approach or a short-sighted goal for accomplishing the primary goal--welfare of human. During the ever-pursuing process, leisure time, an inaccessible illusion, can notcannot be expected to induce by efficiency and technological advancement.

这是一篇大文，水平极高，用词相当精准，逻辑十分到位。大牛级人物。Btw, 开头和结尾更应该加强。如果到考场，绝对是6分作文。


拍拍我的吧！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=262074

天晴了UID: 201592

最初由 sblbasler 发布
[
以下省略...... [/B]

刚下课回来
多谢 唉～～这个想法啊～·我怎么总是走极端呢～～  
嗯
回去拍你～

天晴了UID: 201592

wanggoudan
谢谢啦～：)