请大家帮我看看跑题没有，十二万分地感谢

echo707UID: 207373

Some people think that the earlier technology has changed our life more than the recent technology. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some people would like to equate the earlier technology with modern technology. Personally, it is diffcult to compare the two kinds of technology. And then, the reasons will be sought to explore from diverse perspectives, in this essay.

In the earlier time, there are many technologies produce for human’s subsistence.Many people can not be full up and be warm up, in this period. For existing, they must be able to invent and use some technology. In the typical example, ancestors utilized the thunder to discover the fire which can cook to eat. In addition, the technology of spin really solved the problem of clothes. Basically, it is very important that the earlier technology could help mankind to live in this planet.

Nevertheless, if the technologies have not been developed and innovate, people would not be comfortable and convenient. So that, the recent technology has changed people’s life better. A good case in point, in present, more and more housewives prefer to use the microwave oven to cook to eat for their family’s health and the clearer kitchen. As well as the changes of live, improving the information technology, namely “IT”, would make the communication to be convenient and quick. And some scientists advance the rocket, which is an antique technology, for the space research, which is a modern technology. In this way,this technology not only can discover other planets to research but also will change people’s environment of live.

All in all, both of earlier technology and recent technology has changed people’s life as well. For earlier technology, it is the base of recent technology. For recent technology, it is the development of the earlier technology. Thus, they cannot be separated to compare that which has more changes for people’s life.
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借用一下LUCY MM的话～～～让批评来得更猛烈些吧～～:hug::)

[ Last edited by echo707 on 2005-6-8 at 22:50 ]

echo707UID: 207373

感谢gpctext 的提示：），但我本文的观点就是“两种技术是没有可比性的，或者说是不好这样比的”，不知道这样的观点行不行:L，呵呵讨论一下～～

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

这样的观点是可以的，但是开篇应该说得更清楚些。你认为，过去现在的科技是无法比较的，因为他们在各自的时代都发挥了作用，而且这些作用是不可否定的。
第二段第一句, there are many technologies produce for human’s subsistence中文式表达，建议修改。第二句被动态，用过去分词。
第三段。As well as the changes of live改为life.
我本来想提醒你，由于你观点的两面性，有必要做些进一步的阐述。不过你最后一段已经提到了。如果我写，我会接上面两段，专门写一段，过去的发明为今天的技术改进奠定了基础，很多发明都是建筑在前人的基础上。科技发展是有延续性的，我们不能否认前人作出的努力。因为可能，前人不能做更多的突破是由于经济，设备等条件限制。同样的，一味满足于以前的成绩是不行的。(插一句，中国曾经以四大发明而骄傲，后来技术却落后了。这个你可以不写，有点irrelevent)时代在进步，客观上要求我们不断创新，才能更好的满足人类的生活。任何时候，科技为人服务这个宗旨都没有变过。可以把这句话放到最后一段做小结。可能有这么一个段落的进一步阐述，结构上能够给考官 一个印象，你的逻辑比较严谨。
抱歉，我很粗粗的看你的文章，没有仔细看语法和用词。主要从结构上给你一些意见。记得开头结尾要点题，亮明观点，而又不要重复。

最后，祝mm考试成功！

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-8 at 23:23 ]

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

以前还有几篇写作,放在一起.以后斑竹如果要做同主题的整理,会方便些的:)

zmdtkUID: 198059

观点同MM的，如果在一开始就说明，2个时代的发明不可比，文章会比较好。我觉得不错了。

水水先生UID: 2112520

路过，顺便说句话。
大家有机会可以看看雅思考官MARK GRIFFITHS写的作文书。他指出：“the introduction should briefly restate the question, using the student's own words as far as possible. Many students like to place opinion in the introduction, but this is not strictly necessary." 他写的很多范文都没有开头给出作者观点，只是用自己的话重述题目或者给出文章背景，结尾的时候才给出自己的观点。许多培训班的老师都建议我们应该在开头阐明观点，然而在看了MARK的诸多文章后，个人认为那种老师教的方法是有中国特色的雅思写作模式。

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

同意,开头改写而非抄写,这是规矩

蜻蜓切UID: 201589

真高兴现在的风气，希望更多的朋友参与进来，互相讨论，共同进步！