issue236 and argument1

maylUID: 2162549

TOPIC：ISSUE 236 - "Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful."
WORDS：389          TIME：0:33:59          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        努力是成功的必要条件的
2.        鼓励年轻人尝试可以促进社会发展
3.        只有努力不能保证成功，要教会年轻人如何面对失败。
The speaker claims that it is misleading and harmful to encourage youth to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough. In my view, although one can not accomplish great only by hard work, it is still necessary to have great accomplishment.  

First of all, hard work is necessary for accomplishment for it is the fruit of diligence. History shows us that almost every great success is based on endless diligence. In order to find proper materials to serve the light, Edison used thousands of materials in his experiments. And Mozart began to exercise piano when he was only four years old. Any daydreamers without taking any efforts would invariably achieve nothing, and at last result in failure for their lack of hard work.

Encouraging young people to try hard is necessary for the development of the society. Youth are recognized as the future of the society, and they are the master of the future, so whether they have motivation directly relates to the whole progress of the society. Martin Luther King had a dream to eliminate the gap between the African American and the white, and this dream spur the followings continuing striking. And now the African American can seat on the buses on the side of the whites. Without the motivated youth, the society hardly can make some progress.

Encouragement to youth can inspire them looking for their career, which would greatly motivate the progress of their growth. For example, Alexander, the Great, had the dream to build a great empire, and this spurred him to strive for almost twenty years, and greatly encouraged the culture communication between the west and the east.

Of course, the society is so complex that not every one will accomplish great only after hard work, especially in the technological-motivated economy. Some time, the opportunity is much more important than hard work. For example, although Apple has transcendent technology in the hardware, IBM has established the standard in this area, and so the Apple only has much less market, for it missed the best opportunity. So the youth should also be instilled with the spirit that faces the failure with healthy emotion.
In sum, hard word is necessary to accomplishment, so young people should be nurtured in this education. While for the hard work is not sufficient for success， it is also important to teach the youth how to face the failures even after hard work.


TOPIC：ARGUMENT 1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
WORDS：407          TIME：0:26:22          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        运动服的销量与人们是否关注健康没有直接的关系
2.        健康俱乐部的火暴和Nature's Way的产品需求无关
3.        fitness for life和下一代是否过健康生活无关
4.        竞争者的出现
The arguer claims that the Nature's Way should build their next new store in Plainsville (P). To justify this conclusion, the arguer points out that their stores are most profitable in areas the residents are highly concerned with health and the residents in P are just seems concern with health. In addition, the arguer also points out that the school in P is also emphasis the healthy live. However, a careful examination would reveal how groundless this analysis is.

First of all, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing have nothing to do with and can not be able to reveal the life style of the residents. It is possible that exercise clothing is in fashion and the youth are almost in purchase these clothing. It is also possible that there will be a sport champion and the people there would like to buy some to support the sport. Another possibility is that the customers of the exercise clothing are almost the people who live in other area. Then any of these would conclude that the residents in P are not interesting in healthy life.

Secondly, the thriving local health club can not conclude that there will be certainly great demand of the products of the Nature's Way. Perhaps that the member of the club are all single, and they go to the club just want to find some people to have a chat, but not really interest in the healthy life. Then the new store would not have enough customers.

Another flaw with this analysis is that the program of fitness for life will not certainly cultivate the consumers of the product of the Nature's Way. For the human nature of betray, there is a great chance that the students participate in the program would hate the healthy life and lead a unhealthy life, then the future consumers disappear.

Finally, the president ignores the competitor. Maybe another company which produces the similar products has possess the market in P, and the residents there like the products of that company, then the new store would be difficult to profitable.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the store in P would be profitable. To strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to prove the residents in P really interest the product of the Nature's Way. To better evaluate the conclusion, the arguer should also provide the information about the competitor in P.

[ Last edited by mayl on 2005-12-5 at 20:05 ]

48778UID: 209221

TOPIC：ISSUE 236 - "Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful."
WORDS：389          TIME：0:33:59          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        努力是成功的必要条件的
2.        鼓励年轻人尝试可以促进社会发展
3.        只有努力不能保证成功，要教会年轻人如何面对失败。
The speaker claims that it is misleading and harmful to encourage youth to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough. In my view, although one can not accomplish great 需要加一名词only by hard work, it is still necessary to have great accomplishment.是不是想表达努力是必须的  

First of all, hard work is necessary for accomplishment for it is the fruit of diligence. History shows us that almost every great success is based on endless diligence. In order to find proper materials to serve the light, Edison used thousands of materials in his experiments. And Mozart began to exercise piano when he was only four years old. Any daydreamers without taking any efforts would invariably achieve nothing, and at last result in failure for their lack of hard work. 这句话和前一句用and连接表示用并列主语，可是后边的主语不能是人呀

Encouraging young people to try hard is necessary for the development of the society. Youth are recognized as the future of the society, and they are the master of the future, so whether they have motivation directly relates to the whole progress of the society. Martin Luther King had a dream to eliminate the gap between the African American and the white, and this dream spur the followings continuing striking. And now the African American can seat on the buses on the side of the whites. Without the motivated youth, the society hardly can make some progress.这句话总结次段显得很突然，是否再写几句过渡

Encouragement to youth can inspire them looking for their career, which would greatly motivate the progress of their growth. For example, Alexander, the Great, had the dream to build a great empire, and this spurred him to strive for almost twenty years, and greatly encouraged（换成what his dream brought is ） the culture communication between the west and the east.

Of course, the society is so complex that not every one will accomplish great only after hard work, especially in the technological-motivated economy. Some time, the opportunity is much more important than hard work. For example, although Apple has transcendent technology in the hardware, IBM has established the standard in this area, and so the Apple only has much less market, for it missed the best opportunity. So the youth should also be instilled with the spirit that faces the failure with healthy emotion.
In sum, hard word is necessary to accomplishment, so young people should be nurtured in this education. While for（for是多余的吧） the hard work is not sufficient for success， it is also important to teach the youth how to face the failures even after hard work.
客观的讲你的文章在各个段落的展开不是十分到位，只是三言两语。结尾段感觉不是很好，可以先找个模板写几篇以后找到适合自己的模板。你的例子很丰富，值得学习。可能是在电脑卡时间写的原因吧，以后多写就对了，继续努力，我    也和你一块努力。

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
WORDS：407          TIME：0:26:22          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        运动服的销量与人们是否关注健康没有直接的关系
2.        健康俱乐部的火暴和Nature's Way的产品需求无关
3.        fitness for life和下一代是否过健康生活无关
4.        竞争者的出现
The arguer claims that the Nature's Way should build their next new store in Plainsville (P). To justify this conclusion, the arguer points out that their stores are most profitable in areas the residents are highly concerned with health and the residents in P are just seems concern with health. In addition, the arguer also points out that the school in P is also emphasis the healthy live. However, a careful examination would reveal how groundless this analysis is.

First of all, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing have nothing to do with and can not be able to reveal the life style of the residents. It is possible that exercise clothing is in fashion and the youth are almost in purchase these clothing. It is also possible that there will be a sport champion and the people there would like to buy some to support the sport. Another possibility is that the customers of the exercise clothing are almost the people who live in other area. Then any of these would conclude that the residents in P are not interesting in healthy life.

Secondly, the thriving local health club can not conclude that there will be certainly great demand of the products of the Nature's Way. Perhaps that the member of the club are all single, and they go to the club just want to find some people to have a chat, but not really interest in the healthy life. Then the new store would not have enough customers.

Another flaw with this analysis is that the program of fitness for life will not certainly cultivate the consumers of the product of the Nature's Way. For the human nature of betray, there is a great chance that the students participate in the program would hate the healthy life and lead a unhealthy life, then the future consumers disappear.

Finally, the president ignores the competitor. Maybe another company which produces the similar products has possess the market in P, and the residents there like the products of that company, then the new store would be difficult to profitable.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the store in P would be profitable. To strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to prove the residents in P really interest the product of the Nature's Way. To better evaluate the conclusion, the arguer should also provide the information about the competitor in P.




Ip3TOPIC：ISSUE 236 - "Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful."
WORDS：389          TIME：0:33:59          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        努力是成功的必要条件的
2.        鼓励年轻人尝试可以促进社会发展
3.        只有努力不能保证成功，要教会年轻人如何面对失败。
The speaker claims that it is misleading and harmful to encourage youth to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough. In my view, although one can not accomplish great only by hard work, it is still necessary to have great accomplishment.  

First of all, hard work is necessary for accomplishment for it is the fruit of diligence. History shows us that almost every great success is based on endless diligence. In order to find proper materials to serve the light, Edison used thousands of materials in his experiments. And Mozart began to exercise piano when he was only four years old. Any daydreamers without taking any efforts would invariably achieve nothing, and at last result in failure for their lack of hard work.

Encouraging young people to try hard is necessary for the development of the society. Youth are recognized as the future of the society, and they are the master of the future, so whether they have motivation directly relates to the whole progress of the society. Martin Luther King had a dream to eliminate the gap between the African American and the white, and this dream spur the followings continuing striking. And now the African American can seat on the buses on the side of the whites. Without the motivated youth, the society hardly can make some progress.

Encouragement to youth can inspire them looking for their career, which would greatly motivate the progress of their growth. For example, Alexander, the Great, had the dream to build a great empire, and this spurred him to strive for almost twenty years, and greatly encouraged the culture communication between the west and the east.

Of course, the society is so complex that not every one will accomplish great only after hard work, especially in the technological-motivated economy. Some time, the opportunity is much more important than hard work. For example, although Apple has transcendent technology in the hardware, IBM has established the standard in this area, and so the Apple only has much less market, for it missed the best opportunity. So the youth should also be instilled with the spirit that faces the failure with healthy emotion.
In sum, hard word is necessary to accomplishment, so young people should be nurtured in this education. While for the hard work is not sufficient for success， it is also important to teach the youth how to face the failures even after hard work.


TOPIC：ARGUMENT 1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
WORDS：407          TIME：0:26:22          DATE：2005-12-5
1.        运动服的销量与人们是否关注健康没有直接的关系
2.        健康俱乐部的火暴和Nature's Way的产品需求无关
3.        fitness for life和下一代是否过健康生活无关
4.        竞争者的出现
The arguer claims that the Nature's Way should build their next new store in Plainsville (P). To justify this conclusion, the arguer points out that their stores are most profitable in areas the residents are highly concerned with health and the residents in P are just seems concern with health. In addition, the arguer also points out that the school in P is also emphasis the healthy live. However, a careful examination would reveal how groundless this analysis is.

First of all, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing have nothing to do with and can not be able to reveal the life style of the residents. It is possible that exercise clothing is in fashion and the youth are almost in purchase(in persuit of ) these clothing. It is also possible that there will be a sport champion and the people there would like to buy some to support the sport. Another possibility is that the customers of the exercise clothing are almost the people who live in other areas. Then any of these would conclude that the residents in P are not interested in healthy life.

Secondly, the thriving local health club can not conclude这句话有问题 that there will be certainly great demand of the products of the Nature's Way. Perhaps that the member of the club are all single, and they go to the club just want (,just wanting)to find some people to have a chat, but not really(being interested) interest in the healthy life. Then the new store would not have enough customers.

Another flaw with this analysis is that the program of fitness for life will not certainly cultivate the consumers of the product of the Nature's Way. For the human nature of betray, there is a great chance that the students participate in the program would hate the healthy life and lead a unhealthy life, then the future consumers disappear.

Finally, the president ignores the competitor. Maybe another company which produces the similar products has possess完成时态 the market in P, and the residents there like the products of that company, then the new store would be difficult to（be） profitable.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the store in P would be profitable. To strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to prove the residents in P really interest the product of the Nature's Way. To better evaluate the conclusion, the arguer should also provide the information about the competitor
在argument中好多句子表达的不是很到位。句子之间的过渡不是很好。



当然了这些问题我的文章也很多，我只是为了共同提高而提出，请不要不高兴啊。努力，共同提高吧。

[ Last edited by 48778 on 2005-12-6 at 19:30 ]

racyUID: 2135171

楼主看看NEEDLE的发贴说明

一个帖子贴了两个......

汗一个

maylUID: 2162549

谢谢了

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

mayl 的例子很有说服力，建议发到小组来，大家的例子总结汇总有便考试时容易想起．
句子结构再提高，加油