范文分析及例子积累 每天一点进步一点思考

jingjingtousUID：2164820

好贴，好贴，顶一个
等我来慢慢，细细看！！

果小冻UID：208370

安安要注意身体哦,我也老是胃疼的,现在天气冷了,更要小心了哦.

果小冻UID：208370

5、The argument above is not sufficiently supported by the evidence given.  Arriving at the conclusion that people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste is not valid based on the information above.[这个开头和6分的相比就单薄的多了，不过还是简练的指出了问题所在，只是有些感觉象套话]

First, a major flaw in the argument is that no other factors are pointed out that might be causing teeth to be capped other than using Smile-Bright toothpaste.  For example, were these dental patients all from the same geographical area?  If so, they might all be drinking water that is low in flouride which is causing tooth decay and consequently they will need their teeth to be capped.  Another common factor among the patients might be their dietary habits which could be causing tooth decay and capping of teeth rather than using Smile-Bright toothpaste.[这里也是给出了很多其他的可能性，展开的也比较细致，但是和6分的相比，可能在句子多样化和语言的精确上有些逊色]

In addition to looking at other common factors among patients surveyed, the type of data collected in the argument above needs to be more closely examined before a conclusion can be determined.[很规范的中心句]  For example, while patients who brushed their teeth more than twice a day with Smile-Bright were more likely to have caps on their teeth than those who brushed less frequently with Smile-Bright, this does not prove that Smile-Bright was the cause of capped teeth.  It could be that people who brush their teeth too frequently, no matter what toothpaste they use, are in jeopardy of having to get their teeth capped.  Also, the fact that people who began using Smile-Bright early in life were more likely to have capped teeth than those who began using Smile-Bright later in life should be further explored.  It could be that using Smile-Bright as a child is harmful to teeth while using it as an adult has no ill effects.[关于这段的论证，6分的范文就显得结构很完整，从每个角度展开，很有说服力。这篇说的不是很透，评论：Each point is described in a generally thoughtful way, but not as fully as in a 6 essay.]


Finally, no information is given about how many patients were surveyed or how they were selected.  The number of patients selected and if they were randomly selected is important information to have in determining how valid the results of the study are.[这段完全可以和上段合在一起，只是因为作者对于整体的结构安排没有很好的了然于心]

Based on the lack of consideration of other common factors among patients, [insufficient data collected, and lack of information about the number of patients surveyed and how they were selected],[这个句子我喜欢，哈哈，用词很整齐，很精确] I would not accept the above argument that people wishing to avoid having their teeth capped should not use Smile-Bright toothpaste.

COMMENTARY
his strong response presents a well-developed critique of the argument.  It is clearly and logically organized and the writer's control of language is evident.  Analysis begins in paragraph 2, where the writer identifies a root flaw in the argument (i.e., the unsupported assumption that the relationship between capped teeth and Smile-Bright is causal).  The critique proposes two external factors that may provide alternative explanations for the apparent "causal" relationship.

Paragraphs 3 and 4 address other holes in the argument:

-- whether frequent toothbrushing with any toothpaste could lead to
   tooth capping
-- whether Smile-Bright is more harmful if used at a young age
-- whether the survey was sufficiently large and/or representative

Each point is described in a generally thoughtful way, but not as fully as in a 6 essay.

The writer is generally in control of the elements of effective writing.  Sentence variety and above-average diction are strengths in this response, although there are some awkward sentences (e.g., "Arriving at the conclusion that people wishing??? should not use??? is not valid???").  For all of these reasons, the essay earns a score of 5.[总的感觉这篇文章不足之处就在于它的结构没有很整齐，前后的照应不是很好，然后展开的也不是足够细致]

virginia730UID：208873

小小~~~~~
说起郁闷,我只有强迫自己不去想了.
新的一年马上到了那, 好好的表扬下自己把~!!辛苦了!!
圣诞快乐!!! ^_^

果小冻UID：208370

四川的翼翼,我想念你的撒,你今天玩的开心点哈
恩恩,四川话很有韵味的说

安婧UID：2156480

跳一下帮小小顶上去！
来看小小的总结受益匪浅啊。

PS：小小怎么知道我喜欢人家叫我安安？听你那样叫好亲切啊！

果小冻UID：208370

Issue test6
Topic: Best Ideas

Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."

SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
Even the most brilliant thinkers, from Socrates to Satre, live lives in time. A childhood, an adolescence, an adulthood; these are common to me and you as well as the greatest writers.[开头就很不一般，三个词语并列很有气势] [Furthermore, ]many of the great thinkers we[ esteem] in our Western culture lived somewhat [uneventful] lives. What distinguished their life from say a common laborer was their work.[有见地，从开头和题目有联系了] Therefore, what provided the grist for their work? [问句，也是引出自己观点的一个好办法哦]One might say that they were brilliant and this alone was sufficient to distinguish their lives from the masses. Intellect alone can not[ devise situations or thoughts from no where]; there must be a basis and that basis is most common, if not always, observation of the common, of the quotidian. [这个句子直接指出了问题所在，一针见血。长句使用的也很棒哈]Critics of this idea may argue that these thinkers were products of fine educations and were well schooled in the classics.[前前后后的考虑的还真是全面啊] This, they may point to, is the real basis for their knowledge. I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these [pursuits merely refine and hone] an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature. Where best to study human nature than in the day to day routine each one of us can witness in him or herself or those around us.[这个开头段真是详实啊，引子-问句-他人观点-自己的观点-理清误解-总结，每个方面都考虑的很周到，不得不佩服思路的清晰。另外值得学习的是，句子的多样化，长短句结合，很不单调，为什么这个段落观点内容这么多，却不显得乱，我想可能就在于它句式的灵活吧，要让句子之间不显得零散，除了使用连接词外，还可以考虑使用一些短句，如文中的那种小问句，让前后的内容连接起来。]
[关于这段的论证方法，也是有评论的：Another strength in this essay is the way it introduces an idea and then builds on that idea as the argument unfolds.]

I propose that the two best disciplines to understand this power of the commonplace and its ability to cause a groundswell of thought are philosophy and literature.[上面是说理，这里举例，恩，关于这个有评论： The writer goes on to demonstrate the intellectual "power of the commonplace" by skillfully developing two compelling examples from academic life: philosophy and literature. ]Every school of philosophy, from the Greeks to our day, share[ a common mission or intent] and that is to understand and explain human existence, with all of its concomitant features. Generally speaking, the Greek philosophers, epitomized in Aristotle, attempted to set down rules for human behavior founded on logic. These rules applied not only to the rare forms of human behavior[ but largely focused on the more mundane motions of daily life. 举例就是要紧紧的和题目联系着，要不然就失去意义了]Many of Aristotle's rules were based on his observations of others as well as himself. [承接上句，具体说和日常生活是怎么联系的]Contrast this venture with the existentialists of our century who attempted to look behind the real motivations of human behavior as well understand man's relation to the Universe. To do this, what did these philosophers do?[这样的问句就是可以让作者把自己的观点很自然的摆出来哦] They studied those around them; they submerged themselves in the commonplace, [并列的短句很整齐]in cities with hordes of anonymous people. While the existentialists, as well those philosophers before, exploited their uncommon education and intellect, the basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence.[时时和题目联系着，又从个别的例子推广到大多数，进一步加强了论证的力度]
[这个段落举例，让我有体会的是，它时时和题目联系着，最后还不忘从个别推广到大多数]

Finally, literature is similar to philosophy [in that it seeks to explain and understand human behavior and therefore rooted in the commonplace. 这样的句子就是细，说的人服，连接词用的也很好]Nevertheless, its relative strength over philosophy is literature's ability to[ emotionally and spiritually move the reader through the use of contrived situations and fictional characters.说的真是透，有时候说明一个事物，精确的词语是用力的武器，否则真是你自作多情，人家根本无法体会你的意思所在] It can do this when even the central theme of a piece maybe love between a man and a woman (e.g. commonplace).[从文学举例到更加细的部分，但是连接的很自然，使用的句子的功劳] Literature also distinguishes itself from philosophy in that the breadth of the fiction may be huge.[思路真清晰] The plot and the detail can be quite ordinary or fanatastic. However, this does not mean that the central themes of all literature, whether ordinary or fantastic, deal with human beings and the problems they find in the world, something which we all share.[为了防止极端化，这个让步真是好]

In conclusion, I hope it has been shown that a passionate desire to understand and explain human behavior, the significance of our existence and deal constructively with the challenges of life are the centerpieces of at least in two of the most influential areas in human thought. [总结还是和上面的例子联系起来的]What is more commonplace than the existence of man.
[关于这篇范文总结如下：
1，        开头段的结构很新颖，使用了argument一样的结构，显得很有说服力，然后每个可能性都考虑到了，让人无法不心服口服。
2，        语言使用的很精确，象文学，哲学的例子其实不好说清楚，但范文因为说的很细致，说到点上了，所以显得一点都不乱。句子的多样化，长短句结合，问句很好的把他的观点引出了。
3，        思路的清晰，时时和题目紧紧联系着，显得结构浑然一体。
4，        见地深邃，提出的想法很新颖]



COMMENTARY
This essay sustains[ a well-focused and insightful analysis ]of the issue.  Beginning with the observation that the greatest thinkers "live lives in time," the writer reasons that the great thinkers develop their ideas through observation of common occurrences and everyday reality. [ One of the strengths of this essay is the way in which it thoughtfully considers the opposing claim: that great thinkers are primarily the product of fine education, and that, being "well schooled in the classics," they are far removed from everyday life. ] The writer notes that, while it "may be a benefit to study classics," it is nevertheless true that being "well schooled in diverse disciplines" will simply "refine and hone an ability to study human nature" in its everyday manifestations. [ This observation is indicative of the writer's sophisticated grasp of the complexities of the issue.]

The writer goes on to demonstrate the intellectual "power of the commonplace" [by skillfully developing two compelling examples from academic life: ]philosophy and literature.  Aristotle is cited as a philosopher who studied the "more mundane motions of daily life."  Similarly, the writer explains, twentieth-century existentialists, in attempting to understand man's relation to the universe, found inspiration in the commonplace.

[Another strength in this essay is the way it introduces an idea and then builds on that idea as the argument unfolds.  ]For instance, in a discussion of the existentialists in the second paragraph, the writer expands on an earlier point about "thinkers" in general: the existentialists may have "exploited their uncommon education and intellect," but the "basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence." [ It is logical connections such as these that make for a coherent and well-focused discussion.]

[The writer uses language fluently and controls sophisticated syntax throughout the essay]: "I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature."

This is not a flawless paper: word choice, for example, is not always precise.  But [the essay's cogent analysis, effective organization, and sophisticated sentence structure ]merit a solid score of 6.

virginia730UID：208873

Originally posted by 果小冻 at 2005-12-24 12:13
四川的翼翼,我想念你的撒,你今天玩的开心点哈
恩恩,四川话很有韵味的说

^_^成都的我, 觉得四川话很难听的啊.......
小小以上话好象是寻人启示~~~

果小冻UID：208370

我堕落了,没干嘛,汗
学了点东西吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... Dtype%26typeid%3D54
Primary Education
Education, Elementary, earliest program of education for children, beginning generally at the age of five or six and lasting from six to eight years. In most countries elementary education is compulsory for all children. In much of the United States a year of kindergarten often precedes the first grade of the 8-year elementary course. In the larger communities special classes or schools are usually provided for children who are physically or mentally handicapped. The purpose of the elementary school is to introduce children to the skills, information, and attitudes necessary for proper adjustment to their community and to society. Basically, the subjects taught are reading, writing, spelling, mathematics, social studies, science, art, music, physical education, and handicrafts. These are often supplemented with other subjects, such as foreign languages. Over the years new subject matter has made the elementary school curriculum more advanced than heretofore.

On completion of their elementary schooling, pupils continue their education in a junior high school or high school.

————————————————————————————
Secondary Education
f5l0t Y @:B |#S
Education, Secondary, program of public education immediately following elementary schooling. It begins generally at the age of 12 to 14 and continues from four to six years. Some types of secondary education, such as vocational schooling, are terminal and prepare the student for employment upon graduation. Others lead to advanced training in colleges, universities, or technical schools. In the U.S., secondary education includes the junior and senior high schools. In many foreign countries, this level of education often embraces the junior or community college as well as the first two years of university training. The purpose of secondary education is to expand knowledge of subjects already studied, including the systematic study of literature, foreign languages, sciences, mathematics, social studies, and other subjects essential for physical and intellectual development and to prepare students as future citizens. In some countries, military training is also required. x Y p i G-j | r
—————————————————————————————
Higher Educationbbs.gter.net~'C i i(l D1? K3t1V N
Education, Higher, period of advanced study following the completion of secondary education. The duration of the study may be from four to seven years or more, depending upon the nature and complexity of the programs pursued. The institution providing higher education may be either a college or university or a type of professional school. A junior or community college, such as those maintained by some state systems of higher education, offers a 2-year program of general education and/or technical training that serves either as terminal schooling or as preparation for more specialized study in a 4-year college or university. When the basic course of study is successfully completed, usually at the end of four years, the graduate receives a bachelor's degree. He or she may continue for a master's degree, generally requiring an additional year or two, and then for a doctorate, which normally requires the candidate to submit a dissertation and to complete a minimum of two or three years of further studies. Higher education, which usually includes some general education, is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. In recent years, especially in the U.S., the trend has been toward requiring a greater number of courses common to all students in order to counteract a growing tendency toward overspecialization.

写作文谈到purpose的时候最好分开论证

[ Last edited by 果小冻 on 2005-12-26 at 22:45 ]

果小冻UID：208370

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... Dtype%26typeid%3D52

[ Last edited by 果小冻 on 2005-12-27 at 13:10 ]

virginia730UID：208873

赞~~~~不错恩，小小
找到的英语网站的贴~~觉得比较不错的2个

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... hlight=%CD%F8%D5%BE

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... hlight=%CD%F8%D5%BE

[ Last edited by virginia730 on 2005-12-26 at 23:13 ]

果小冻UID：208370

好,我们一起努力

果小冻UID：208370

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... Dtype%26typeid%3D52

好,去考试了,祝福自己,至少得过吧

果小冻UID：208370

Issue test8
"Wisdom is rightfully attributed not to people who know what to look for in life but to people who know what to overlook."
SAMPLE-5 (score 5)
Never before in history have people been so beset with the overflow of ideas and images that the modern human must endure.  We are constantly [bombarded with ]news, advertising, and entertainment, so much so that we are often at a loss as to where we should focus our attention.  This has lead to what many media critics have called "information anxiety," a term used to describe the paralysis the ordinary human experiences when attempting to organize and synthesize the vast amounts of data that move past her everyday.  Now, more than ever before, it can be seen that wisdom truly is attributable to those "who know what to overlook."[引出观点，很明确]
[评论：Beginning with a strong description of the current state of information overload, the first paragraph provides a context for the issue and takes a clear position agreeing with the stated claim.]

The Internet is a good example of the effects of information overload on people.  Many people receive hundreds of email messages a day, yet there is no possible way for them to respond, let alone read, all of these messages.  Through practice they learn to pick out what will be of interest and to ignore the rest.  A similar phenomena occurs when a person is "browsing the web."  Information, both trivial and profound, float by in a disorganized way.[这个句子好]  A person learns to ignore what is not relevant to their search.  This is easily demonstrated by watching a person new to the Internet next to someone who is a veteran of the net.  The new person will stumble on loads of irrelevant information while the veteran will most likely proceed to the information she seeks.  This ability to overlook useless information is not only applicable to the net; consider the older but more established form of information known as the book.[很常见的例子，阐述的真是细致]

Ever since Guttenberg rolled out his first few pages from his press humans have been wondering how to synthesize all this knowledge.  Each year more and more books are written and published, more and more information is available to the public through bookstores and libraries, and each year the average person must struggle harder to find what she needs to know..  This is one of the primary reasons people are sent to college:  they are taught how to access and research information they need.

It is only through experience that one understands how to overlook useless data.  This is most likely what the author of the above quote meant.[感觉这篇文章开始的时候展开的挺好的，怎么虎头蛇尾呢，语言还是用词不错的，但是觉得相比6分的，思想等方面就差多了]


COMMENTARY
This response presents [a well-developed analysis] of the issue.

Beginning with a strong description of the current state of information overload, the first paragraph provides a context for the issue and takes a clear position agreeing with the stated claim.  The Internet example is well chosen and well developed, clearly supporting the point that wisdom involves learning to ignore what is not relevant.  The reference to books reinforces this position but does little to advance the argument or add insightful analysis.  The conclusion restates an earlier point, adding little to the analysis.

Despite a few instances of imprecise reference (e.g., "this has" and "all this knowledge"), the argument is presented clearly and coherently, meriting a score of 5.  To earn a higher score, the response would need to develop a more thoughtful analysis of the issue.


SAMPLE-6 (score 6)
The quotation is certainly correct, insofar as it describes at least an element of wisdom.  In other words, I do agree with the proposition, subject to the proviso that the achievement of wisdom may well also involve other traits or attributes.[提出了自己的观点，很简练，很独特]
[关于开头，评论：The response opens with a clear endorsement of the stated claim, along with an acknowledgement that wisdom involves additional traits.]


Having qualified my answer somewhat, I must[ endorse ]the principles put forth in the quotation. [ Overlooking -- or, perhaps, forgetting -- is a crucial skill one needs to master in order to navigate the often-treacherous paths of life without undue torment.这个解释专业的]  From my own experience, and from observations of friends, family members and business associates,[显得很有说服力] I am well aware of the[ pitfalls] which [await] those who fail to overlook the petty, the unnecessary and the irrelevant.[这段的用词很精确，承上启下]

In modern America, as it happens, the importance of overlooking is probably greater than ever before.  Even a person trying to lead a quiet, simple life encounters [an endless stream of annoyances形象, errors and petty demands] such as paperwork, filing numbers and taxes; long lines at the bank; [exponentially aggravating] traffic jams and sullen, uncooperative coworkers and neighbors. [展开的真细，用的形容词也真好] Those of us who cannot overlook such annoyances will invariably[ succumb to ]self-defeating dismay.[结构层次很好，中心句，展开，总结]

The ability to overlook also reflects a healthy sense of [proportion and priorities].[每个段落的中心句都很简明]  The wise "overlooker" will ignore his or her spouse's failings after making a [considered] judgment that these are [outweighed, in the long run, by greater and more significant strengths.佩服形容词用的这么精确]  for example, what wise or reasonable person would destroy a marriage solely because an otherwise faithful, kind, generous, intelligent and prosperous partner occasionally tosses socks on the floor?[问句的好作用哦]

An elderly aunt of mine makes a striking example.[引出例子，还是自己身边的例子]  Long widowed, she now spends her days sitting in her apartment, carping endlessly about the many relatives who have slighted her.  Nobody calls enough.  Nobody pays her any attention.  Nobody cares, she says.[长短句结合，真是有变化]

And, indeed, why should they? [问句，又用到了哦] Who wants to visit with someone, elderly or otherwise, who does nothing but complain, find fault and scour for slights?  Were she wiser, perhaps she would ignore or even suppress her [interminable grievances ]and take more interest in the world [at large], including the very individuals whose attention she purportedly craves.[对上面的例子进行阐述，词语上的精确使用，句子的多样化让内容显得丰富，又不重复]

The paradigm of overlooking applies with equal force in the worlds of business and politics. [从生活转到更深层次] Look at Richard Nixon: [ a brilliant, often original thinker,] he was nonetheless continually obsessed with minutiae and the unimportant.  On some level, I'm sure, he himself realized the dramatic impact of such a glaring character flaw; when the situation was long past salvaging, he [exhorted ]his staff and friends to "Never be petty," a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance.[这个例子用的有特色，从语言句子上都不落俗套，并且是紧紧围绕中心，真正做到了例子为论证服务]

More prosaically, in business and everyday life, it is indeed the wise person who overlooks or ignores a vast amount.  Why come home every day nurturing a grudge?[问句哦]  Why spend time grappling with activities, people or attitudes which bring nothing but pain and torment?  Still, most of us do, at least somewhat, and find ourselves far diminished for it.

In sum, I think it's safe to say that much in this world merits not even a cursory examination, and those among us are wiser and happier who can successfully budget their time and energy in order to avoid negativity.[结尾就一个长句，却归纳了总有的中心，很简练]


COMMENTARY
[This is a thoughtful, well-articulated analysis of the issue.]

The response opens with a clear endorsement of the stated claim, along with an acknowledgement that wisdom involves additional traits.  The writer then begins building an argument that modern life is so full of "petty annoyances" that it would be "self-defeating" to pay much attention to them.  Using, first, examples that illustrate the trivial demands encountered everyday (e.g., paperwork, traffic jams), the analysis moves on to personal types of experiences (a partner’s annoying habits; an aunt’s self-pity) and then to politics, where, the writer implies, Nixon met his political demise at least partly because of his obsession with "minutiae and the unimportant."  [The examples clearly support the writer’s position and lead effectively to the concluding observation about learning to "budget" our time and energy to avoid the negative aspects of life.这里关于举例的作用，很好]

[In several places, the skillful use of questions helps move the analysis along. 提问的作用，有时候在层次没办法做的那些清晰时，可以用这个办法] And throughout, [the skillful use of sentence variety and precise vocabulary combine to convey meaning effectively关于句子的多样化和词语的精确多强调都不为过，只是难做到], as in this excerpt: "when the situation was long past salvaging, he [Nixon] exhorted his staff and friends to ‘Never be petty,’ a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance."  This kind of insightful, articulate analysis merits a score of 6.

Cappuccino☆UID：2155660

分析的不错啊~~~~
小小加油！！！！！一起努力哈~~~~