argument46 继续砍吧砍吧～～快考了

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Argument46  第1篇 吧啦吧啦吧啦拍～～～！！！
------摘要------
作者：吱吱     共用时间：25分3秒     373 words/ 395 words after revised
从2005年3月7日22时42分到2005年3月7日23时25分
------题目------
Although black bears are common in the eastern Canadian province of Labrador, grizzly bears—often similar in color, but much larger—were believed to exist only in the western provinces. Despite a nineteenth-century explorer's account of having startled and narrowly escaped from a grizzly bear deep in the woods in Labrador, modern scientists find no physical evidence that grizzly bears have ever lived in Labrador. But recent research into the language and legends of the Innu, a people who have lived in Labrador for thousands of years, reveals that their language has words for two different kinds of bears, and their ancient legends attribute different characteristics to the two kinds of bears. Therefore, there probably were grizzly bears in Labrador, and the explorer's account probably accurately identified the bear.
------正文------
In this argument, the author concludes that there were probably grizzly bears in Labrador by demonstrating a nineteenth-century explorer's account of a grizzly bear and the words for two different bears of Innu people, who has lived in Labrador for thousands of years. However, based on unsubstantial evidence, this argument is not convincing.

First, thee author cites a fact that there is a account of a explorer's having startled and narrowly escaped form a grizzly bear in the woods in Labrador. However, any number of factors might explain this phenomenon. For example, it might be the case that the explorer was so scared by the bear that he could not recognize what kind of bear it was and mistook other bears for the grizzly bear. It could also be possible that the record was so immemorial that the real information was changed during its spreading and we could not confirm it. It can be entirely possible that the area of Labrador was extremely large at that time and contained some west land where grizzly bears lived. In short, since the account is too vaguer for us to verify, it could not prove the existence of grizzly bears unless the author provides us more information of the above assumptions.

Second, the author cites another fact that the language of Innu people, who has lived in Labrador for thousands of years, described two different kinds of bears. However, only this evidence is not enough for the reasoning. It might be the case that these words were brought by foreigners or these words have changed a lot during so long a time. It could also be possible that these people emigrated from other places, where grizzly bears might live. In addition, the author does not give us a verification that the "two different kinds of bears" refers to black bears and grizzly bears. Why could these two kinds of bears be black bears and white bears? Or big bears and small bears? Thus, without more detailed information to substantiate these assumptions, the author could not conclude Innu language could prove the existence of grizzly bears.

In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive because the evidence the author provides is poorly supported. Unless the author provides us more information about the discussed issues, he/she could not convince me to believe that there probably might be grizzly bears in Labrador.


鬼鬼，菠萝，龙非，jim 谁有空就过来砍一下的 没空就算了。最好龙非GG能看一眼，里面有些思路是用的你的。 :p
别人的好意谢谢的先，但是实在没时间回改了

lawrence1984UID: 178326

注意发帖格式！

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

最初由 lawrence1984 发布
[B]注意发帖格式！ [/B]

是的 注意发贴格式

只是目前我还没看出我的帖子有哪里格式不对 而且发作文到现在我还没错过 请赐教

真晕 我签名档关于发贴格式的连接 我已经挂了好久了 是为了提醒新手们注意

davidjackyUID: 135962

In this argument, the author concludes that there were probably grizzly bears in Labrador by demonstrating a nineteenth-century explorer's account of a grizzly bear and the words for two different bears of Innu people, who hashave lived in Labrador for thousands of years. However, based on unsubstantial evidences, this argument is not convincing.

First, theethe author cites a fact that there is aan account of a explorer's having been startled and narrowly escaped form a grizzly bear in the woods in Labrador. However, any number of factors might explain this phenomenon. For example, it might be the case that the explorer was so scared by the bear that he could not recognize what kind of bear it was and mistook other bears for the grizzly bear. It could also be possible that the record was so immemorial that the realexact information was changed It could also be possible that the record was changed a lot with time during its spreading and we could not confirm it. It can be entirely possible that the area of Labrador was extremely large at that time and contained some west land where grizzly bears lived. In short, since the account is too old?这个in short是否能够总结全段？scared和old？ for us to verify, it could not prove the existence of grizzly bears unless the author provides us more information of the above assumptions.

Second, the author cites another fact that the language of Innu people, who has lived in Labrador for thousands of years, described two different kinds of bears. However, only this evidence is not enough for the reasoning. It might be the case that these words were brought by foreigners or these words have changed a lot during so long asuch a long time就可以 time. It could also be possible that these people emigrated from other places, where grizzly bears might live. In addition, the author does not give us a verification that the "two different kinds of bears" refers to black bears and grizzly bears. Why could these two kinds of bears be black bears and white bearsones? Or big bears and small bears? Thus, without more detailed information to substantiate these assumptions, the author could not conclude that Innu language could prove the existence of grizzly bears.

In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive because the evidence the author provides is poorly supported. Unless the author provides us more information about the discussed issues, he/she could not convince me to believe that there probably might be grizzly bears in Labrador.
等他们看了我也学习一下，一直没有改过A，只是给你看了细节，个人认为错误分析的可以了，祝考试顺利

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

谢谢david斑竹

那个in short的东西确实不恰当 是写完了后来修改的一句 忘了前面说的什么了 Ft  我回原文修改下 :p

谢谢

lianglcl05UID: 181629

有版主指导，进步当然神速。细节已经被见习版主指出不少了。但是，我认为，句子最好清楚点，不要太绕。
另外，对于思路。我想：
B1，批记录的问题。
B2，让步，即使过去真有，explorer见到的也不是。
可以针对他结论的两个论断。
一点拙见。
真好，每次都有这么多牛人给你看，我也不想了。

naiba369UID: 131655

最初由 victoriazhizhi 发布
[B]是的 注意发贴格式

只是目前我还没看出我的帖子有哪里格式不对 而且发作文到现在我还没错..

以下省略...... [/B]

这时候。。。。大家要冷静

呵呵。。我原来也老遇到这种事情

哈哈，那是因为大家还都很在意呢

吱吱加油啊

naiba369UID: 131655

最初由 lianglcl05 发布
[B]有版主指导，进步当然神速。细节已经被见习版主指出不少了。但是，我认为，句子最好清楚点，不要太绕。
另外，对于思路。我想：
B1，批记录的问题。
B2，让步，即使过去..

以下省略...... [/B]

不要光看吱吱的帖子有版主改

吱吱自己也改过别人的很多帖子呢

你的付出总是有目共睹的，真的

加油！

naiba369UID: 131655

吱吱什么时候啊

忘了你的考试日期了

你很努力啊

不过要更努力啊

呵呵

到你考试的那天

偶。。。。naiba。。。寄托祝福帖最灵的人

呵呵，定给你送上祝福啊

呵呵

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

最初由 lianglcl05 发布
[B]有版主指导，进步当然神速。细节已经被见习版主指出不少了。但是，我认为，句子最好清楚点，不要太绕。
另外，对于思路。我想：
B1，批记录的问题。
B2，让步，即使过去..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢
不过B2的让步说即使有，见到的也不是 和前面记录有问题不是一回事儿么？ 再说有没有都是不肯定的东西，怎么能说即使有记录，看见的也不是呢？ :p

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

最初由 naiba369 发布
[B]吱吱什么时候啊

忘了你的考试日期了

你很努力啊

不过要更努力啊

呵呵

到你考试的那天

偶。。。。naiba。。。寄托祝福帖最灵的人

呵呵，定给你送上祝?.

以下省略...... [/B]

瓦赛，回了3个捏，333 333 :D
偶11号考试  :(

龙非UID: 193190

taken

龙非UID: 193190

------题目------
Although black bears are common in the eastern Canadian province of Labrador, grizzly bears—often similar in color, but much larger—were believed to exist only in the western provinces. Despite a nineteenth-century explorer's account of having startled and narrowly escaped from a grizzly bear deep in the woods in Labrador, modern scientists find no physical evidence that grizzly bears have ever lived in Labrador. But recent research into the language and legends of the Innu, a people who have lived in Labrador for thousands of years, reveals that their language has words for two different kinds of bears, and their ancient legends attribute different characteristics to the two kinds of bears. Therefore, there probably were grizzly bears in Labrador, and the explorer's account probably accurately identified the bear.
------正文------
In this argument, the author concludes that there were probably grizzly bears in Labrador by demonstrating a nineteenth-century explorer's account of a grizzly bear and the words for two different bears of Innu people, who has lived in Labrador for thousands of years. However, based on unsubstantial evidence, this argument is not convincing.

First, thee author cites a fact that there is a account of a explorer's having startled and narrowly escaped form a grizzly bear in the woods in Labrador. However, any number of factors might explain this phenomenon. For example, it might be the case that the explorer was so scared by the bear that he could not recognize what kind of bear it was and mistook other bears直接说黑熊会更具体，因为他们颜色相近 for the grizzly bear. It could also be possible that the record was so immemorial that the real information was changed during its spreading and we could not confirm it这里也是不够具体，举个例子说有可能什么改变，比如说其实原来说的是黑熊，但是传着传着就变成灰熊了. It can be entirely possible that the area of Labrador was extremely large at that time and contained some west land where grizzly bears lived. In short, since the account is too vaguer for us to verify, it could not prove the existence of grizzly bears明确一下是无法证明灰熊在Labrador的存在，而不是仅仅说存在 unless the author provides us more information of the above assumptions.

Second, the author cites another fact that the language of Innu people, who has lived in Labrador for thousands of years, described two different kinds of bears. However, only this evidence is not enough for the reasoning. It might be the case that these words were brought by foreigners or these words have changed a lot during so long a time. It could also be possible that these people emigrated from other places, where grizzly bears might live.可以具体一点，是从western provinces迁过来的，重点是还要指出这些单词在没有迁移的时候就已经有了，这里你有点跳跃了 In addition, the author does not give us a verification that the "two different kinds of bears" refers to black bears and grizzly bears. Why could these two kinds of bears be black bears and white bears? Or big bears and small bears? Thus, without more detailed information to substantiate these assumptions, the author could not conclude Innu language could prove the existence of grizzly bears. 这里还可以加上对传说的批判

In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive because the evidence the author provides is poorly supported. Unless the author provides us more information about the discussed issues, he/she could not convince me to believe that there probably might be grizzly bears in Labrador.

总的来说，最大的问题是出在举例子的时候不够具体，举个具体的例子，字数上去了，论证也更加地深入了。

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

嗯嗯嗯
很有收获 谢谢龙非GG :p
就是我把别的可能举出来后 就接着说另一个可能 没加上分析为啥可能是这样 然后一看时间呼呼跳 就更紧张。。。。。。。。。。。。

猫猫624UID: 171232

吱吱，给你重理一下思路，可能会批的更有力一些，文章两个结论,1 there probably were grizzly bears in Labrador, 2 the explorer’s account probably accurately identified the bear.

先批没有灰熊存在的证据不代表灰熊不存在。 No physical evidence that grizzly bears have ever lived in L does not necessarily disprove the existence of grizzly bears. 可能有证据没被发现或重视，或者证据已经被毁灭掉了。

接下来批two languages amount to scant evidence that there were grizzly bears in L. 也就是你的第3段。

最后批，就算有证据证明there existed grizzly bears in L, no evidence is provided to prove the accuracy of explorer’s accounts about escaping from a grizzly bear. 可能探险家看到的不是灰熊。也就是你的第2段。

重新组织一下就成3段了，而且更有逻辑一些。欢迎讨论！