issue22 第12篇 请有意互改的G友看过来，给连接吧。我会狠狠的回拍！！

iPodUID: 2105485

Issue22  第12篇 请有意互改的G友看过来，给连接吧。我会狠狠的回拍！！
------摘要------
作者：iPod     共用时间：45分2秒     594 / 637 (after reworked) words
从2005年6月13日17时13分到2005年6月13日17时45分
------题目------
Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals.
------正文------
The speaker claims that it is always society that defines us and our attitudes rather than a few individuals or small groups have caused us to think and behave in the way we do, as many people believe. I favor the speaker that people is indeed affected by the society he or she lives in, while I strongly disagree with him for that a few individuals or small groups also put an important influence on us.

Admittedly, society has a great and strong impact on us and give its members a idea who they are. We, human beings, are real social ones only by the reason that we live in a society. And our behaviors and way of lives are unconsciously under the control of society as well. We can learn from the concrete example of students in primary school. When children attend school, they are told to behavior themselves and follow the rules set by schools. These rules, we can concludes, are the first social principles for they to obey as prime members in a society, and it is from this beginning, they learn that they will be praised when they act well, and get punishments when they are not willing to follow rules. By doing so, our attitudes and behaviors are standardized from a cub hood to autumn. Then thus, when those students grow up to be a real member in society, they would follow the social rules, as law, etiquette, custom and so on of their own accords. Therefore, social members are strictly controlled by their environment they live in.

However, a few individuals or small groups are still the major power that defines us and then takes root in our minds and affects us so much. Take family education, everyone can learn from the similar experience that when they are born, it is their parents or family members, the few individuals as the speaker asserts, teach us the simple knowledge and rules and this indeed have put an vital and crucial influences on deciding our embryo attitudes and personalities in the future. A research in Nature magazine reveals that about 78 percent of people's personalities and behaviors are molded already by both of their inborn characteristics and acquired education. Another example can further affirming this report that if a child grows parentlessly or without the care of family members, he or she can hardly know what rules must be followed and an illiberal personality he or she may get and perhaps it would shift from pure crankiness to hatred against society. However, a child born in a warm family filled with care and love of family members would know the definition of care and love, and a member full of responsibility to his or her family and community and society he or she would become possibly. Those, as a consequence, are the function of a few individuals or small groups on forming our attitudes and behaviors.

What is more, the impact of a few individuals or small groups on people are more direct and effective to some extent. Since the most frequent people we contact are our family members, friends, teachers, and so on. It is human's instinct that they would learn unconsciously from those who are closely to them or, say, are around them. As a Chinese saying goes like this " One would get dirty when reach a darkness and gain clearness when get close to the brightness". By touching those who are round us we get immediate and powerful effects.

To sum up, sociey, as a whole, makes us aware of the position which defined our roles, and control our behaviors. But to the part of a few individuals and small groups, which have more important and direct impact on us, are the major power to print our respective molds of attitudes and behaviors.

我个人感觉这篇问题本可以很好的展开的（也就是我没有很好的展开）。可这都是后话，写现场时我还不能考虑到那么深。哎~还需努力的锻炼啊。不知SIXSENSE的情况怎么啊？？

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-15 at 23:33 ]

sixsenseUID: 197669

我也不行。关于受个人影响的例子我得再找找。你的文章我晚上看看。现在时间太紧张了，人要是不用睡觉就好了。

我14日写了issue51，今天开写issue 152, 下几篇是153, 154, 这三篇连在一起，都是最高频。这是我这三天的安排。同步!!

sixsenseUID: 197669

我45分钟可写不出来这么多。着急中。。。我的改动如下：

The speaker claims that it is always society that defines us and our attitudes rather than a few individuals or small groups [加个do后，后面的半句是不是可以不要了？有点重复，而且时态也和前面的不一致]have caused us to think and behave in the way we do, as many people believe. I favor the speaker that people is indeed affected by the society he or she lives in, while I strongly disagree with him for that [for that 容易让人误认为你是不同意后面的观点，改为just because/simply because是不是就清楚多了呢？]a few individuals or small groups also put an important influence on us.

Admittedly, society has a great and strong impact on us and give [gives] its members a[an] idea who they are. We, human beings, are real social ones only by the reason that we live in a society. And our behaviors and way of lives are unconsciously under the control of society as well. We can learn from the concrete example of students in primary school. When children attend school, they are told to behavior themselves and follow the rules set by schools. These rules, we can concludes, are the first social principles for they[them] to obey as prime members in a society, and it is from this beginning, they learn that they will be praised when they act well, and get punishments[punished好一些吧，和前面比较对应] when they are not willing to follow rules. By doing so, our[their, 因为前后几句都是以they为行为者] attitudes and behaviors are standardized from a cub hood to autumn. Then thus, when those students grow up to be a real member in society, they would follow the social rules, as law, etiquette, custom and so on of their own accords. Therefore, social members are strictly controlled by their environment they live in.

However, a few individuals or small groups are still the major power that defines us and then takes root in our minds and affects us so much. Take family education, everyone can learn from the similar experience that when they are born, it is their parents or family members, the few individuals as the speaker asserts, teach us the simple knowledge and rules and this indeed have put an vital and crucial influences on deciding our embryo attitudes and personalities in the future. A research in Nature magazine reveals that about 78 percent of people's personalities and behaviors are molded already by both of their inborn characteristics and acquired education.[这个例子好象针对性不强，inborn characteristics不能说明是individual的影响，而acquired education则不完全代表family education，可能更多的是上一段说的学校教育呢] Another example can further affirming this report that if a child grows parentlessly[不知为什么word显示是错词，你再查查能否这么用,或和后面的合并一下？] or without the care of family members, he or she can hardly know what rules must be followed and an illiberal personality he or she may get and perhaps it would shift from pure crankiness to hatred against society[我不太熟悉这种句法，我一般这么说：hence an illiberal personality may be formed, possibly shifting from pure crankiness to hatred against society]. However, a child born in a warm family filled with care and love of family members would know the definition of care and love, and a member full of responsibility to his or her family and[and太多，换成逗号是不是好一些？] community and society he or she would become possibly. Those, as a consequence, are the function of a few individuals or small groups on forming our attitudes and behaviors. [我写这段时也有同样的问题，就是例子举得不好，就事论事，我想举个名人受家庭影响的例子是不是好一些？我查了一下几个名人的生平，好像阿基米德Archimedes可以用，他从小受家庭影响喜欢数学，从而走上了数学研究之路，成为伟大的数学家。我记得华盛顿他爸也是个好人啊，有个教育华盛顿的故事来着，但记不清了。。]

What is more, the impact of a few individuals or small groups on people are more direct and effective to some extent. Since the most frequent people we contact are our family members, friends, teachers, and so on. It is human's instinct that they would learn unconsciously from those who are closely to them or, say, are around them. As a Chinese saying goes like this " One would get dirty when reach a darkness and gain clearness when get close to the brightness". By touching those who are round us we get immediate and powerful effects.[这段有个递近的成分，但例子(中国谚语)好像不足以支持你的TS，例子放到上段好像也行啊，不过我也想不出什么好例子]

To sum up, society, as a whole, makes us aware of the position which defined[主语如果是position, 应该是defines] our roles, and control[也应该加s吧] our behaviors. But to the part of [前面这几个词感觉很怪，用个While转折一下]a few individuals and small groups, which have more important and direct impact on us, are the major power to print [是不是我的词汇能力不强，print … mold 是固定用法吗？如果不是，我一般用shape这个词]our respective molds of attitudes and behaviors.

sixsenseUID: 197669

为什么没有颜色标示？我再贴一次。。。

The speaker claims that it is always society that defines us and our attitudes rather than a few individuals or small groups [加个do后，后面的半句是不是可以不要了？有点重复，而且时态也和前面的不一致]have caused us to think and behave in the way we do, as many people believe. I favor the speaker that people is indeed affected by the society he or she lives in, while I strongly disagree with him for that [for that 容易让人误认为你是不同意后面的观点，改为just because/simply because是不是就清楚多了呢？]a few individuals or small groups also put an important influence on us.

Admittedly, society has a great and strong impact on us and give [gives] its members a[an] idea who they are. We, human beings, are real social ones only by the reason that we live in a society. And our behaviors and way of lives are unconsciously under the control of society as well. We can learn from the concrete example of students in primary school. When children attend school, they are told to behavior themselves and follow the rules set by schools. These rules, we can concludes, are the first social principles for they[them] to obey as prime members in a society, and it is from this beginning, they learn that they will be praised when they act well, and get punishments[punished好一些吧，和前面比较对应] when they are not willing to follow rules. By doing so, our[their, 因为前后几句都是以they为行为者] attitudes and behaviors are standardized from a cub hood to autumn. Then thus, when those students grow up to be a real member in society, they would follow the social rules, as law, etiquette, custom and so on of their own accords. Therefore, social members are strictly controlled by their environment they live in.

However, a few individuals or small groups are still the major power that defines us and then takes root in our minds and affects us so much. Take family education, everyone can learn from the similar experience that when they are born, it is their parents or family members, the few individuals as the speaker asserts, teach us the simple knowledge and rules and this indeed have put an vital and crucial influences on deciding our embryo attitudes and personalities in the future. A research in Nature magazine reveals that about 78 percent of people's personalities and behaviors are molded already by both of their inborn characteristics and acquired education.[这个例子好象针对性不强，inborn characteristics不能说明是individual的影响，而acquired education则不完全代表family education，可能更多的是上一段说的学校教育呢] Another example can further affirming this report that if a child grows parentlessly[不知为什么word显示是错词，你再查查能否这么用,或和后面的合并一下？] or without the care of family members, he or she can hardly know what rules must be followed and an illiberal personality he or she may get and perhaps it would shift from pure crankiness to hatred against society[我不太熟悉这种句法，我一般这么说：hence an illiberal personality may be formed, possibly shifting from pure crankiness to hatred against society]. However, a child born in a warm family filled with care and love of family members would know the definition of care and love, and a member full of responsibility to his or her family and[and太多，换成逗号是不是好一些？] community and society he or she would become possibly. Those, as a consequence, are the function of a few individuals or small groups on forming our attitudes and behaviors. [我写这段时也有同样的问题，就是例子举得不好，就事论事，我想举个名人受家庭影响的例子是不是好一些？我查了一下几个名人的生平，好像阿基米德Archimedes可以用，他从小受家庭影响喜欢数学，从而走上了数学研究之路，成为伟大的数学家。我记得华盛顿他爸也是个好人啊，有个教育华盛顿的故事来着，但记不清了。。]

What is more, the impact of a few individuals or small groups on people are more direct and effective to some extent. Since the most frequent people we contact are our family members, friends, teachers, and so on. It is human's instinct that they would learn unconsciously from those who are closely to them or, say, are around them. As a Chinese saying goes like this " One would get dirty when reach a darkness and gain clearness when get close to the brightness". By touching those who are round us we get immediate and powerful effects.[这段有个递近的成分，但例子(中国谚语)好像不足以支持你的TS，例子放到上段好像也行啊，不过我也想不出什么好例子]

To sum up, society, as a whole, makes us aware of the position which defined[主语如果是position, 应该是defines] our roles, and control[也应该加s吧] our behaviors. But to the part of [前面这几个词感觉很怪，用个While转折一下]a few individuals and small groups, which have more important and direct impact on us, are the major power to print [是不是我的词汇能力不强，print … mold 是固定用法吗？如果不是，我一般用shape这个词]our respective molds of attitudes and behaviors.

beckhangongUID: 2104229

互改 晚点给你改

我的
ISSUE 11---- https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=300667

ardorousUID: 2115432

issuIssue22  第12篇 请有意互改的G友看过来，给连接吧。我会狠狠的回拍！！
------摘要------
作者：iPod     共用时间：45分2秒     594 / 637 (after reworked) words
从2005年6月13日17时13分到2005年6月13日17时45分
------题目------
Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals.
------正文------
The speaker claims that it is always society that defines us and our attitudes rather than a few individuals or small groups have caused us to think and behave in the way we do, as many people believe. I favor the speaker that people is indeed affected by the society he or she lives in,(I concede with the speaker that ……用 favor好象不是很准确) while I strongly disagree with him for that a few individuals or small groups also put an important influence on us(是一种比较摸板式的套路，建议看issue 280的前几篇，有比较好的部分反对的表达).

Admittedly, society has a great and strong impact on us and give its members a（an） idea who they are. We, human beings, are real social ones only by the reason that we live in a society.(这句有循环论证的嫌疑，似乎没有实质性内容) And our behaviors and way(s) of lives are unconsciously under the control of society as well. We can learn from the concrete example(s) of students in primary school. When children attend school, they are told to behavior(be behavior like) themselves and follow the rules set by schools. These rules, we can concludes, are the first social principles for they to obey as prime members in a society, and it is from this beginning, they learn that they will be praised when they act well, and get punishments when they are not willing to follow rules. By doing so, our attitudes and behaviors are standardized from a cub hood to autumn. （这句是背诵的吗）Then thus, when those students grow up to be a real member in society, they would follow the social rules, as law, etiquette, custom and so on of their own accords.(多余) Therefore, social members are strictly controlled by their environment they live in.（此段有个问提，用人开头主语太多了，建议多用无灵主语）

However, a few individuals or small groups are still the major power that defines us and then takes root in our minds and affects us so much. （建议开头的句式换一种）Take family education, everyone can learn from the similar experience that when they are born, it is their parents or family members, the few individuals as the speaker asserts, teach us the simple knowledge and rules and this indeed have put an （a）vital and crucial influence(s前后冠词去一个) on deciding our embryo attitudes and personalities in the future. A research in Nature magazine reveals that about 78 percent of people's personalities and behaviors are molded already by both of their inborn characteristics and acquired education. Another example can further affirming （affirm）this report that if a child grows parentlessly(parentless) or without the care of family members, he or she can hardly know what rules must be followed(有hardly的句子可改倒专) and an illiberal personality he or she may get and perhaps it would shift from pure crankiness to hatred against society. However, a child born in a warm family filled with care and love of family members would know the definition of care and love, and a member full of responsibility to his or her family and community and society he or she would become possibly. Those, as a consequence, are the function of a few individuals or small groups on forming our attitudes and behaviors.

What is more, the impact of a few individuals or small groups on people are more direct and effective to some extent. Since the most frequent people we contact are our family members, friends, teachers, and so on. It is human's instinct that they would learn unconsciously from those who are closely to them or, say, are around them. As a Chinese saying goes like this " One would get dirty when reach a darkness and gain clearness when get close to the brightness". By touching those who are round us we get immediate and powerful effects.

To sum up, society, as a whole, makes us aware of the position which defined(s) our roles, and control(s) our behaviors. But to the part of a few individuals and small groups, which have more important and direct impact(s) on us, are the major power to print our respective molds of attitudes and behaviors.


   issue41  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299010

ardorousUID: 2115432