argument216G-89-互助社８.１２好早的交

melinda2036UID: 2108044

216The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement. bbs.gter.
"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."

Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire

In this argument, the arguer addresses that the Clearviwe should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire for its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate. To support this argument, the arguer presents that housing costs have fallen and real estate taxes remain low. He or she further presents the major here promises many new programs to improve schools, streets and public services and retirees can expect excellent health care for the number of physicians is far greater than the national average. This argument is based on problematic reasoning and ultimately unconvincing.

First of all, the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate may not be the reason for retirees to choose Clearview. It is possible that the consistent climate here is not suitable for aged people, and they can easily get cold or other disease in such climate. The arguer fails to address what this consistent climate is, moderate or wild, cold or hot. So we cannot assume that this consistent climate is ultimately fit the elder people.

Secondly, the arguer cites as the evidences that the housing costs have fallen significantly during the last years, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. This part of the argument has two flaws. First, if the housing costs were extremely high in the past year, then even though the costs have fallen, the price may still be high enough that normal people cannot finance. Second, the real estate taxes are the small part in forming the finally price of the payment of a house. So that real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns cannot automatically lead to the fact that the housing prices here are lower than those in neighboring areas. Moreover, the prices done may be an indication of the decrease in the quality of the house here, which makes the houses here misfitted to retirees. These possibilities further weaken the argument.

Finally, the arguer states that retirees here can expect excellent health care, for the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average. This prediction presented by the arguer is unreliable and may never occur. In the arguer’ mind, the number of the physicians in the area represent the quality of the public health service. But even the common sense tells us that they are completely two different things and cannot be taken as the same. If the majority of the physicians here are not competent and irresponsible, how can the retirees expect excellent health care. The arguer here makes such predication with assumption as well as the good wish instead of critical thinking through careful investigation.
超时一分，很高兴呀:)

飞啊~飞UID: 2121330

在整提纲,几天没来了
我帮你改

飞啊~飞UID: 2121330

216The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement. bbs.gter.
"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."

Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire

In this argument, the arguer addresses that the Clearviwe should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire for its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate. To support this argument, the arguer presents that housing costs have fallen and real estate taxes remain low. He or she further presents the major here[there] promises many new programs to improve schools, streets and public services and retirees can expect excellent health care for the number of physicians is far greater than the national average[两个谓语]. This argument is based on problematic reasoning and ultimately unconvincing.

First of all, the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate may not be the reason for retirees to choose Clearview. [我懂你的意思，但是你的说法不正确， 跟你后面的论证脱节。改成：No one would choose Clearview as the place for retirement merely because of its natural beauty and consistent climate, some other aspects such as climate should also be taken into consideration.好点不？] It is possible that the consistent climate here is not suitable for aged people, and they can easily get cold or other disease in such climate. The arguer fails to address what this consistent climate is, moderate or wild, cold or hot. So we cannot assume that this consistent climate is ultimately fit the elder people. 这一段比较好！

Secondly, the arguer cites as the evidences that the housing costs have fallen significantly during the last years, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. This part of the argument has two flaws. First, if the housing costs were extremely high in the past year, then even though the costs have fallen, the price may still be high enough that normal people cannot finance[be afford]. Second, the real estate taxes are the small part in forming the finally price of the payment of a house[再继续说，具体还有哪些哪些因素起作用. ]So that real estate taxes remain[这是个动词！] lower than those in neighboring towns cannot automatically lead to the fact that the housing prices here are lower than those in neighboring areas. Moreover, the prices done[完成时？] may be an indication of the decrease in the quality of the house here, which makes the houses here misfitted [没见过的用法]to retirees. These possibilities further weaken the argument.没说透！

Finally, the arguer states that retirees here can expect excellent health care, for the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average. This prediction presented by the arguer is unreliable and may never occur. In the arguer’ mind, the number of the physicians in the area represent the quality of the public health service. But even the common sense tells us that they are completely two different things and cannot be taken as the same. If the majority of the physicians here are not competent and irresponsible, how can the retirees expect excellent health care.？ The arguer here makes such predication with assumption as well as the good wish instead of critical thinking through careful investigation.

不要结尾了吗？哪怕一句话也好啊~~~

语法词性错误较多，
找出的错误很全，但不怎么说透。
限时情况下，能写这么多很不错，但是我的话，我会选择少写几个小错误，少一点restate,但每个都写得很细。觉得那样论证更充分有力,你觉得呢？

melinda2036UID: 2108044

谢谢飞啊飞，　我晚上在痛苦的用ＰＰ３才上来，谢谢你的批评，的确这篇有很多不足
但是retirees can expect excellent health care for the number of physicians is far greater than the national average这句话ＦＯＲ后面接的是个从句．
第二段你的评价很中肯，我写得太绝对了．第三段也没展开．price done是我胡乱编的，完全用错不好意思．你提的建议很好，给我很多启发．
还有结尾在后面页，贴的时候把它搞忘了．５５５，考试时保佑我千万不要出错呀．