我的CET6作文,大家帮改一下吧~~~

approachUID: 2101189

是2002年6月的作文,图表型的.题目是Student Use of Computers
要求:
1.上图所示为1990年,1995年,2000年某学校大学生使用计算机的情况,请描述其变化
2.请说明发生这些变化的原因(可从计算机的用途,价格,或社会发展等方面加以说明)
3.你认为目前大学生在计算机使用中有什么困难或问题
  图表我画不出来拉,就是说average number of hours a student spends on the
computer per week.三个柱状,1990年2 hours/week  1995年 4 hours/week
2000年 18 hours/week

文章如下,大家不要留情使劲批,最好给个分数让我有个大概的把握~


Students Use of Computers
Recently,there is a growing tendency that the students spend much more time on the computers.As can be seen from the diagram,by comparison with 1995,the number of hours a student spends on the computer per week in 2000 increased by 400%.
The changes maybe attributed to several factors.In the first place,the price of a computer cut down suddenly these years.That is to say,an average income family may afford to buy a computer for the student to use.What is more,it is the requirement of the development of society.I can quote a common example,when employ a new worker,many companies tend to hire a student not only acquire the knowledge in his major but also some computer skills.That is to why the hours student spent on computers is increasing.The last but not the least,computers also play a key role in searching for imformation.Social investments shows that students would rather use a computer than go to library when searching for imformation.
As a result,how to use computer properly is worth paying attention.In the first place,computers should be the windows to broden students' view not the entertaiment machine to kill time.What's more,too much time spend on computer is a treaten to students' health.We should cut the hours in 3 for everyday.

addjylUID: 171242

快熄灯了，明天帮你看，好不。。。。

approachUID: 2101189

好滴~~我这里也要溪灯了,各位晚安哦~~

addjylUID: 171242

呵呵，总体上还不错，框架有了。
就是有点缺少自己的看法，要是再加点自己的看法会更好。。
打分就不打了，拿不准评分标准。。