1月4日，1T作文第六期同主题写作

huangtingtingUID: 2162352

改24 楼得文章


With the development of society , people more and more emphasizing the importance of educating children in a more natural and durable way ,are focus on whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children or not . ( 这个句子的主谓分隔得太远了，看起来很费劲，没有明白   more and more emphasizing the importance of educating children in a more natural and durable way 这句话在观点中的作用 )
Which    you agree （ one’s choices between the two statements  ）depends on your ( 可以不用your  过于口语化吧) experiences ,life styles and emotional concerns .However ,if I was forced to make a choice ,mine would be for a more durable （one that  parents 。。。。 连成一句 ） way  .Parents or other adult relatives help and lead their older teenage children to make important decisions .

Older teenage children are not mature enough to make important decisions .Children ,fifteen to eighteen years old ,do not have much  (  social ) experience in society .They ( can  not ensure ) do not know whether their decisions are right or not .What’s more ,children in such age are so conscious (so conscious 怎么会经常变化决定呢 ，讲不通呀) that they will always change their decisions because they listen to others’ advices and do not have the ability to tell apart which one is better .As a result ,it is important for their parents or other adult relatives to help them  （their parents or other adult relatives play an important role in  ）,giving them appropriate suggestions .(   which  teenage children could make as references to help them to make the final decision  变成一个复杂句 )Therefore ,teenage children could make them as references and make their own decisions

  In other hand ,parents and other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children .Children ,fifteen to eighteen years ago ,will be an adult soon ,who will make their own decisions by themselves .If parents and other adults relatives still make important decisions for them ,they will not know how to make a proper decision for themselves .We can not imagine the results of this case . （ 这一段是一种让步得论据 但放在这里不太合适，应该进一步强调观点。 而且论据给的也不充分）


So a （ the） better way （do the way 有点奇怪  改为the work  ） for parents and other adult relatives to do is to help and lead their older teenage children to make their own important decisions .They may  give their children some advices ,and what’s better ,they could analyze every possibilities of one dicisions and detail the advantages and disadvantages .In such ways ,children could develop their mature attitudes and it will make (their decision more reasonable ) them more thoughtful as well .


In conclusion ,no matter how the parents and other adult relatives do ,their aim is to help their children .What they have to do is just to find a better way .In my opinion ,I think( that)  parents and other adult relatives ( should help and lead ) helping and leading their older teenage children to make their own decisions ( is a better one 可以删掉)


我也是菜鸟， 只能尽自己所能帮你改改， 你的文章没有对自己支持的观点做充分得论证，另外可以试着多用一些复杂句。 加油◎◎◎   :victory:

WeOnUID: 2110447

30min  361w  不过打字的过程中，发现不少语法错误，看来下次需要留3min来检查了。发现理由写的不好，有很多罗嗦的话。

First, let me ask you questions, do you like your life now, is it different from what you have supposed to be, or is it good for you? I think the answer is probably yes. According to my and people’s experience around me, I am in total agreement with the statement that parents should make important decisions for their older teenagers. The reasons go as follows.

First and foremost, teenagers are not experienced enough, and they cannot make the right decision for them. Go to university is a good example for this. Some teenagers do not know which university is better for them, and always they follow their friends’ advices. Where their friends go is maybe the final choice for them to choose. But, that is not right and always do harm to these teenagers. In this case, following their parents’ decisions can make them on the right track of lives. Their parents are more experienced. They have seen and heard of many cases that are the same as those of their children. They know how to make the right decision.

Another important reason is that teenagers are always short of funds and cannot pay for what they want. All these funds are from their parents; hence from the point of money, their parents should make important decisions for teenagers. For instance, some teenagers are in need of PC, but obviously they do not have enough money for it, which is a large load for them. They have to rely on their parents. At this time, their parents have the right to decide whether the PC should be bought based on whether the PC does good to their children. As far as their experiences are concerned, they will make a sound decision for their children.

Of course, there is no denying that teenagers’ making decisions for themselves have some advantages. It can make them prepared for their future, and make them mature earlier. However, for their inexperienced recognition, disadvantages carry more weight than advantages.

To sum, given the reasons I have outlined, I can only say that parents should make important decisions for their teenagers, and this benefits teenagers a lot.

WeOnUID: 2110447

投桃报李改小北的，呵呵
Everyone has to walk through his/her older teenage years. In this period of time, many important decisions should be made at several crossings. Although experienced parents or other adult relatives should play an active role in the procedure(of making decisions?感觉这样说的清楚些，呵呵), they should not make decisions for their older teenage children.

Commonly, children at the age between 15 with(and) 18 have the ability of deciding for some extent. It is high time that they should be trained to expand such ability(abilities). Parents or other adult relatives can give their advice to children instead of deciding everything for their offspring. Through the adults’ guidance, older teenagers will reach their correct decision and gain their confidence. They will do even better in following situations.(following?下文呢？)
From another aspect, some people hold the idea that the teenagers are too immature and too inconsiderate to make decisions. I should say that one's experience and ability are established on the base of continuing exploration, including failure at times. If a child is kept away from the real world by parents all the time, he/she may be totally blocked when faced with a practical dilemma. On contrast, if he/she made his/her own decision, even if that decision led him/her to a wrong place, he/she would still learn a lot from it. Sometimes it is helpful to allow teenagers to make some mistakes, for the experience attained from failure is much more valuable.

In addition, there is not a person who is always completely correct. Even our parents or other adult relatives would make some mistakes. Therefore, once they make a wrong decision for their children, the consequence would be very troublesome. It is possible to be a fuse of a dispute, and even has some bad effects on the relationship between parents and children.

To conclude, during the decision-making process, parents or other adult relatives can use their knowledge and experience to give their children advice, then let the older teenagers arrive their own decisions. It will benefit the teenagers a lot in gaining their confidence, accumulating their experience, and all in all, improving their own ability of deciding. （最后有让步，结尾处再点自己的论点就更好了！）       `

每次看你的作文都能让我学到东西啊~

[ 本帖最后由 WeOn 于 2006-1-5 23:16 编辑 ]

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

B1 你的TS我觉得只写了一半，应该再深入一下。may not coincide with those of teenagers 这个问题你说的清楚了，但是not coincide之后呢？会有什么不好的影响使你觉得应该由孩子拿主意呢？不一样并不是什么问题，也许家长的想法是对的呢？你应该再就着这个不错的例子说两句，兴趣是最好的老师~~~~就很好了。
B2 既然你的B1用了First of all 开头，一般情况来讲就应该对应地来写，用additionally 不如把further more换到这里来。另外觉得这段的TS和后面论述有点脱节。TS说teenager has the ability to make their own decision，而后面说 learn to take responsibility to their own decision whether the result is satisfy or disappoint。两个观点有点不一致。

B3 也太少了一点，把结尾中的东东拉过来两句吧 呵呵

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

people more and more emphasizing the importance of educating children in a more natural and durable way ,are focus on whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children or not .很有问题，不要这么写啊~~~~。
你的body部分有两段，两个TS看起来很矛盾。
B1 Older teenage children are not mature enough to make important decisions .
B2 parents and other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children
孩子没能力做重要决定，而大人又不应该替他们做，那怎么办？其实你的意思是孩子没能力单独，大人应该帮助他们给他们建议。可是这个意思在TS里没表现出来。单独看TS想抓住文章主旨的话反而会昏乱。另外你只说重要决定，可是一个小孩子会有多少重要决定呢？不重要的决定才是大多数而且对孩子的教育和成长才有更多的影响，可是你并没有说。字数写的不少，希望精简一些，在写一个B3，效果更好。

wishuangUID: 2112728

#11期待大家猛拍！

早改好了，忙到现在才找到发，不好意思~
Everyone has to walk through his/her older teenage years. (觉得和主题关系不大，也挺废话，最好不写)In this period of time, many important decisions should be made at several crossings. Although experienced parents or other adult relatives should play an active role in the procedure, they should not make （加上important更好）decisions for their older teenage children.

Commonly, children at the age between 15 with 18 have the ability of deciding for some extent. It is high time that they should be trained to expand such ability. Parents or other adult relatives can give their advice（advices） to children instead of deciding everything for their offspring. （这个反驳很好！）Through the adults’ guidance, older teenagers will reach their correct decision and gain their confidence. They will do even better in following situations.

From another aspect, some people hold the idea that the teenagers are too immature and too inconsiderate to make decisions. I should say that one's experience and ability are established on the base of continuing（sustained） exploration, including failure at times. If a child is kept away from the real world by parents all the time, he/she may be totally blocked when faced with a practical dilemma. On contrast, if（when） he/she made his/her own decision, even if that decision led him/her to a wrong place, he/she would still learn a lot from it. Sometimes it is helpful to allow teenagers to make some mistakes, for the experience attained from failure is much more valuable.

In addition, there is not a person who is always completely correct. Even our parents or other adult relatives would（might） make some mistakes. Therefore, once they make（made） a wrong decision for their children, the consequence would be very troublesome. It is possible to be a fuse of a dispute, and even has some bad（negative） effects on the relationship between parents and children.（这个并列句结构有点问题，建议用dispute和effect作主语或是分成两句写）

To conclude, during the decision-making process, parents or other adult relatives can use their knowledge and experience to give their children advice, then let the older teenagers arrive（reach） their own decisions. It will benefit the teenagers a lot in gaining their confidence, accumulating their experience, and all in all, improving their own ability of deciding.

以上是我的一些小意见，若有不对之处，可以互相切磋。:handshake我觉得写的不错，观点也很好，但是每段的主题句不是很鲜明，特别是addition段
望互拍，我是＃11的
:)

kennychenzjuUID: 2169015

Due to children’s lack of experience, many parents or other relatives are inclined to make important decisions for their older teenage children. In my point of view, however, adults can only share experience with their children, and offer them useful suggestions, but they should never make important decisions for older teenagers.

Admittedly, useful experience and suggestions can surely help inexperienced children direct their ways to future goals and contribute a lot to their development. Because the dependence always exists between parents and children in the early years, adults tend to think that children can still hardly make right decisions for their own even when they grow up. Actually, after accepting primary and advanced education, teenagers have formed up basic personal abilities and skills to deal with complicated circumstance and make important decisions. If adults insist to make decisions for their children autocratically, it may be considered as interfering in their children’s stuffs and disrespecting the young grown-ups.

Furthermore, parents can not offer any help to children if they are lack of experience too. Take deciding whether to attend college for example. Considerably large number of older generation did not attend college or university in the past. When the later generation faces this problem, they can only send them to others who have college experiences to obtain useful information. By asking experienced ones rather than their parents, children can make right decisions.

Finally, adults should have their children make their own choices as well as offer suggestions. Children have to learn how to deal with dilemma. By bearing the pressure, children can learn to become independent and gain both successful and failure experience from the process of making important decisions.

In conclusion, despite parents can provide suggestions for their grown-up children, they should never make important decisions instead of them.

jojo2006UID: 2173396

大家好我第一次在寄托发冬冬：）多多关照拉，是不是写得太晚了，那位好心兄弟姐妹帮我看看吧：），我超时了很久：（。还有7天就考试了，好着急啊：（Nowadays, an increasing number of parents champion the idea of making significant decisions for their teenage children instead of granting the resolution-making right to the children. While others stand against it by saying that children should be more independent especially in decision making. However, I bolster the former one in terms of my view.
Certainly no reason in my decision is more crucial than the concerns of safety. To comprehend it fully, we should bear in mind two conspicuous points mentioned in the discussion as------teenage children and important decision. Above all, it is hard for immature children to tell exactly what is wrong or right. A particular case in point is that it is until my aunt noticed the evil will of my cousin’s older friends when my aunt decided to cut the connection between her son and those boys. In fact, my cousin was innocent about what has happened, not realizing even the least of the clue of danger. The friends-making issue mentioned above requires the decision of parents, letting alone the important ones. As I know, Countless does it happen when children go to swim in the lake without the permission of their parents, which lead to the disastrous consequences. Besides, I’ve read in the newspaper that a 13 years old girl went to travel alone regardless the decision of her farther, then ending in losting her way in the wilderness.
Another equally crucial point is that the parents’ help in decision-making would be beneficial in the development of teenagers. Generally, adults hold a comparatively profound and overall insight in choosing paths of life and in analyzing problems encountered. Furthermore, much discussion about decision making would inevitably involve accepting education or not. For instance, during the last year of my junior school, my desk mate planned not to enter high school due to his poor marks and his eagerness in having fun by indulging himself in computer games. Nevertheless, his mother firmly insisted that he should go to high school in view of the future consideration. Now, my desk mate who believes that he is lucky because he has been convinced by his mothers’ focus on his further development.
Although making major decisions for teenagers by their parents carries much weight than leaving the choice to the children by their own as safety and development of the children is concerned. People should not neglect the fact that adults are not always the holder of truth and children should learn to make decisions when they are mature enough.

jojo2006UID: 2173396

38楼朋友，倒数第三段第一行，我觉得too变成either地道些

greenlemonUID: 2169154

焦头烂额准备了两天考试,终于考完了,过来拍别人........
拍错了不要怪我....现在还在考试的恍惚中........

Whether you realized or not, parents and other adult relatives play a great important role in the development of children’s characteristics. They influence their children in many ways, like the opinions of the world, the way their spending their leisure time, the attitude toward the people around. Most people take their childhood to try to do everything like their parents. But they want to do something opposite to their parents, when they grow up as teenagers. This phenomenon is prevailing in the society. Teenagers, like 15 to 18 year-old, prefer to make their own decisions even though those decisions relate to their further（future）. And in most cases, they refuse to concern the adult’s suggestion. As some teenagers say, they want their own life, not their parents’. This experiment may be making sense to some extent. But in my view point(不知道这里能不能这么用啊,我只查到了point of view), teenagers should never do their important decisions? Along 很少看到有人把开头写这么长的,这样可能会在后边比较仓促吧.

As for the first reason, teenagers do not have sufficient knowledge and experiences to make an important decision. One, 15-18 year-old, may have ten years education and not much(如果后面用复数,这里是不是应该用many 啊) living experiences. On the other hand, their parents and other adults have been living in this world for at least twenty years working and studying.(了解你的意思,但是觉得这个结构有点问题) Obviously, adults are more knowledgeable and experienced. With more knowledge and experiences,(有点重复,不如加个连词把后边的连一句里边) the decision can be made more properly. For example, my brother had the entering examination of colleges last year. As he wants to be a lawyer, he had to decide which college he should apply for, Wuhan University or Renmin University. For a period of time, he was confused. Then he turned to his father for help. Based on the analysis of two universities, his father made a final decision for his son. Now, my brother is on his way to be a lawyer and enjoying his university(觉得这个university也有点重复,用campus life行不) life in Renmin University.

In addition, a teenager can not realize the importance of a decision. When s/he comes to a problem, he may not notice that her/his decision to this problem will influence her/his whole life. Here is a good example to show(illustrate or不要这个不定式) it. In the decades, the number of drugging teenagers, between 15 to18 year-old, is increased astonishingly. Many of them have no idea about the drug and its influence(换个贬义色彩浓一点的吧 如harm), when they have their first drugging. So if they ask for their parents’ suggestions, there is no doubt that their parents would keep them apart(looks a little weird, what about “keep sb away from”) from drugging 这里有点困惑,吸毒可以做重要决定的例子吗? 不大清楚这个概念到底如何界定.其实如果你这段干脆做反面论证,再多谈点孩子做决定的disadvantage,比如小孩做什么决定喜欢跟风,没有长远的眼光……..

Of course, letting teenager themselves to make their important decision may help to their abilities of making decision. But with adults’ knowledge, experience and sensitivity of(我觉得好象应该用to, 不过拿不准) the importance, the decisions can be more proper and teenagers can avoid doing something that is a waste of time. So parents and other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children
觉得开头虽然引出的不错,但是太多了,不如开门见山了,如果把这部分笔墨换到第三个部分,经典地admittedly, 补充下也许更全面,个人意见哦…

[ 本帖最后由 greenlemon 于 2006-1-6 16:55 编辑 ]

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

我觉得你这次的作文写的挺不错的，观点阐述的有条理，清晰，考虑也挺周到的。文字方面，和其他人一样，需要加入些闪光句型。不一定要复杂句，但但一定要闪光。
说一个问题，就是你这篇文章几乎没有什么例子。题目要求是Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.不要忽视这一句话。你光顾着自己说，可是没有什么例子，除了这半句：such as which school they should choose to go to. 从这个角度来说，你的得分会受到影响。因为评分标准里有关于举例的要求。
加油，做的不错哦~~~

amethyst111UID: 2147702

谢谢羊羊鼓励！
可是何谓闪光句？羊羊能不能举个例子说明一下

amethyst111UID: 2147702

First, let me ask you questions, do you like your life now, is it different from what you have supposed to be, or is it good for you? I think the answer is probably yes. According to my and people’s experience around me, I am in total agreement with the statement that parents should make important decisions for their older teenagers. The reasons go as follows.(我觉得第一句的问句与下面的观点之间好像不是那么贴切，或者说问句可以再精简一点)

First and foremost, teenagers are not experienced enough, and they cannot make the right decision for them. Go（Going） to university is a good example for this. Some teenagers do not know which university is better for them, and always they follow their friends’ advices. Where their friends go is maybe the final choice for them to choose. But, that is not right and always do harm to these teenagers.(这句话什么意思？是说听朋友的意见就不对并且有害吗？) In this case, following their parents’ decisions can make them on the right track of lives. Their parents are more experienced. They have seen and heard of many cases that are the same as those of their children. They know how to make the right decision.

Another important reason is that teenagers are always short of funds and cannot pay for what they want. All these funds are from their parents; hence from the point of money, their parents should make important decisions for teenagers. For instance, some teenagers are in need of PC, but obviously they do not have enough money for it, which is a large load for them. They have to rely on their parents. At this time, their parents have the right to decide whether the PC should be bought based on whether the PC does good to their children. As far as their experiences are concerned, they will make a sound decision for their children.（这一段总是感觉读起来有点别扭，应该是论述的角度或方法有点别扭）

Of course, there is no denying that teenagers’ making decisions for themselves have some advantages. It can make them prepared[/color]（prepare吧） for their future, and make them mature earlier. However, for their inexperienced recognition, disadvantages carry more weight than advantages.

To sum, given the reasons I have outlined, I can only say that parents should make important decisions for their teenagers, and this benefits teenagers a lot.

文章总体说来不错，思路清晰，有条理，
但我想问一句，作者是不是看过185题库中的提纲了？感觉很像，
当然我也看了提纲了，但是对于提纲中所说的从钱的问题去考虑就一直没有领会，所以自己就没有贸然去写，看到你倒是写了，但是我还是没有看懂，可能自己水平有限，呵呵:$，所以想跟你讨论一下这个问题:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 amethyst111 于 2006-1-6 17:38 编辑 ]

kennychenzjuUID: 2169015

原帖由 jojo2006 于 2006-1-6 16:43 发表
38楼朋友，倒数第三段第一行，我觉得too变成either地道些

呵呵~~希望能帮我整篇改正一下