写作点评 - 保护动物? (附送作者小作文一篇)

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

来源:3g   作者:bennychen

小作文:

This table shows the Madagascar and Mauritius’s information ,in Indian Ocean ,in 1999.The table compares 5 aspects in these two countries. Madagascar’s surface area is 8764km2 and it’s twice as big as Mauritius’s . The population in Madagascar and Mauritius was 3678 thousand and 876 thousand respective and the growth rate of population of Madagascar is much higher than Mauritius .GDP of Madagascar is 2347855 and it’s 557832 in Mauritius .There was 97.34 % of children went into primary school and 46.70% of children went into secondary school in Madagascar . However, in Mauritius 100% of children went into primary school and 79.46% of children went into secondary school. According to this table the people in Marritius were richer than in Madagascar and more children in Madagascar got better education than in Mauritius.




大作文:

Some people think there are no place for wild animals in the 21th century and the protection for animals is a kind of waste. I totally disagree with this opinion . I think wild animals are essential in this world and it’s the gifts from God,we should protect them very well.

Wild animals is an part of this planet and it’s an essential part in this world. Wild animals keep the balance of this world .A food chain consists of all of wild animals in this world .When one kind of wild animals disappear from this world ,there must be one or two even more wild animals die .I believe the world is not suitable for people if there are no any wild animals.

Another reason ,wild animals are our’s friends and we could get much benefit from them. From fish we learned swimming and from birds we learned flying. There are still much benefit in wild animals that is waiting for us to discovery .Maybe in a few years we can find some medicine from wild animals against AIDS.I couldn't image what will happen if there are no any wild animals.  

The last reason, people have to depend on wild animals’ special skill to finish what people are not able to accomplish it. Such as some wild animals can predict earthquake ,people have to rely to this wild animals to avoid these disasters.If these useful wild animals disappear from this planet , it’s too difficult to accomplish these jobs alone.

Wild animals are crucial part in this world and best friends with us. More and more wild animals are vanishing from this planet ,it's time to protect them .I believe more and more people will realize it’s necessary to protect wild animals


老师点评:

小作文：个别介词的使用、形容词/副词、动词重复、标点符号、最好分分段

大作文：过多简单句，没有复合句；太多使用人称，如we和I；语感是有的，但是有些口语化了