issue8 我的处女作.希望大家批评指正。谢谢！！

iPodUID: 2105485

Issue 8  (政治类) 我的处女作，took me 4 hours to finish!虽改过很多次，但稚嫩之处颇多。希望大家批评指正。谢谢！！

issue 8、"It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."

The author suggests that usually keeping some secrets for political leaders from the public is indispensable.In my point of view,I am deeply convinced that withholding information is instrumental to our society.

As far as I am concerned,I believe that throwing all the information of a government or political leaders open to the public does more harm than good.The key point is to make a judgments for leaders in the first place that what information the public has the right and necessity to know and what does not.A wise political leader is conscious of the ponderance of keeping secrets to the public.As we know,some top secrets of a government never be open to the public,such as military action or some key information like that.Supposed that the late President Roosevelt had brought the military plan of D-Day Landing come out into the public before it took place,what would happen?Doubtlessly,the outcoming of that supposition is a catastrophic event for the whole human beings and the allied forces may never have another opportunity to defeat Nazi's troop.Then maybe the world we live at present would change.So the necessity of keeping secrets is indubitable.Therefore,I strongly hold the point that it does harm our society if the public know everything of the government.And political leaders should withhold information which would bring on destructive aftermath or social convulsion to the public.

Of course,in a democratic society,theoretically speaking,the public has the right to access any information any information concerning their interests.However,sometimes the information of political leader the public wants to know just in order to satisfy their curiosities on leaders' personal affairs.But could this advances the development of economy of the country or creates some jobs for the jobless?Not at all.Take for example,former US President Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky may overshadow the entire eight years of his administration and,of course,this scandal satisfies some people's curiosity.Nevertheless,when Clinton faced the steady stream of accusations of sexual impropriety and coverups,approval ratings of his job performance may still be consistently high.After this event,the economy did not make progress.And nobody got benefits from it,except for Clinton's opponents and the media.Therefore,in my personal opinion,Clinton's affair with Lewinsky should not be open to the public.And most people in the world would agree that President Clinton did a good job of running the country during his administration and that he was an effective leader,whether or not they agree with how he conducted his personal life.

Admittedly, people of a country need an open and transparent government and an honest political leader. As a leader of a country, the result of of telling lies is destructive to the society. Take Watergate for example, Nixon beguiled the public and then the US government had weathered a profound credence crisis. And this event led to Nixon's resignation directly. What’s more, many people did not trust their government and were even not willing to vote for a new one. Said one bumper sticker:”Don’t vote. It only encourages them.” The outcoming of Watergate got US government and society into trouble.

In summary,whether political leaders should withhold information from the public depends on whether doing so benefits the public.On one hand,our leaders should tell us what they have done concerning the interests of the public.On the other hand,if
the information the public wants to know is crucial to the country or only satisfies their curiosities on leaders' personal affairs,political leaders should keep secrets.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-6-15 at 02:09 ]

davidjackyUID: 135962

加强和网友的互改工作，选择一个时间相近的一起奋斗，可以到置顶贴报名参与分组，主动联系所在组组员

runningpiggyUID: 194977

The author suggests that usually keeping some secrets for political leaders from the public is indispensable.In my point of view,I am deeply convinced that withholding information is instrumental to our society.我觉得如果是同意原来statement的观点.....那就直接写那观点是什么好了.......别restate了......

As far as I am concerned,I believe多余了.....前面有as far as i am concerned......后面就不用believe了...... that throwing这个词不知道能不能这么用.......用disclose然后将后面的open去掉楼主觉得怎么样...... all the information of a government or political leaders open to the public does more harm than good.The key point is to make a judgments单数 for leaders in the first place that what information the public has the right and necessity to know and what does not.好复杂的一句话......A wise political leader is conscious of the ponderance of keeping secrets to the public.As we know,some top secrets of a government never be改成are never...... open to the public,such as military actions or some key information like thatlike what.......some information possessing the same consequence as the military actions吗........这样表述不清楚.......Supposed that the late President Roosevelt had brought the military plan of D-Day Landing come out into the public before it took place,what would happen?不要为了回答问题而提出问题.....Doubtlessly,不知道有没有这个词......但我确定有undoubtedly这个词......the outcoming of that supposition is a catastrophic event for the whole human beings and the allied forces may never have another opportunity to defeat Nazi's troops.Then maybe the world we live at present would change.So the necessity of keeping secrets is indubitable.Therefore,I strongly hold the point that it does harm our society if the public know everything of the government.这里用逗号就好.....And political leaders should withhold information which would bring on destructive aftermath or social convulsion to the public.

Of course,in a democratic society,theoretically speaking,the public has the right to access any information concerning their interests.However,sometimes the information of political leaders the public wants to know just in order to satisfy their curiosities on leaders' personal affairs.这句话语法有问题......缺谓语......But could this advances原形 the development of economy of the country or creates原形 some jobsany job opportunities for the jobless?again......别老问问题Not at all.Take为什么要take......for example就够了..... for example,former US President Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky may overshadow the entire eight years of his administration and,of course,this scandal satisfies some people's curiosity.Nevertheless,when Clinton faced the steady stream of accusations of sexual impropriety and coverups,approval ratings of his job performance may still be consistently high.After this event,the economy did not make progress.也是逗号就好And nobody got benefits from it,except for Clinton's opponents and the media.Therefore,in my personal opinion,Clinton's affair with Lewinsky should not be open to the public.And most people in the world would agree that President Clinton did a good job of running the country during his administration and that he was an effective leader,whether or not they agree with how he conducted his personal life.

Admittedly, people of a country need an open and transparent government and an honest political leader. As a leader of a country, the result不是result destructive.....是说谎本身destructive..... of of telling lies is destructive to the society. Take Watergate for example, Nixon beguiled the public and then the US government had weathered a profound credence crisis.这个习惯要改.....用and作一句话的开头好奇怪...... And this event led to Nixon's resignation directly. What’s more, many people did not trust their government and were even not willing to vote for a new one. Said one bumper sticker:”Don’t vote. It only encourages them.” The outcoming似乎是outcome就行了..... of Watergate got US government and society into trouble.get sb into trouble吗........似乎put sb into trouble好一些......

In summary,whether political leaders should withhold information from the public depends on whether doing so benefits the public.应该是benefit the country......On one hand,our leaders should tell us what they have done concerning the interests of the public.On the other hand,if the information the public wants to know is crucial to the country or only satisfies their curiosities on leaders' personal affairs,political leaders should keep secrets.



结一下.......破题不错......但是第二段的分论点不突出.......做得很好的是在例子上.....呵呵....都是美国的总统阿.......而且例子后面都有说例子如何支撑论点.......这点很重要......不仅凑了字数......而且加强了论证.........语言还行.......但是我觉得还有一定提升空间......多一些好的句式......什么倒装虚拟之类的都没见到..........

第一篇这个样子已经很不错了......不过4个小时似乎多了点........希望你下一篇能更好吧.....加油.........

[ Last edited by runningpiggy on 2005-6-14 at 11:41 ]

iPodUID: 2105485

我也想报名啊
可不晓得方法
呵呵

staralwaysUID: 193479

Originally posted by iPod at 2005-6-14 11:19
我也想报名啊
可不晓得方法
呵呵

到置顶的报名贴里把自己的基本资料填写上。然后你会在里面发现不少和你考试时间差不多的同学，这样就可以主动联系他们互改作文了。

iPodUID: 2105485

谢谢runningpiggy！！
我会继续努力！！