issue 51-G-89-互助社-8.11日同主题写作

fishjoyUID: 2116013

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
提纲：
1.        教育的本质：a知识，b学习方法，c与他人相处，d正确的价值观；
2.        符合兴趣，学得好，实现ab目标；
3.        只有2，则学生发展不全面；cd是学生融入社会，成为富有生产力的公民的保障。
   
说明: 原稿502words, 50min. 修改后521words.用时最短。用倒计时工具写的，to begin with的那段写不下去，赶紧转到第二段写，问大家：这样会不会是没把话说清楚，全文结构不平衡？第三段都在讲道理，没展开用例子写，很遗憾，大家帮我看看道理讲清楚没，非常感谢。最后一段用/////隔开的是45分钟以后写的。
没剩几天考试了，若能指点迷津，不胜感激。留下链接，定回拍，并提出实质性建议。
  
正文：

Will education be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, as the speaker asserts? Admittedly, education would be effective if it helps the students learn knowledge and how to learn by offering courses that students show interests in. Yet in my view, the speaker ignores some other significant aspects that education should provide to student.


To begin with, an effective and successful education should equip students with four abilities: learning to learn, learning to get together, learning knowledge, learning to establish correct value system. Any deliberately ignorance of any aspects can not be called as an effective and successful education.


Secondly, I concede that by offering courses that meet students' needs and interests, education would be successful in teaching students to learn knowledge and the methods of learning. As we know, only one's favorite things can evoke his or her passions, which would help one to pay attention to them for quite a long time and ensure the rate of success. For example, Bill Gates enjoyed being a library assistant when he was very young. His job was to sort cards and put them in order, a job which in some people's eyes was very dull and lack of creativity, and which calls for extraordinary patience. But he liked it so much that he did not want to move to another city with his parents just for the reason that in the new city he can not be offered a job like that. Finally, his parents moved back to their previous home in order to ensure that their son could continue doing that job. It is justifiable to say that Gate's parents have done a perfect job in educating Bill by providing their son what he really liked-the library assistant job which helped Bill Gates develop a sense of patience and prepared him for future success.


However, the students can not be fully-developed if they do not learn how to get along with other people and how to establish a set of correct value system, which can not be achieved if education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Only focusing on one's small circus would lead to ineffective communication with other people and be lack of tolerance. Never be taught what is right and what is wrong, a person's value system might be problematic or even antisocial. Only by appreciating certain fundamental values that we should hold in common, such as virtue, humility and compassion, students are more likely to grow into adults who can work together at the workplace toward mutually agreed-upon goals.


To sum up, only when educators help students develop their own principle for living, learn the method of effective learning, know how to communicate with other people and learn knowledge, do //////////young people grow into successful working adults. By meeting the students' needs and interests, the students can master learning skills and knowledge successfully. And by providing the students with a set of value system, the students can be prevented from losing their ways in a turbulent vocational sea.

liulin12369UID: 2112878

Will education be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, as the speaker asserts? Admittedly, education would be effective if it helps the students learn knowledge and how to learn by offering courses that student show interests in. Yet in my view, the speaker ignores some other significant aspects that education should provide to student.


To begin with, an effective and successful education should equip students with four abilities: learning to learn, learning to get together, learning knowledge, learning to establish correct value system. Any deliberately ignorance of any aspects can not be called as an effective and successful education. （说的挺完整的）


Secondly, I concede that by offering courses that meet students' needs and interests, education would be successful in teaching students to learn knowledge and the methods of learning. As we know, only one's favorite things can evoke his or her passions, which would help one to pay attention to them for quite a long time and ensure the rate of success. For example, Bill Gates enjoyed being a library assistant when he was very young. His job was to sort cards and put them in order, a job which in some people's eyes was very dull and lack of creativity, and which calls for extraordinary patience. But he liked it so much that he did not want to move to another city with his parents just for the reason that in the new city he can not be offered a job like that. Finally, his parents moved back to their previous home in order to ensure that their son could continue doing that job. It is justifiable to say that Gate's parents have done a perfect job in educating Bill by providing their son what he really liked-the library assistant job which helped Bill Gates develop a sense of patience and prepared him for future success.（有堆例子的嫌疑，说例子太多了，而例子对于论点的证明则不多，主题句是教学生学知识和学习方法，例子的落脚点却在发展了一种耐心的品质，有点牵强。）


However, the students can not be fully-developed(不错的词，可靠的话，我学着用) if they do not learn how to get along with other people and how to establish a set of correct value system, which can not be achieved if education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Only focusing on one's small circus would lead to ineffective communication with other people and be lack of tolerance. Never be taught what is right and what is wrong, a person's value system might be problematic or even antisocial. Only by appreciating certain fundamental values that we should hold in common, such as virtue, humility and compassion, students are more likely to grow into adults who can work together at the workplace toward mutually agreed-upon goals.（感觉这一段有点把个人发展和脱离群众画等号了。不过说的也有自己的道理）


To sum up, only when educators help students develop their own principle for living, learn the method of effective learning, know how to communicate with other people and learn knowledge, do //////////young people grow into successful working adults. By meeting the students' needs and interests, the students can master learning skills and knowledge successfully. And by providing the students with a set of value system, the students can be prevented from losing their ways in a turbulent vocational sea.

限时的进步啊，虽然语言上减弱了，但是基本逻辑，结构没问题。还需平衡好时间和质量。最近很忙啊，注意安排时间哦~~

polymathUID: 179557

其它的问题liulin12369指出的差不多了！偶指出一个问题：:)

Only by appreciating certain fundamental values that we should hold in common, such as virtue, humility and compassion, students are more likely to grow into adults who can work together at the workplace toward mutually agreed-upon goals

only 句型，主句的谓语应用倒装！帮你改一下！can students grow into adults who can work together at the workplace toward mutually agreed-upon goal.

文章写的不错！能限时到这个水平，已经很好了！再加把劲！:victory:

fishjoyUID: 2116013

谢谢liulin12369和polymath的指点:)