1月4日，1T作文第六期同主题写作

kennychenzjuUID: 2169015

For older teenage children, when faced with (facing) the important decisions to make, should they refer to parents or other adult relatives? Some people hold the idea that children should solve the problem by themselves because of independence, but other people agree(argue) that parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their children, and I agree with the latter(one).

The first and most important reason is that older teenage children do not have enough knowledge to make a deep and considerate thought of problems. As we know, having abundant experiences of life is very important to make a decision. For a person, for example, who have gone to no place but his living place, a modern(new) city attracts(太绝对了，改成may attract) him so much that he makes a decision to go there alone and achieve(并列改成表目的的表达方式如for futher study或to seek..比较通顺) further study. As a result, he reaches the noisy and dirty city and realizes that the decision is bad for him. Parents or adult relatives have more experiences than their older teenage children, for this reason they could make decisions more deeply and completely.
(例子很好，不过parents对其他城市就更了解么？理由不是很convincing)

Another reason why I agree with the statement is that older teenage children may make important decisions according to the social environment and surrounding situation where they live, and lack(are lack of) the ability to think in a long term. For instance, older teenage children may choose economics as their majors, only because people graduated from economics department have good jobs at the time when they make this important decision. But in a long term, interest must be the first concern to make the decision about choosing a major.

Admittedly，parents or adults relations may not make correct decisions for their children. But who can make sure that the decision they make is the best one? If we try our best for the goal we choose, I believe the decision which parents make for their children is more considerate and correct than those of children.

To sum up. I support the statement that parents and other adult relatives should make important decisions for their teenage children, because adults can make deep and considerate decisions from the long view.

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

第一句话很晕，到现在也不明白是什么意思，和主题有什么关系。考试时出现这样的情况估计你就要牺牲了。即使有关，也不建议用这样的开头。据李笑来说，这样提问会让考官觉得不爽~~~ 总之，开头还是谨慎些不要过于花哨。

B1 they cannot make the right decision for them这么说有些绝对了吧？
B2 提的理由很好的，说的也不错，赞一个~~ 你怎么觉得自己理由写的不好呢？写的还是不错的呢，而且时间上也有比较好的提高/由于不知道你指的语法错误有多少，所以这个就不评论啦 呵呵
有进步呢~~~~

wishuangUID: 2112728

谢谢kennychenzju和所有帮我看作文的朋友！
我根据kennychenzju 刚刚给我改的修改了一下~

For older teenage children, when facing the important decisions to make, should they refer to parents or other adult relatives? Some people hold the idea that children should solve the problem by themselves because of independence, but other people argue that parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their children, and I agree with the one.
The first and most important reason is that older teenage children do not have enough knowledge to make a deep and considerate thought of problems. As we know, having abundant experiences of life is very important to make a decision. For a person, for example, who have gone to no place but his living place, a new city ,which his parents were familiar with, may attract him so much that he makes a decision to go there alone to achieve further study. As a result, he reaches the noisy and dirty city where the situation is the same as the parents have described. and realizes that the decision is bad for him. Parents or adult relatives have more experiences than their older teenage children, for this reason they could make decisions more deeply and completely.

Another reason why I agree with the statement is that older teenage children may make important decisions according to the social environment and surrounding situation where they live, and are lack of the ability to think in a long term. For instance, older teenage children may choose economics as their majors, only because people graduated from economics department have good jobs at the time when they make this important decision. But in a long term, interest must be the first concern to make the decision about choosing a major.

Admittedly，parents or adults relations may not make correct decisions for their children. But who can make sure that the decision they make is the best one? If we try our best for the goal we choose, I believe the decision which parents make for their children is more considerate and correct than those of children.

To sum up. I support the statement that parents and other adult relatives should make important decisions for their teenage children, because adults can make deep and considerate decisions from the long view.

还想问下：这样在考场上大概能打多少分，我想心里有个底，我看155篇和一些网上的作文，搞得我自己对自己的评分标准很混乱 ，望解答，谢谢~:)

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

第一段的because of independence是什么意思呢？看不太懂。
B1的TS说道还是比较到位的，但是你的例子是什么意思让人不明白，无法了解到起到什么作用。
B2的TS表达的就不好了。你的意思是不是说只顾眼前而不考虑长远？首先你表达的不好。according to the social environment and surrounding situation where they live并不能看出有什么大的不好的问题。 in a long term只是说长期，而不是长远，未来的意思啊。另外你的例子我也不是很赞同。你如果一定要这么说的话至少也该在older teenage children 前加一个限定修饰，比如many~~~
B3 首先觉得这一段的观点很不成功。让步一下是可以的，但是最好是说让孩子做决定会有什么好处，而不是家长的决定本身有什么问题。另外你的表达也有问题，But who can make sure that the decision they make is the best one?这里的they指代不明，让我晕了一阵。应该是说孩子是吗？这种错误可很要命啊 。If we try our best for the goal we choose, I believe the decision which parents make for their children is more considerate and correct than those of children.这个论述也很失败，给人感觉没头没脑的，也没支持你的观点。这一段字最少，可是问题最多。整段都不能要。

bamboo2142003UID: 2135987

原帖由 huangtingting 于 2006-1-5 22:08 发表
改24 楼得文章


With the development of society , people more and more emphasizing the importance of educating children in a more natural and durable way ,are focus on whether parents or other a ...

呵呵，谢啦^-^
写这篇文章很没感觉，想换个方式，结果表达不充分了，还是的按常规来~~~~~~
呵呵，一同进步吧^-^

bamboo2142003UID: 2135987

原帖由 逆风飞羊 于 2006-1-6 16:59 发表
我觉得你这次的作文写的挺不错的，观点阐述的有条理，清晰，考虑也挺周到的。文字方面，和其他人一样，需要加入些闪光句型。不一定要复杂句，但但一定要闪光。
说一个问题，就是你这篇文章几乎没有什么例子。题目 ...

羊羊说的闪光句型，到底是什么意思呢，我不是很明白……

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

原帖由 amethyst111 于 2006-1-6 17:07 发表
谢谢羊羊鼓励！
可是何谓闪光句？羊羊能不能举个例子说明一下

恩~~~就是比较拽的文法比较好的句子啦`~~~多看看NATIVE SPEAKER写的文章，像TIME或者新概念等等。
举例子~~~就举一个我年轻时（==_==##:vomit:）背的英语课本上的句子吧
I am not only willing, but positively eager to buy the bridge she mentioned. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with the appeal with the optimistic approach to life.

wishuangUID: 2112728

谢谢羊羊的修改
我也觉得我的推理读来很不流畅，同时连带的也会犯一些错误
一直在想问题的所在，为什么看别人写的听顺的，自己也想的到，就是写的就不是那么回事了？

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

多写吧，抓紧时间多自己写写，会好的．

WeOnUID: 2110447

原帖由 amethyst111 于 2006-1-6 17:32 发表
First, let me ask you questions, do you like your life now, is it different from what you have supposed to be, or is it good for you? I think the answer is probably yes. According to my and people’ ...

问句和下面的关系的确不是很紧密，我是考虑这样子的开头会不会显得活泼一些，呵呵
第三段，我当时写的时候没怎么觉得，现在看看的确是比较乱了，条理应该再清楚些。
其实关于这个话题，我个人感觉没什么好说的，所以参考了题库上面的给的例子。而且，我觉得仔细考虑这个问题，年轻人只是因为经验不足，所以感觉就没别的什么好写的了。

WeOnUID: 2110447

原帖由 逆风飞羊 于 2006-1-6 18:39 发表
第一句话很晕，到现在也不明白是什么意思，和主题有什么关系。考试时出现这样的情况估计你就要牺牲了。即使有关，也不建议用这样的开头。据李笑来说，这样提问会让考官觉得不爽~~~ 总之，开头还是谨慎些不要过于花 ...

嗯，主要是写了几篇文章，每次的开头感觉都差不多，所以这次想换一下。（记得上次写游戏的时候，我用了cs里的命令，呵呵）本来是想显得文章活泼一些的... 不过，我会注意的，尽量用开门见山的方式不知道是不是好一些。

光芒UID: 2173831

原帖由 greenlemon 于 2006-1-6 16:51 发表
焦头烂额准备了两天考试,终于考完了,过来拍别人........
拍错了不要怪我....现在还在考试的恍惚中........

Whether you realized or not, parents and other adult relatives play a great important role in ...

谢谢谢谢啊

（我就是13楼的，换了个ID）

最近也在考期末考试，这两天也忙得头晕
有点后悔报1T

collins_liuUID: 190687

有比较有经验的人给每篇文章大致打个分吗？让人看着能心安一些。。。。。

北回归线UID: 2130044

最近在学校里实在是没法上网,今天才有机会过来看看.

羊羊的观点很赞同,互改确实可以互相提高,全部指望斑斑也是不现实的,他们的时间其实也和我们差不多有限.

已经有三位同学改了我的文了,恩,先一一回拍!
TO  amethyst111

There are some arguments about whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children. After a close scrutiny, as far as I am concerned, as for older teenage children, it is necessary for their parents or other adult relatives to make decisions that are of great importance for them.

First of all, older teenage children are not adults after all, which would do(have) various negative influences on their making decisions in many aspects. On one hand, their thoughts are not as mature as that of adults, so they might have considered only one or several(only a few) sides when dealing with matters. On the other hand, older teenage children are short of capability of self-control, so it is much easier for them to lose their cool heads when faced with problems of making important decisions such as which school(是不是指的是university?) they should choose to go to(enter for?).

At the same time, parents or other adult relatives are more adept than older teenage children in the process of making significant decisions. Owning more experience makes them look through the problems and see much clearer(more intensively?), so the decisions they made for their older teenage children are more correct(advisable?) .

Admittedly, making decisions for older teenage children may do harm to the cultivation of self-dependence ability to some extent, but I do not say that parents should make all decisions for older teenage children, instead some important decisions older teenage children can not make by themselves with their own power should be made by the aid of their parents or other adult relatives. (最后一句话意思写的满好的,但是我觉得,如果写成个分句,效果可能更好些,意义也更加明确些^^)

So, in conclusion, there are always some important decisions difficult for older teenage children to make correctly, so at this time it needs their parents or other adult relatives help to make decisions for them.(最好再加上以上几点的总结吧,最后的总结似乎不太够强,个人观点啊^^)

我觉得总的来说,你这篇的观点阐述的比较有条理，思路很清晰.
个人觉得B2部分可以稍稍扩充下.

PS:看了飞羊对你的评价:"这篇文章几乎没有什么例子",恍然发现这也是个问题呢,虽然说起来,我自己也从没注意到这一点...

恩,互勉互勉!

北回归线UID: 2130044

TO WeOn

First, let me ask you questions, do you like your life now, is it different from what you have supposed to be, or is it good for you? I think the answer is probably yes.(这...这开头我真的不确定你想表达什么...还是换个normal的吧^^) According to my and people’s experience around me, I am in total agreement with the statement that parents should make important decisions for their older teenagers. The reasons go as follows.

First and foremost, teenagers are not experienced enough, and they cannot make the right decision for them. Go to university(choosing a proper university) is a good example for this(on this point). Some teenagers do not know which university is better for them, and always they(they always?) follow their friends’ advices. Where their friends go is maybe the final choice for them to choose. But(However?), that is not right(usually that is not the advisable one ) and always do harm to these teenagers. In this case, following their parents’ decisions can make(keep?) them on the right track of lives. Their parents are more experienced(改成adept更好些吧^^). They have seen and heard of many casest that are the same as those of their children.(gone through many difficult situations that now happened again to their children.) They know how to make the right decision.

Another important reason is that teenagers are always short of funds and cannot pay for what they want. All these funds are from their parents(All their money are aquired from their parents?); hence from the point of money, their parents should make important decisions for teenagers(have the right of making important decisions for teenagers). For instance, some teenagers are in need of PC(似乎是最好不要用缩略词吧?) , but obviously they do not have enough money for(to afford) it, which is a large load(burden?) for them. They have to rely on their parents. At this time, their parents have the right(and the responsibility) to decide whether the PC should be bought based on whether the PC does good to their children. As far as their experiences are concerned, they will make a sound decision for their children.

Of course, there is no denying that teenagers’ making decisions for themselves have some advantages. It can make them prepared for their future, and make them mature earlier(more mature). However, for their inexperienced recognition, disadvantages carry more weight than advantages.

To sum(To sum up), given the reasons I have outlined, I can only say that parents should make important decisions for their teenagers, and this benefits teenagers a lot.

总的说来,这篇文章很好的贯彻了例举的几个论点,讲的方面也比较全.
语言方面,我觉得已经在不断进步了,继续加油啊~