ISSUE152企业领导与利益最大化

symphony22UID: 203058

Issue152  第19篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分11秒     576 words
从2005年3月17日9时1分到2005年3月17日9时44分
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The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.
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What is the chief responsibility of those corporate executives?Maybe somebody may argue that they are obliged to maximize the profit for their companies, this sentiment,  sounds eloquent ,is groundless on careful scrutiny.

First and foremost, as a leader of a profit-seeking entity, the ultmost task for the executive is to make the max benefit for each shareholder and  all the staff. If the executive manage the entity well and work out effective strategies to make good money,a deluge of benefits would keep space,.On one hand, the workers in the company would enjoy a better reward for their endeavor and hardship, and they would be more motivated to devote themselves into the new work , thus bring more benefit to the corporate,and it is also applied to the shareholders,once they make more profit they are more confident and are willing to invest more capacity----this is so-called 'sound circle';on the other hand,more profit directly means more tax and more career opportities for  the state and the society,let alone those related and according  salutary impact.

However, merely focus their eyes on profit incur tremendous deficit and probably make their future be jeopardized.Being in the interwined society ,no one and no single entity is detached or isolated from the others, therefore if they only concern with their own profit they would make little progress,as one of the greates thinkers once mentionesd, 'if a man only wrapped in himself , he makes little package'.What is more, all the successful and predigous corporates make good examples for us to this point ,for instance ,the CEO of General Motor once mentioned that' i found what is good for the society is good for our General Motor.' none of such predigious  companies pay little attention to the co-development with the community ,moreover, some of them focus on the improvement and perfection with the public relations .To this point, i can think of no better illustration rather than the example of Lenovon.one of the eminennt Chinese computer producers, now gained the right to be the major sponcer for the Olympic games.Although it has to pay more that 600million $ for the sponcership in the coming four years ,which is even outweigh their comparative profit,however, they make a wholesome image in the public and made the entity commands itself--- all these can not be judged and evaluated merely by the profit in the light of gaining the upper hand for a sustainable development.Therefore, as a corporate executive ,money is something but it is by no means everything.

What is more, the speaker claimed that once their activities stay within the law is reasonable and even extolable ,yet this is not be the case.In fact ,the law itself is infested with shortcomings and rendering it by no means a reliable cretia.For example, the current intellectual law do not make a sanity standard to protect the writers'  pantent, and have no sound tackle to deal with the rampant plagiarism and pirat .In such case, can you declare that once that do not break the law ,they are in a high moral standard and deserve acclaim?

In sum, as a qulified leader of a corporate executive, he or she have to balance the profit and the due contribution as well as responsibility as a society element,it is also be the mere sound outlet for them to  make a sustainable development and far-reaching strategy.

starrynightUID: 204598

What is the chief responsibility of those corporate executives?Maybe somebody may argue that they are obliged to maximize the profit for their companies, this sentiment, sounds eloquent ,is groundless on careful scrutiny.（觉得开头还是加一句话，明确提出自己的观点好一些，清楚一些）


First and foremost, as a leader of a profit-seeking entity, the ultmost(utmost) task for the executive is to make the max benefit for each shareholder and all the staff(最后直接用company和society吧，简洁一些，也和后面的论述对应起来了). If the executive manage the entity（entity？？） well and work out effective strategies to make good money,a deluge of benefits would keep space,.On one hand, the workers in the company would enjoy a better reward for their endeavor and hardship, and they would be more motivated to devote themselves into the new work , thus bring more benefit to the corporate,and（meanwhile） it is also applied to the shareholders,once they make more profit they are more confident and are willing to invest more capacity----this is so-called 'sound circle';on the other hand,more profit directly means more tax and more career opportities for the state and the society,let alone those related and according salutary impact. （论述的挺好，从公司和社会两个方面论述，挺好，最后再总结一句吧）



However, merely focus（用动名词吧） their eyes（attentions） on profit incur tremendous deficit and probably  make their future be jeopardized(will be detrimental to their future).Being in the interwined society ,no one and no single entity is detached or isolated from the others, therefore if they(the executives) only concern with their own profit they would make little progress,as one of the greates thinkers once mentionesd(mentioned), 'if a man only wrapped in himself , he makes little package'.What is more, all the successful and predigous corporates make good examples for us to this point ,for instance ,the CEO of General Motor once mentioned that' i found what is good for the society is good for our General Motor.' none of such prodigious(prestigious) companies pay little attention to the co-development with the community ,moreover, some of them focus on the improvement and perfection with the public relations(这句话读起来有问题) .To this point, i can think of no better illustration rather than the example of Lenovon.one of the eminennt Chinese computer producers, now gained the right to be the major sponcer for the Olympic games.Although it has to pay more that 600million $ for the sponcership in the coming four years ,which is even outweigh their comparative profit,however, they make a wholesome image in the public and made the entity commands itself--- all these can not be judged and evaluated merely by the profit in the light of gaining the upper hand for a sustainable development.Therefore, as a corporate executive ,money is something but it is by no means everything.（这句话什么意思？：））



What is more, the speaker claimed that once their activities stay within the law is reasonable and even extolable ,yet this is not be the case.In fact ,the law itself is infested with shortcomings and rendering it by no means a reliable cretia.For example, the current intellectual law do not make a sanity standard to protect the writers' pantent, and have no sound tackle to deal with the rampant plagiarism and pirat .In such case, can you declare that once that do not break the law ,they are in a high moral standard and deserve acclaim?（这一段感觉不好，没有展开，而且没有结合到executives 上）


In sum, as a qulified leader of a corporate executive, he or she have（has） to balance the profit and the due contribution as well as responsibility as a society element,it is also be the mere sound outlet for them to make a sustainable development and far-reaching strategy.


文章拼错的单词和语法错误有点多了，注意一下，我自己做的也不好，不知道这样的影响大不大。

第二段论述的不错，但是后面感觉有些乱，尤其是第四段，觉得写的不是很好。

我这篇文章是这样写的，前面是一样的，然后后面分成部分，说明executives 不能只想着赚钱。一方面是对于社会，要尽社会责任，一个是对于企业内部，要树立企业文化。感觉这样展开顺一些：）

symphony22UID: 203058

回应楼上，你说的很有道理！！
我这篇文章是先头尾，再TS，最后展开。我觉得效果不是很好。至少来说每段要保持一定的连贯性，以后要注意一下。

Therefore, as a corporate executive ,money is something but it is by no means everything.（这句话什么意思？：））

就是说money 确实有它的作用，但不代表一切：）

imjasonUID: 176604

占坐了

imjasonUID: 176604

------正文------
What is the chief responsibility of those corporate executives?Maybe somebody may argue that they are obliged to maximize the profit for their companies, this sentiment, sounds eloquent ,is groundless on careful scrutiny.首段最好提出你的观点了

First and foremost, as a leader of a profit-seeking entity, the ultmostutmost？打错了么？ task for the executive is to make the max benefit for each shareholder and all the staff.首句这样说感觉就是在否定你的开头了，因为你在说first and foremost If the executive manage the entity well and work out effective strategies to make good money,a deluge of benefits would keep space,.On one hand, the workers in the company would enjoy a better reward for their endeavor and hardship, and they would be more motivated to devote themselves into the new work , thus bring more benefit to the corporate,and it is also applied to the shareholders,once they make more profit they are more confident and are willing to invest more capacity----this is so-called 'sound circle';on the other hand,more profit directly means more tax and more career opportities for the state and the society,let alone those related and according salutary impact.感觉忽略了within the law

However, merely focus their eyes on profit incur tremendous deficit and probably make their future be jeopardized.Being in the interwined society ,no one and no single entity is detached or isolated from the others, therefore if they only concern with their own profit they would make little progress,as one of the greates thinkers once mentionesd, 'if a man only wrapped in himself , he makes little package'.这前部分的觉得扯得远了点，没有扣住题目What is more, all the successful and predigous corporates make good examples for us to this point ,for instance ,the CEO of General Motor once mentioned that' i found what is good for the society is good for our General Motor.' none of such predigious companies pay little attention to the co-development with the community ,moreover, some of them focus on the improvement and perfection with the public relations .这里空洞了点，我认为你想讨论的方向可能是社会责任等，但是好象没有说清楚To this point, i can think of no better illustration rather than the example of Lenovon.one of the eminennt Chinese computer producers, now gained the right to be the major sponcer for the Olympic games.Although it has to pay more that 600million $ for the sponcership in the coming four years ,which is even outweigh their comparative profit,however, they make a wholesome image in the public and made the entity commands itself--- all these can not be judged and evaluated merely by the profit in the light of gaining the upper hand for a sustainable development.Therefore, as a corporate executive ,money is something but it is by no means everything.

What is more, the speaker claimed that once their activities stay within the law is reasonable and even extolable ,yet this is not be the case.In fact ,the law itself is infested with shortcomings and rendering it by no means a reliable cretia.For example, the current intellectual law do not make a sanity standard好象有吧，记得法律基础课上老师讲过了的，书里也有的，而且在美国这个方面做得很好啊 to protect the writers' pantent, and have no sound tackle to deal with the rampant plagiarism and pirat .In such case, can you declare that once that do not break the law ,they are in a high moral standard and deserve acclaim?这段觉得没有说好

In sum, as a qulified leader of a corporate executive, he or she have to balance the profit and the due contribution as well as responsibility as a society element,it is also be the mere sound outlet for them to make a sustainable development and far-reaching strategy.
限时这样很不错了，建议逻辑和论述上更清楚点，加油！