argument145 argument163 我8.29南京,今天写的两个argument ,有拍必回

luxuryUID: 2124715

Argument145  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分3秒     411 words
从2005年7月24日12时1分到2005年7月24日12时30分
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The arguer asserts that the people who snore should eat less and exercise more .To demonstrate the recommendation, one representative study and some deductions are provided. However, aborative scrutiny of the argument reveals several logical faults, which render it heavily.

To begin with , whether the study's result is reliable is not convincing to all of us .After all , from the study quoted by the argument , we cannot find the total number of the persons who snore , the proportion of the samples covering ,the sign of such process of random sampling ,and have a good reason to doubt if the samples can be representative of all of the persons .Moreover , the arguer cannot provide the scientific evidence concerning about the relationship between snoring and increase of the weight.
Next, the arguer improperly assumes that the persons who snore cannot have a good sleeping .As a matter of fact , the arguer cannot provide evidence that snoring result in that the person have a beautiful night .It is entirely possible that the person will fall to sleep as soon as snoring .And therefore, the arguer cannot reach the hasty conclusion.
Finally, even though the arguer can substantiate all of the preceding assumptions, the arguer cannot recommend that anyone who snores should eat less and exercise more. First, as the arguer said that the snoring is the reason of increase of the weight, however the arguer concludes that the persons who snore should eat less. In short, the arguer place the reason to the result, and therefore the conclusion is improper. Second, as the study said that the persons who snore will be so tired in the next morning that they cannot do exercises anymore, yet the arguer still suggests that they should have more exercises .Obviously ,the proposal is unscientific. And therefore, we can provide other treatment to these persons .Without eliminating the extent of the rationality of the other means , the arguer cannot convince me that the proposal provided by the arguer is the exclusive way to treat these persons.

In conclusion, due to all of the reasons as discussed before, the recommendation should be rejected out of hand until more evidence regarding that the study's result is assuredly reliable plus that the person who snore should have adopt some others' suggestions for their healthy. Furthermore, in order to properly evaluate the arguer's proposal, the arguer should convince me that eating less and more exercises is indeed effective to the persons who snore.

163The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."

------正文------
The arguer asserts that the old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the lager and more energy-efficient building in order to save a considerable lot of money and generate income for the town .To demonstrate the conclusion, a comparison between the old town hall and the new one and some logical deductions are provided. However, aborative scrutiny of the arguer's argument reveals several faults, which render it convincing.     -----------------------------60-74


To begin with, the arguer assumes that the new town hall will be less costly concerning heating and cooling .However, the assumption is improper on account of that some possibilities are excluded. For example, the arguer overlooks that if the larger and energy-efficient one is established, the worker will prefer the new conditions and use more energy than before just owing to that in their opinions, the new one is less costly than the old one. Moreover , it is more likely that the total square is increasing in order to satisfy the workers’ needs. Without considering the other possibilities, the arguer cannot convince me that the new town hall will be less costly.
                             -------------------------------100-114
Moreover , it is inappropriately assume that we can obtain income by renting some of the space in the new building .After all , as a matter of fact , the arguer cannot provide us little evidence regarding that more spaces can be provided to be rent to other persons and that there will be some persons who prefer the town hall for business even for living .                   ----------------------------------60-70


Furthermore, the arguer assumes that the new building will generate income, yet it is also not convincing to all of us. Perhaps that the fee for tearing down the old one, building a new one , heating and cooling , as well as extensive advertising campaigns will be more than the income from renting .Without the cost-revenue analysis , I cannot believe the arguer's assumption . ----------------------------------50-60


Finally, even though all of the preceding assumptions are substantiated, the arguer still overlooks the other methods to save the money concerning the cost of the town hall. We can decorate the old one, build some other space on top of the building and increase new less costly machines for the workers. What is more, we can also open the old town hall for touring due to its 100 years old so that we can increase the income by the fee for looking around the old building.
                            ------------------------70-87

In conclusion, due to the reasons as discussed before, the recommendation should be rejected out of hand until other evidences regarding that the new building will be indeed less costly, plus that some others will prefer the town hall building for renting are provided. Furthermore, in order to more accurately evaluate the proposal, the arguer should convince me that the new one will authentically generate income and that the proposal is the exclusive means.                       ------------------------70-80

momo56288860UID: 191433

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=326015

momo56288860UID: 191433

Argument145  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分3秒     411 words
从2005年7月24日12时1分到2005年7月24日12时30分
------题目------
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
------正文------
The arguer asserts that the people who snore should eat less and exercise more .To demonstrate the recommendation, one representative study//里面好象没有study吧，建议把study删掉// and some deductions are provided. However, aborative scrutiny of the argument reveals several logical faults//主语不对，scrutiny似乎做不了reveal的主语//, which render it heavily.

To begin with , whether the study's result is reliable is not convincing to all of us .After all , from the study quoted by the argument , we cannot find//不要用WE太多，建议the arguer fails to provide more evidence concerning//  the total number of the persons who snore , the proportion of the samples covering ,the sign of such process of random sampling ,and have a good reason to doubt if//whether// the samples can be representative of all of the persons .Moreover , the arguer cannot provide the scientific evidence concerning about the relationship between snoring and increase of the weight.

Next, the arguer improperly assumes that the persons who snore cannot have a good sleeping .As a matter of fact , the arguer cannot//用fails to似乎好一些// provide evidence that snoring result in that the person have a beautiful night .//加however//It is entirely possible that the person will fall to sleep as soon as snoring .And therefore//Therefore就可以了//, the arguer cannot reach the hasty conclusion.//这一段的逻辑似乎有点乱//

Finally, even though the arguer can substantiate all of//all// the preceding assumptions, the arguer cannot recommend that anyone who snores should eat less and exercise more. First, as the arguer said that the snoring is the reason of increase of the weight, however//根据后面的句意，用then会好一些// the arguer concludes that the persons who snore should eat less. In short, the arguer place the reason to the result, and therefore the conclusion is improper. Second, as the study//这里没有study,还是用It is well know之类的可能好一些// said that the persons who snore will be so tired in the next morning that they cannot do exercises anymore, yet the arguer still suggests that they should have more exercises .Obviously ,the proposal is unscientific. And therefore, we can provide other treatment to these persons// therefore, on the contrary, we should  advise those people take more rest instead of  more exercise.// Without eliminating the extent of the rationality of the other means , the arguer cannot convince me//us// that the proposal provided by the arguer//by the arguer多余// is the exclusive way to treat these persons.

In conclusion, due to all of//all// the reasons as//as去掉// discussed before, the recommendation should be rejected out of hand//逻辑有问题，建议修改啊// until more evidence regarding that the study's result is assuredly reliable plus that the person who snore should have adopt some others' suggestions for their healthy. Furthermore, in order to properly evaluate the arguer's proposal, the arguer should//provide more iinformation to // convince me//us// that eating less and more exercises is indeed effective to the persons who snore.
//好话不多说，连接词方面应该多加强，逻辑方面也应该多加强//

163The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."

------正文------
The arguer asserts that the old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the lager and more energy-efficient building in order to save a considerable lot of money and generate income for the town似乎不是结论，你在推敲一下// .To demonstrate the conclusion, a comparison between the old town hall and the new one and some logical deductions are provided. However, aborative scrutiny of the arguer's argument reveals several faults, which render it convincing//有问题，同前//.     -----------------------------60-74


To begin with, the arguer assumes that the new town hall will be less costly concerning heating and cooling .However, the assumption is improper on account of that some possibilities are excluded//不明白句子的意思//. For example//For example 有点象ISSUE写法，建议不用//, the arguer overlooks that if the larger and energy-efficient one is established, the worker will prefer the new conditions and use more energy than before just owing to that in their opinions//是不是理解错了，哪里有worker啊//, the new one is less costly than the old one. Moreover , it is more likely that the total square is increasing in order to satisfy the workers’//？同前// needs. Without considering the other possibilities, the arguer cannot convince me that the new town hall will be less costly.
                             -------------------------------100-114
Moreover , it is inappropriately assume that we //建议少用we//can obtain income by renting some of the space in the new building .After all , as a matter of fact , the arguer cannot provide us little//用more吧，不要把意思弄反了// evidence regarding that more spaces can be provided to be rent to //意思别扭，建议用其他的词和句子表达the arguer cannot provide more evidence that there are more spaces to be rented.//other persons and that there will be some persons who//to// prefer the town hall for business even for living .                   ----------------------------------60-70


Furthermore, the arguer assumes that the new building will generate income, yet it is also not convincing to all of us// yet it can nor convince us//. Perhaps//It is quite possible// that the//total// fee for tearing down the old one, building a new one , heating and cooling , as well as extensive advertising campaigns will be more than//more than不是动词，用exceed吧// the income from renting .Without the cost-revenue// cost-revenue这个词我把握不准啊，是不是问题？// analysis , I cannot believe the arguer's assumption . ----------------------------------50-60


Finally, even though all of the preceding assumptions are substantiated, the arguer still overlooks//ignores// the other methods//ways// to save the money concerning the cost of the town hall. We can decorate the old one, build some//去掉some// other space on top of the building and increase new less costly machines for the workers//?//. What is more, we can also open the old town hall for touring due to its 100 years old so that we can increase the income by the fee for looking around the old building//好象多余了了//
                            ------------------------70-87

In conclusion, due to the reasons as discussed before, the recommendation should be rejected out of hand until other evidences regarding that the new building will be indeed less costly, plus that some others will prefer the town hall building for renting are provided. Furthermore, in order to more accurately evaluate the proposal, the arguer should convince me that the new one will authentically generate income and that the proposal is the exclusive means.                       ------------------------70-80//结尾跟前面的一样，自己再把握一下啊//