issue207 同主题作业,回拍

esmeirasUID: 202885

Issue207
贴一下自己的观点：　开始没有想到美国是移民国家，里面有很多的文化冲突． 文化冲突导致很严重的社会问题。 一方面， 不少保守的美国人认为移民应该美国化；另一方面， 不少移民不愿意放弃自己的语言及民族特点，不愿意被美国化。这样，如果　把 "diminished sense of who they are"　放到美国国内重点论述，就比较好解释了．就是移民在逐渐放弃一些自己的文化．　个人觉得在世界范围内有点难说透．　

提纲：　因果 + 是非　　　（issue 5.5　归为　事实题，　有道理，但我那样挤不出牙膏）　

同意： Rituals and ceremonies 确实是文化组成的一部分， 他们大多是传统文化的一部分，有利于让人们民族感增强，更有社会归属感， 也让本民族文化更有吸引力。

反对： 1  (由原因不能推出结果)  除了 Rituals and ceremonies， 还有各式各样的传统节日，服装，食物；  另外，文化是由传统文化和现代文化组成的， 而现代文化中的很多元素也在提醒着人们的自我意识；此外, 不同的民族有不同的肤色， 面部特征， 语言等都提醒着人们本民族的独特性。

       2  人们自我意识的减少也不见得是因为少了仪式；  移民国家的民族融合．　互联网，媒体等．

总结：  在像美国这样的移民国家，各个 groups of people 的民族自我意识不见得是坏事。但是，一些传统的  Rituals and ceremonies也是可以 pass down


As the author of the statement indicates, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Rituals and ceremonies symbolize tradition culture. Through them, people go through the customs passed down by their forefathers and therefore obsessed with a strong sense of belonging. Besides, these rituals and ceremonies are attractive to visitors who wanted to experience a different culture.  . Even so, I do not agree with the author's indication that people have a diminished sense of themselves without rituals and ceremonies.  （ 题目的话都被引用了，是不是不好啊？）

The reality is that rituals and ceremonies are not the only  part of a tradition culture, there are other elements like tradition festivals, music, sports, cloth, food and so forth that make up the tradition culture as well. Through these tradition celebrations, people's conscious of who they can be aroused as well. What is more, a culture mainly is made up of two aspects: the traditional culture and the contemporary culture. Both of them have a potent influence on people's conscious of who they are. Ceremonies and rituals are only contained in traditional culture. However, Contemporary culture, such as the mainstream of artwork, fashions, and the problems in the current society are different from one group to another. Besides, they are other factors, such as facial feature, languages and dialects that make people from different groups or societies distinctive. As a result, not only rituals and ceremonies but also many respects in a culture can help people to realize who they are.

Another aspect need to be considered is that the diminishing of people's awareness of who they are might not directly connected with the absence of rituals and ceremonies. That is to say, even with rituals and ceremonies, people still give up the usual practice that their forefathers do, and are melted into the mainstream culture. This phenomenon is commonly seen in migrated countries such as The United States and Canada. It is true that many migrated groups of immigrants have given up their own culture and Americanized. As we all know, the early immigrants of America mainly come from European countries like England, German and Norway. Nowadays, the offspring of these Europeans are the most Americanized and have given up their original culture.  Even if they do the ceremonies and rituals in their original Germany or French style, which would only remind of them of their roots but the fact that they regard themselves as Americans rather than Europeans is self-evident. As the saying goes" Do in Rome as Romans Do", it is quite understandable that many immigrants from other ethnic group have given some part of their own culture and taken in American culture. Gradually, their awareness of their original ethnic groups is melting. Besides migration, the globalization of economy and the World Wide Web and the bombarded media have provided people ways to know about the world and to be known by the world. Consequently, people in the East and the West are sharing a lot of similarities and thus their sense of self are not so strong as before.

In conclusion, the diminishing of sense of self is not always a bad thing. This phenomenon might indicate the integration of the migrated countries like the United States and Canada. The less conscious of a certain group could reduce the conflicts among other groups. However, the ceremonies and rituals should still be passed down, which can help people to know their roots and improve tourist industry.

[ Last edited by esmeiras on 2005-7-21 at 15:31 ]

zjcq2002UID: 2113577

大大，单词错误太多，建议先在word里面改一下

esmeirasUID: 202885

呵呵, 中午忙着吃饭去了,居然忘贴word了:)
现在改过来了 ^_^

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

As the author of the statement indicates, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Rituals and ceremonies symbolize tradition 形容词 culture. Through them, people go through the customs passed down by their forefathers and therefore be动词 obsessed with a strong sense of belonging. Besides, these rituals and ceremonies are attractive to visitors who wanted to experience a different culture.  Even so, I do not agree with the author's indication that people have a diminished sense of themselves without rituals and ceremonies.  
开头似乎还是太长，铺垫太多，大可不必

The reality is that rituals and ceremonies are not the only part of a tradition 形容词 culture, there are other elements like tradition 形容词 festivals, music, sports, cloth, food and so forth that make up the tradition 全都用错了，楼主，后面的我就不看了，你自己找到改掉就完了 culture as well. Through 都是THROUGH，似乎可以换换哦 these tradition celebrations, people's conscious 名词 of who 句法，这个句子不通，楼主的意思似乎明白，但是关系代词错了 they can be aroused as well. What is more, a culture mainly 词法+句法，副词位置的说 is made up of two aspects: the traditional culture and the contemporary culture. Both of them have a potent 形容词 influence on people's conscious 同上of who they are. Ceremonies and rituals are only contained in traditional culture. However, Contemporary culture, such as the mainstream of artwork, fashions, and the problems in the current society are different from one group to another 一个句子，但是没有说明，不完整，最好再进一步解释一下，比如说怎么就不同了，给点例子就好，但是也表太长篇大论，不然就跑题了，文章的意思还是要说你的那个主题，只不过这里只有一句话，有点太单薄了. Besides, they are other factors, such as facial feature, languages and dialects that make people from different groups or societies distinctive. As a result, not only rituals and ceremonies but also many respects in a culture can help people to realize who they are.同样的毛病，也是一句话，没有进一步的解释，就摆这里，没有人能被你说服，你既然说OTHER ASPECTS，那最好就说一下，比如说那些APSECTS，怎么不同……

Another aspect need 单数 to be considered is that the diminishing of people's awareness of who they are might 这里虚拟，好似没有必要 not directly connected with the absence of rituals and ceremonies. That is to say, even with rituals and ceremonies, people still give up the usual practice that their forefathers do 这个DO，指前面什么呢,好象没有跟上前面的句意 and are melted into the mainstream culture. This phenomenon is commonly seen SEE似乎不妥当，用个别的词，比如OBSERVE什么的，前边也有这样的问题 in migrated countries such as The United States and Canada. It is true that many migrated groups of immigrants have given up their own culture and Americanized. As we all know, the early immigrants of America mainly come from European countries like 这里似乎SUCH AS更好 England, German and Norway. Nowadays, the offspring of these 远指代词会更合适 Europeans are the most Americanized and have given up their original culture.  Even if they do DO也太白了点哦，查下金山，应该有很多说法的 the ceremonies and rituals in their original Germany or French style, which would only remind of them of their roots but the fact that they regard themselves as Americans rather than Europeans is self-evident.  As the saying goes" Do in Rome as Romans Do", it is quite understandable that many immigrants from other ethnic group 既然是OTHER，就是复数，除非不可数  have given some part of their own culture and taken in American culture. Gradually, their awareness of their original ethnic groups is melting. Besides 可以说APART FROM MIGRATION，ASIDE FROM MIGRATION，虽然副词可以加名词，但是也不是这样加的，楼主也再确认一下，反正我没见过BESIDES这样加名词 migration, the globalization of economy and the World Wide Web and the bombarded media have provided people ways to know about 这个介词多余 the world and to be known by the world. Consequently, people in the East and the West are sharing 为什么要用进行时呢，这不是一般的动作么？ a lot of similarities and thus their sense of self are not so strong as before.

In conclusion, the diminishing of sense of self is not always a bad thing.开头和结尾似乎不照应啊？而且觉得主题有变动的感觉，跟你的提纲也不是很符合，你的提纲是 你的提纲是+ - - 的结构，觉得你是要说同意不同意，但是怎么就落到这个讨论是好是坏上来了呢？题目没有说，你的开篇也没有涉及，这样似乎是跑了This phenomenon might indicate the integration of the migrated countries like the United States and Canada. The less conscious of a certain group could reduce the conflicts among other groups. However, the ceremonies and rituals should still be passed down, which can help people to know their roots and improve tourist industry.
你的BODY段分了两个角度来论述，不是纵向而是横向的，这样的话，在结尾最好都涉及到
而且开头说的时候没有提到美国加拿大什么的，但是在结尾这样说，有点把概念换小的感觉，开篇的论述是没有加这个限制的，这样我觉得不合适，好象是跑题的感觉的，我不知道别人有怎么说，楼主也再讨论一下，但是我觉得这样似乎不妥
楼主加油，谢谢你曾经的鼓励

[ Last edited by 11yaoyao on 2005-8-2 at 12:07 ]

Nicky_hkUID: 2105861

楼上改的好细心哦  楼主应该好好看看啦

esmeirasUID: 202885

恩  当然,向yaoyao 学习!